A letter to myself....

Hey Beautiful Soul.  Yes I'm talking to you.  I've been watching you for awhile now.  You've always been one to wear your heart on your sleeve.  You've always been the one to forgive and forget ten times over again and again and again.  You've been beat up and bruised.  You've been hurt.  You've cried what seems like millions of tears.  And yet you kept choosing to stand up and do what is right...You kept choosing to love beyond measure....

But now, I see the weight is starting to take it's toll on you.  You are starting to wonder what the point is.  The hurt you have from others actions and words is starting to cut a little too deep. You decided enough is enough.  You have decided you have nothing left to give.  You have decided you are done continuing to give of yourself when you can't seem to see past the hurt....And so you start building the wall.  The wall to keep others out.  The wall to keep others at what you feel is a safe distance. The wall that says I'm done giving of myself because I can't take the hurt again....

Friend, I'm here to let you in on a secret. That wall you are building, it's made of all your fears.  All your fears of what might happen if you choose to continue to love as Jesus loves us.  It's Easter weekend, a weekend where we are reminded of the simple fact that no matter how many times we have sinned and hurt Jesus, He still chooses love.  He still chooses to love us regardless of our faults.  Regardless of our mistakes.  Regardless of how we choose to turn our backs on Him at times.  Regardless of how much we choose to curse against Him.  He is and always will be there for us no matter what.  When He took up that cross, He knew the world would still break His heart millions of times over.  When He took up that cross, He knew without a shadow of a doubt, that He would choose love over and over and OVER again.

We have bruised Him.

We have beat Him up.

We have broken His heart.

We have made HIM cry millions of tears.

And He still chooses to love us....

It has never made Him think of giving up on us...

He will never leave or forsake us...

No. Matter. What.

So sweet soul, I know you are tired. I know you are hurt.  I know you feel like you can't keep trying.  But when you feel like giving up.  When you feel like not choosing love time and time again.....I want you to picture the cross. I want you to picture Jesus Christ Himself hanging on it dying for you.  I want you to hear Him saying from that old rugged cross, "My sweet daughter, this is for you.  I don't want you to bear the weight.  I want to take that weight for you.  I want to continually take that hurt and pain and suffering away from you.  I want to conquer death so that you might live.  No matter how much you hurt me, I will always love you.  I will never give up on you.  I know you aren't perfect, I know you will make mistakes and take wrong turns....but daughter, I will still be here always.  As hard as it is to do in this world of hurts, choose love always.  Show the world what my love is made of.  Be my hands and feet."

If Jesus can take all that hurt and pain and suffering when He didn't deserve an ounce of it, oh sweet girl, we can choose to love without being afraid.  We can choose  love over and over and over again with Him at our side.  It's scary, and it's going to be outside of our comfort zones sometimes.....it may hurt at times, we will get our hearts shattered and it may always be a toss up with how others respond.  But oh dear one, it will always be worth it in the end.  So be brave in a world that has so many odds against you.  Step out of your comfort zone and show the world who Christ really is.  Be vulnerable.  Be tender.  Wear your heart on your sleeve unashamed.  When God whispers into your heart, listen.  Don't ever feel like you have to justify your actions when it comes to showing His love.  This world needs more people who are choosing love and truth over what the world is offering.  Because the kind of love and truth you are offering is not only life changing, it's LIFE GIVING.  

You can do this.  With Christ at your side, you are stronger than you know.  Don't ever give up on loving, because love can heal what hurt divides...and that my sweet friend is what the world needs more of.

Love,

Me. 

"Choose to Love" - Francesca Battistelli

No Longer a Slave.....

Just over 2 1/2 years ago, Travis and I started down a path that scared us.  We were choosing to start looking outside of our comfort zones and look into leaving the little safe life we had built in small town Minnesota.  We didn't know where it would take us.  We didn't know where we would end up but we did know one thing.  No matter what happened we would end up victorious as long as we kept our focus on God's way rather than our own way.   If you would have told me that day what that journey would all entail, I might have stared at you fearful.  My heart and head would be screaming out with every fiber of their human nature saying "NO!! Nope! No way!! I am NOT doing any of that.  I am NOT living apart from the love of my life and father of my child for a whole year.  I am NOT doing the single mother thing 6 days a week.  I can't sleep in an empty house.  Are you NUTS? I am NOT getting pregnant while we are still living without the hubs around.  There is no way I'm moving to a town in the middle of no where." And then after all that if you would have told me that Canby would not be the end of the journey for us and we would again have to pack up and move....my reaction again would have been something like this... " C'mon, you are kidding right? You think we are going to pack up and move our life to a town that we wouldn't even live in for a year? You just think we can keep moving?? Right after we start settling down and making friends? No I'm not doing it."

If you would have flat out told us that this chapter of our lives that God was calling us to would be this long and tiring.....our fear would have taken over.  Our fear would have been keeping us from all the great things that this journey has led us to.  2 1/2 years ago I would have told you that I was scared that I wouldn't be strong enough to handle the journey.  That I was scared we would fail.  That I was scared we would take missteps......that bottom line... My fear would have been stronger than my courage....

Last week we yet again had to make a new decision regarding realtors and while we sat looking at our options, that same fear kicked in: What if we make the wrong choice? What if it still doesn't sell? What if...what if...what if....   And then I heard a sweet friend say on Facebook... "You just choose, and He'll meet you there."  And while the tears fell, I heard him reassure me that we are strong enough for this decision.  That we don't have to be afraid of it, because He has been there time and time and time again.

Friends, fear is so powerful.  We don't think we are strong enough.  We are scared we will fail.  We are fearful that we aren't hearing Him right.  We are scared what other people might think and say of us.  The list goes on and on with what our fears are..... But God is SO much BIGGER than our fears.

And I was reminded again of that last night.  I was reflecting on everything we have been through.  Every single scary decision we had to make.  Every single act of faith we took.  And as I was doing that....I heard this song:

No Longer Slaves - Newsboys

I encourage you to listen to this song and let those words sink deep into your souls...

I'm no longer a slave to fear....

I am a Child of God...

I'm no longer a slave to fear....

I am a Child of God....

You split the sea so I could walk right through it

My fears were drown in perfect love.

You rescued me so I could stand and sing

I am a Child of God....

I have tears as I'm writing those words.  We are no longer slaves to our fears friends.  Those deep dark fears you have?? They don't own you.  You aren't their slave.  You are a CHILD of God.  Let me say that again.  Those fears don't OWN you.  You aren't their slave.  You are a CHILD of GOD.  

I don't know what's going on in your life.  I don't know if you are facing health concerns. I don't know if you are facing life changing decisions.  I don't know if you are fearful of your future.  But friend, hear me when I say you don't have anything to fear.  God is WITH YOU.  GOD is FOR YOU.  He is on your side and He is there with open arms to wrap you in and help lead the way.  The answers might not always be staring you in the face but know this: No matter what comes your way, if you are letting God be in control you have nothing to fear.  He wins every time. NO MATTER WHAT. It might not always end the way you want.  The answers won't always be bright and rosy, but you don't have to be fearful of any of it.  Because....

"So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10

When feelings are more than you can bear....

My personality traits are not always for the faint of heart.  When I feel an emotion, it is felt in such a passionate, words can't even describe it way.  When I'm angry, the world knows it.  It's not something I am quiet about.  When I'm hurt, I hurt in such a deep way that, sometimes, I'm not sure how I will ever even be able to process the hurt in a healthy way.  When I love, I love BIG.  When I'm happy, it's hard to contain the excitement.  I want everyone to feel that joy when I have it in my reach.  Life with me can be a roller coaster at times and I am so blessed to have the hubby I have.  He knows how to help with those hard raw emotions as best he can.  He holds me and lets me cry it out for as long as I need to.  When I'm angry, he lets me unload and get it off my chest so I don't explode later.  He gets me....and I know not every man in the world could handle my emotions all the time.

While there are positives and negatives to this personality trait, today I was reminded how dangerous it can also be.  Along with those raw, real, bigger than myself emotions I let myself feel....I also can have a ridiculous amount of being the hardest on myself.  Whether I'm angry, or just plain hurting....I open the door in my mind for the enemy to come in and have a huge place as his preying ground.  As my heart is hurting, my mind is racing to think of every possible outcome to the issue at hand.  I'm going over every word said, every action taken.  I let myself start to feel alone.  I let myself start to think that no one understands these feelings.  The devil takes that as his lead to enter into a war with our minds.  He uses it as his cue to whisper those sweet lies about ourselves that are so easy to feed into....

That we aren't good enough.....we don't love how we are supposed to....that God would be ashamed of us......how could anyone ever love us.....you are selfish.....you are a nobody....God will never forgive you....they will never forgive you.....you missed up so big this time, you will never recover..... they will never love you how you should be loved.....they don't deserve your friendship.....or you don't deserve them...

The list could go on and on and on with lies and deception he uses to make you feel lower than you already felt.  To make you feel like you will never be worth Christ's love.  That you will never live up to the expectations you are supposed to......

And then God spoke and showed me this beautiful verse:

Friend, there is so much beauty and truth in that one simple statement.  Whether we feel guilty for reasons that aren't true or we feel guilt because we truly did something wrong....God KNOWS our hearts.  He KNOWS our intentions, even when the world around us doesn't get it.  No matter how BIG and SCARY our feelings can get sometimes...no matter how MUCH they seem to take over moments in our lives.....God is GREATER than them.  God is GREATER than that serpent whispering all those lies about who you are in your ear.  When feelings consume us, we have the power to cry out to God and say, "God, this hurt, this anger, this loneliness ect, God, it hurts.  It seems bigger than me.  It's trying to consume my heart and my mind, but I REFUSE to let is take my soul.  I REFUSE to give into all those other feelings that are just lies from the devil.  Take this burden Lord.  I don't know how to handle it.  I don't know how to lay it down but God, my loving Savior...take it! Let these emotions turn a corner.  Help me to know that no matter what, You've got this.  You are greater than my human instincts...You are GREATER than my feelings."

We need to feel friends.  And I'm a firm believer that if you are feeling something you should feel it and explore it.  You should let it out.  Whether it be crying on someone's shoulder or going for a run when you are angry and need to cool off.  Your feelings are always valid. It's what you do with those feelings and how you handle them that matters....But when those feelings start to feel like more than you can bear....we don't have to be afraid.  We don't have to hear those lies the devils so desperately wants us to believe.  Our God is so much GREATER than them.  God knows our intentions, He knows our hearts....He knows EVERYTHING....

  

 

Hello my name is Chrissy and I'm a recovering people pleaser....

This morning I shared this image:

And since then I haven't been able to get that passage out of my brain.  There are so many thoughts and feelings it stirs up in my soul.  It has been a passage that has flashed in my mind time and time again.  It's a passage I feel God uses to convict me when I start to give in to the temptations that the world tries to get us to accept things we know in our hearts are not right.

I am a hard core people pleaser.  Or at least I was....It has always been a struggle for me to go against others.  Debate is not my strong suit. I would rather live in harmony and have everyone get along.  When I know someone is upset at me I hate it.  I can't eat, can't sleep....I want a resolution.  I want them to like me again.  All through high school I was just like every kid that wanted to fit in so baldy and yet at the same time....I wanted to please my parents and the thought of them being disappointed in my actions was gut wrenching.  It was a constant struggle in my heart.  Fast forward to married life and while Trav and I have some knock out fights....I can't handle the fight for long.  No matter who is right I always end the fight sooner than later because I can't stand the silence and the anger between us.....I say sorry far too much.....I over analyze what I say and how I say it.  Which, if we are being honest, annoys the hubby probably far more than he would care to admit.  Most of the time I walk away from a conversation replaying it over and over again in my mind.  Did I say the right thing? Did I act the right way? It's an exhausting way to live.  

The past few years however, God has been putting all those thoughts and feeling to the test it seems.  You see, the deeper we seem to get in this walk with Christ, the deeper our beliefs grow.  Our thoughts and opinions about this hurting world get stronger and stronger.  And the stronger our relationship with Jesus gets, the further we seem to get from this world and the more people we seem to encounter that try to challenge our way of life.  We have more people that dislike us because of what we believe.  While Christianity and Christ are founded and wrapped up in love....the truth is also not always everybody's friend.  Our culture, the way we are born is to feed every human desire we can.  And when you meet Christ face to face, that way of living is completely challenged.  Therefore, as Christians we wont' always please everyone.  And ya know what? We aren't supposed to.....

The world will always accept what is sinful and against Christ.  The world will always reject the truth.  The world will never stop making Christians feel like they don't belong here.  Because friend, here me in love when I say this: WE DON'T BELONG HERE.  This tired old earth is not our home.  It never will be.  We will always feel out of place.  We will always feel like the outcasts.  We will never be accepted by everyone here.  We will always feel like when everyone else is going one way, we are going the opposite.  But there is also so much freedom in that.  In Christ, we can be who we are called to be.  There is no people pleasing.  We don't have to please everyone.  We don't have to try to fit in some mold when we don't fit.  Because the truth is in Christ,  we all belong. There are no outcasts, no rejects, no losers.  So when we speak the truth and follow Christ....when we are proclaiming His word while the rest of the world seems to be slamming the door on it....we can have confidence.  We don't need to over analyze.  Doesn't give us the right to be rude or put others down.  We still must always speak in love.....but friends...sometimes love hurts.  If you truly love someone and care about them you will never....never stop proclaiming His truths.

This doesn't mean you will be friends with everyone all the time....you will upset people....and it will hurt.  We've had experiences with that in our own families.  And let me be the first to say that when you don't like conflict and you are a people pleaser....it goes against every fiber of your being.  And yet if you are following Christ's commands you can lay it down at His feet and have Him help carry that burden.  Because He will.  Lord knows how much He upset people when Jesus walked this world.  He went against it just like we are.
It's still a daily struggle for me sometimes.  When God is speaking to my heart and calling me to say or do something....whether it be face to face or on social media....I still think, "But God, there are gonna be people that don't like that.  I'm going to upset some people.  What if someone says this or this...."  And yet there's this simple truth: We will never please the entire world, there will be times where we offend or upset it so much that we get rejected.  But if our heart and soul belong to Jesus....we can never get so far that He is out of reach.  He will never reject us.  His love is always there waiting for us to run to....

Avoiding an unavoidable God

I haven't written in awhile.  It hasn't been because I've been too busy.  It hasn't been because I have nothing to say. And it isn't because our computer's keyboard is broke. (Even though it is, and we currently have our iMac keyboard hooked up to our Chromebook. Classy I know :) ) If I'm being honest and real it's simply because I've felt stuck or even more candidly: distant from God.  Now I'm deep enough in my faith to know that if I start to feel like God has moved, He wasn't the one who moved, I was.  And I'm not angry at God for anything.  I'm not bitter or holding something against Him.  Our life isn't so over the top awful and hard that I feel like He's forgotten about us.  I know He hasn't and we see Him in our everyday life when we truly look at our days.  I know I haven't been spending near enough time with Him lately.  And it's not because I feel like I have more important things to do.  Because frankly He is THEE most important person for us to spend time with.  All our other relationships are better off when we are on a firm rock solid foundation with Him.  And yet I choose to spend my down time instead doing mindless non-thinking things.

And as I sit here and type out those words, it has dawned on me.  I don't not want to spend time with Him just because I forget or time gets away for me.  Or because I just want those quiet moments I do have to be spent doing mindless things because HELLO!! Mommy of a 4 year old and 1 year old, quiet time doesn't come far too often! And moms I think we can all admit when we get some down time, we really just want to be doing this: Sitting down coffee in hand, even with the mess around us.  We just want to SIT in the quiet and do nothing....

But let's get real here:

2 1/2 years ago our house went on the market and my hubby rode off to start living in another town without us.  Since that time we have had so much happen...from blessings to heartbreaks.  And God has been in the midst of it all.  Cheering us on, holding us up when we needed to crumble, pouring out His blessings and His truth.  It has been a wild wild ride for those 2 1/2 years.  So much life and craziness packed into such a short time.  And here we are  28 some months later and we are in a TOTALLY different place than we expected with a TOTALLY different job than we first originally moved for.  God truly did have something BIGGER and BETTER in mind for us.  And I am beyond grateful to Him for that....

And yet, today, as I was driving home from taking our 4 year old to preschool, I drove through a cute neighborhood full of adorable houses.  Houses that people all clearly own.  Houses where memories have been made for years.  When we first moved to Canton I vowed deep in my heart that I would be content in this house.  That even if it wasn't truly ours and we were just renting, I would treat it as if it were our own. I would unpack everything and decorate it as if we would be here forever.  Well friends, it's getting harder and harder to do.  The longing in my heart is building up faster than I wanted.  I want our house to sell and I want us to be able to settle down and create a life in a home that is ours. I want to be able to plant firm roots down. 

And so why have I been 'avoiding' time with Him? Because I don't want to have that begging and pleaded with Him to come back even faster than it already has.  And yet the truth is? Even if we kneel before Him and cry out our desires before Him, He's ok with that.  He already knows where our heart is and what we long for.  So instead of trying to avoid someone who is unavoidable, we should instead just be in His presence.  Let Him speak truth and love into the roots of our souls.  Let Him heal those broken and hurting places that we don't understand.  When He calls us to keep waiting on things there are reasons.  We have proof of that friends.  Our house didn't sell right away because God had a bigger better job for Travis. If it would have sold we would have bought a house and it would have been that much harder on us again.  But my goodness that waiting and longing is hard.  We don't always have to have it all together.  We won't always have all the joy in our hearts that the bible calls us to have.  We are human.  So I say when we don't have all that joy in our trials that everyone so often reminds us to have, or when we are just so sick of waiting and hearing people say "All in God's time", let us go to the cross and lay that hurt and longing and sick of waiting feeling down and say "God I don't get this.  I don't like this.  But I love you and I know you love me.  Please God help me to remember that I don't have to like waiting, but I do need you always.  Even when I want to avoid you when you are unavoidable."

Have you been 'ducking' God? Is there a reason deep in your heart that you don't want to admit? Do you feel far from His arms and you aren't sure why? He is there friend, we just have to find our way back to Him somehow.  We need to admit in our hearts the true issue that we just don't want to tackle.  He already knows, so why not just sit in His presence and let it all out....

And oh friends pray for us as we are in this really yucky middle time.  Our house officially went off the market at the end of the year and we have NO clue what the next step is gonna be.  Thanks be to God for amazing renters but oh how we are praying for this chapter to officially close.  

Insignificant: truth or lie?

It's 4 o'clock.  I'm currently in the kitchen starting to get supper together to get in the oven.  Before I start to cut the onions I have to (for what seems like the millionth time) clean off the counters and put stuff in the dishwasher.  At my feet is a little babe who wants her mama, well and food of course (because if you've met my kids you know they LOVE their food).  Not too far behind her, is her big sissy who is currently asking for juice for what seems like the billionth time today. The hubby is off in another room somewhere doing who knows what.  And I stand at the stove and start to feel that deep gross feeling.  That feeling that I get up and do the same menial tasks day in and day out.  I feel....well I honestly feel insignificant....

It's a gross feeling.  And it's honestly one that I know is just a lie.  I mean HELLOOOO if I stopped getting up, making a bottle, making breakfast, pouring juice, changing diapers, pouring more juice, giving naptime, changing diapers, making lunch, making ANOTHER bottle, pour juice, giving snacks, giving another naptime, pouring more juice, changing MORE diapers, giving ANOTHER bottle, making supper, giving bath time, reading bedtime stories and kisses good night they WOULD notice.  And that doesn't even included snuggles, play time, getting Maci to school, comforting them when they get hurt or are sad, creating a budget, paying bills, getting groceries, dance classes, church events...the list goes on.  So if I stopped doing what I do every single day, they would notice. So why do we sometimes, as moms, feel so insignificant?

Maybe it's because we DO do so many of the same tasks every day.  In the small scale of things it is hard to see the bigger pay off.  What caring for our families looks like in the long run.  What the finish line actually looks like when they get big and move off on their own....

As I was standing in front of the stove tonight, Travis was playing hide and seek with Maci.  One of the last times he hid, he hid SO well that Maci eventually gave up and sat down at the table and proceeded to look through a toy catalog.  Lyla then took it as her cue to start crying and needing wanting attention.  Maci made it pretty clear she had given up and I knew Trav could hear.  As I stood there, I felt myself start to get pretty irritated.  Here I was making a home cooked meal to fill his belly and instead of coming to get the agitated kiddos, he was 'hiding' somewhere.  I might have even said out loud "I wish I was a dad so I could just pretend to go hide from the babies."  Come on moms, I know we've all been there.  Irritated at Dad because he isn't doing enough to help in our minds.....

Not long after that Maci went to find him and the house quickly filled with distracted kids and laughter.  I starred down at the hamburger in the pan and thought....."Why am I feeling so invisible? So insignificant? I know I matter.  I know Trav loves me. And I know he helps me in so many ways. So why on earth am I feeling this way?"   The truth is...this mommy thing is hard.  It's draining.  And it does have days where we DO feel insignificant.  Like they just expect us to do it and our hearts don't really matter.  How we are feeling doesn't really matter. That the don't truly see the person who is caring for them....  We are human after all and the same old tasks can get tiring.  And sometimes we just want someone else to be us for a day.  Not because we don't love our families, but because we DO love our families.  We want to feel appreciated and loved and SIGNIFICANT.  And even if our husbands and kids tell us every day how thankful they are for us, we would still feel this way.

And then I remembered reading a blog somewhere where the writer talked about being a missionary at home.  It was something I had never thought about and yet it made perfect sense.  Missionaries devout their entire lives to helping others by showing them who Jesus is.  Some in places they might not even hear very often at all how much their job matters to the greater work of Christ.  All it takes is for them to make one small gesture at just the right time and they could end up changing someones entire world.  And here we are with our babies every single day and know them on a real personal level.  How profound it is when we realize they are our greatest ministry of all! We get to show these little humans every single day what Christ's love looks like.  We may not be perfect at it and there will be days where we feel our work is insignificant but we just have to keep fighting through those days because that's how our babies will come to know who Christ truly is.

While I know my days of feeling like my work isn't significant in any way, shape, or form aren't over, I do pray that God keeps granting me the peace, patience, and love to keep pressing on during those days where it is just plain hard.  And sweet moms out there, I pray that this helps you to continue to know that other moms out there feel the same way you do.  You aren't the only one having these thoughts.  But I also pray you know that those thoughts are lies.  You DO matter.  You ARE loved. And your work IS significant.....

When a letter to your daughter...turns into a reminder to yourself....

My precious girl,

I see you.  I see the way you are getting yourself all 'dolled' up.  I see you putting on your fancy purple heels with your multi-colored string of pearls.  I see the way you are ever so carefully putting that plastic lipstick on your innocent lips.  I see the way you are putting all the necessities you need in that cute little girl purse.

I hear you.  I hear the excitement in your voice.  I hear you as you tell me you are off to Prince Mickey's ball.  I hear the anxiousness in your voice, if that's even possible for being such a little girl in such a big pretend world.

I watch you as you tell me that you are in a rush and need to go.  You don't want to miss the Prince.  You can't wait until he dances with you and makes you feel so special and loved.  You tell me you are going to marry him and how you love him so.....

I didn't expect this you know, sweet girl.  I didn't expect you having these thoughts and feelings and desires at such a young tender age of 3.  I didn't expect you to understand the desire of wanting a special boy to love you that way...even if in your innocent pure mind it is Prince Mickey at the moment.  I thought this would be something that came later in life.  When you were older and we could talk about it in a very real sense.  When I could tell you to guard your heart.  That Jesus loves you far more than any man on this earth will and therefore you don't have to go searching for that special boy to make you feel all the things your heart desires. See if you were older it would seem, in a way, easier to have these talks with you.  Right now you seem so young and fragile....so pure and innocent....

But baby girl, the truth is we were all born with that longing to have someone love us that way.  With the desire to have someone see us for who we are and love us in every area of our hearts.  Someone to make us feel special and adored.  So I don't know why it took me by surprise when you started with this obsession of pretending to go meet your prince.  I don't know why I'm shocked when I see you play with Mickey and Minnie while making them dance and fall in love.

And so I will take this opportunity to let you start to know that Jesus will always make you feel special and loved in a way no human can.  That you can have that feeling of being loved and adored right now, right here.  I know someday you will want the real thing.  A man to call your own.  A love story that is real and true...something that isn't pretend.  So until that day comes I pray that the Lord reminds me and your daddy daily that you are watching our own love story.  You are watching how we treat one another.  You are watching the way we show our love.  Our words and actions to one another matter more than they ever have before.  We both want you to one day fall for someone who is warm and kind.  Someone who loves the Lord.  Someone who will be just as tender with your heart as we try to be.  And we know the best way to get you to understand this is by starting with ourselves...

I pray that you see how much we fight for one another and not just against.  I pray you see us say I love you as much as we can.  I pray you see that yes, love can be hard but at the end of the day we put each other above ourselves.  That while love isn't easy, it is worth it.  Our marriage isn't perfect baby girl because we aren't perfect.  And while you dream of a fairy tale that is as great as in the movies, I hope that you can see in us that while that's not real, the real thing is far more valuable.

And while I thought writing this would be something to help teach you something, at the end of it I realize instead it's teaching me.  At such a young age your little mind and heart is so impressionable.  You see things in a way that we as adults don't.  Even when we don't think you notice, our marriage to each other has a huge impact on you.  What we say, what we do, how we react to each other....you see it all.  You notice it all.  And it is shaping your heart and how you think about love.

And so finally I pray that you always keep believing in that fairy tale kind of love.  Because if you do, it gives me hope that me and your daddy aren't failing at this thing called marriage.  That maybe we are doing it right.  Because if you still believe in that kind of fairy tale love....it means your daddy and I have maybe shown you that in some sense....it truly does exists.....