The Derailed Train...

Devastated.  Hurt. Angry. Bewildered. Confused.  We sat there in the kitchen wondering how it could have ended up this way.  We had heard God.  We knew this was the path He had wanted for us and yet here we sat questioning why if His plans were so good...then why did this one seem to hurt so much?  

It all happened about a year or so ago now.  The job offer that seemed like it would be forever away for Trav landed in his lap.  We knew it was a God thing.  We knew it wasn't by chance that this was happening at that particular moment in time.  It started to make our whole story make sense.  Why our house wasn't selling...why we weren't finding a more permanent place to live other than Trav's manager's house.  We were on what seemed like cloud nine until we suddenly realized we were between a rock and a hard place.  That minor detail of our landlord also being Trav's boss.  Therefore instead of giving the usual 2 weeks notice, we would have to give 30 days notice.  I don't know if it was just us being naive or not, but we didn't think it would matter.  God had brought us this far and we knew He wouldn't leave us hanging.  We knew that in the end He would work it all out.....

Until that day.  That day where our world seemed to crumble.  That day the rug seemed to be pulled out from underneath us.  That day where the train God placed us on seemed to derail fast and hard......Trav had given his notice and wasn't to start the new job for 4 more weeks.  And suddenly just days after walking into their office, Trav was called back in and told that in just 2 days he would have to have his last day....3 weeks early.  Without pay....without insurance.....without a way to support his family.  It cut like a knife.  The anger that was placed in our hearts seemed far more than we could bear.....

"God, your plans for us are good.  You are good! Why doesn't this feel good? Why would you allow this to happen?"

I could tell you all the things that came out of my mouth in those final 2 days of him working there. I could tell you all about the pain we felt.....about all the anger we didn't know how to handle.  But I will spare you those pleasantries.  Because they were far from pleasant as I'm sure you can imagine.....but what I can tell you....what I can tell you is how our good God used those 3 weeks to make sure we knew just how He uses it all for His good.  How He always has our best interests in mind, no matter how much the world tries to break us down to nothing...

You see it was in those 3 weeks that Trav's beloved Papa became fatally sick.  He was in his last few days here on this earth.  His body was failing and it was in that time Trav had off that we got that call.  Because Travis wasn't working, He had the time to go to his dying grandfather's side to give his hand one final squeeze.  He had the time and the freedom to go tell him he loved him one final time.  If Trav would have still been working, I know he wouldn't have been able to have those moments.  And I know those last moments with him mean more to Trav than he will ever care to admit.......It was also in those 3 weeks that we had more than enough time to pack up that house as a family.  I didn't get the luxury of having my husband home when we moved the first time and so it was something I missed out on.  The last time I had to pack up the house myself.....but this time, we got some amazing quality time with him.  He also got to start a week early at Hefty.  God blessed us with that prayer answered.  And because he got to start a week early......we also got blessed with being able to go as a couple to Las Vegas with the agronomists of Hefty.  If he would have started when he was originally scheduled to, he wouldn't have started til the week everyone was already there.  

I'm not sure why this whole situation came to me again today as we were out on an afternoon walk. Maybe it's because we are in yet another situation of questioning what God could possible make good come out of it. Or maybe it's because there's someone who is going to read this that needs to hear it.  Whatever the reason is, I do know this:

God is faithful and true.  He is never changing.  He is the GREAT I Am.  And He has the power to stop any bad situation that may be headed for us.  He could have laid it on those managers hearts to let Trav finish out his time with them.  If He had we would have never had to experience the kind of hurt and anger that we did.  But God also gives every single person on the face of this earth free will.  And we know that since this world is a fallen one, there will be people and situations that fail us.  Things that make us question if God truly is good.  Things that make us second guess if we truly did hear His calling for us.  But friends, when you know without a shadow of a doubt that God has placed you a on certain train.....when you know you heard Him LOUD and CLEAR......don't ever second guess who He is and that He is good and His plans for you are good.  There are gonna be times that train will flat out derail from the tracks.  There will be times that it goes a completely different direction than you thought it would.  But don't you dare let go.  You hang on to that train for dear life.  Because if God placed you on that train, no matter how many bumps and pot holes you hit, it is headed some place good.  It may derail, and your heart may get broken in the process.  But God can take those broken pieces of your heart and turn them around for good.  He can bring good out of anything that the world throws your way.  So hang on tight dear one.....God isn't finished yet...

If this is where your heart is today friend, take a few minute and listen to this song.  Let it bless you, it's like she reached into my heart and wrote a song about what that month was like for us....

It's all going to be okay.....

A blow we didn't see coming happened.  One that left us confused and searching for answers.  We did the only thing we could and knew how to do.  Ask the question why.  Ask for an explanation that would calm are hearts. An explanation that could heal the damage that had already been done.  An explanation that maybe would stop the anger, hurt, tears, feeling of rejection, and betrayal.  We waited.  And we waited...and we waited some more. The more days that seemed to pass, the more it seems like we would never get the answer we were desperately searching for.  Anger was knocking hard on our hearts....I was begging God to see the bigger picture and not let my heart grow cold.  I prayed for the protection of my hubby's own heart as well.  I wanted answers so much it hurt, and if I felt that way I knew he wanted them just as much if not more.

While we are still waiting on that answer, and praying hard we will still get it, God reminded me of the very thing we often seem to forget in times like these.  This world and the people in it will always let us down at one time or another.  There will always be questions that go unanswered.  And even when we do get answers, those answers won't always satisfy our heart.  They won't always heal the anger and hurt that sometimes goes with those answers.  And as we are left in the waiting and wondering, we have the one answer that can heal anything.  The one answer that can calm a desperate heart.  The one answer that we can count on time and time and time again.  The one answer that is constant and never changing.

No matter what happens, we can put our trust and hope in God. He's got this answer and every other answer in HIS hands. No matter what the outcome is, He will never leave us nor forsake us.  It's all going to be okay.

It's all going to be okay.....It's all going to be okay....  Deep breath mama, that screaming toddler you can't get to calm down?? It's all going to be okay......  That job you are waiting on?  It's all going to be okay whether you get it or not..... That test result you are waiting on? No matter what God's got you and it's all going to be okay....  That friend that won't call you back and you wonder why?  It's all going to be okay.....  That raise you are desperately needing and not receiving?? God will provide.....He always has and He always will......It's ALL going to okay....

It's. Going. To Be. OKAY.....

So I don't know where you are at right now in your life.  Maybe you are like us and waiting on some answers to some big whys and you just can't understand why all there is silence.  All you want is an answer to this problem and there's not one in sight.  Friend, take a deep breath with me right now and remind yourself of the only answer that truly matters.  God's got us in His hands.  We won't always get clear cut answers but we do know that He will never leave us and He will always be on our team.  He will always fight for us when we don't have the strength or energy to fight for ourselves.  Our hope and trust is ALWAYS safe in Him.  It's all going to be okay as long as we are clinging to His strong and safe hand.  We won't always get the answers we want from the world around us and that's okay.  Because our God is bigger and stronger than anything this world will through our way.  It won't always be fair...it won't always be just....it won't always be what we need but we already have ALL that we need.  That is our sweet Jesus.  It's all going to be okay.....I can promise because He promises.......

A Chance Encounter

It was our anniversary and instead of out to eat at some romantic place, I was chasing after a lively 18 month old while her big sissy was doing a 45 minute dance camp.  Travis assured me he was going to leave work in time to get there about 15 minutes before it was over, plenty of time before they called the parents in to see what the kids had learned during that time.  I was getting exhausted from chasing Lyla around and getting a tad antsy for him to walk through the door.  Finally just a few minutes after 6 we saw his car whiz into a parking spot.  "FINALLY" my heart wanted to shout.  I was so ready to give him the big anniversary hug I had been waiting for and, if I'm being really honest, let him take over chasing duty for a few minutes.  But as he was starting to rush into the church, a man I had never seen before seemed to call over to him and there they stood in the middle of the parking lot talking.  After a few minutes I was starting to get a tad agitated. In just a little bit they would be asking for parents to head on in and see the literally 1 minute dance number they had been working on.  I texted him...asking what on earth he was doing.  He never checked his phone and he continued to talk to that man as his brow was in a serious state of mind.  I wondered out loud to the woman sitting in front of me what on earth they could possibly be talking about.  "I have no idea who he even is..."  And then I just heard the whisper into my heart: pray. pray for Trav to have the words.  After saying a short prayer, they both started walking into the building.  I looked into Trav's eyes expecting some sort of a clue but instead the gentleman stood in front of me asking if anyone from the church happened to be in there.  I told him no...that the dance company rented it from them but that we could certainly ask Jen when she was done if she went there and knew how to get a hold of someone.  And then as I stared into that man's eyes, they started to fill with tears as he said: "I just really need a lot of prayer right now.  Just a lot of prayer..."  My heart broke at the sight and sound.  Before I could even draw another breath, the woman I just happened to be standing next to said that her husband was going to be a pastor and he would certainly pray with him.   And pray they did, they were still huddled in a corner talking as we were leaving......

Now this could just seem like a really sweet story at first.  Just a random occurrence.  A chance meeting with a stranger who went to a church to seek help.  But friends, it just isn't.  You see I went back and forth on if I should have even signed up for that dance camp.  We went on vacation this past weekend and I knew Maci would still be exhausted from all the lake fun we had.  And normally I would have just skipped over it but I didn't.  I felt like Maci needed to be there.  Travis had left in plenty of time to get there before 6, and yet he pulled into the parking lot 3 minutes after....the exact same time as that man did.  All the other parents were already inside.  No one else showed up after him.  I had been chasing Lyla all over that church and yet for those moments as they were outside, we stayed in one place.  And in that one place I could see that something was happening out there and felt the call to pray over them.  There were also plenty of other parents I could have been standing next to when they both walked in to talk to me.  And yet....I happened to be standing next to the wife of a pastor to be.  

For the past 24 hours now, this man (whose first name is Dan), has been on my mind and heart.  When I went to bed last night, he was there....when I woke up.....when we went on a walk....as we played in the park....at quiet time...at supper time....at bed time.  Friends I have been praying over this man I don't even know asking God to bless him.  Asking God to answer his prayers he so desperately needs prayer for.  Asking God to continue to place people in his path who are going to be willing to help him and pray over him.  And tonight as I was getting ready for bed, God reminded me how perfect His timing is.  How things that could easily be seen as a consequence, aren't.  How God cares about the littlest details.  How one simple encounter with someone could help them in a bigger way than we even realize or know.  

We probably won't ever know what happened to Dan.  We won't ever know if his prayers were answered or if his life changed the way it needed to.  But those short 10 minutes affected me in so many ways......Our world is filled with people like Dan.  People who are hurting.....who are searching for someone to listen to their story and offer their help.  We just have to be open to it and willing to take the time to listen.  Trav could have told him that he was in a hurry and he had to get inside.  But instead, my amazing hubby took the time to really listen to his story and try to figure out someone to help.  I am so proud of him for that....even as I was sending him a 'nagging' text to get inside.  And then tonight as he was again on my heart, I was overwhelmed with God's timing.  That short little story could be so overlooked and seen as just a nice little story.  But oh my goodness that timing was incredible for all those little details to line up. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  If God has you waiting on something friends, He is just waiting for all your little details to line up.  Because no matter what our timing is, HIS timing is perfect.  If Trav would have gotten there when he had wanted.....he wouldn't have met Dan in the parking lot......

In a world that is weeping and losing it's joy daily.....I pray that we will all have eyes that are open to see those that are hurting that we might encounter.  That we take the time to listen...really listen....to take the time to look into their eyes and see their souls that are craving an encounter with Jesus.  Because we can be that encounter for them.  And I pray that instead of getting aggravated at God the next time things aren't happening in my own timing, I remember Dan.  That I remember that God loves me so much He wants every little detail to be perfect.  Because when I look back at how perfectly He did time it......I know I will be standing in awe and praising Him far more than I ever have before.......

Fireflies in the Night

The sun is setting and you are sitting outside soaking up the last few moments of the light before the darkness seems to take over.  Crickets are starting to chirp and the world seems to go quiet as you watch the sun slip away for yet another night.  If you are one of those that live in a small town or in the country, all becomes dark and quiet.  No cars or sirens in the distance.  No street lights making it seem as if it is still daytime.  Darkness has come as another day is over.  But suddenly as you sit there taking it all in, you notice flickers of light.  They may be small and not give off much light but yet their presence is made known.  Even if you aren't looking directly at them, you still see them out of the corner of your eye.  They are bright and shine vibrantly in the darkness.....

While we were living in MN, we saw fireflies on occasion.  But nothing like we have seen since we moved to SD.  Last night as we finished off the few fireworks we had, I stood there in our backyard and I was in awe.  They filled our backyard.  Their little lights flickering constantly.  Making sure the world sees them.  Letting us know that while darkness has fell, they are still there....shining brightly.  

(This isn't our yard, but it sure looks like it)

And as I stood there, I remember how dark the world seems to most of us right now.  So much terror, so much evil.....so much that some days it is hard not to feel like that darkness is going to consume us.  That this world we live in is going to continue to fall into that big black hole and there is nothing we can do to stop it.  Some days we even wonder what the point of trying to let our own lights shine in it is.  We think that because we aren't anyone famous or 'significant' that how we reach out and try to change the world doesn't matter.  I know I have.  Things happen that left us with a huge hole in our hearts.  That made our hearts burn with anger and tears for how far the world has fallen.  Turn on the news for just 5 minutes and you will walk away feeling like its all out of our hands.  That the world is what it is and there is nothing we can do to change it.  And while it is true that we will never be able to stop the darkness from coming, the light that Jesus placed inside of our hearts does matter.  It is significant.  It is something that the world can see whether they choose to admit it or not.

See as I was standing in that backyard and watched the black of the night surround me, I wasn't consumed by it.  What I was consumed by were all those little tiny fireflies dancing around me.  Their light beckoning me to them.  My eyes were drawn to them.  And in that moment the Lord reminded me that human hearts are drawn to the light.  That even though darkness seems to swallow up the world around us, the eyes of the people are drawn to the ones who are still letting their lights shine as brightly as possible.  There are still people out there standing in the middle of the blackest of black night they can imagine, and their hearts are yearning to be drawn to that light.....to be drawn towards hope.  

My heart longs to be like those fireflies.  They don't seem to care that the darkness has taken over, in fact they seem to dance in it.  They don't go and hide until the morning comes.  They don't care if they are small and feeling insignificant.  All they do is just continue to let those tiny lights shine.  I want the world to be drawn to my heart because they see the light of Jesus burning brightly inside of it.  I want them to be reminded that the darkness doesn't have to consume them.  I want them to see the light of Jesus and know that no matter what evil has done to take over this world, there is hope.  There is still good in the world.  All we have to do is to always remember to have our eyes be drawn to the light.  Because that is our instinct.....we just sometimes get lost in the darkness.  We let the night consume us, instead of being drawn to the glowing hearts of those who are still letting their hearts shine brightly. 

You matter in the kingdom of God.  The fire in your heart that burns brightly for His glory is seen.  It is needed in this dark night.  You might not reach millions of hearts.  You might not reach thousands or even hundreds.  In fact sometimes you might think you just reached one.  But that one IS significant to the Lord.  Every single soul matters to Him. So as this darkness continues to fall around us, let that little firefly inside you burn as brightly as the sun.  It might not touch the whole earth, but those around you will be drawn to it.  And it will spread the kind of hope this world needs more of.  The kind of hope that will make the darkness not seem so dark after all.....

      

THE PACT

I remember it like it was yesterday.  Maci was just learning to roll over.  She was still just a little babe and I was still a new mommy.  Still learning the ropes of this whole motherhood thing.  As I was getting her dressed and ready for the day, I had her laying on the couch.  Of course I was sitting right there with her...watching her...talking to her....I had to turn my back for literally a second to grab a pair of pants to put on her that were behind me.  And then...it happened.  The little angel rolled over and fell off the couch onto the hardwood floor.  I remember her screams.  I remember quickly picking her up trying to calm her down as I sobbed along with her.  I remember anxiously dialing my moms number as I cried into the phone telling her what an awful mom I was turning out to be.  How I had failed her.  I was supposed to be keeping her safe and yet here I was barely 4 or 5 months in and I had let her get hurt.  Because of my mistake she was screaming.  Because of my mistake she was going to be left with a bump on her head.  I sobbed into that phone telling my mom how worried I was....that she was falling asleep and I was left with all the nightmares of what might be wrong with her.  What if she had a concussion?!? What if she had a brain bleed? You know...all those normal, rational thoughts a new mom has because her baby is hurt...

My mom calmed me down and continued to reassure me that Maci was probably just fine.  She reminded me that it was her normal nap time anyway.  That all those fears that were playing in my mind were just that....fears.  They weren't true.  She reassured me that, even though I felt like the worst mother in the world at that moment, that I wasn't.  That every mom has that story of the time they failed their kids.  That every mom has that story of when they turned their backs for a second and something happened that could have been prevented.  Because you know what friends? No parent is perfect.  Not a single one of us.  We get up every morning and try our best, and yet there will be those days where our best isn't good enough.  Where our best will seem like failure.  Where our best will be screaming in our face of how we failed them that day.  And yet the next morning we wake up to those angelic faces and they still love us with everything they've got.  They don't see how we've failed.  They don't see how we let them down.  All they see is the best mommy or daddy in the world for them.  All they see is how hard we have tried to protect them.

We are human.  We are flawed.  We get distracted.  We choose to put our attention on something else instead of our kids for a moment...sometimes at the wrong moment.  But that doesn't mean we suck at this parenting thing.  That doesn't mean we don't deserve to be parents.  That doesn't mean we are the worst parent in the entire world.  That doesn't mean our kids will love us any less.

That day in our living room was the first day I ever learned first hand that in a second things can happen to our kids.  That if we aren't watching them every single second of every single day that they have the risk of getting hurt.  But friends, let me admit to you right now that that doesn't mean I haven't messed up since then.  My kids are clumsy and our youngest is a dare devil and loves to push boundaries.  They are ridiculously fast and if they want to do something, they rush as fast as they can to get to whatever that is.  And besides those facts the truth is so simple.  We can't and will never be able to watch them every single second of every single day.  As much as we want to say that we do and can: WE CAN'T.

So friends, fellow parents...can I just be real and honest with you? Can we all make a pact right now? To instead of judging each other...instead of trying to always prove we are better parents than anyone else....instead of going on social media completely saying hurtful, awful, mean spirited things to parents we don't. even. know. (you ALL know what I'm talking about....It's all over Facebook right now and my heart is BROKEN for that family. 99.9% of us weren't there...we don't know what EVEN happened! The things I'm seeing people say and post.....if that were me.....I would be thanking God my son was safe, but I would be so broken.  I clearly would have felt guilty already because of my mistake, but man.......add on top of that the shame the world is putting on me....we need to pray for this mother....we need to pray that Jesus helps heal her heart.  Because of the world's judgments...it would be so easy for her to slip into a black hole....) So instead of all that, can we all make a pact right now to admit we aren't perfect parents? To admit that even though we want to think we are....we aren't.  To make a pact to stop with the judging.  To make a pact to stop all the negative.  To make a pact to band together and encourage one another.  To make a pact to help all the other parents out there see that we all make mistakes.  That we are trying the best we can.  To make a pact to lift each other up instead of tear one another down.  Especially...ESPECIALLY  when we don't know them personally and we don't know the full story.  Parenting is hard. Can I get an amen??  By far one of the hardest things we will do.  Let's not make it even harder for all the other parents out there trying their best.  Let's first put ourselves in their shoes.  Like for real in their shoes and not just thinking with perfect thoughts in their shoes.  Let's all make a pact to stop with the elusion of the perfection of parenting and instead get real about our parenting.  Admit we have all made mistakes.  Because when we are raw and honest about that, we open the door to helping someone who needs that reminder.  We open the door to an honesty the world needs more of.....

In seconds your kids can get hurt.....it's a reminder we can be told of over and over and over again.  And while we always need to be diligent in watching for them and caring for them.....this is also your reminder that we will make mistakes....we will mess up.  Accidents will continue to happen no matter how much you watch them...hopefully never as monumental as a toddler getting into a gorilla exhibit, but even then....it doesn't mean you are sucking at this parenting thing.  It doesn't mean you are the worse mother or father in the world.  What it means is you are human.  You are a normal parent....don't let guilt take over and make you think you are less than you are.  If you are loving your kids and doing the best you can.....you are the best parent they could ever ask for.....Rest in that truth mommies and daddies everywhere... You have a whole community of perfectly imperfect parents everywhere.  We just all have to be willing to admit it to ourselves......

Calming the Storms

We knew storms were coming.  It was just a matter of when it would hit and how severe it would be.  As we shut off the lights to head to bed, I saw the lightning in the distance, knowing it wouldn't be long now.  As we laid there in the dark, I heard the rain start to fall gently outside, not long after it started sounding like pellets on our window.  When I was little, storms freaked me out.  There were many nights during storm season that you would find me in bed with my parents.  There was just such a comfort there.  I knew I was safe no matter what happened outside.  Pretty soon our bedroom started looking more and more like a disco party.  There was barely a break in each flash of lightning.  Our girls were sleeping soundly upstairs and with their fans going, I knew they wouldn't hear the gentle rumblings or see the intense flashes.  But of course it wasn't long before a loud crash of thunder clapped.  I laid there staring up at the ceiling, waiting for it.  I knew it was only a matter of time before I heard footsteps down the hall, a sobbing 4 year old, and then......"Daddy....Mommy!!!" Yep there it was.

We both sat up to try and hear her fear through the hysterically sobbing.  The phrase "What" had to be said by us a few times before we finally understood her.  "I don't like the lights!! I don't like the lights!!!!"  I knew she must have been woken by that loud clap, and even though it was only once, as she tried to fall back asleep.....well the fear of those intense flashes dancing outside her window just wouldn't let her....

We could have consoled her and told her she was fine.  We could have brought her back to bed right away and explained that they were just lights and wouldn't hurt her.  And yet, I remembered what that fear felt like.  I remembered not being able to get rid of it and sleep in my bed alone at her age.  So we pulled back our covers and I said, "Come lay between us until it's over.  You can sleep with us and when it's all over Daddy will bring you back up to your bed."  The tears subsided and she quickly jumped between us.  The lights continued to dance outside but yet our little angel was quickly falling back asleep.  The crying had stopped and she cuddled up next to me and her breathing calmed.  As soon as she was between us she knew she was safe.  She knew we wouldn't let anything harm her.  She knew there was no reason to be afraid anymore.

As I laid there staring at the ceiling, I thought back to all the storms in our own lives.  All the times I had been fearful.  All the times I had been angry.  All the times I sat in my car, or kitchen, or bedroom crying hysterically asking God to make it all stop.  Asking Him why.  I thought of all the times the storms waged on and I poured my heart into hearing His word and His voice.  Anxiously sitting in His presence waiting for His voice to calm my fearful soul.   I couldn't stop the storm outside yet as I felt the breath of our sleeping babe, it made me smile.  Our kiddos know that Mommy and Daddy will always be there to keep them safe.  They know they can trust us.  They know we love them immensely and will never sit back and allow bad things to happen to them.  We will be there to protect them as much as we can.  And when we can't, they know we will be there to comfort them and dry their tears.  And if we love them that much, and they know we love them that much, the love Jesus has for us is all the more intense.  He is always laying there waiting for us to run to Him to calm our fears. To dry our tears and say "It's all gonna be okay.  I'm right here, you don't have to be scared.  I will carry you.  You are safe with Me." He won't always stop the storms outside, but He can calm the storms in our hearts.   It's an intense love He has for us.  One that we can visibly get a glimpse of everyday because of the love we have for our children.  But it's only a glimpse...because friend.....He loves us so much more than that....you are safe in His arms.  You are loved in His arms....Run to Him and let Him calm the storms in your souls.....

The Rainstorm...

This afternoon we went on a Costco run.  When we got there, it was a beautiful, sunshiny, spring day...when we left however, rain clouds had quickly moved in.  As we loaded up the car I felt a few tiny sprinkles and thought to myself "There's no way it's gonna rain....I didn't even think it was in the forecast today." However moments later as we were driving down the road it started pouring rain.  Not like a steady drizzle....I mean POURING rain.  Not too long after I said, "What in the world...", did I hear the small voice of our oldest say "Mom!! Hurry!! We have to get to Grandma's house!!" I could tell instantly her tiny heart was scared a storm was coming.  She didn't understand that it was just a random rain shower, even though it was heavy rain, still just a rain shower.  I called over my shoulder that we were gonna be just fine and that there was nothing to worry about.  And yet, as we turned down the familiar road to my parents house I heard the sweet whisper of her again...this time she was comforting her sissy.  "Don't worry Lyla...we will be at Papa's soon.  We will be safe there..."

Be still my heart.  I literally could freeze time in that moment and have been happy.  As a mom, when I hear Maci be so sensitive and sweet to her baby sister, it makes me melt something fierce.  And as I played her words over again in my mind, I then heard God's sweet whisper...

"Daughter, how many times have you been like that? How many times has a rain shower hit your life and your response was: 'Hurry!! We have to get out of here!!' How many times have you been fearful, afraid, and worried over a situation that you have no control over? A situation where you might not have control, but I have it all under control."

And then I heard sweet Maci's voice again calling "Don't worry.....we will be at Papa's soon....we will be safe there."  I played it over and over and over again in my head, as it turned to Jesus sweetly whispering:

"Don't worry daughter....it will be over soon.  You are safe in my arm's"

Friends, Travis and I are knee deep in fear.  I'm not gonna lie.  We have been trying to sell our house for almost 3 years.  Yes I said 3.  I'm a planner and the fact that we have absolutely no control over when or how this house sells is driving me crazy.  The past month has been the biggest roller coaster of emotions and the devil has been out to attack every which way he can.  He wants us to give up. He wants us to throw in the towel.  He wants us to be so scared that we leave the road God has called us to.  And if I'm being honest.....there have been times I've sat there on the bed and thought "What is the point? Let's just throw in the towel because I can't do this anymore. We are doing everything the right way and yet here we are...still waiting...."  

And the past 2 days I have been fighting that fear like I have never had to fight before.  Yesterday I poured my heart over Hebrews 12......

"....Let us keep running in the race that God has planned for us.  Let us keep looking to Jesus. Our faith comes from Him and He is the one who makes it perfect. He did not give up when He had to suffer shame and die on the cross.  He knew of the joy that would be His later. Now He is sitting at the right side of God."  -Hebrews 12: 1-2

If Christ can endure the cross for the whole world and not give in to fear, we can endure the suffering that comes at times with God's plans.  We can keep fighting the good fight and never give up.  We can stand in the middle of the pouring rain and whisper "God's got this.  We are safe in His arms."  We don't have to let the fear sweep us away and take us places we don't belong.  Doesn't mean we won't get angry, doesn't mean we won't get scared, doesn't mean we won't cry endless tears sometimes....but it DOES mean that we don't belong to that fear.  We belong in our Father's arms......where we are safe and comforted know that He's in control.  That rainstorm isn't random to Him.  He saw it coming and He's got it all figured out even if it takes years to for us to understand.  

That random rainstorm this afternoon? It wasn't long after we got into my parents house and the sun was shining again.  Maci gazed out the window with a HUGE smile on her face and said "LOOK MOMMY!! The rain is over!! It's stopped!!" Yes it did sweet girl....And I know someday just as quick, in an instant.....God will let our rainstorm be over too.  And friend, He will do that same thing for you too.  Keep clinging to Him no matter how hard it rains.  Don't let that fear and doubt take hold of your soul.  Your soul doesn't belong to it....it belongs to Christ.