Last fall I started a study on spiritual gifts. I'm not gonna lie and say I was surprised by what it showed me my top spiritual gift was. I've always known compassion was what mine was. I'm not saying that to sound full of myself. I actually didn't know that was mine because I thought I showed compassion to everyone, ect. It has always stood out to me because of the 'bad' that tends to come with having it be up there in your list. I can tell you word for word almost about all the times someone has hurt me. And not because I'm holding a grudge, and not because whoever wronged me was so bad. It's because hurtful words and actions have always cut me way too deep. Deeper than most I would say. My heart hurts just a little bit longer, it feels for those that most wouldn't even give a thought to, and it weeps for everything Jesus would weep for a little bit harder.
The past few months I have honestly been wondering, "Why me Lord? Why do I have to carry this burden?" Because honestly sometimes it is a burden. To lay it all out there, I have often wondered why I find myself praying for those who have done some awful things to Gods people. My heart aches badly for those who do things that are not in God's will. And sometimes, I don't want to feel sorry for them, but it's written in my heart. It's written in my heart that God still loves them, and weeps at what the world has come to. So I've been asking a lot, "why me?"
Very recently a dear friend sent a text message to me telling me to read Romans 12-14. And that's where I got the above verse from. And that's when it all came rushing in like a flood:
God gave ME this gift. He gave it to ME for a reason. A reason I won't know until I accept that I'm supposed to have it. I'm supposed to feel a little harder and stronger. I'm supposed to weep a little bit harder and longer. Those people who I don't want to feel for and do, I'm supposed to feel that way towards them because it leads me to my knees in prayer for their souls. Because if I don't, who will? I'm part of the body of Christ. And in the body of Christ, every part is vital.
So this is a challenge friends. Whatever God may have called you to do or be, do it for Him. Give it to Him, all of it. Even if you can't understand why He made you that way, I promise you He did it for a reason and you just don't know it yet. And honestly you might not know why until you get to Heaven. But I plan to open up my gift and let it soar. Whatever He wants to do with it I'm gonna let Him. I'm gonna stop fighting it and just let it be.
A few months ago while coming back from Willmar a song came on the radio and I remember falling in love with it. I wanted to remember it so badly but of course I forgot and hadn't heard it since. The message was exactly what I wanted for my life right now. My cry out to the Lord. Well guys, seriously when I started writing this that song came on the radio. God is so good!! Brings tears to my eyes every time I listen.... enjoy :)
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