This week marks the 1 month marker since Trav left to start his job at Farmers Cooperative in Canby MN. It marks the day we started a long distance marriage. It marks the day we officially said, "God we are trusting you with this. We are trusting that the path you have laid out before us is right one." In all honestly it has been the longest month of my life.....
Marriage isn't supposed to be this way. Family life isn't supposed to be this way. It's not 'normal' to only see your husband and father to your baby one day a week. It's not 'normal' for a married person to sleep alone in her big queen sized bed. I've always been used to long crazy hours 2 out of the 4 seasons of the year. I knew what I was signing up for there. But at least then I got to see a shadow sleeping next to me. At least I got to stay up until he got home and make him some supper. Now when he gets off he gets to go back to an empty small hotel room where a microwavable meal awaits him. It's not 'normal'. Not 'normal' at all. But in this past month, I have learned some things.....and in the next coming days and weeks until we are together again I'm sure I'll learn a great deal more. And I'm sure that's what God has in mind.......
1. It sucks. Didn't take many days to figure that one out. When you say "I Do" it usually means you get to live with the love of your life. It usually means when you have babies, you will share the responsibilities of parenting and that they will be there to give you a break every now and then. Let's just say I have a great deal more of respect for single moms, military spouses, and any woman that has a husband who travels for work all the time. It's not how it's supposed to be. It's just not.
2. Trusting God has a plan is not as easy as it sounds. Sure we can all say we trust God's plan but when it comes down to it and God isn't working in our timing, it's just not that easy. What's easy is saying I'm done. I don't want to do this anymore I just want my husband back. I just want to live together under one roof again. And believe me I've had days where I've wanted to say that....was so ready to throw in the towel. But God didn't bring us here just to give up. He doesn't say His paths are the easy ones. The devil takes any and every opportunity he can to make sure we fail and turn off on our own course. And when that happens, we have to fall on our knees and pray. Tell God how we are hurting and ask for strength. With Him we are so much stronger than we think.
3. When we do fully trust God, He will give you peace and blessings more than you can imagine. I'm a planner. I should be freaking out most of the time. And of course I have moments where I'm really sad and missing our 'normal' life. Times when I want to pull my hair out because Maci is driving me crazy. But above all that I'm at peace with where we are at. Our buyers for our house are out there. I have no doubts. God's timing is always perfect and once this is all over with we will look back as a family and go, "AHHH that's why you waited God." And since we laid this all at His feet, He has been blessing us. Right after Trav left, my calendar started filling up with Pampered Chef parties. Last time I counted I had 8 parties in a matter of 4 weeks. Craziness and I was trying to figure out why now. Why now when I'm hoping to move any time. And right now I can tell you 2 reasons why. Number 1: God knew I would need breaks from being a mommy. He knows how much I love Maci but all mom's need a break. This gives me a little push to make sure I get that break. Number 2: Trav is living in a hotel. Not a super fancy hotel but hotels for a months at a time are not cheap. And we didn't know how we would be affording it. I get paid this week and Trav's next months payment is due this week as well. My paycheck is more than enough to pay for it. A huge blessing.
I know there will be many more things I will learn between now and whenever our time in the "waiting place" is through. I just want to encourage anyone else that's in the "waiting place" for whatever reason to keep waiting. Keep praying. Keeping believing. Keep trusting. We aren't out of it yet, and I know it will get harder before it gets easier. But I know that without Christ by my side during all this, I would have fallen completely apart by now.......
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