New Beginning

I can still remember how my heart felt that day.  I was so excited to finally get to be an 'adult'.  Living in my own apartment, having no one to answer to as to when I would be coming home that night.  And yet my heart pounded so hard at times that I thought it might leap from my chest.  I would be 2 1/2 hours from everything I've ever known.  All those that I love would not be within minutes anymore.  I knew no one in town.  Not one single person.  Would I make friends? Would I be able to find my own rhythm in such an uncharted territory?  I think my first night alone in that small apartment my heart felt every single emotion possible.  Excitement...fear...optimism....worry.  No one knew who I was.  They knew nothing about my past nor who I was back in Sioux Falls...essentially I could be anyone I wanted to be...

Any young person who leaves their hometown and goes off to college will tell you it was life changing.  Sounds like a cliche but when you move away to a new place it is bound to change in one way or another.  You are given a clean slate. A blank page.  A fresh start....a new beginning.

Fast forward almost 8 years and I have been through a few new beginnings.  When I moved to MN after we got married, when we moved to Canby, and now Canton.  As I was walking last week I took a look around at the life that was going on around me and it hit me again.  No one knows us here.  They don't know anything about our pasts, nothing about our character or have any preconceived notions that they've heard from others.  We have been given another clean slate...a new beginning.

This is a huge gift.  Fresh starts are precious, beautifully rare gems.  A gem that we need to be intentional with how we choose to use.  And that got me thinking about how Christ offers everyone this beautifully rare gem.  He died on the cross to forgive us.  To give us a new life...a clean slate...a new beginning. 

"For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism.  And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live NEW lives."

Romans 6:4

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a NEW person.  The old life is gone; a NEW life has begun!"

2 Corinthians 5:17

How amazing is that? How many people do we have in our lives that could use and love this precious gift? Are we doing everything in our power to let them know about Christ? With such a hurting world today, it is crying out for fresh starts and new beginnings.  We need to do everything in our strength to get the word out.  Live our lives for Christ in a more meaningful way than ever before.  Be missionaries in our own communities to spread the word that in Christ we have new life.

"Then I will sprinkle clean water on you and you will be clean.  Your filth will be washed away and you will no longer worship idols.  And I will give you a NEW heart and I will put a NEW spirit in you.  I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.  And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations."

Ezekiel 36:25-27

New beginnings are precious.  A rare gift not everyone gets.  But in Christ, we all have the opportunity to have one!

And as for my current new beginning? I want to be intentional about smiling at everyone I come in contact with.  Saying "hi" to everyone I can.  If I become known as the 'crazy, happy, never stops smiling' lady in Canton....I'm ok with that.  Because maybe....just maybe...it will lead to a deeper conversation later on about where my light comes from.  Which of course is simple:

CHRIST.  

"Since you have heard about Christ and you have learned the truth that comes from Him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.  Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.  Put on your NEW nature, created to be God-like - truly righteous and holy"

Ephesians 4:21-24

I dare you....double dare you...

I want you to indulge me for a moment.  Close your eyes and dream.  Dream of a world where everyone lives in harmony.  What does that world look like to you? I imagine it is a beautiful place where everyone gets along.  There is no arguing, no harsh words being said, no insults being flung around.  Everyone is full of love and compassion towards one another.

Now let me ask you this: In this world of complete harmony, does everyone agree? Does everyone share the same opinions? Or is it a place where everyone has their own opinions and ideas but no one shares them out loud? Is it possible to live in a world of harmony but yet disagree with some of life's issues? That my friends is a HUGE question....

In today's world there are so many places people share their opinions and beliefs.  Social media....blogs... face to face conversations....texts...newspapers...news media..the list could go on and on.  Opinions, thoughts, feelings are everywhere we look.  Not everyone shares our same opinions and in America, usually....supposedly, this idea that we are all different is something we are called to celebrate.  But lately it seems that it's only cause to celebrate if the person shares our same opinion...

Go on Facebook at any given time and you can find a hot topic post.  Once you do this go ahead and click on the comments section.  When I do this I'm usually left heart broken.  Not only do I see non-Christians attacking Christians....I also see CHRISTIANS going after non-Christians...and even worse yet....Christians attacking CHRISTIANS.  Everyone frantically trying to get their own opinions out....wanting their voice to be heard.  And in the process of doing what is their right to do...they are taking casualties.  Insults are being flung around like they are no big deal.  Like there aren't real people on the other side of the screen with real heart felt feelings.  Name-calling...cursing one another out...belittling...it's all there and it seems we as a human race have started to see it as our God given right to treat one another this way.  Because, you see, we are being taught that when someone doesn't agree with us that we need to fight to the death to protect our opinions.  Like if we for some reason don't keep fighting for it, our ideas and opinions will be taken away from us.  We are being taught our opinions are right and everyone else is always wrong.  We are being taught that we are entitled to do as we please when we please.  We are taught that having a difference of opinion somehow gives us the right to rip to shreds everyone who differs from us.

As a Christian, I am embarrassed and heartbroken when I find conversations where such things are happening.  Especially when I see members of the body of Christ are partaking in such acts.  What does the bible ask of us?

"So then let us aim for harmony in the church & try to build each other up..."

Romans 14:19

"May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you to live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus." 

Romans 15:5

"Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful.  Grow in maturity.  ENCOURAGE each other.  Live in harmony and peace.  Then the God of love and peace will be with you."

2 Corinthians 13:11

When I read these verses, I don't dream of world where everyone is the same and has the same opinions.  After all God created each of us as unique.  What I do dream of is a place where people aren't afraid to share their own in fear that they will be viciously attacked.  I do not think the bible calls us to never disagree with anyone.  After all we all called to proclaim who He is and preach the gospel.  The whole world will NEVER whole heartedly agree to that.  But I do think it calls us to share our opinions and beliefs in love.  As followers of Christ we should be leading the pact with this.  But sadly, I fear, we are miserably failing at it.

"A gentle answer deflects anger,

but harsh words make tempers flair.

The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing,

but the mouth of the fool belches out foolishness."

Proverbs 15:1-2

When being pulled down into such evil, remember this verse.  The harsh words never win, love & gentleness do.  Let God's teaching, wisdom, and knowledge fill your soul when sharing your opinions.  Let them be dripping with love and gentleness.  Speak and share when He says share and when He says quiet....stay quiet.  

Let us show this tired, sad, longing for a savior world who Christ really is....

Can people live in harmony while still sharing their differing opinions? I say the answer is YES!

Friends let's show them by being the example of this.  We can and should stand up for Christ.  But above all...let's do it in LOVE.....

"Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts.  For as members of one body you are called to live in peace.  And always be thankful.

 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives.  Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom it gives.

 Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.  And whatever you do or say.....DO IT AS A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE LORD JESUS. Giving thanks through Him to God the father.."

Colossians 3:14-17 

 

An old fashioned kind of love...

It's the 1940s, a boy sees a girl from across the street.  Her smile is contagious....her laughter magnetic.  In an instant he knows she's the one for him.  Of course when he asks her out she tries multiple times to refuse.  The boy, in the same token, refuses to give up.  He sees her get on a ferris wheel with another guy and runs and leaps onto their seat.  When she refuses him yet again, he proceeds to dangle high above the ground in order to force her to say yes.  And from there, they proceed to fall madly in love.....a true passionate old fashioned kind of love.  Fast forward years later and we find this girl, now woman, has Alzheimers.  She has seemed to forgotten the love of her life and yet he continues to refuse to accept that and makes her fall for him over and over and over again. Until one day they lie down and drift off into heaven together....

We all know this story.  It's Nicholas Sparks book titled, "The Notebook".  Women, and let's be honest some men, fell head over heels in love with this story.  We fell deeply into each character.  We felt what they felt.  We cried when they cried and we laughed when they laughed.  Some may say we loved it so much because it was a beautifully written story.  And while I agree I also feel like we let it seep so deep into our souls because we all crave that earth shaking, knees quaking, no one else matters around you kind of love.  And not only that passionate, but a love that is so powerful it lasts until your final breath.  And not only until your final breath but also through all sorts of turmoil, heartache, and pain.  A love that is still felt even when one of your memory's slips away.  A real, honest, pure, simple, passionate, old fashioned kind of love.  In today's society.....in generations since that time, it just doesn't seem to happen when you look at the staggering statics of marriages.  Life it seems has gotten more complicated for families.  Both the husband and wife can easily both have booming careers outside the home.  Kids activities seem to clutter and fill up the schedule.  There's errands to run, chores to be done, functions to attend, meetings to go to....and it seems that the thing that takes the biggest hit is our relationships with our spouse.  We seem to take that relationship, that bond, that love for granted.  It's so easy to assume the will always be there for us.  They are married to us after all so they will have to wait.  Other things, other people, other stuff needs our attention more at whatever season we are at in our lives....

Recently, just a few weeks ago actually, Travis' beloved Papa passed away.  He lived to be the wonderfully old age of 92.  And by his side for almost 68 of those amazing years was his wife Lilian.  Can you even fathom that? When he was just 24 and she was just 18 they fell madly in love with each other.  And they never stopped.  They had their share of good times and bad.  They had 2 sons together and lived out their lives on the farm.  Ever since I started dating Trav I honestly don't think I ever saw one without the other.  With each glance they gave one another I saw the purest form of love I have ever seen.  The way he looked at her, his eyes danced.  I can just picture it in my mind as I close my eyes now.  When Travis would tell stories about the 2 of them he would say so many times how much they loved each other.  For the last several years we had said we didn't know how one would get along without the other.  They had that "Notebook" kind of love.  That love that society seems to view as a 'fairytale' these days.  We haven't been back to the farm since Papa's passing but I know how incredibly hard that day is going to be.  When we think of Papa and Grandma, we think of them as one unit.  They aren't 2 separate people in our minds.  They are 2 souls forever intertwined....

When I think of them, it makes my soul yearn....It makes my soul yearn and aspire to make sure that Travis and I have that old fashioned kind of love.  That love that people don't see much of these days it seems.  That love that intertwines us for eternity.  That love that makes people see us as one unit.  That love where if either one of us were to lose the other we wouldn't know how to go on nor would we want to live in that world.  A piece of us would forever be missing. 

In today's society we are told that we shouldn't depend on anyone like that.  Especially women are taught that.  That we need to be our own person and we need to take care of ourselves.  That we need to prove to society that we don't need a man in our lives to take care of us.  And men are taught that they need to prove that they don't need any women in their lives telling them what to do.  That marriage is a ball and chain relationship...

I tell you what ladies and gentlemen listen up.... I want that kind of love.  Society is lying to you once again.  That old fashioned kind of love is good for the soul.  That old fashioned kind of love works.  That old fashioned kind of love is the kind where the divorce rate isn't 1 out of every 2 marriages.  That old fashioned kind of love is the kind of love that God created for us all.  He wants us to feel that kind of love.  Our souls yearn for it.  It's why we love stories like the Notebook.  But they don't have to be just stories.  Love like that really exists out there.  Papa Donovan and Grandma Lillian are living proof of that.  I pray that Travis and I live to see 68 beautiful years together.  It's not going to be easy....but by God it's going to be WORTH it.  Find an inspirational couple in your own life and let them inspire you to do everything in your power to make sure you are fighting for them daily.  That that relationship is your top priority after Jesus.  Kids are amazing but they thrive when mommy and daddy are head over heels in love.  The busyness doesn't have to be so busy.  Carve out time for them.  Do unexpected things for them.  Pray for them.  And when life tries to bash the love out, dig in your heels and fight for them....

I want an old fashioned kind of love......the earth shaking, knees quaking, no one else matters around you kind of love......

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES C'MON! Or....wait....what?

A sweet Facebook friend shared an assignment tonight.  One that I felt as if she had written specifically for me.  Like seriously God sat her down and said, "Chelsia...you need to post this assignment for Chrissy.  Because her and her family are moving into a new season and frankly they have been complaining about the past one far too much." Oh sweet Jesus why do you have to be so direct sometimes.....

The assignment, or frankly in our case challenge, was this:  Count how many rooms you have in your houses, and then think of that many things you can CELEBRATE from the past season.  Guess how many rooms our house has? 11.  Yes 11.  I think God has a sense of humor because honestly this past season has been one of the most painful seasons we have ever had in our marriage yet.  I wasn't even sure if we would be able to do it.  Well Travis and I sat down and we did it! And I want to share it with all you because I want you to realize that no matter how much the season you are in sometimes frankly sucks, there are ALWAYS things in it worth celebrating.  So here we go:

1. WE HAD OUR LYLABUG!! Seriously the best thing worth celebrating.  She's a ray of sunshine in our lives.

2. We made some awesome awesome friends in Canby.  Seriously God placed them in our lives for a reason.

3. We learned FULLY that no matter what God WILL provide.  Seriously there were times we shouldn't have made it when Trav was living in Canby by himself.  And guess what? All bills always got paid.

4. Trav got sales experience to put on his resume to help lead him to his next (now current) job.

5. We didn't have to live apart the whole 2 years.  God provided a house to live in.  We might not like the house...it might not be anything that we wanted, but God provided the way for us to live here.  So we could live as a family again.

6.  As hard as this one is to admit: That our house in Litchfield DIDN'T sell.  If it would have sold we would have bought one in Canby.  And we don't belong here.

7.  Our marriage STRENGTHENED while we were living apart not weakened.  Yes that's right.  I said strengthened.  That's UNHEARD of in today's world.  And yet we made sure to hold on for dear life and make sure that was our top priority.

8.  Maci is here with us.  If you remember a year and a half ago....she had the worst case of croup.  One that made her go to Children's in an ambulance and end up in ICU.  They didn't know if she was going to pull through when she was first brought in.  She is here and had just the right doctor at just the right time.

9. Our faith grew stronger. Our love for Jesus is like nothing we've ever felt before now.  We loved him and trusted him before.  Now we love him and trust him more than we ever thought possible.

10.  God provided just the right job, in just the right location, at just the right time.  The new job Trav has.....it's more than we could have ever pictured him doing at this point in his life.

11.  WE SURVIVED!! I tell you what with all we have been through this season....with all the curve balls we have been thrown.... we shouldn't be the family we are today.  We shouldn't still have the faith we have...we shouldn't be such a strong tight knit family.  In today's world, the scenarios we were in tear families apart.  They don't make them stronger....they don't survive.  WE DID!! We are here to tell the stories and here to share our faith with anyone who will listen.   We survived...

While this season is over, and we start to move into our next... I'm so thankful.  The end of this chapter is painful, and will continue to hurt for a little while but....BUT we see the light.  And God is and will always be good.

I encourage you to do Chelsia's assignment.  Even if it's hard....actually ESPECIALLY if it's hard.  All glory to God forever and ever......

When God takes you on detours...

It's so easy to question God isn't it? It's so easy to also question whether you took a wrong path.  You sit down and pray over a situation.  You pray so hard for God to show you that that is the calling for you.  That this road will lead to good things at the end of it.  That this road will lead you to blessings far more than you can imagine.  That's what we did almost exactly 2 years ago.  We sat down and prayed so hard for our future.  We felt God calling us out of Litchfield.  And as scary and hard as it was, we felt such a peace about it.  We felt that God was giving Travis an opportunity to move into his dream position.  We felt that He had bigger and better things in mind for our family and we needed to put far more trust into Him than we ever had before.  Trav accepted the Canby job, we put our house on the market...and then much to our disappointment.... Maci and I watched Trav drive away to his new job without us.  We watched him do that every single week for a year.  It was probably the hardest most emotional year I had ever had.  Our faith was tested more than it ever had up until that point in our still somewhat young lives.  And then November 1st rolled around and we finally got to move as a family.  Things were still left undone but we finally finally got to all live under one roof.  We were so happy and didn't want to take a second of it for granted. A few months later we had our 2nd baby girl and even though our house was still on the market we continued to trust God with everything we had.  After all he had brought us this far.  We had some severe hardships this past winter with finances but God provided like He always does.

As spring rolled around we started to feel that unsettled feeling again.  That feeling like God is doing something behind the scenes and yet you don't know what it is.  I got excited thinking our house was going to sell as soon as we put it back on the market.  And then God started whispering into my heart....."Make the most of the situation you are in Daughter but you don't belong here.  I've got something else in mind" And to be honest Trav and I tried to ignore it.  After all we worked so hard to move here.  And then things began happening.  Things that broke our heart.  Things that made us angry.  Things that made me cry... a lot.  Finances started to get tighter and tighter (seriously NEVER EVER EVER live in a house with fuel oil. WORST DECISION EVER). As we started to try even harder to find new housing that was affordable and just simply worked better for our family in the area we kept coming up empty handed.  And that whispering in our hearts began getting louder and louder. "You don't belong here children......I've got something better in store for you".  So Trav began searching for new jobs.  We were so confused because honestly....we thought Canby was going to be our new forever hometown.  And yet a place we worked so hard to get to, God was just blocking our paths to stay here.  We didn't get it. We didn't understand it.  Why God? Why after such a hard year to get us here are we having to search to leave again? Did we hear you wrong the first time? Were we never supposed to be here in the first place? And that's when the Hefty job popped up in South Dakota.  Trav didn't apply right away.  In fact he had applied to other jobs before that didn't work out for one reason or another.  But that job kept getting brought up on our computer screen and he kept asking me what I thought.  He finally said "What the heck.  It can't hurt me to apply"  He never in a million years thought they would look twice at his application.  You see this is a job he thought he wouldn't get for many years after working in a coop in sales.  He's always wanted to work at a big seed company.  (And even though I didn't say it I was pretty excited for the job to be so close to my family ;) ) After he applied, he got an email pretty quickly from HR that she was on vacation for the week but really looked forward to talking to him the next week about the position.  That was sign number 1 that God was moving.  What person on vacation responds to a resume? Seriously that doesn't happen.  Soon after that I read this verse:

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14 I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

Jeremiah 29:11-14

That last line struck me "I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land." He will gather us from where He sent us. He will bring me home again to my own land.  Wow.  Powerful stuff given our situation at that time.  Fast forward a few weeks and Trav had done 2 interviews with 2 different companies.  Both told us fairly quickly that they wanted him and offered him jobs.  But it was extremely clear which one was meant for us.  Hefty not only wanted him, but they let him choose which location he wanted to be at.  There were also some other things that were holding us back from saying yes and yet Hefty made sure to make those right with us so we had no doubts in our mind this was the place for us.  There was even one point as Trav was telling me what was said as such a God thing where I cried.  God was working miracles and He was making sure we got the message loud and clear this time.  

I can't even begin to tell you all the ways God has made sure we are confident this time with this move.  From housing.... we had an AWFUL time trying to find a place...Which in turn made us so angry because again REALLY God?? Really? That was a big reason why we had to move from Canby and now we are having to deal with that again? Well, turned out one of the first places I called ended up working out even though it sounded like it wasn't going to work out at all.  Budget wise was perfect...location wise was perfect....so far everything has been perfect.  The weekend we accepted the job we had 2 showings on our house in Litchfield which we hadn't had in forever.  Did our house sell? No but God has always used showings as a way to reassure us it seems.  A week or so after we accepted, suddenly in Canby there were 3 or 4 houses for rent.  If we hadn't got this new job at this certain time we probably would have rented one and then been stuck here for at least another year.  There have been many more signs but right now my brain is all over the place.  

You see, when God tries to bless you, for some reason, the devil starts to get nervous.  The last 2 weeks have again been so extremely emotional.  Things have been happening that are very hurtful.  Things have been happening where it is also been made even clearer that we don't belong in Canby.  Things have been happening where we are questioning God even more than ever why He brought us here.  And even though these things are so hard and can break our hearts into a million pieces God has very quickly seemed to pick up the pieces and start trying to weave it all together for the good.  And it makes me so thankful that God is on our side and that we love Jesus so much. 

I will never understand this world.  I try so hard to see the best in everyone and this world quickly reminds me that this isn't our home.  People and events won't always do what is right.  The devil will always be at work.  Those facts will always seem to take my breath away and break my heart.  But through it all, I can always be assured that Jesus loves us so so so much.  Life is hard but He will never never leave us.  I am living proof and can sit here and tell you without a doubt that Jesus cares.  He is always there.  You can cry to Him, scream at Him, question Him and yet He will still be there.  He is always waiting for you to come to Him.  If you hold on to Him, life seems just a bit easier to deal with. It will still be hard, there will still be heartbreaks but we have so much hope and promises in Him that will never fail.  Whatever you are going through...please please always hold onto that.  

The next month or so....especially the next 2 weeks are going to be incredibly hard on our family.  Our faith, in my opinion, is going to be tested even more than it has been thus far.  The only thing I can and will say is we aren't leaving Canby with very many good memories and good things to say.  And that's such a hard thing to say.  It breaks my heart quite honestly.  We are trying to speculate why God even brought us here and quite frankly I don't think we will ever know until we meet Jesus in heaven someday and get to ask Him.  What I do know is God gave me such a precious gift for my last year here.  And tears are filling my eyes thinking about her but honestly it needs to be said.  Jess Citrowske I can't thank you enough for your incredible friendship since we moved here.  God used you to make sure that I never felt alone in this town.  Your family's friendship is something we are going to cherish forever.  God hand picked you to be put in our lives and I can't thank Him enough for that.  "I thank my God every time I remember you" Philippians 1:3 

Please please please continue to keep our family in your prayers the next month, especially the next 2 weeks.  We have a mountain in front of us and will be having to lean on God more than ever before.  This path once again isn't going the way we thought but we know God can make everything work out for good. (Romans 8:28) Life is hard...but our God is so much stronger.....

We failed women today...

Unless you've been living under a rock....we've all heard about the videos coming out against Planned Parenthood the last few weeks.  Many have watched them in their entirety....many have started to watch and then got repulsed....and many have simply chosen not to watch at all.  I watched half of the first one and to be honest...I just couldn't stomach to watch anymore.  If you know me at all, you know without a doubt where I stand.  I'm very much pro-life and am not afraid to let that be known.  And with anyone that is 100% pro-life, it is pretty safe to assume that watching the videos is only going to make your heart hurt that much more that this is something that happens every day in our country.  But maybe...just maybe...if you are pro-choice you watched and actually got to see and hear how doctors who perform these 'procedures' act and talk about it.  Maybe you watched the last video that came out and physically saw how horrific it can be.  And maybe...just maybe... it's got you thinking a little harder about why you feel the way you feel.  But honestly all of that aside I think we all need to face these facts about the most recent debate about the "Women's Health" giant that is Planned Parenthood.....

You see last week Senator Rand Paul decided to start trying to take action and get Planned Parenthood defunded.  Because, again unless you live under a rock, we all know that the U.S. government gives Planned Parenthood 500 million tax dollars a year.  That's quite the number.  The government tells us that this money goes towards bettering 'women's health'.  That none of that money goes at all towards abortions.  But the Senator felt, like many others did, completely outraged that such an organization would be committing such acts.  And not only are they 'accused' of illegal acts, the government is continuing to give to this organization that is in question..

Now let us stop for a moment. Some of you may be thinking.... "But they aren't breaking the law.  They are harvesting those parts for research.  They explained to us why they have to 'take' money for these.  They take it because they need to compensate themselves for the cost involved in collecting those parts"  Ok let's just think about that for a moment.  Did we have a federal investigation that proved that they weren't doing anything illegal? No we did not.  You are choosing to just take their word for it.  Let's think of that with some logic and reason.  If I'm committing a crime...do you REALLY HONESTLY think that I would just say right away that I'm committing such a crime? No of course not! At first I'm certainly going to try my hardest to get you to believe that I am actually not breaking the law.  That I had a good explanation for doing what I did.  Now again let's think logically here....if I was caught on camera breaking the law and then chose to try and talk my way out of it....do you think the government would just believe me and say "Of course you weren't breaking the law! That makes total sense.  You can carry on".  Umm no.  Sorry.  They would send me to jail and I would have to wait for trial to prove that I am innocent.  They would not just give me a hall pass and let me carry on.  So why on earth are you just choosing to let them tell you what you want to hear?

Now let us get back to the topic of the bill that Senator Paul was proposing to defund Planned Parenthood.  This bill was not about whether you were Pro-life or Pro-Choice.  This bill was not about if you were a Democrat or a Republican.  This bill was simply about the fact that an organization was accused of doing things quite illegally.

I want you to forget that I'm pro-life for a few minutes....I want you to forget that you are either pro-life or pro-choice.   I want you to forget whether you are Democrat or Republican.  Forget all of it....because with this issue it shouldn't matter.  That's not at all what defunding Planned Parenthood should have been about.  The issue with us continuing to fund it was this:

The subject of abortion is such an emotionally charged one.  Get into a debate on the subject and both sides become heated VERY quickly.  I think we can ALL AGREE that a woman does not go into the decision to have an abortion lightly.  She doesn't just say "Hey I'll have an abortion this afternoon and then go get my hair done after."  This just doesn't happen because bottom line is: It is VERY VERY EMOTIONAL.  Any women that has ever been pregnant knows what it feels like the first time they see a positive sign on that little stick.  While every woman's situation is different all women go through at least a moment of being scared.  Whether it was a planned pregnancy or not, having a baby is scary.  You are in charge of another human being forever. So for a moment, let's all take ourselves out of whatever side we are on and try putting ourselves in the shoes of the mother who decides to have an abortion.  I'm sure there are moments she goes back and forth.  I'm sure there are moments where she doesn't even question it.  I'm sure there are moments even when she tries to imagine herself with that baby.  Her emotions are all over the place anyway because she is pregnant.  As she sits in that office waiting for the Dr. to come in, I'm sure she still questions whether or not she should be doing this.  After all once she does it, there is no going back.  And since it is such a highly emotional decision she has to put so much trust in that doctor that is doing it.  She is entrusting them with destroying a piece of her.  Whether that baby was conceived because of a horrible horrible tragedy....or if that baby was conceived out of a night of passion, that baby's DNA is without a doubt made up of half of her.

Did you know women who have an abortion are 65% MORE LIKELY to suffer from clinical depression than those who go through childbirth?  How about the rest of these statistics:

• 90% suffer damage in their self-esteem 

• 50% begin or increase alcohol and drugs 

• 60% report suicidal ideation 

• 28% actually attempt suicide 

• 20% suffer full blown post traumatic stress disorder 

• 50% report some symptoms of PTSD 

• 52% felt pressured by others to have the abortion.

Knowing all of these statistics I also now want you to put yourselves into the shoes of a post-abortion woman.  Can you imagine her feelings as she sees these videos surface? Can you imagine what she thought as she saw a doctor she trusted with her body...with her deep dark secret....talking about the procedure as if it was no big deal? Can you imagine her horror as she sees a baby in a dish as they pick it for parts? And then listen to them talk about how much they can get for each part? You see to Planned Parenthood, it's not called a baby.  It's called a fetus.  Just a clump of cells.  It's not a real baby yet, that's why they can abort it.  That's why they can 'end the pregnancy'.  And yet here are people...REAL PEOPLE on these tapes talking about the gender of the baby...."It's a BOY!".....stating flat out that it is in fact a baby.  Every single person on each one of these tapes that surfaced are real live people that a woman somewhere trusted.  She trusted them with all of her thoughts.  With all of her feelings....with her body.  She trusted them when they told her it was a clump of cells.  That is wasn't a baby and that it was ok that she wanted to end it.  Re look at those statistics above  The chances that that same woman is now suffering emotionally are pretty good.  Now on top of the emotional distress she is already feeling about the choice she made, she has to deal with the feeling of being betrayed by those doctors and workers that she trusted.  Can you even imagine? 'Cause I certainly can't.  My heart aches for all the women out there who are having to deal with this.  With this feeling that the doctor they trusted is so insensitive about such an emotional decision.   That that doctor just sits there eating her salad like it wasn't a big deal.  And maybe it wasn't a big deal to her.  It was just another day in the office...but to that mother...to THAT MOTHER it WAS and ALWAYS WILL BE a big deal.  Her life changed that day.  Regardless that fact will always remain...her life was forever changed that day.  Whether she regrets it or not, it changed. Period. 

So don't you see?? Defunding Planned Parenthood was not about whether you are Pro-life or Pro-choice.  It wasn't about if you are a Republican or a Democrat.  It was about all those women out there whose lives changed that day they entrusted these professionals with their lives.  With their secrets.....with their bodies.  It was about the fact that no doctor....no doctor should EVER be caught talking about patients in such an insensitive way.  Those procedures weren't just procedures to most of the women out there.  I can guarantee you that.  I can never know for sure because I have never had an abortion.  But I challenge you to find a women who did have an abortion that says it was just an ordinary day to her.  

America...today....we failed.  We failed to stand up for women everywhere.  We failed to make this company correct it's path....to better it's path.  We failed to make this organization be accountable to their patients.  I would never go back to any doctor or hospital ever again if I ever heard them talk about such an emotional procedure in such a callus way.  Can you imagine the outrage if we caught a doctor talking so insensitively about having to do a breast mastectomy for a woman who has cancer? If we caught a doctor acting like it was just another day in the office and like it was no big deal at all? No because everyone who is ANYONE knows that when a woman has to go through that it is so incredibly emotional.  So why America?? Why are we acting like it is ok that these professionals are acting like this? Put aside the fact of the claims that they are acting illegally.  Why on God's green earth are we choosing to a not make sure these people are held accountable? Why are we choosing to let their President tell us that it's ok and that everyone that thinks otherwise is an extremist? America....we failed women today.....I hope someday we can get it right..... I'm not anti-women.  I'm pro-women.  And by pro-women I mean I care about every single women's well-being.  And Planned Parenthood has chosen to turn their back on every single woman that has ever walked into their doors.  Their feelings are real.  Their emotions are true.  And they deserve to be talked about like those things matter....

Yes America...today we as a nation failed.....

A life without Facebook....

Maybe some have noticed and maybe no one has noticed but I've been MIA from Facebook this past week.  Last Friday I was going through the personal bible study I'm doing (What Happens When Woman Say Yes to God), and after reading one of the questions I heard God quietly whisper to me: "Give up Facebook for a week." My initial thought was "Umm really? Why? That sounds like a pretty trivial thing for me to give up..." But as the day went on, each time I got on Facebook, it was like God was yelling it louder and louder to me.  By the end of the day, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I needed to do it.  For whatever reason, God thought it was important for me to do.  And frankly it hasn't been that hard necessarily.  I deleted all social media apps from my phone to get rid of the temptation to click.  My mind hasn't been bothered by what I'm missing out on.  And as the week is ending, I started wondering why on earth God asked me to give it up.  Was He just asking for me help me learn to say yes to Him more?

Each night after Lyla's in bed I try to head out on a 2 mile walk.  It's become a favorite part of my day.  And tonight seemed to be no different.  I turned on Lauren Daigle's album (which I've been having on repeat lately, seriously an AMAZING album!) and headed out on my walk. Just a few steps in it all came rushing in like a hurricane. (I've also decided to include some photos from my walk, because the beauty of it all tonight stirred something in my heart)

It's no secret we live in a fallen world.  The world screams in our face constantly how it keeps getting farther and farther from Jesus; and clings more closely to sin.  We only get a moment on this earth compared to the eternity that awaits us in heaven.  For some of us that moment is 90 some years.....while others is far far shorter than that.  We don't know when our sweet Jesus will call us home or quite honestly, when Jesus will say enough is enough and return to earth.  

Because of this simple fact, we as the body of Christ need to be more aware of every single person and thing around us.  I wouldn't say I'm addicted to my phone but I sure use it as a boredom thing.  While watching T.V....while nursing the sweet babe to sleep.....while waiting in line at the store....while riding in the car.  It's something for my hands to do and frankly if we all fess up to it, I can pretty much guarantee most of us do the same thing.  But what if while we are staring at our phone or even just simply be so consumed with our own thoughts about our own life that we miss out on a chance to show Jesus to someone.  What if we miss Jesus' sweet whispers to our hearts to say hello to a stranger....to pay for their coffee..... to help them with their groceries...to be a listening ear to an elderly woman who is lonely.... or even the hardest of all to admit: To make sure our kids know they are more important than the phone.  That one is a stinger.  Maci recently heard my phone go off and I was busy with Lyla.  She quickly ran to my phone and brought it to me saying "Here you go mommy..." This sweet 3 year old gave me the realization that I don't want her to think that I need to look at my phone as soon as it goes off.  I want them to see me completely and totally living in the moment.  

Our world is so broken...it's so broken.  So many times I get on Facebook and my heart breaks.  I'm consumed with how so many people I know and love are hurting.  I'm overwhelmed by all the evil and sinful ways of our nation and world.  I'm angered by how it seems sometimes God is just cast aside because we want to do our own thing.  This world is NOT our home and I want everyone I encounter to know that fact about me.  That I don't belong here.  That I may be living in the world but I'm not conforming to it.  Just because we are society of selfishness does not mean I am. Romans 12:2 has been playing over and over in my mind lately: 

"Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing, and perfect will."

When my time on earth is done and I'm standing before our Lord Jesus I want Him to be able to say, "Well done my good and faithful servant." I want that to mean that I took every. single. chance I got to listen to His voice and make this world a better place.  That I smiled a warm genuine smile at every one I met.  That when they saw me, they got to see a glimpse of Jesus in me.  That when God whispered to my heart to strike up a conversation with someone that looked like they needed it, I did it without question.....even if I had no idea who they were.  I want that to mean that my kids saw that serving Christ was my top priority.  That I was a woman who without hesitation said "YES!" to God.  I don't want people to just see it on my Facebook that I love Christ with all my heart, I want it to ooze out of everything I do.  I want them to feel how much I love Him when we are in the same room.

If I'm being real with you all I can honestly say this:  This nation we live in is trying to silence Christians who want to live for Christ and Christ alone.  And because of that fact, it is so important now more than ever for all of us to rise up and make our voices heard.  And by that I don't mean shove it in everyone's face how we are sinning as a nation.  By that I mean let's take a stand and show Christ's love more than we ever have.  Let's say enough is enough and do our best to win every heart for Jesus by listening to God's voice and serving Him like never before.  God needs His army of believers now more than ever.  No one will ever be able to silence my love for our sweet Jesus.  I want to plant seeds everywhere I go that will help win hearts for Him. In the words of Lauren Daigle:  

"So take my everything, my flesh and blood

I'll lay me down on the altar altar

I am forever covered in your love

So let the rain fall hard"

We only get one life.  One life where we have the power with Christ to help every one we meet to have an eternity.  Let's not waste it looking down or at ourselves.  Instead let's live it in the most radically obedient way we can. Let us pray for God to show us ways to serve Him....even if it seems like the most trivial thing to us.  In the bigger picture....it might mean everything to God's plan for that person.  I leave you now with a song that created the fire in my heart.  The fire for us to rise up and impact our world like never before.....

P.S. I'm still MIA from Facebook for a few more days....and frankly if we didn't have people we loved scattered around the country I might give it up for good. However I know there would be people that would miss seeing my sweet kiddos faces ;) See you all in a few! :)