As High As the Sky Mommy!

"HIGHER MOMMY HIGHER!! As high as the SKY!!!"  I hear the sweetest little voice yell out in front of me.  It's become a tradition to hear those words as she's sitting on the swings, but this morning my heart heard them differently.  They seemed to have more weight to them in.....more stillness in them....I wanted to savor that moment more than I had ever before.  She's only 4.5 and yet time seems to be moving far too fast for my mama's heart.  In Proverbs 27:1 it states: "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring" so as we know that no day to us is promised.  We know that we are often told to savor each day as much as we can because time passes too quickly and we don't ever know the time nor the hour when Christ will call us home. And yet the busyness of life happens, and before we know it....we haven't been savoring as much as we should.  And there are moments where we seem to be told that more than ever due to a tragedy having happened.  Whether it's an accident, a disaster, or worse yet....a beautiful young soul being taken far too soon.....

This weekend, if you happen to live in SD or MN, we all heard about that last one happening in one of the most tragic awful nightmare ways possible.  And sadly we hear of things like this happening to kids far too often.  We stop for a few moments and say a short prayer for the family.  We think of how awful it must be for them.  We say that we need to hold our kids more tightly that night....give them an extra kiss.  And then life happens and we forget those feelings we just felt.  One of them just dumped the jug of juice all over the floor while another is having a fit over her shoe not being on her foot.  Or you have asked 5 times for something to be done and all you are getting back is attitude.  Life happens and suddenly we are right back to where we started....our tempers are short again.  We do and say things we regret.  We go to bed again with guilt over how the day ended.  Wondering if they know how much we love them.  How we are their biggest cheerleaders.  How we would do anything for them.  And as we lay there in the stillness of the night, that family comes to our mind again....and we wonder how we could have forgotten that someone somewhere is without there child.  How we should be savoring these moments with ours......

That's usually how my days in the past have gone when I hear on the news of yet another horrible nightmare of a thing happening to a kid somewhere.  But this time...this weekend...it was different somehow.  I don't know the family....I have never met them.  And yet, I can't get that little girls face out of my mind.  My heart hurts often for that mother who just wants one more moment to let her daughter know how loved she is.  My heart hurts for her as I think of how she must be questioning every action and choice she had ever made with her....how she could have stopped it or changed it.  I know that's where my head would be.  After all, we as mothers tend to do it to ourselves on a daily basis even without anything like that happening.  My eyes have felt the sting of tears as I have lifted this family up in prayer.  And as I was crying yesterday after Trav and I had just finished watching a news story on it, I wondered why this case was different for me.  Why I was feeling more than I had ever before with this case.  Besides the little girl not being much older than Maci, I realized it's because this case was a case that could have literally happened to anyone.  Everyone always says you can never see it happening to yourself until it does and yet.....this time I think most parents can see it happening to them....for various reasons...

This morning as I watched my firstborn giggle and squeal with delight on that swing, my heart once again turned to that family.  They won't ever get another moment like this with their daughter.  They won't ever get to see her flash that award winner of a smile.  They won't get to hear the giggles and the pleads for: "Higher Mommy! Higher! As high as the sky!!"  And my heart whispered to my head:

"Savor it Mama.  Savor it with all you've got."  

I don't want my heart to ever forget this morning.  I want my heart to feel the weight of each and every moment.  I want that weight to dictate the words that come out of my mouth.  How I handle each and every situation with our girls.  And when I mess up, because I know I will, I want that weight to lay even heavier on my heart, so that I can make sure I go to my girls and drill it into their hearts how much mama loves them.  I don't want this tragedy to be just another tragedy where I just say: "Hold your kids tighter tonight.  Give them an extra hug and kiss.....savor every moment because tomorrow isn't promised." I want to live it.  I want to breath it.  I want to feel the weight of it.  

So mamas (and daddies) out there, feel this one differently.  Allow the hurt and sadness of it to seep into your souls...into your hearts.  And when it does, let it change you.  Let it allow yourself to slow down and savor each and every moment with your children.  Don't just say the tired old sayings, feel them, breath them, live them.  I'm sure that family would say the same thing.  They don't get the privilege of more time with their sweet one.  And as you take the time to stop and watch your children today, to savor a single moment in time.....think of the Ertl Family.  Pray for them today and everyday.  Because the truth is, unless you've been through it, we can't even imagine the pain they are feeling right now....

So go and savor it Mama.  Savor it with all you've got.

**And if for some reason, this blog gets seen by a member of the family....I want this song to seep into your soul.  You aren't alone.  You aren't walking this road alone....

What seems like the forgotten bible verse....

As Christians we all know the story...a woman who was caught cheating on her husband was brought before Jesus. The law said she should be stoned for what she had done and yet Jesus called out to them what seems to be the catch phrase many like to throw out there from the bible:

"All right but let the one who has never sinned cast the first stone!"

And the crowd dissipated. No one was left to cast that first stone because the hard core truth is that we are all sinners in need of grace.  We are all in need of that one person to choose to not condemn us and instead show us the kind of grace and mercy we are all so desperately searching for.  And I know that Jesus is that one we are all looking for.  Because He is that one that did not condemn this woman.  He did not stone her as the law said.  Instead He said these words to her just a few short verses later.  And these words are where my heart is tonight in the dark quiet of the night...  

"Go and sin no more...."

Go....and sin no more.....GO and SIN NO MORE.  These words have been playing in my mind for what seems like hours now.  They are words that are so full of grace and mercy and yet...at the same time...cut like a knife.  

We are all born sinners.  Not a single one of us deserves the gift Jesus gave to us by dying on that cross so long ago.  Not one of us deserves to be saved and loved the way He loves.  Not one of us deserves the compassion He freely gives us.  NOT ONE.  We all have stories...histories of who we were before Jesus came into our hearts and so radically changed us.  And with those stories and histories comes with a baggage of sin that Jesus so freely takes from us.  And yet....we also all have those sins that we hang onto ever so tightly.  When we first met Jesus we asked for forgiveness.  We laid down those burdens and vowed to do better.  To be better.  But those sins that we hang onto so tightly, each a different struggle than another, those sins keep on creeping in....

We justify those sins.  We make excuses.  We say we will do better next time.  We say we will give it up next month...or next year.  We make promises and vows to never do them again.  When others point out the facts that sin IS sin, we throw out the bible verses about not judging each other.  That everyone is a sinner....and even....John 8:7: let the one who has never sinned cast the first stone...We hold onto these sins so tightly.  And in the dark world we live in, it is so easy to keep holding onto that sin.....Our world is upside down...what is right is now wrong and what was wrong is now right.  What my absolute truth is, is now not the same absolute truth has yours.  We struggle and we make excuses and we justify.....and friends...we forget those very powerful, very real words Jesus said in the next verse....

"GO AND SIN NO MORE.."

He doesn't say justify it...He doesn't say try harder next time....He doesn't say keep asking for forgiveness.....He doesn't say that everyone is a sinner anyway so it's okay....He says:  GO! and sin NO MORE.

We all know what is absolute truth in our heart of hearts.  We all get that feeling that something feels wrong.  We all get that feeling of craving a savior.  And friends....I know who that Savior is that your heart so desperately needs.  That my heart so desperately needs.  When He died on that cross He took all your sins and all your burdens, and paid the price for them.  He laid down His life so that when your take your last breathe on this earth, He won't see all your wrongs.  He won't stone you.  He won't condemn you to hell.  Instead He will see the blood of Jesus all over your beautiful face.  He will cover you in the grace and mercy that you don't deserve but because He loves you so much He paid it all to cover your guilt and shame.  He wrapped you up in His loving arms and forgave you for it all.  

But sweet one, don't you dare forget that next verse. And I feel like I need to make a huge banner of it in my own house, to remind me that there is no such thing as a little sin.  Jesus paid the ultimate price for you because He loves you that much and sees how worthy you truly are.  So you live this life as boldly and confidently as you can for Him. You shine your light brighter than it's ever been for Him.  But you lay down those sins....you lay down those heavy burdens you struggle with, sometimes daily....and then you go and sin no more.  Don't justify them.  Don't let the world tell you that they are okay.  Because Jesus paid it all.  And because He paid it all He is worth all the sacrifices of this life that we make for Him.  He is worth standing tall for Him.  He is worth denying ourselves of those sins we struggle with.  Those sins that feel good.  Those sins that are fun.  Those sins that the world justifies.......

Doesn't mean we suddenly become perfect...doesn't mean we won't mess up...doesn't mean we will never sin again.  But friend, it also doesn't give us the right to knowingly keep doing something that we know is wrong just because we can justify it.  Because when we are justifying it, we are conforming to the world's standards and Jesus deserves far more than that.  He deserves my life.  I owe Him that because without Him....I would be nothing.  I would be beyond help.  Nothing can save me but His love, mercy, and sweet amazing grace.  

Cling to His absolute truth.  Cling to His standard of living.  Cling to what you know in your heart is wrong.  Because no matter what the world tries to say....sin is sin.  And we are all sinners.  And thank the sweet Lord that He gives us the gift we don't deserve.  But because of that gift, we owe it to Him to keep this command the best that we can....

"GO AND SIN NO MORE...."

No justifying....no twisting words.....no ignoring His voice...just simply go and sin no more friends.  You can do this.  You can kick that sin you struggle with on a daily basis to the curb.  Do it.  I believe in you and so does Jesus.  After all, He believed in you so much, that He gave His life......

The Derailed Train...

Devastated.  Hurt. Angry. Bewildered. Confused.  We sat there in the kitchen wondering how it could have ended up this way.  We had heard God.  We knew this was the path He had wanted for us and yet here we sat questioning why if His plans were so good...then why did this one seem to hurt so much?  

It all happened about a year or so ago now.  The job offer that seemed like it would be forever away for Trav landed in his lap.  We knew it was a God thing.  We knew it wasn't by chance that this was happening at that particular moment in time.  It started to make our whole story make sense.  Why our house wasn't selling...why we weren't finding a more permanent place to live other than Trav's manager's house.  We were on what seemed like cloud nine until we suddenly realized we were between a rock and a hard place.  That minor detail of our landlord also being Trav's boss.  Therefore instead of giving the usual 2 weeks notice, we would have to give 30 days notice.  I don't know if it was just us being naive or not, but we didn't think it would matter.  God had brought us this far and we knew He wouldn't leave us hanging.  We knew that in the end He would work it all out.....

Until that day.  That day where our world seemed to crumble.  That day the rug seemed to be pulled out from underneath us.  That day where the train God placed us on seemed to derail fast and hard......Trav had given his notice and wasn't to start the new job for 4 more weeks.  And suddenly just days after walking into their office, Trav was called back in and told that in just 2 days he would have to have his last day....3 weeks early.  Without pay....without insurance.....without a way to support his family.  It cut like a knife.  The anger that was placed in our hearts seemed far more than we could bear.....

"God, your plans for us are good.  You are good! Why doesn't this feel good? Why would you allow this to happen?"

I could tell you all the things that came out of my mouth in those final 2 days of him working there. I could tell you all about the pain we felt.....about all the anger we didn't know how to handle.  But I will spare you those pleasantries.  Because they were far from pleasant as I'm sure you can imagine.....but what I can tell you....what I can tell you is how our good God used those 3 weeks to make sure we knew just how He uses it all for His good.  How He always has our best interests in mind, no matter how much the world tries to break us down to nothing...

You see it was in those 3 weeks that Trav's beloved Papa became fatally sick.  He was in his last few days here on this earth.  His body was failing and it was in that time Trav had off that we got that call.  Because Travis wasn't working, He had the time to go to his dying grandfather's side to give his hand one final squeeze.  He had the time and the freedom to go tell him he loved him one final time.  If Trav would have still been working, I know he wouldn't have been able to have those moments.  And I know those last moments with him mean more to Trav than he will ever care to admit.......It was also in those 3 weeks that we had more than enough time to pack up that house as a family.  I didn't get the luxury of having my husband home when we moved the first time and so it was something I missed out on.  The last time I had to pack up the house myself.....but this time, we got some amazing quality time with him.  He also got to start a week early at Hefty.  God blessed us with that prayer answered.  And because he got to start a week early......we also got blessed with being able to go as a couple to Las Vegas with the agronomists of Hefty.  If he would have started when he was originally scheduled to, he wouldn't have started til the week everyone was already there.  

I'm not sure why this whole situation came to me again today as we were out on an afternoon walk. Maybe it's because we are in yet another situation of questioning what God could possible make good come out of it. Or maybe it's because there's someone who is going to read this that needs to hear it.  Whatever the reason is, I do know this:

God is faithful and true.  He is never changing.  He is the GREAT I Am.  And He has the power to stop any bad situation that may be headed for us.  He could have laid it on those managers hearts to let Trav finish out his time with them.  If He had we would have never had to experience the kind of hurt and anger that we did.  But God also gives every single person on the face of this earth free will.  And we know that since this world is a fallen one, there will be people and situations that fail us.  Things that make us question if God truly is good.  Things that make us second guess if we truly did hear His calling for us.  But friends, when you know without a shadow of a doubt that God has placed you a on certain train.....when you know you heard Him LOUD and CLEAR......don't ever second guess who He is and that He is good and His plans for you are good.  There are gonna be times that train will flat out derail from the tracks.  There will be times that it goes a completely different direction than you thought it would.  But don't you dare let go.  You hang on to that train for dear life.  Because if God placed you on that train, no matter how many bumps and pot holes you hit, it is headed some place good.  It may derail, and your heart may get broken in the process.  But God can take those broken pieces of your heart and turn them around for good.  He can bring good out of anything that the world throws your way.  So hang on tight dear one.....God isn't finished yet...

If this is where your heart is today friend, take a few minute and listen to this song.  Let it bless you, it's like she reached into my heart and wrote a song about what that month was like for us....

It's all going to be okay.....

A blow we didn't see coming happened.  One that left us confused and searching for answers.  We did the only thing we could and knew how to do.  Ask the question why.  Ask for an explanation that would calm are hearts. An explanation that could heal the damage that had already been done.  An explanation that maybe would stop the anger, hurt, tears, feeling of rejection, and betrayal.  We waited.  And we waited...and we waited some more. The more days that seemed to pass, the more it seems like we would never get the answer we were desperately searching for.  Anger was knocking hard on our hearts....I was begging God to see the bigger picture and not let my heart grow cold.  I prayed for the protection of my hubby's own heart as well.  I wanted answers so much it hurt, and if I felt that way I knew he wanted them just as much if not more.

While we are still waiting on that answer, and praying hard we will still get it, God reminded me of the very thing we often seem to forget in times like these.  This world and the people in it will always let us down at one time or another.  There will always be questions that go unanswered.  And even when we do get answers, those answers won't always satisfy our heart.  They won't always heal the anger and hurt that sometimes goes with those answers.  And as we are left in the waiting and wondering, we have the one answer that can heal anything.  The one answer that can calm a desperate heart.  The one answer that we can count on time and time and time again.  The one answer that is constant and never changing.

No matter what happens, we can put our trust and hope in God. He's got this answer and every other answer in HIS hands. No matter what the outcome is, He will never leave us nor forsake us.  It's all going to be okay.

It's all going to be okay.....It's all going to be okay....  Deep breath mama, that screaming toddler you can't get to calm down?? It's all going to be okay......  That job you are waiting on?  It's all going to be okay whether you get it or not..... That test result you are waiting on? No matter what God's got you and it's all going to be okay....  That friend that won't call you back and you wonder why?  It's all going to be okay.....  That raise you are desperately needing and not receiving?? God will provide.....He always has and He always will......It's ALL going to okay....

It's. Going. To Be. OKAY.....

So I don't know where you are at right now in your life.  Maybe you are like us and waiting on some answers to some big whys and you just can't understand why all there is silence.  All you want is an answer to this problem and there's not one in sight.  Friend, take a deep breath with me right now and remind yourself of the only answer that truly matters.  God's got us in His hands.  We won't always get clear cut answers but we do know that He will never leave us and He will always be on our team.  He will always fight for us when we don't have the strength or energy to fight for ourselves.  Our hope and trust is ALWAYS safe in Him.  It's all going to be okay as long as we are clinging to His strong and safe hand.  We won't always get the answers we want from the world around us and that's okay.  Because our God is bigger and stronger than anything this world will through our way.  It won't always be fair...it won't always be just....it won't always be what we need but we already have ALL that we need.  That is our sweet Jesus.  It's all going to be okay.....I can promise because He promises.......

A Chance Encounter

It was our anniversary and instead of out to eat at some romantic place, I was chasing after a lively 18 month old while her big sissy was doing a 45 minute dance camp.  Travis assured me he was going to leave work in time to get there about 15 minutes before it was over, plenty of time before they called the parents in to see what the kids had learned during that time.  I was getting exhausted from chasing Lyla around and getting a tad antsy for him to walk through the door.  Finally just a few minutes after 6 we saw his car whiz into a parking spot.  "FINALLY" my heart wanted to shout.  I was so ready to give him the big anniversary hug I had been waiting for and, if I'm being really honest, let him take over chasing duty for a few minutes.  But as he was starting to rush into the church, a man I had never seen before seemed to call over to him and there they stood in the middle of the parking lot talking.  After a few minutes I was starting to get a tad agitated. In just a little bit they would be asking for parents to head on in and see the literally 1 minute dance number they had been working on.  I texted him...asking what on earth he was doing.  He never checked his phone and he continued to talk to that man as his brow was in a serious state of mind.  I wondered out loud to the woman sitting in front of me what on earth they could possibly be talking about.  "I have no idea who he even is..."  And then I just heard the whisper into my heart: pray. pray for Trav to have the words.  After saying a short prayer, they both started walking into the building.  I looked into Trav's eyes expecting some sort of a clue but instead the gentleman stood in front of me asking if anyone from the church happened to be in there.  I told him no...that the dance company rented it from them but that we could certainly ask Jen when she was done if she went there and knew how to get a hold of someone.  And then as I stared into that man's eyes, they started to fill with tears as he said: "I just really need a lot of prayer right now.  Just a lot of prayer..."  My heart broke at the sight and sound.  Before I could even draw another breath, the woman I just happened to be standing next to said that her husband was going to be a pastor and he would certainly pray with him.   And pray they did, they were still huddled in a corner talking as we were leaving......

Now this could just seem like a really sweet story at first.  Just a random occurrence.  A chance meeting with a stranger who went to a church to seek help.  But friends, it just isn't.  You see I went back and forth on if I should have even signed up for that dance camp.  We went on vacation this past weekend and I knew Maci would still be exhausted from all the lake fun we had.  And normally I would have just skipped over it but I didn't.  I felt like Maci needed to be there.  Travis had left in plenty of time to get there before 6, and yet he pulled into the parking lot 3 minutes after....the exact same time as that man did.  All the other parents were already inside.  No one else showed up after him.  I had been chasing Lyla all over that church and yet for those moments as they were outside, we stayed in one place.  And in that one place I could see that something was happening out there and felt the call to pray over them.  There were also plenty of other parents I could have been standing next to when they both walked in to talk to me.  And yet....I happened to be standing next to the wife of a pastor to be.  

For the past 24 hours now, this man (whose first name is Dan), has been on my mind and heart.  When I went to bed last night, he was there....when I woke up.....when we went on a walk....as we played in the park....at quiet time...at supper time....at bed time.  Friends I have been praying over this man I don't even know asking God to bless him.  Asking God to answer his prayers he so desperately needs prayer for.  Asking God to continue to place people in his path who are going to be willing to help him and pray over him.  And tonight as I was getting ready for bed, God reminded me how perfect His timing is.  How things that could easily be seen as a consequence, aren't.  How God cares about the littlest details.  How one simple encounter with someone could help them in a bigger way than we even realize or know.  

We probably won't ever know what happened to Dan.  We won't ever know if his prayers were answered or if his life changed the way it needed to.  But those short 10 minutes affected me in so many ways......Our world is filled with people like Dan.  People who are hurting.....who are searching for someone to listen to their story and offer their help.  We just have to be open to it and willing to take the time to listen.  Trav could have told him that he was in a hurry and he had to get inside.  But instead, my amazing hubby took the time to really listen to his story and try to figure out someone to help.  I am so proud of him for that....even as I was sending him a 'nagging' text to get inside.  And then tonight as he was again on my heart, I was overwhelmed with God's timing.  That short little story could be so overlooked and seen as just a nice little story.  But oh my goodness that timing was incredible for all those little details to line up. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  If God has you waiting on something friends, He is just waiting for all your little details to line up.  Because no matter what our timing is, HIS timing is perfect.  If Trav would have gotten there when he had wanted.....he wouldn't have met Dan in the parking lot......

In a world that is weeping and losing it's joy daily.....I pray that we will all have eyes that are open to see those that are hurting that we might encounter.  That we take the time to listen...really listen....to take the time to look into their eyes and see their souls that are craving an encounter with Jesus.  Because we can be that encounter for them.  And I pray that instead of getting aggravated at God the next time things aren't happening in my own timing, I remember Dan.  That I remember that God loves me so much He wants every little detail to be perfect.  Because when I look back at how perfectly He did time it......I know I will be standing in awe and praising Him far more than I ever have before.......

Fireflies in the Night

The sun is setting and you are sitting outside soaking up the last few moments of the light before the darkness seems to take over.  Crickets are starting to chirp and the world seems to go quiet as you watch the sun slip away for yet another night.  If you are one of those that live in a small town or in the country, all becomes dark and quiet.  No cars or sirens in the distance.  No street lights making it seem as if it is still daytime.  Darkness has come as another day is over.  But suddenly as you sit there taking it all in, you notice flickers of light.  They may be small and not give off much light but yet their presence is made known.  Even if you aren't looking directly at them, you still see them out of the corner of your eye.  They are bright and shine vibrantly in the darkness.....

While we were living in MN, we saw fireflies on occasion.  But nothing like we have seen since we moved to SD.  Last night as we finished off the few fireworks we had, I stood there in our backyard and I was in awe.  They filled our backyard.  Their little lights flickering constantly.  Making sure the world sees them.  Letting us know that while darkness has fell, they are still there....shining brightly.  

(This isn't our yard, but it sure looks like it)

And as I stood there, I remember how dark the world seems to most of us right now.  So much terror, so much evil.....so much that some days it is hard not to feel like that darkness is going to consume us.  That this world we live in is going to continue to fall into that big black hole and there is nothing we can do to stop it.  Some days we even wonder what the point of trying to let our own lights shine in it is.  We think that because we aren't anyone famous or 'significant' that how we reach out and try to change the world doesn't matter.  I know I have.  Things happen that left us with a huge hole in our hearts.  That made our hearts burn with anger and tears for how far the world has fallen.  Turn on the news for just 5 minutes and you will walk away feeling like its all out of our hands.  That the world is what it is and there is nothing we can do to change it.  And while it is true that we will never be able to stop the darkness from coming, the light that Jesus placed inside of our hearts does matter.  It is significant.  It is something that the world can see whether they choose to admit it or not.

See as I was standing in that backyard and watched the black of the night surround me, I wasn't consumed by it.  What I was consumed by were all those little tiny fireflies dancing around me.  Their light beckoning me to them.  My eyes were drawn to them.  And in that moment the Lord reminded me that human hearts are drawn to the light.  That even though darkness seems to swallow up the world around us, the eyes of the people are drawn to the ones who are still letting their lights shine as brightly as possible.  There are still people out there standing in the middle of the blackest of black night they can imagine, and their hearts are yearning to be drawn to that light.....to be drawn towards hope.  

My heart longs to be like those fireflies.  They don't seem to care that the darkness has taken over, in fact they seem to dance in it.  They don't go and hide until the morning comes.  They don't care if they are small and feeling insignificant.  All they do is just continue to let those tiny lights shine.  I want the world to be drawn to my heart because they see the light of Jesus burning brightly inside of it.  I want them to be reminded that the darkness doesn't have to consume them.  I want them to see the light of Jesus and know that no matter what evil has done to take over this world, there is hope.  There is still good in the world.  All we have to do is to always remember to have our eyes be drawn to the light.  Because that is our instinct.....we just sometimes get lost in the darkness.  We let the night consume us, instead of being drawn to the glowing hearts of those who are still letting their hearts shine brightly. 

You matter in the kingdom of God.  The fire in your heart that burns brightly for His glory is seen.  It is needed in this dark night.  You might not reach millions of hearts.  You might not reach thousands or even hundreds.  In fact sometimes you might think you just reached one.  But that one IS significant to the Lord.  Every single soul matters to Him. So as this darkness continues to fall around us, let that little firefly inside you burn as brightly as the sun.  It might not touch the whole earth, but those around you will be drawn to it.  And it will spread the kind of hope this world needs more of.  The kind of hope that will make the darkness not seem so dark after all.....

      

THE PACT

I remember it like it was yesterday.  Maci was just learning to roll over.  She was still just a little babe and I was still a new mommy.  Still learning the ropes of this whole motherhood thing.  As I was getting her dressed and ready for the day, I had her laying on the couch.  Of course I was sitting right there with her...watching her...talking to her....I had to turn my back for literally a second to grab a pair of pants to put on her that were behind me.  And then...it happened.  The little angel rolled over and fell off the couch onto the hardwood floor.  I remember her screams.  I remember quickly picking her up trying to calm her down as I sobbed along with her.  I remember anxiously dialing my moms number as I cried into the phone telling her what an awful mom I was turning out to be.  How I had failed her.  I was supposed to be keeping her safe and yet here I was barely 4 or 5 months in and I had let her get hurt.  Because of my mistake she was screaming.  Because of my mistake she was going to be left with a bump on her head.  I sobbed into that phone telling my mom how worried I was....that she was falling asleep and I was left with all the nightmares of what might be wrong with her.  What if she had a concussion?!? What if she had a brain bleed? You know...all those normal, rational thoughts a new mom has because her baby is hurt...

My mom calmed me down and continued to reassure me that Maci was probably just fine.  She reminded me that it was her normal nap time anyway.  That all those fears that were playing in my mind were just that....fears.  They weren't true.  She reassured me that, even though I felt like the worst mother in the world at that moment, that I wasn't.  That every mom has that story of the time they failed their kids.  That every mom has that story of when they turned their backs for a second and something happened that could have been prevented.  Because you know what friends? No parent is perfect.  Not a single one of us.  We get up every morning and try our best, and yet there will be those days where our best isn't good enough.  Where our best will seem like failure.  Where our best will be screaming in our face of how we failed them that day.  And yet the next morning we wake up to those angelic faces and they still love us with everything they've got.  They don't see how we've failed.  They don't see how we let them down.  All they see is the best mommy or daddy in the world for them.  All they see is how hard we have tried to protect them.

We are human.  We are flawed.  We get distracted.  We choose to put our attention on something else instead of our kids for a moment...sometimes at the wrong moment.  But that doesn't mean we suck at this parenting thing.  That doesn't mean we don't deserve to be parents.  That doesn't mean we are the worst parent in the entire world.  That doesn't mean our kids will love us any less.

That day in our living room was the first day I ever learned first hand that in a second things can happen to our kids.  That if we aren't watching them every single second of every single day that they have the risk of getting hurt.  But friends, let me admit to you right now that that doesn't mean I haven't messed up since then.  My kids are clumsy and our youngest is a dare devil and loves to push boundaries.  They are ridiculously fast and if they want to do something, they rush as fast as they can to get to whatever that is.  And besides those facts the truth is so simple.  We can't and will never be able to watch them every single second of every single day.  As much as we want to say that we do and can: WE CAN'T.

So friends, fellow parents...can I just be real and honest with you? Can we all make a pact right now? To instead of judging each other...instead of trying to always prove we are better parents than anyone else....instead of going on social media completely saying hurtful, awful, mean spirited things to parents we don't. even. know. (you ALL know what I'm talking about....It's all over Facebook right now and my heart is BROKEN for that family. 99.9% of us weren't there...we don't know what EVEN happened! The things I'm seeing people say and post.....if that were me.....I would be thanking God my son was safe, but I would be so broken.  I clearly would have felt guilty already because of my mistake, but man.......add on top of that the shame the world is putting on me....we need to pray for this mother....we need to pray that Jesus helps heal her heart.  Because of the world's judgments...it would be so easy for her to slip into a black hole....) So instead of all that, can we all make a pact right now to admit we aren't perfect parents? To admit that even though we want to think we are....we aren't.  To make a pact to stop with the judging.  To make a pact to stop all the negative.  To make a pact to band together and encourage one another.  To make a pact to help all the other parents out there see that we all make mistakes.  That we are trying the best we can.  To make a pact to lift each other up instead of tear one another down.  Especially...ESPECIALLY  when we don't know them personally and we don't know the full story.  Parenting is hard. Can I get an amen??  By far one of the hardest things we will do.  Let's not make it even harder for all the other parents out there trying their best.  Let's first put ourselves in their shoes.  Like for real in their shoes and not just thinking with perfect thoughts in their shoes.  Let's all make a pact to stop with the elusion of the perfection of parenting and instead get real about our parenting.  Admit we have all made mistakes.  Because when we are raw and honest about that, we open the door to helping someone who needs that reminder.  We open the door to an honesty the world needs more of.....

In seconds your kids can get hurt.....it's a reminder we can be told of over and over and over again.  And while we always need to be diligent in watching for them and caring for them.....this is also your reminder that we will make mistakes....we will mess up.  Accidents will continue to happen no matter how much you watch them...hopefully never as monumental as a toddler getting into a gorilla exhibit, but even then....it doesn't mean you are sucking at this parenting thing.  It doesn't mean you are the worse mother or father in the world.  What it means is you are human.  You are a normal parent....don't let guilt take over and make you think you are less than you are.  If you are loving your kids and doing the best you can.....you are the best parent they could ever ask for.....Rest in that truth mommies and daddies everywhere... You have a whole community of perfectly imperfect parents everywhere.  We just all have to be willing to admit it to ourselves......