180 days.....

Our life has been one big ole' mess this past month.  Not only have we been doing the whole living apart, praying for a miracle for us to be a family under one roof again.  But we also had our first downright scary health scare with our baby girl.  It made the stress level of our lives skyrocket.  Trav and I both should have been having nervous breakdowns daily.  And in fact, we could have started questioning how much our Savior really loves us.  We could have started asking why on earth He would ever let this all happen.  We could have started wondering if He really is there for us daily and if He really is having our best interests in mind.  Our faith could have met an impasse, and we could have turned our backs on Him.  We could have gotten angry.  So angry we decided to leave Him behind and do our own thing.  It's the easy solution to do really.  To blame Him for it all.  Because let's be honest, in today's world, we are always looking for someone to blame.  But instead we chose to stick by Him.  To lean on Him and to trust Him to get us through it.  Why?? Why would we do it when most of the world says you need the easy way and not the God way?

As of Tuesday we will have been on our current journey for exactly 6 months.  Half of a year.  180 some days of Trav living in a small hotel room out in Canby and us leaving here in Litchfield until our house sells.  180 some days of being a single parent Monday through Friday.  180 some days of sleeping in an big empty bed.  Come on over for a cup of coffee sometime and I will tell you how lonely we both get.  I will tell you about the days I want to cry.  I will tell you about the days I lost my patience with Maci far too soon because I'm just sick of our situation.  I will tell you how badly I want this season to be over for us.  Especially the past month when we are going through something as a family that we shouldn't have to go through.  A time when our family should be closer than ever and together far more often than normal because our baby girl was sick. I could tell you all about the negatives.  The negative list of what we have been going through the past 6 months far out weighs the positives at the moment.  But if you come over for some coffee, after I cry on your shoulder for a little while....I will look up at you and tell you about all the ways we have experienced God in the past 6 months.  I will tell you all about the ways, big and little, we have seen God's fingerprints.  I will tell you all about how much more we as a family lean on Him more than we ever have.  I will tell you all about how much stronger I am because of what He is doing in our lives.  6 long months ago, if you would have told me this journey would have taken this long...I would have told you I don't have the strength.  But here we are, and I have gotten through things I never thought I would be able to. But all the thanks and glory goes to God.  Doesn't mean I don't have days where all I do is cry....doesn't mean I don't have days where me and God aren't on speaking terms...doesn't mean I don't have days where I yell at God and ask Him why...because I do have those days.  And I know God is strong enough to take them.  Any relationship has their good and bad days....but at the end of it all He is still the one I run to.  I can't do anything without His loving arms there to guide me.

I leave you with this one thought to ponder.  It was in my daily devotional and really made me think and have a wow moment.  Maybe...just maybe...it will do the same for you:

"If nothing frightening ever happened, how could the assurance of God's constant presence be the quieter of our fears."

-Praying God's Word Day By Day-Beth Moore