God never promised it would be easy...

We are over halfway done with our 2nd week of Trav living in Canby while Maci and I are living in an overly clean house without him.  It has probably been the longest 2 weeks of my life.  And frankly I have tried to keep us overly busy so we don't have time to really process what is happening.  If I stop and think about it, I mean truly stop and process everything our family has to do in order to be together again, I honestly might have a break down.  And that's not an option for me.....

During this entire life change, from the very beginning, Travis and I have given it all to God.  We have continually laid it down at His feet since the very first phone call was made.  And because we have done that, I think...no I KNOW that is where my strength is coming from.  I'm usually a big worry wart.  This whole ordeal should make me go INSANE from worry.  But every single time one of those nasty what if thoughts tries to enter my mind, I have said, "God take it.  You know what's going to happen.  I trust You..."  And the worry melts away.

Now that doesn't mean the road thus far as been easy.  We all know when God is trying to do good things in our lives Satan looks for any hole he can to work his way into our minds.  He does everything he can to get in there and destroy all God has planned for us. And as much as we have confidence that this life change is part of the plan God has for us, Satan has already tried to stick his nose where it doesn't belong.  And this morning was no different.  Another hiccup arose that could have easily made us say nope that's it we are done.  And to be honest, I was near a break down.  I went into the bathroom, sat down, and let my feelings out.  And then, God reached down and picked me back up again.

It was almost like someone smacked me across the face to be honest.  God never promised me following Him would be easy.  He never promised to hand me everything I ever wanted for me or my family on a silver platter.  In fact in the bible it says many times there will be times of trouble; but that Christ will be by our side and if we trust in Him, He will RENEW our strength.  (Isaiah 40:31)

I know there are people out there going through stuff.  Stressful stuff.  Hard stuff.  Exhausting stuff.  Horrific stuff.  I know there are people out there dealing with things that I can't even imagine, because honestly there is always someone out there going through something worse than your situation somewhere.  And I hope whatever your situation is, you always remember this.  Always remember that God never never promised it would be easy.  He never ever said there wouldn't be some bumps in the road.  But He has promised over and over again that He will be there with you.  He will renew your strength.  He will see you through it even if sometimes it feels like it will never end.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel with God by your side....

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
    whose confidence is in him.
 They will be like a tree planted by the water
    that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
    its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
    and never fails to bear fruit.”  -Jeremiah 17:7-8

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us" -Romans 8:18

Life is too short sometimes...

Death.  It's a hard thing no matter how old a person is.  But there's something to be said about a young person dying.  There is more depth to the grief people that knew the person feels.  The sadness feels a little more heavy.  There's a million more questions of why.  And frankly there can easily be a little more anger. We are supposed to be able to grow up.  Graduate High School.  Graduate College.  Get married.  Raise a family.  Enjoy life until we are old and gray.  And when that doesn't happen...when life throws you a curve ball and someone is gone too soon it just cuts a little deeper.

Yesterday morning the world had another 'too soon too young' person leave this life.  I didn't personal know him but am connected to people that did.  My heart breaks and hurts for all those that loved him.  No words people can say will comfort you in the way you need to be comforted.  Only Jesus can do that....

As Trav and I were getting ready for bed, I looked at him and said, "If you were on the fire department, you would have seen him.  You would have seen a young life gone.  Would you be able to handle that?"  (For those that don't know, Trav has wanted to be on the fire department for a LONG time).  Trav looked away and as he was walking out of the bathroom said, "I've already done that..."

Stupid Chrissy.  Stupid stupid move.  I asked those words without even thinking....Dumb question.

In August 2007 Travis experienced one of his darkest days. We were only 18.  Long story short, Trav drove out to his buddies place in Milan MN to check up on him.  We hadn't been able to get a hold of him for hours and he was supposed to meet up with Trav around lunch time to move into their new apartment.  At around 8:30 that night, Trav found him face first on the living room floor.....he was dead. It's an image that is forever burned into my husbands brain.   We were only 18.  Life isn't supposed to be this way.  We are supposed to be care free and young and having fun.  We experienced all those questions.  Everyone that knew and loved Marshall felt the same extra heaviness that came with his death.  

At 18 years old, Travis, me and everyone else that grieved Marshall learned that life is too short.  We all say that when we hear of someone young dying but when you have lived through that kind of grief.... you say it and actually MEAN it.  That day in August, changed our lives forever.  Trav and I were broken up at the time but you best believe the very next day I got in my car and got to him as fast as I could.  We have been together ever since.  It's sounds cliche but we didn't want to waste one more day of not loving each other.  That day in August, Travis started seeking to know Jesus in a more serious way. God doesn't want tragedies to happen but you best believe He creates all things to work for the good. (Romans 8:28)  Stronger relationships were a big thing that came out of Marshall's passing.  

Bottom line, life is too short friends.  Those of us on this earth that have witnessed first hand a young person's death will tell you that.  And I guarantee you that we aren't just saying it to say it.  Start living today.  And no I don't mean go do crazy things.  I don't mean go jump of cliffs or drink all you can drink.  I mean start living today how you want to live the rest of your life.  Start living your life by being the best possible you.  Don't keep waiting to resolve those tough conflicts.  Don't keep waiting to fix things in your life that need to be fixed.  Don't put off one more day without getting to know Jesus.  He loves you so much and wants to be there for you through all of life's ups and downs.  

To those of you who knew and loved Kris Tanner, I pray you find comfort in Jesus.  There are no words that anyone can say to make you feel better.  Only our sweet sweet Savior can help.  And He's holding you in His arms and crying with you.  

I searched for Kris on FB to see if I recognized him from church.  Of course he has most of his profile hidden, which hopefully most of us do but what I did see there melted my heart a little.  The few status updates I could see, were of him thanking our glorious God for the day.  So go out into the world and be that kind of person.  Thank God every day for the gift of today.  Do something great today, even if it's just a small act of kindness.......and pray for the Tanner family and everyone else that knew this young man.....

Life is too shorts sometimes.  It's just too short....

   

Courage or Comfort: That is the question

God has a way of constantly surprising you.  Every time you think He can't bless you more, He seems to pull out all the stops and leaves your mouth hanging open saying "Wow".  For the past several months, Travis and I have felt very 'unsettled' here.  We have felt like a change was coming we just weren't sure what that change would entail.  It honestly is probably one of the weirdest feelings ever.  A feeling where you know God is at work, but for whatever reason He is keeping it hidden.  All we could do was pray over it.  Pray that whatever was coming, He would prepare our hearts and minds so that when the time came, we would know what He wanted of us.  That we would know the direction we were meant to take our family in.  And after every prayer was the waiting game.

Waiting is hard.  Especially when you can feel something exciting coming but you just don't know what it is.  It's like a kid waiting for Christmas morning.  As a child you know without a doubt your parents put awesome amazing presents for you under that tree but of course you have to wait until Christmas morning to open them.  So instead you sit and dream of every magical thing that could be in those pretty boxes.  My favorite verse about waiting has become:

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope. My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning" Psalm 130:5-6

I knew if we didn't wait IN the Lord, and if we didn't put our HOPE in His word, that the devil could easily put stuff in our path that wasn't God's plan for our lives.  I didn't want to make the wrong decision.  I wanted us to make the best possible decision for our family. 

At first an opportunity came up that we thought might be what we were waiting for.  It involved me going back to work but we wanted to at least give it a shot in case it was our answer to our prayers.  So I applied and then we just continued to pray.  We thought of it as if it was meant to happen God would work it out.  As the weeks pasted though, Trav started talking to a recruiter.  Ryan's job was to find jobs for those in the agronomy field.  Trav knew he wanted to shift his line of work and move up but currently and sadly his current job didn't have that opportunity. Of course, none of the jobs he was interested in were around the Litchfield area.  So again we just continued to pray over it.  Deep in our hearts though, we never thought anything would happen this year.  We thought Trav would have some interviews but in the end, none of them would work out.  

Fast forward a few months and I got offered the job I had applied for.  I was beyond excited.  Yes I would miss my baby girl but I would only be working part time and we so needed the extra income.  Trav had had an interview but we didn't think anything would come of it.  We thought if he did get offered the job, it wouldn't be enough to be worth it to move.  We started getting daycare lined up and thinking ahead to how big of a change this would all be.  But we also thought about what a blessing it was all going to be as well.  

A few days later after accepting my new job we were in the car on our way up to Duluth to take Trav's sister to college.  Trav got a call from his recruiter letting us know that he would be receiving a job offer for us by the following Tuesday.  Ryan told us what the ballpark figure was and what little he knew about the job itself.  We were in total and complete shock.  How could this be happening?? Why on earth would God give us both opportunities when they are so far apart from each other?? And why do we now need to wait 5 whole days before we actually get the offer?? I. Want. To. Know. NOW! But funny, God doesn't always work the way we want it and in the timing we want.  

The next week was a long waiting game.  Each day would end with us not hearing too much and still left in limbo.  Wondering how much our life would change.  Wondering if we would be packing our family up and moving.  Wondering if this really was something God wanted.  I felt like all we both did was pray.  Pray that if it was meant to be Trav would be offered what is fair.  Prayed that God would give us the wisdom we needed to make such a life altering decision.  Prayed that all the stress that was building up would not start ripping us apart.  Looking back I'm sure that was all part of God's plan.  He was and still is teaching us how to fully rely on Him for everything instead of just going by what we want for us.  

Friday 9.7.13: I was in the bathroom getting ready to go out and celebrate my bday with my hubby.  He walked in and said: "Well I got a call today".  Here it is.  The moment I have prayed over for what seemed like months now.  As he described the details they were offering   The job title he would be given and everything that goes along with getting a new job, I couldn't help but have a smile come to my face.  I was watching my husband's eyes dance with delight.  This manager had faith in him.  This manager wanted to give my husband the opportunity to push forward with his dreams.  We quickly figured out that this is what God had been planning for us.  I have never felt so much peace in such a chaotic situation.  Saying yes to this opportunity meant so many more uncertainties followed.  And yet, there we were, grinning ear to ear all weekend as we talked about it all. 

And among all the excitement we had more than that offer to think about.  I was supposed to be starting my new job in a week.  There were so many unknowns still but how could I just act like we were staying forever and continue on with that when I knew in my heart this was it for us and Litchfield in a few months or so.  I couldn't bottom line.  So I had to tell them everything that was going on.  I could either keep everything as planned and work until the house sells, or they could decide to find someone else.  It was their choice.  And I had faith in whatever their decision was because bottom line, I knew when I looked back when all was said and done I would see the work of God.  

We need prayer from all of you.  These next several months are going to be hard.  We have to get our house on the market and sold quickly.  And to get ready for that we need to get everything organized and lots of small stuff fixed up.  Trav will be leaving for Canby MN at the beginning of the month and unless things go super quickly, he will sadly be leaving without us.  Maci and I will be staying in Litchfield until the house sells.  Trav will come home on weekends when he can and unfortunately that wont be much the first several weeks.  He will be starting right around when things go crazy and will be working 6 days a week.  And they will be his long hours just like they were here.  So we need prayer that the house sells quickly (and for a good price at that), that we will find housing for ourselves quickly after that, and that Maci and I will get through these next several months without our main man around.  

With everything that goes with this new chapter in our lives, with all the stress and challenges that we will be facing, it would be so easy for us to decide to not go through with it.  We could just say no, stay in Litchfield and I would just keep the job I was offered.  We could choose comfort.  But sometimes God chooses us to be courageous.  To do something out of our comfort zone so He can bless us.  So He can use us in a greater plan He has for us.  I read a quote in a blog last week that stood out to me.  Gave me more confidence in our decision.

"You can choose courage or you can choose comfort, but you cannot choose both.  They are mutually exclusive" -Brene Brown

Right now, in this moment.  In this challenge God has placed before us, I choose courage.

My husband doesn't like change.  He will be the first to admit it.  So God giving him such an enormous amount of peace is such an incredible blessing.  We can't thank the Co-op here in town enough for everything they have done in the past 5 years.  They are the reason our first home was in this beautiful little town.  There will be so many tears the day we have to officially say good-bye to this place.  We have made lasting friendships here.  We have had so many firsts for our family here.  We created our family here.  We found a church home that was beyond our dreams here.  God blessed us many many times here.  I don't want to think about all we are leaving behind too much because I know we will be back to visit often.  Trav's family is all from the Kimball area, so yes dear friends we will be back often.  

God has been in this journey from the very start.  We have seen all his blessings throughout the whole situation so far.  We know this is a gift from God.  If I didn't tell you this personally, please don't take it personally.  This has been a very big secret in our household.  We didn't want to tell anyone until we knew it was happening and we knew it was God's will.  

Thank you all in advance for your love, your support, and your prayers.  We couldn't do this without all of you.  

With all our love,

The Petty's

Travis, Chrissy & Maci

***Please out of respect for us don't ask where I was offered a job.  Our family, has chosen to keep that private for various reasons.  But I do feel it is an important part in this journey we are on.  God has a reason for keeping me as a stay at home mama, of that I am sure :)

Light in a Dark World

It's 9-11.  A day that no one in America can or will forget.  A day that no matter how old or young you were that day, you remember exactly where you were, what you were doing, who you were with, and what you felt.  Look around at our country and you will see it still affecting us.  It feels like the tragedies have become more apparent since that day.  And therefore it is so easy to look down at my baby girl and think,

"Why did I bring you into this hurting world?"

And then I look at the way her face lights up when she smiles and think "Yep.  That's why".  You see the world is gonna continue to be a hurting world.  There's no way around it.  Terrorist attacks are still gonna happen all over the world.  Hate crimes will still be going on.  Shootings aren't going to stop.  Adults and kids all over the world are still gonna get hurt, be killed, or have other awful things happen to them.  It's not going to stop, because Satan is still around folks.  He isn't going anywhere until God says so, and for whatever reason God hasn't said so yet.

But you see, we need to keep having babies and keep raising them up right so they can be a change in the world.  If my baby girl grows up to change one person's heart, helps one soul get to know Jesus, is an amazing friend to one person, it's all worth the risk of having her in this fallen world.  Because you know what? She's going to be a light in it.  God has big plans for her and I'm so excited to see what those plans involve.  I can't wait to see her impacting her classmates in a positive way when she starts school.  Will I worry about her? Of course every day.  But I will also be praying for her every day.  Praying that she is kept safe.  Praying that she is strong enough to resist temptation.  Praying for all the other people she will encounter.

I can't wait to see what she does when she is in high school, in college, and beyond.  As long as I let God use me to help her know Him fully, she is going to do amazing things.  It won't be easy and there will be times when I don't want to send her off but as long as I put my faith and trust in Jesus, He will help me through it.  He will give me the strength to help her spread her wings and fly......

But for now,in this very moment.....I'm gonna enjoy every second I have with her at home, safe in my arms.  I'm gonna enjoy every sweet innocent look in her eyes.  Because right now, she has no idea what this world is like and for that I so envy her......

You can't see inside a heart....

The past few weeks I've been feeling pretty blessed.  I have a husband who loves me unconditionally. A daughter who thinks I can do anything.  A house, food, a car.  A God who is there for me even when I don't feel like it.  A support system of some pretty awesome family and friends.  What more could a girl want?? Sure we could use more money to pay the bills, but who couldn't these days?  Overall we are a pretty blessed family.  I try my best to thank God every day for all He has given me, even on the hard days.  But then tonight, I watched a video about what we would see if we looked into people's hearts and it touched me.  It touched me so much because right now, I know so many hearts who are weeping.  I know so many hearts who are aching.  And I guarantee you all walk by hearts like those every day, and you don't even know it. 

See in America, in the culture we are all growing old in, we are taught to hold it all in.  Act like we have it all together and need no one's help.  What do you do when you greet someone? You say, "Hey how's it going?" or "Hi, how are you?" And what is always our response?? "Good.  You?" or "It's fine" or "eh it's going".  No matter how we are feeling in our heart, we rarely say the truth.  Why? Because we are raised in a culture where they teach us that that person asking really doesn't care.  How many times have you asked someone how it's going, when you know darn well they are struggling, and secretly you are praying they just say fine and move on because you don't have the 'time' to listen. Or you won't know what to say? I promise almost everyone reading this has done that very thing at one point or another.  Because in America we get too darn busy worrying about ourselves to reach out sometimes.  It's true.  We all do it.  Right or wrong we are human and it's in our nature. 

But the thing is folks, the real question we need to ask ourselves is honestly, "What would Jesus do?" And it sounds so clique and so overused but it's so the truth.  We were made in God's image.  And if we were made in His image, we need to strive to be like Him. To try our very best on this earth to do what He would do.  Say what He would say.  Listen like He would listen.  It's not easy and we are gonna fail sometimes.  We really are gonna be too busy sometimes, and if that's the case, make it a point to reach out as soon as you can.  Because folks, I know way too many people hurting right now.  I know way too many people with broken hearts.  I know way too many people suffering.  And chances are....you do too.

Right now I can tell you with 100% certainty that somewhere on this earth, there is a dad who is working hard to overcome his addictions so he can be complete and whole and be with his family again. There is a man who has just been told he has months to live.  There is a mom who is watching her child go through so much hurt and pain that she just so badly wants to take it away for him.  There is a mom who is trying to keep it together for her kids when she just wants to fall apart.  There is a man who never thought he would get a divorce, having to do just that.  There is a husband and wife out there who are watching all their friends and family get pregnant, and they have been trying for months if not years and it's still not happening for them.  And the list goes on....

I'm sure you could fit people you know in your own life into some of the above.  Because these hurts are not uncommon.  In fact they have become very common because we live in such a broken world.  But just because they are common doesn't mean every story is the same.  Dig deeper into the hurt and every story will be different.

If we are all made in God's image, they why don't we start acting like it.  Why don't we as Christians stand up and say enough is enough. I'm not just gonna say I care, I'm gonna start showing it to anyone and everyone around me.  We need to start opening our eyes and see the needs of those around us.  See their hurt and in Jesus' love do what we can to show them His love. 

I challenge you in the next week to start really listening to people.  Take the time to hear their heart.  To see inside their heart and everything they are going through.  Everyone wants to know someone cares about their story.  God does, but He needs us to help show them.  Sometimes all it takes is a simple hug, a cup of coffee, a listening ear, or someone to just say, "It's gonna be ok.  We will get through this."

And remember, you don't always know what someones going through.  So when you walk by that stranger...always say hi and smile.  It just might brighten their day....even if for just a moment.

"He comforts us in our troubles so that we can comfort others.

When they are troubled,

we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us."

-2 Corinthians 1:4

If you are hurting, may this song give you peace in knowing there is a God who is so badly wanting to help you.  This song brings tears to my eyes every time.  Enjoy. Praise Him.  Worship Him.

Hardest Job of all..

Let's face it.  Motherhood is hard.  Period.  End of Story.  Any mother will admit that to you if you truly ask.  And if they say it's easy, chances are they are lying to you.  Every time you think  you've got it all figure out and under control, the little dears switch it up on you and throw you for a loop.  You find ways to worry about them even when they are completely 100% fine.  Once you get through 1 stage, you are headed right into a new one.  It might be one that gives you a break, or it might be one that makes you want to scream and count down the minutes and hours until bedtime or nap time.  (Which by the way, those 2 times are sacred in our home.....completely and totally sacred :) )

We have been so unbelievably blessed with Maci. She has been such a good baby overall since birth.  Always has a smile for anyone willing to accept one (and even those that turn away grumpy, which rarely happens), listens to instructions (most of the time), and overall just has such a happy attitude.  We know how blessed we are and we get asked quite often if she is always smiling.  With that being said.....she isn't.  She isn't always smiling and we go through those awful stages just like everyone else. Maci just so happens to be like me when I was little.  To everyone else I looked so sweet and innocent, but trust me with my parents I could totally be a different story. Right mom? :) To the rest of the world Maci looks to be like a breeze, and most of the time she is.  But when the doors close in our home sometimes, we do get the screaming and tantrums.  The attitudes where nothing makes her happy and the buckets of tears.

This past week we are knee deep in a stage.  It could be she has just hit a point where she is realizing she can't always get what she wants or it could be that we are working on our last few teeth.  Yep girl only has 3 more left before her 2 year molars in the winter.  And can I just say she started out with only 2 teeth in January.  Yea just think about that.....10 or so teeth in a matter of a few months.  Mommas out there just feel my pain for a moment ;). 

The past few days have been difficult to say the least.  There has been screaming and whining and crying....from both of us.  There are times when I cry with her from being so exhausted with the day of fighting her on everything she knows she shouldn't be doing.  There are times when I want to just sit in the bathroom and lock the door.  And then there are times when daddy gets home and neither one of us can get to the door fast enough.  We have tried different outings and activities and she isn't satisfied with any of it.  She just going through a phase and I keep reminding myself of that.  But it's just so. hard.

But then out of no where God uses this little angel faced baby to speak to me and teach me something to simple that I sit there amazed.  Yesterday I was trying to get something done that I felt the Lord telling me to do.  As we were rushing around the house trying to leave after a rough start to the morning I couldn't find Maci's other shoe.  When you are already frustrated something so little can just send you over the edge.  I kept repeating "Maci find your shoe....Maci find your shoe." The poor girl just kept staring at me and to be honest it was making me more irritated.  Finally I said in a pretty gruff voice from being so mad that I couldn't find the stupid thing, "Maci! Find your shoe!" She looked at me puzzled and calming bent over to pick up the other shoe I was looking for....that was RIGHT in FRONT of her!  I sat down and started to laugh and she proceeded to laugh with me.  I felt so stupid.  What I was looking for all along was right there.  I gave my sweet babe a hug and kiss and off we went.

I didn't give much thought to that moment again until this morning on our walk.  It popped up into my mind again and then I heard His voice.  And once again I laughed at how simple the answer was.

"Daughter, I have all the answers to your life.  All the solutions to your problems.  If only you would remember that always.  There would be no reason for frustration and anger, if only you would trust me always."

I then just pictured Maci's face in that moment when she was like "Mom DUH!! The shoe is right here!"  And then I pictured God's face when He sees us searching so hard and He knows the answer.  All He wants from us is to ask.  All He wants from us is to trust in Him.  All He wants from us is to love Him.  It's such a hard one to do in such a rush, impatient, do it on our own world.  But if we did more leaning and trusting and asking on Him, our lives would be so much simpler! 

"Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting You.  Show me where to walk, for I give myself to You."   -Psalm 143:8

I'm gonna leave you with this video.  Music touches the deepest part of me and this is one of my many favorite songs by Chris Tomlin.  Right now it makes me think of a very special family to our family that is going through some super tough stuff.  Always remember that when you think you have it bad, there is someone else out there who is going through something worse than you are.  If that's you, may this song give you comfort.

Have a Little Faith...

We can all sit here and say we have faith and trust in the plans that God has laid out before us but how much do we 100% believe that and not worry one bit about what the consequences will be or if it's going to happen when we want it (which usually is right now)? Honestly it's so easy to say that we trust the Lord with our right now and our future.  It's so easy to say we have faith in Him that He will come through with all He has promised us.  But frankly there are probably very few times where we haven't even given it a second thought.  Where we had so much faith and trust in Him that we just did or said what He wanted us to without a second thought.  We are all human and it's in our nature to question and think it over.  Especially if it's something outside of our comfort zone or something we really don't want to do, or even something that scares us.

Right now our family is waiting on so many questions that have no answers.  We know God will get us where we want to be in His timing but it's so hard to wait when you so badly desire something.  While I was in the shower this morning, dreaming the dreams we have been praying and begging for; God put a memory in my mind where I had 100% faith and trust in Him where I didn't even question it.  I think of this memory often because it is so dear to me but I never thought of it in such a way that would give me so much hope in all areas of my life.

Those of you who are close with us know I had one very long tiring labor with Maci.  I woke up the day before she was born with contractions at 4:00 am and then eventually they went away until 1:00pm that day.  We went to the hospital that night and in the end I was in labor for 25 hours with over 4 hours of pushing.  At about 1:30 pm the day Maci arrived, the doctor came in and told me that he needed to start prepping me for a  c-section since my water had broke about 12 hours prior and things weren't progressing the way he had hoped.  Now if you know me at all, you know that it's very hard for me to stand up for myself.  Especially to a stranger.  I always worry about how people are viewing me.  But at that moment when he was telling me what I so badly didn't want to happen, it was like someone else entered my body.  Travis to this day still tells me how much he was shocked by how I acted at that point.  (As a side note, I"m a baby when it comes to pain ect so 'normal' Chrissy would have just wanted it all to be over) Instead of saying ok to something I didn't want to happen and becoming a basket case, I looked in that doctor's eyes and said, "No I CAN do this."  He proceeded to tell me about possible complications that could arise if we didn't, ect.  I looked at my nurses and at my sweet husband, then looked back in the doctor's face and asked how long he would give me.  "I'll give you 20 minutes, and then we need to do a c-section."  My response?

"I can do this.  God's on my side."

Within 2 contractions our sweet baby girl who was being so stubborn on coming out was out in my arms and crying away.  Still brings tears to my eyes as I think back on that moment.  I know the Lord was whispering in my ear, "Daughter trust me.  I've got your back.  I will make sure you are both safe.  You CAN do this.  Trust.  Have faith." 

I did not think twice about what needed to be done in that moment.  I trusted the Lord would take care of us and I had faith that He would fulfill what He told me would happen.  God knew how much I didn't want a c-section.  He knew about how much the idea of it scared me.

What does this all have to do with my every day life? I need to start having that kind of faith and trust in Him EVERYDAY.  I need to stop questioning why not now.  I need to stop trying to make it happen in my timing.  I need to stop fighting it when it's something I don't want to do.  When I need to say or do something in His name, I need stop being so scared about what the reactions of others will be.  I need to start living with total and complete faith in Him.  No questions asked. 

"Then Jesus told them, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don't doubt, you can do things like this and much more.  You can even say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea' and it will happen.  you can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it."                                                                                                                Matthew 21:21-22