When we say "I'm fine" when we really mean: "I'm not ok..."

"Hey! How are you?"

"I'm fine.  How about you?"

"Good!"


This is a conversation that happens daily in everyone's life.  You see someone you know on the street, at the store, at church...wherever.  You both smile and do the generic conversation.  I say generic because let's be honest, how many of us truthfully answer that question? How many of smile and say we are fine when really we are weeping and screaming inside? And how many of us on the flip side ask the question hoping and expecting the person to just give the generic response? I'm fine, good, ok..... When we ask the questions are we being sincere about it? Or are we just asking because it has become the normal in our society?

Why do we do this to ourselves? When we don't admit to others that we are hurting it is only hurting ourselves more.  It only does to more damage than good.  The bible says that God works best in our weakness, therefore we  should boast about our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9).  So when we are weak, when we are hurting....why do we try so hard to conceal it? To try and make it seem like we are doing fine and good with whatever life is currently throwing at us? Instead of replying with the generic ok, fine, good; we need to starting saying honestly how we are doing.  If we aren't doing fine or good, then we need to respond with: "Right now we are really struggling.  This is isn't as easy as I thought it would be.  Could you please pray for us?"  Or if life is really good and wonderful say that and why you are so blessed in that moment.

And on the flip side, when we ask those words to others, "How are you?" we need to stop asking so scripted .  We need to start asking with heart and compassion behind it.  We need to start letting the person know we are truly asking because we care about them and want to know how we can help them.  And if someone does respond with "I'm not ok....this isn't easy.  I'm hurting..", we need to really listen and take action! Maybe it's stopping right then and there and praying over them.  Maybe it's making a note and a point to pray over their family in our own quiet time.  Maybe it's asking them to go out and have coffee.  Maybe it's making it a point to go out of our way to make their day brighter.  When they tell you of a need, help fill it.  Help show them Jesus.

I struggle so hard with both sides of this.  God is working on my heart hard the past few weeks telling me that it's ok and better to be weak, because in Him I am strong.  Instead of telling everyone I'm doing fine, I need to start saying "You know this is really hard.  I didn't think it would get this hard.  I didn't expect to cry this much.  I'm not as strong as I've been pretending to be." And on the flip side of that I too do the generic "how are you?' when I'm greeting someone because it's the thing to do.  I need to start asking with more heart and compassion.  I need to start really listening to people and help them in their time of need.  Life is busy and it's hard.  It's so easy to get caught up in our own circumstances that we forget to see the needs of those around us.  But God calls us to rise up and be different than this world. (Romans 12:2)

With this I challenge each and every one of us to start seeing this question as more than a generic question.  To start asking with the intention to really hear how the other is doing.  And to start answering with truth and transparency.  What do you think? Can we do it? I know with Christ we can and maybe....just MAYBE it will be one small change to our lives to start showing more of Jesus in this sad and broken world.....

Below is just a little Matt Redman to start your weekend off right :) 

That unsettled feeling...

Last spring and summer I had this deep pit in my stomach.  Not necessarily a bad pit but a very unsettled pit.  A feeling that something was going to happen....that our lives would be changed in someway, shape or form.  Trav had been talking about finding a new job for quite awhile but it was just that: a lot of talking.  Until one day he let me know that he had decided to touch base with a recruiter to help him find exactly the job he was looking for.  Not long after that everything got very real.  Jobs were being discussed.  Jobs that we had to decide if it was a good fit or not.  Jobs that weren't in the area and that all required us to move away from Litchfield.  I knew deep down that this wasn't just talk anymore.  I knew a change was coming and I knew eventually Trav would be accepting a job; one that he would love. 

I told Travis more than once I knew it would happen soon; I could feel it deep inside.  You see that unsettled pit, in my mind, was the holy spirit's way of saying "Daughter it's coming and you need to prepare your heart.  I'm going to bless your husband with some thing he has wanted for some time now." Little did I know, this little something would require a great deal of sacrifice and strength from me.  Little did I know I would have to 'sign on' to being a single mommy 5, 6, sometimes even 7 days a week.  But I knew above all else I loved and trusted my husband as well as Jesus with my life.  I knew as long as they both were pointing the same direction that we would all be fine.

Here we are 7 months later.  Some days are good and some days are bad but I'm still trusting Jesus with this crazy chaotic life and I know He is working it all out.  But lately, I have been having that unsettled pit again.  That feeling of something changing.  That feeling of God preparing something behind the scenes for us.  It's a strange feeling, one that I totally can't explain in words.  Some nights I feel like we are visitors in our own house.  Like we don't quite belong here anymore.  Like our lives aren't here anymore.  But even though I don't 100% know for certain that means our house is going to sell like ASAP, I am hearing that still small voice again.  "Daughter it's coming and you need to prepare your heart...."

Maybe you  have that still small voice inside of you that is making you feel unsettled.  Whether it's an exciting unsettled feeling or a scary one, I promise you that God is behind the scenes working on it.  It might take longer than you 'planned' for or it might be faster than you 'planned' for, but either way God's timing is perfect.  And through it all He will be beside you holding you up when you need it.......

"The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me.

I will protect those who trust in my name.

When they call on me, I will answer.

I will be with them in trouble.

I will rescue and honor them.

I will reward them with a long life

and give them my salvation.'"

-Pslam 91:14-16

Someone shared this song on Facebook earlier today and I am now in love.  He will never fail...

Trials Come So That....

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work in you SO THAT you may be mature and complete not lacking anything."

-James 1: 2-4

Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials. Pure joy? How on earth can we look at any and all trials and take joy in them? How can we go through something that makes our hearts heavy and consider it joy? And why on earth would God ever want that from us? Does He take delight in seeing us suffer? Of course not so why, WHY should we consider it joy? This verse alone has so much depth to it and honestly it has been one that has helped me get through these past several months.  But I don't think I fully grasped all it truly had to offer me until this very week.

For the past month now I have been working through the book, "Living So That" by Wendy Blight with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies.  It is an incredible book and one I hope you will read one day.  This week the topic is: Trials Come So That.  Every week we have a memory verse to go along with the study, one that includes a SO THAT.  And my mouth dropped open when I saw that this week James 1:2-4 was our memory verse.  I have come to hold that verse so close to my heart for the past 6 months or so.  And I have no doubts in my mind that I was meant to be pouring my heart over that verse every day this very week.  You see, we are coming up on 7 months of our family living apart.  7 months!!! I could have never imagined we would still be in the place we are in. I would have never imagined God would decide to make us live with our 'trial' for 7 long tiring months.  And these past couple of weeks I honestly thought He would show up and let everything just fall into place.  That we would be moved and living our happily ever after again.  But here we are, no offer on our house and still living in 2 separate places. And as much faith as I still have that our house will be sold soon, this week has been a hard one.  

Honestly I've been trying to stay upbeat and super optimistic for the past several weeks now.  I've been trying not to say "if" anymore but "when".  I've been packing up our belongs and getting into the mindset that soon we will be saying good-bye to our loved ones here in Litch and we will be on our way to start our new life.  But this week, man it's been tough.  I kept trying to consider it pure joy but then yesterday, I just couldn't anymore.  I was down in the dumps and just plain sad.  My heart hurt and I thought "God I can't keep being happy about this.  I can't say "when" today God."  So Maci and I loaded up in the car and headed out to meet the hubby for supper halfway.  And when we had to leave, Trav and I both looked at each other and without saying a word we could look into each other eyes and see how much it hurt to be saying goodbye.  That's not considering it pure joy now is it? 

Then this morning I opened up that sweet book I've been reading and it had me read the story of Lazarus.  (John 11:1-45)  And then God blessed me with a new outlook.  You see Martha and Mary asked Jesus to show up and save their brother.  They asked Him to come and heal him so He wouldn't die.  But instead Jesus waited...He waited until it was too late in Martha and Mary's eyes.  Because by the time Jesus did come, Lazarus had been dead a few days already.  Martha and Mary of course were beside themselves. Their brother died and Jesus didn't come like they asked.  When Jesus saw how upset they were do you know what He did? He wept with them.  He cried with them.  Why? Because He LOVED them and didn't want to see them hurting.  He knew the outcome but He still didn't like seeing their hearts hurt.  In verse 40 Jesus says, "Didn't I tell you that you would see God's glory if you believe?" And with that He asked Lazarus to come out.  Can you imagine Martha and Mary's faces?? They thought it was too late!! They thought they would never see their brother alive again! And there he was in front of them, Jesus had rose him from the dead.  You see Martha and Mary thought it was over.  Probably also that Jesus had forgotten about them and left them there to suffer.  But instead Jesus did more than they could have imagined and because of that all those onlookers who were watching came to be followers of Jesus.  

"....the trials and sufferings that enter into our lives come to bring about the glory of God and to point others to Him."

We can learn so much about trials and sufferings from this story.  We must consider it pure joy because we know that God is always going to win, He is always going to be there for us, and glory and honor will always come to Him through it. But that doesn't mean it won't be hard.  It doesn't mean we can't weep sometimes.  It doesn't mean we can never let God see how much it hurts because friend, He sees in our hearts how much it hurts and He weeps with us.  But let's not forget what's on the other side.  Let's never forget that in the end God will get glory from it.  Through our sufferings we will bring others to Christ.  God will use our trials and through us others will be able to get through whatever they are also going through.  God is at work during our sufferings, maybe behind the scenes but He is at work so that all glory and honor will be His. 

Going against the grain

Going against the grain isn't normal.  It isn't our natural instincts.  It's hard and sometimes painful.  The bottom line is it screams that we are different.  We aren't going with the crowd.  Aren't doing what the 'cool' thing is.  Think back to high school and you will remember quite clearly who was 'going against the grain'.  You will clearly remember those that were different. They weren't like everyone else.  Sadly, more than likely, they were probably mocked and made fun of at one time or another.  They didn't blend in.  Those that blended in went with the tides.  Went along with the rest of the crowd.  It didn't mean they agreed with everyone else, it just meant they didn't want to stand out. They didn't want to be different.

Life as an adult hasn't changed much.  We are so quick to try and blend in with the customs of the world and the way they all think life should be done.  We are afraid to offend anyone.  Always have to be politically correct because even if it goes against our beliefs it doesn't matter if it will hurt someone else.  And of course that's true to a point, to a point. But Jesus, a man who we will celebrate this week for dying for us all, He didn't ask us to blend in.  He didn't want us to be so afraid to offend someone that we don't spread His word.  He wants us to shine and stand out bold and proud of who we are in Him.

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and PERFECT."

-Romans 12:2 NLT

God reminded me of this verse and convicted me tonight.  This winter, I felt Him tugging at my heart to go out and pray over our for sale sign.  It was -20 some below out and I said, "You have GOT to be kidding right? No way!"  So I didn't....I went on with my life and left it alone.  Just recently the thought came into my head as well as a dear family friend suggesting we start walking around our house praying over it.  So this time I said "Ok God....I'll listen." The first day I did it Trav was standing next to me and I felt comfortable doing it.  I felt strong and secure doing it.  Confident.  Tonight though....oh tonight I am all by my lonesome.....and let me tell you friends, I truly felt alone.  Suddenly I felt like our whole neighborhood was staring out there window at the crazy lady standing with her hand on her for sale sign with her eyes closed.  I felt awkward and like they were all judging who I am.  I will tell you right now, I felt like I should be kneeling outside praying and I didn't.  Not too long after I had started at the sign I quickly decided to just start walking around the house.  And I still felt judged and watched.  I felt different than everyone else.  I felt like the uncool kid in school.  Now let's be honest, were all my neighbors staring out their window? Probably not.  Were they all thinking how crazy I was? Probably not.  But even if they were why should I care? It clearly states in Romans 12:2 that we shouldn't be like this world because friends we aren't of this world.  Our home and world is with Jesus in heaven.  We need to stop worrying about what the world is seeing and start thinking about what GOD is seeing.  It is so. dang. hard.  I know it trust me I do.  But I also tell you what friends I pray, I pray to God, that someday...some day soon...I will be so confident in who I am in Christ and be kneeling outside in front of our house with arms raised praising Jesus and begging Him to sell our house.  I pray I find strength in the fact that what HE  sees is all that matters.  I pray that if my neighbors happen to look out while I am out there that they will want to come ask me what the heck I am doing so I can have the opportunity to speak the sweet word of Jesus to them and tell them who He is.  Because I am not only out there praying for our house, I am out there praying for our neighborhood that God will bless it fully and richly.  

Let's stop going with the tide and start going against the grain.  Trust me it feels weird and hard at first....but with time I trust that Jesus will change my heart to see that  HIS opinion is the only one that matters as long as I am obeying what He asks.  And with that I say: Are YOU up to the challenge? 

180 days.....

Our life has been one big ole' mess this past month.  Not only have we been doing the whole living apart, praying for a miracle for us to be a family under one roof again.  But we also had our first downright scary health scare with our baby girl.  It made the stress level of our lives skyrocket.  Trav and I both should have been having nervous breakdowns daily.  And in fact, we could have started questioning how much our Savior really loves us.  We could have started asking why on earth He would ever let this all happen.  We could have started wondering if He really is there for us daily and if He really is having our best interests in mind.  Our faith could have met an impasse, and we could have turned our backs on Him.  We could have gotten angry.  So angry we decided to leave Him behind and do our own thing.  It's the easy solution to do really.  To blame Him for it all.  Because let's be honest, in today's world, we are always looking for someone to blame.  But instead we chose to stick by Him.  To lean on Him and to trust Him to get us through it.  Why?? Why would we do it when most of the world says you need the easy way and not the God way?

As of Tuesday we will have been on our current journey for exactly 6 months.  Half of a year.  180 some days of Trav living in a small hotel room out in Canby and us leaving here in Litchfield until our house sells.  180 some days of being a single parent Monday through Friday.  180 some days of sleeping in an big empty bed.  Come on over for a cup of coffee sometime and I will tell you how lonely we both get.  I will tell you about the days I want to cry.  I will tell you about the days I lost my patience with Maci far too soon because I'm just sick of our situation.  I will tell you how badly I want this season to be over for us.  Especially the past month when we are going through something as a family that we shouldn't have to go through.  A time when our family should be closer than ever and together far more often than normal because our baby girl was sick. I could tell you all about the negatives.  The negative list of what we have been going through the past 6 months far out weighs the positives at the moment.  But if you come over for some coffee, after I cry on your shoulder for a little while....I will look up at you and tell you about all the ways we have experienced God in the past 6 months.  I will tell you all about the ways, big and little, we have seen God's fingerprints.  I will tell you all about how much more we as a family lean on Him more than we ever have.  I will tell you all about how much stronger I am because of what He is doing in our lives.  6 long months ago, if you would have told me this journey would have taken this long...I would have told you I don't have the strength.  But here we are, and I have gotten through things I never thought I would be able to. But all the thanks and glory goes to God.  Doesn't mean I don't have days where all I do is cry....doesn't mean I don't have days where me and God aren't on speaking terms...doesn't mean I don't have days where I yell at God and ask Him why...because I do have those days.  And I know God is strong enough to take them.  Any relationship has their good and bad days....but at the end of it all He is still the one I run to.  I can't do anything without His loving arms there to guide me.

I leave you with this one thought to ponder.  It was in my daily devotional and really made me think and have a wow moment.  Maybe...just maybe...it will do the same for you:

"If nothing frightening ever happened, how could the assurance of God's constant presence be the quieter of our fears."

-Praying God's Word Day By Day-Beth Moore

When God speaks on your date...

Looking at the calendar I can't believe tomorrow is April. March has completely flown by and I don't even really know where it went.  I take that back, I do know where it went.  The past 2 weeks have been utter chaos from our usual chaos.  With Maci in and out of the hospital, that's where March went.  And I will be quick to admit that I am so ready to bid goodbye to March and hello to April.....

This weekend however my man and I got a rare outing with each other.  We honestly couldn't even remember the last time we got to go out on a date and just enjoy one another.  It was something both of our hearts and souls were yearning for.  I was like a giddy little school girl going on her first date.  Going out with that man still brings my heart far more joy and happiness than I could ever imagine.  And with the weight of everything we've had to deal with over the past several months, including Maci's illness and living apart, it was far more needed than either of us could imagine.

First up on the agenda, going to a movie.  Usually it's dinner and then a movie.  But we decided to take advantage of matinee pricing and do it the other way around.  And boy am I glad we did.  The movie we went to had so much awesomeness in it, we needed dinner to talk about it all.  Can you guess what we went to? If you guessed "God's NOT dead" then you would be right.  And frankly I can't even describe into words how that movie made me feel.  I laughed, I cried, I got angry.  Every single emotion our minds have I felt at one point in those 2 hours.  If you haven't seen it, you really need to run and I mean run to grab a friend and head to the theater to see it.

Now there were lots and lots of profound things said during the whole movie.  And I would bet that every single person who walks out of the theater afterwards will have 1 moment that they felt God was talking to them during it.  That's just how awesome it was.  I too of course had one of those moments....

As most of you know, Trav and I are currently living apart during the week.. until our house sells.  It sucks, its hard, it brings lots of challenges and tears. And frankly the last 2 weeks have been the hardest.  Sure the world can tell us there are easy fixes to our problem.  The biggest one being we need to rent out our current house and just move.  And our response to that has always been, "We just aren't there yet.  We wholeheartedly believe we are on God's path and that's not what He wants for us." And a lot of the time we get strange looks.  Or the looks of disagreement.  Or the looks of puzzlement.  And you know what? That's ok with us because we answer to God not man.  God has our best interests in mind and until we hear differently from Him, we need to follow the crazy life He has for us.  We've believed in this plan for almost exactly 6 months now, and God used this movie to reaffirm everything for us.

At one point the missionary said to the pastor, "We've spent our WHOLE lives talking about faith, now let's start SHOWING our faith". We can say all we want we have faith God will provide for us, that He will take care of us..ect.  But the real question is, how often do we show the world we have faith? How often do we get the chance to show our faith in a big way? How often do we have to blindly go down a path and have no idea where the path will end or WHEN it will end? The hardest time to continue to have faith in what God wants for us is when the rest of the world sees an easier path.  And just because it's easier doesn't always mean it's the right way.  And right now, in this moment, God is telling us to wait on Him, and show our faith by knowing without a doubt that our house will sell.  By the end of the summer we will be together as a family again.  If I don't 100% believe that than I'm not living out my faith.

Is there a part of your life where God is asking you to show the world your faith? How much you are fully relying on Him to take care of it and trusting Him with it? If there is, let me know so I can pray with you and for you in it.  And in return continue to pray for our family.  That God will move in a big way and we will give Him the glory.

"Faith expects from God what is beyond expectation" 

-Andrew Murray

"Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, 'Why could we not drive it out?' And He said to them, 'Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; nothing will be impossible to you'".

-Matthew 17:19-20

Will you join me?

For the past week I have been surrounded by family, and doctors and nurses.  So when my parents left yesterday afternoon I didn't expect to feel so...well lonely.  I didn't expect the ache that would come and settle in.  I should be used to it just being Maci and I during the week. I mean, we've been doing it since October when Trav first got his job out in Canby.  But instead of jumping back into our regular routine, we can't...Maci still needs to get better and not be out and about where tons of people are.  So doing our usual stuff is out of the question.  No heading to the store to grab a quick few things, no heading to a friends house where there are children, no going out to eat.  None of that until next week sometime.  Thankfully tonight a dear sweet friend of mine is coming over to help ease the loneliness a little and tomorrow we get our hubby and daddy back for the weekend.  And after all that happened this past weekend it got me thinking about our world today and how little we really know about what is inside of peoples hearts and minds.

Between Twitter and Facebook and Instagram...we feel like we really know people.  We feel as though we know what is going on in their lives.  We take all of those social media sites and use them to get our information and then when we don't see someone post anything or aren't on facebook for awhile we seem to forget about them.  And when we do see postings we sometimes assume that they are ok no matter what they are going through.  Somewhere along the road we forgot what Facebook is and where the line is.  We don't text or call people as much sometimes to check in on them because we think "Well I saw they posted on Facebook that they were doing this or this and so they must be ok". Or we feel like we did talk to them even though we didn't.  We need to start taking Facebook and Twitter and Instagram for what they really are.  Fun sites to share fun things we are doing in our lives or to get the world out about a prayer request but we cannot forget one of the reasons God gave us each other. To connect, to talk, to form real relationships.  Relationships need to go beyond the internet.  We need to start taking the extra time to give that person a call or a text.  Because the fact of the matter is, not everyone shares their real raw emotions on Facebook....not every one says on Facebook how they are really truly feeling inside.  Not everyone on Facebook shares their fears and how hard it is.

In today's world we have so much technology to reach out besides our social media.  Little ways that we can let someone know on a personal level that we are thinking about them.  That we can try to connect in a real way and find out the real story of how they are.  One way that is so obvious.....one way that technology has advanced that we can pretty much get a hold of anyone anywhere no matter if we are at home cleaning or down in Texas on vacation. OUR CELL PHONES.  Let's be honest people, we all have them and most of us also have texting.  It doesn't take much to send a quick text to say "I'm thinking about you and praying you are ok." It doesn't take long to say "How are you really? Are you ok?" It doesn't take much or long to say "I just want to let you know I care about you".  We need to stop relying on social media so much to find out how people are.  We need to start having real connections again.  We need to stop getting so caught up in our own lives that we only rely on finding out how people are when we turn on our computer.

Facebook is good for so many things.....to share fun photos......to ask for prayer requests to the masses when we need them....to get advice (sometimes with caution on this one)......but we need to remember our relationships NEED to go beyond the screen.  We need to stop relying on it to find out how our friends are because we are so busy with our own lives. Or because we think they are too busy and we don't want to bug them.  With a text, if they are busy they will get back to us when they aren't but my philosophy as always been at least then they know I care and was thinking about them at that time.

On the flip side of it I am still so thankful for Facebook this past weekend because it got us to have so many praying for our family.  It got people to know that might not otherwise have known we needed the prayers or those that we really don't get to have contact with much.  It got updates out to many who otherwise wouldn't have got updates.  But on the flip side of that.....I am also so so so thankful for those that reached out on a personal level.  Those that called, those that sent a few texts throughout the weekend just to check in on us and make sure we were ok....and even those that sent private messages. So today and every day I want you to take the challenge with me.  To try to reach out to someone every day....every other day....and find out how they are REALLY doing beyond Facebook.  I know there are so many people out there who are struggling with something and aren't broadcasting it on Facebook.  I know there are people out there wanting to hear a friend say "How are you really?" Or who just want to know a friend cares about them enough to shoot a text or a call.

Let's start a revival of relationships....let's get back to how we communicated before social media.....