When God takes you on detours...

It's so easy to question God isn't it? It's so easy to also question whether you took a wrong path.  You sit down and pray over a situation.  You pray so hard for God to show you that that is the calling for you.  That this road will lead to good things at the end of it.  That this road will lead you to blessings far more than you can imagine.  That's what we did almost exactly 2 years ago.  We sat down and prayed so hard for our future.  We felt God calling us out of Litchfield.  And as scary and hard as it was, we felt such a peace about it.  We felt that God was giving Travis an opportunity to move into his dream position.  We felt that He had bigger and better things in mind for our family and we needed to put far more trust into Him than we ever had before.  Trav accepted the Canby job, we put our house on the market...and then much to our disappointment.... Maci and I watched Trav drive away to his new job without us.  We watched him do that every single week for a year.  It was probably the hardest most emotional year I had ever had.  Our faith was tested more than it ever had up until that point in our still somewhat young lives.  And then November 1st rolled around and we finally got to move as a family.  Things were still left undone but we finally finally got to all live under one roof.  We were so happy and didn't want to take a second of it for granted. A few months later we had our 2nd baby girl and even though our house was still on the market we continued to trust God with everything we had.  After all he had brought us this far.  We had some severe hardships this past winter with finances but God provided like He always does.

As spring rolled around we started to feel that unsettled feeling again.  That feeling like God is doing something behind the scenes and yet you don't know what it is.  I got excited thinking our house was going to sell as soon as we put it back on the market.  And then God started whispering into my heart....."Make the most of the situation you are in Daughter but you don't belong here.  I've got something else in mind" And to be honest Trav and I tried to ignore it.  After all we worked so hard to move here.  And then things began happening.  Things that broke our heart.  Things that made us angry.  Things that made me cry... a lot.  Finances started to get tighter and tighter (seriously NEVER EVER EVER live in a house with fuel oil. WORST DECISION EVER). As we started to try even harder to find new housing that was affordable and just simply worked better for our family in the area we kept coming up empty handed.  And that whispering in our hearts began getting louder and louder. "You don't belong here children......I've got something better in store for you".  So Trav began searching for new jobs.  We were so confused because honestly....we thought Canby was going to be our new forever hometown.  And yet a place we worked so hard to get to, God was just blocking our paths to stay here.  We didn't get it. We didn't understand it.  Why God? Why after such a hard year to get us here are we having to search to leave again? Did we hear you wrong the first time? Were we never supposed to be here in the first place? And that's when the Hefty job popped up in South Dakota.  Trav didn't apply right away.  In fact he had applied to other jobs before that didn't work out for one reason or another.  But that job kept getting brought up on our computer screen and he kept asking me what I thought.  He finally said "What the heck.  It can't hurt me to apply"  He never in a million years thought they would look twice at his application.  You see this is a job he thought he wouldn't get for many years after working in a coop in sales.  He's always wanted to work at a big seed company.  (And even though I didn't say it I was pretty excited for the job to be so close to my family ;) ) After he applied, he got an email pretty quickly from HR that she was on vacation for the week but really looked forward to talking to him the next week about the position.  That was sign number 1 that God was moving.  What person on vacation responds to a resume? Seriously that doesn't happen.  Soon after that I read this verse:

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14 I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

Jeremiah 29:11-14

That last line struck me "I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land." He will gather us from where He sent us. He will bring me home again to my own land.  Wow.  Powerful stuff given our situation at that time.  Fast forward a few weeks and Trav had done 2 interviews with 2 different companies.  Both told us fairly quickly that they wanted him and offered him jobs.  But it was extremely clear which one was meant for us.  Hefty not only wanted him, but they let him choose which location he wanted to be at.  There were also some other things that were holding us back from saying yes and yet Hefty made sure to make those right with us so we had no doubts in our mind this was the place for us.  There was even one point as Trav was telling me what was said as such a God thing where I cried.  God was working miracles and He was making sure we got the message loud and clear this time.  

I can't even begin to tell you all the ways God has made sure we are confident this time with this move.  From housing.... we had an AWFUL time trying to find a place...Which in turn made us so angry because again REALLY God?? Really? That was a big reason why we had to move from Canby and now we are having to deal with that again? Well, turned out one of the first places I called ended up working out even though it sounded like it wasn't going to work out at all.  Budget wise was perfect...location wise was perfect....so far everything has been perfect.  The weekend we accepted the job we had 2 showings on our house in Litchfield which we hadn't had in forever.  Did our house sell? No but God has always used showings as a way to reassure us it seems.  A week or so after we accepted, suddenly in Canby there were 3 or 4 houses for rent.  If we hadn't got this new job at this certain time we probably would have rented one and then been stuck here for at least another year.  There have been many more signs but right now my brain is all over the place.  

You see, when God tries to bless you, for some reason, the devil starts to get nervous.  The last 2 weeks have again been so extremely emotional.  Things have been happening that are very hurtful.  Things have been happening where it is also been made even clearer that we don't belong in Canby.  Things have been happening where we are questioning God even more than ever why He brought us here.  And even though these things are so hard and can break our hearts into a million pieces God has very quickly seemed to pick up the pieces and start trying to weave it all together for the good.  And it makes me so thankful that God is on our side and that we love Jesus so much. 

I will never understand this world.  I try so hard to see the best in everyone and this world quickly reminds me that this isn't our home.  People and events won't always do what is right.  The devil will always be at work.  Those facts will always seem to take my breath away and break my heart.  But through it all, I can always be assured that Jesus loves us so so so much.  Life is hard but He will never never leave us.  I am living proof and can sit here and tell you without a doubt that Jesus cares.  He is always there.  You can cry to Him, scream at Him, question Him and yet He will still be there.  He is always waiting for you to come to Him.  If you hold on to Him, life seems just a bit easier to deal with. It will still be hard, there will still be heartbreaks but we have so much hope and promises in Him that will never fail.  Whatever you are going through...please please always hold onto that.  

The next month or so....especially the next 2 weeks are going to be incredibly hard on our family.  Our faith, in my opinion, is going to be tested even more than it has been thus far.  The only thing I can and will say is we aren't leaving Canby with very many good memories and good things to say.  And that's such a hard thing to say.  It breaks my heart quite honestly.  We are trying to speculate why God even brought us here and quite frankly I don't think we will ever know until we meet Jesus in heaven someday and get to ask Him.  What I do know is God gave me such a precious gift for my last year here.  And tears are filling my eyes thinking about her but honestly it needs to be said.  Jess Citrowske I can't thank you enough for your incredible friendship since we moved here.  God used you to make sure that I never felt alone in this town.  Your family's friendship is something we are going to cherish forever.  God hand picked you to be put in our lives and I can't thank Him enough for that.  "I thank my God every time I remember you" Philippians 1:3 

Please please please continue to keep our family in your prayers the next month, especially the next 2 weeks.  We have a mountain in front of us and will be having to lean on God more than ever before.  This path once again isn't going the way we thought but we know God can make everything work out for good. (Romans 8:28) Life is hard...but our God is so much stronger.....

We failed women today...

Unless you've been living under a rock....we've all heard about the videos coming out against Planned Parenthood the last few weeks.  Many have watched them in their entirety....many have started to watch and then got repulsed....and many have simply chosen not to watch at all.  I watched half of the first one and to be honest...I just couldn't stomach to watch anymore.  If you know me at all, you know without a doubt where I stand.  I'm very much pro-life and am not afraid to let that be known.  And with anyone that is 100% pro-life, it is pretty safe to assume that watching the videos is only going to make your heart hurt that much more that this is something that happens every day in our country.  But maybe...just maybe...if you are pro-choice you watched and actually got to see and hear how doctors who perform these 'procedures' act and talk about it.  Maybe you watched the last video that came out and physically saw how horrific it can be.  And maybe...just maybe... it's got you thinking a little harder about why you feel the way you feel.  But honestly all of that aside I think we all need to face these facts about the most recent debate about the "Women's Health" giant that is Planned Parenthood.....

You see last week Senator Rand Paul decided to start trying to take action and get Planned Parenthood defunded.  Because, again unless you live under a rock, we all know that the U.S. government gives Planned Parenthood 500 million tax dollars a year.  That's quite the number.  The government tells us that this money goes towards bettering 'women's health'.  That none of that money goes at all towards abortions.  But the Senator felt, like many others did, completely outraged that such an organization would be committing such acts.  And not only are they 'accused' of illegal acts, the government is continuing to give to this organization that is in question..

Now let us stop for a moment. Some of you may be thinking.... "But they aren't breaking the law.  They are harvesting those parts for research.  They explained to us why they have to 'take' money for these.  They take it because they need to compensate themselves for the cost involved in collecting those parts"  Ok let's just think about that for a moment.  Did we have a federal investigation that proved that they weren't doing anything illegal? No we did not.  You are choosing to just take their word for it.  Let's think of that with some logic and reason.  If I'm committing a crime...do you REALLY HONESTLY think that I would just say right away that I'm committing such a crime? No of course not! At first I'm certainly going to try my hardest to get you to believe that I am actually not breaking the law.  That I had a good explanation for doing what I did.  Now again let's think logically here....if I was caught on camera breaking the law and then chose to try and talk my way out of it....do you think the government would just believe me and say "Of course you weren't breaking the law! That makes total sense.  You can carry on".  Umm no.  Sorry.  They would send me to jail and I would have to wait for trial to prove that I am innocent.  They would not just give me a hall pass and let me carry on.  So why on earth are you just choosing to let them tell you what you want to hear?

Now let us get back to the topic of the bill that Senator Paul was proposing to defund Planned Parenthood.  This bill was not about whether you were Pro-life or Pro-Choice.  This bill was not about if you were a Democrat or a Republican.  This bill was simply about the fact that an organization was accused of doing things quite illegally.

I want you to forget that I'm pro-life for a few minutes....I want you to forget that you are either pro-life or pro-choice.   I want you to forget whether you are Democrat or Republican.  Forget all of it....because with this issue it shouldn't matter.  That's not at all what defunding Planned Parenthood should have been about.  The issue with us continuing to fund it was this:

The subject of abortion is such an emotionally charged one.  Get into a debate on the subject and both sides become heated VERY quickly.  I think we can ALL AGREE that a woman does not go into the decision to have an abortion lightly.  She doesn't just say "Hey I'll have an abortion this afternoon and then go get my hair done after."  This just doesn't happen because bottom line is: It is VERY VERY EMOTIONAL.  Any women that has ever been pregnant knows what it feels like the first time they see a positive sign on that little stick.  While every woman's situation is different all women go through at least a moment of being scared.  Whether it was a planned pregnancy or not, having a baby is scary.  You are in charge of another human being forever. So for a moment, let's all take ourselves out of whatever side we are on and try putting ourselves in the shoes of the mother who decides to have an abortion.  I'm sure there are moments she goes back and forth.  I'm sure there are moments where she doesn't even question it.  I'm sure there are moments even when she tries to imagine herself with that baby.  Her emotions are all over the place anyway because she is pregnant.  As she sits in that office waiting for the Dr. to come in, I'm sure she still questions whether or not she should be doing this.  After all once she does it, there is no going back.  And since it is such a highly emotional decision she has to put so much trust in that doctor that is doing it.  She is entrusting them with destroying a piece of her.  Whether that baby was conceived because of a horrible horrible tragedy....or if that baby was conceived out of a night of passion, that baby's DNA is without a doubt made up of half of her.

Did you know women who have an abortion are 65% MORE LIKELY to suffer from clinical depression than those who go through childbirth?  How about the rest of these statistics:

• 90% suffer damage in their self-esteem 

• 50% begin or increase alcohol and drugs 

• 60% report suicidal ideation 

• 28% actually attempt suicide 

• 20% suffer full blown post traumatic stress disorder 

• 50% report some symptoms of PTSD 

• 52% felt pressured by others to have the abortion.

Knowing all of these statistics I also now want you to put yourselves into the shoes of a post-abortion woman.  Can you imagine her feelings as she sees these videos surface? Can you imagine what she thought as she saw a doctor she trusted with her body...with her deep dark secret....talking about the procedure as if it was no big deal? Can you imagine her horror as she sees a baby in a dish as they pick it for parts? And then listen to them talk about how much they can get for each part? You see to Planned Parenthood, it's not called a baby.  It's called a fetus.  Just a clump of cells.  It's not a real baby yet, that's why they can abort it.  That's why they can 'end the pregnancy'.  And yet here are people...REAL PEOPLE on these tapes talking about the gender of the baby...."It's a BOY!".....stating flat out that it is in fact a baby.  Every single person on each one of these tapes that surfaced are real live people that a woman somewhere trusted.  She trusted them with all of her thoughts.  With all of her feelings....with her body.  She trusted them when they told her it was a clump of cells.  That is wasn't a baby and that it was ok that she wanted to end it.  Re look at those statistics above  The chances that that same woman is now suffering emotionally are pretty good.  Now on top of the emotional distress she is already feeling about the choice she made, she has to deal with the feeling of being betrayed by those doctors and workers that she trusted.  Can you even imagine? 'Cause I certainly can't.  My heart aches for all the women out there who are having to deal with this.  With this feeling that the doctor they trusted is so insensitive about such an emotional decision.   That that doctor just sits there eating her salad like it wasn't a big deal.  And maybe it wasn't a big deal to her.  It was just another day in the office...but to that mother...to THAT MOTHER it WAS and ALWAYS WILL BE a big deal.  Her life changed that day.  Regardless that fact will always remain...her life was forever changed that day.  Whether she regrets it or not, it changed. Period. 

So don't you see?? Defunding Planned Parenthood was not about whether you are Pro-life or Pro-choice.  It wasn't about if you are a Republican or a Democrat.  It was about all those women out there whose lives changed that day they entrusted these professionals with their lives.  With their secrets.....with their bodies.  It was about the fact that no doctor....no doctor should EVER be caught talking about patients in such an insensitive way.  Those procedures weren't just procedures to most of the women out there.  I can guarantee you that.  I can never know for sure because I have never had an abortion.  But I challenge you to find a women who did have an abortion that says it was just an ordinary day to her.  

America...today....we failed.  We failed to stand up for women everywhere.  We failed to make this company correct it's path....to better it's path.  We failed to make this organization be accountable to their patients.  I would never go back to any doctor or hospital ever again if I ever heard them talk about such an emotional procedure in such a callus way.  Can you imagine the outrage if we caught a doctor talking so insensitively about having to do a breast mastectomy for a woman who has cancer? If we caught a doctor acting like it was just another day in the office and like it was no big deal at all? No because everyone who is ANYONE knows that when a woman has to go through that it is so incredibly emotional.  So why America?? Why are we acting like it is ok that these professionals are acting like this? Put aside the fact of the claims that they are acting illegally.  Why on God's green earth are we choosing to a not make sure these people are held accountable? Why are we choosing to let their President tell us that it's ok and that everyone that thinks otherwise is an extremist? America....we failed women today.....I hope someday we can get it right..... I'm not anti-women.  I'm pro-women.  And by pro-women I mean I care about every single women's well-being.  And Planned Parenthood has chosen to turn their back on every single woman that has ever walked into their doors.  Their feelings are real.  Their emotions are true.  And they deserve to be talked about like those things matter....

Yes America...today we as a nation failed.....

A life without Facebook....

Maybe some have noticed and maybe no one has noticed but I've been MIA from Facebook this past week.  Last Friday I was going through the personal bible study I'm doing (What Happens When Woman Say Yes to God), and after reading one of the questions I heard God quietly whisper to me: "Give up Facebook for a week." My initial thought was "Umm really? Why? That sounds like a pretty trivial thing for me to give up..." But as the day went on, each time I got on Facebook, it was like God was yelling it louder and louder to me.  By the end of the day, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I needed to do it.  For whatever reason, God thought it was important for me to do.  And frankly it hasn't been that hard necessarily.  I deleted all social media apps from my phone to get rid of the temptation to click.  My mind hasn't been bothered by what I'm missing out on.  And as the week is ending, I started wondering why on earth God asked me to give it up.  Was He just asking for me help me learn to say yes to Him more?

Each night after Lyla's in bed I try to head out on a 2 mile walk.  It's become a favorite part of my day.  And tonight seemed to be no different.  I turned on Lauren Daigle's album (which I've been having on repeat lately, seriously an AMAZING album!) and headed out on my walk. Just a few steps in it all came rushing in like a hurricane. (I've also decided to include some photos from my walk, because the beauty of it all tonight stirred something in my heart)

It's no secret we live in a fallen world.  The world screams in our face constantly how it keeps getting farther and farther from Jesus; and clings more closely to sin.  We only get a moment on this earth compared to the eternity that awaits us in heaven.  For some of us that moment is 90 some years.....while others is far far shorter than that.  We don't know when our sweet Jesus will call us home or quite honestly, when Jesus will say enough is enough and return to earth.  

Because of this simple fact, we as the body of Christ need to be more aware of every single person and thing around us.  I wouldn't say I'm addicted to my phone but I sure use it as a boredom thing.  While watching T.V....while nursing the sweet babe to sleep.....while waiting in line at the store....while riding in the car.  It's something for my hands to do and frankly if we all fess up to it, I can pretty much guarantee most of us do the same thing.  But what if while we are staring at our phone or even just simply be so consumed with our own thoughts about our own life that we miss out on a chance to show Jesus to someone.  What if we miss Jesus' sweet whispers to our hearts to say hello to a stranger....to pay for their coffee..... to help them with their groceries...to be a listening ear to an elderly woman who is lonely.... or even the hardest of all to admit: To make sure our kids know they are more important than the phone.  That one is a stinger.  Maci recently heard my phone go off and I was busy with Lyla.  She quickly ran to my phone and brought it to me saying "Here you go mommy..." This sweet 3 year old gave me the realization that I don't want her to think that I need to look at my phone as soon as it goes off.  I want them to see me completely and totally living in the moment.  

Our world is so broken...it's so broken.  So many times I get on Facebook and my heart breaks.  I'm consumed with how so many people I know and love are hurting.  I'm overwhelmed by all the evil and sinful ways of our nation and world.  I'm angered by how it seems sometimes God is just cast aside because we want to do our own thing.  This world is NOT our home and I want everyone I encounter to know that fact about me.  That I don't belong here.  That I may be living in the world but I'm not conforming to it.  Just because we are society of selfishness does not mean I am. Romans 12:2 has been playing over and over in my mind lately: 

"Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing, and perfect will."

When my time on earth is done and I'm standing before our Lord Jesus I want Him to be able to say, "Well done my good and faithful servant." I want that to mean that I took every. single. chance I got to listen to His voice and make this world a better place.  That I smiled a warm genuine smile at every one I met.  That when they saw me, they got to see a glimpse of Jesus in me.  That when God whispered to my heart to strike up a conversation with someone that looked like they needed it, I did it without question.....even if I had no idea who they were.  I want that to mean that my kids saw that serving Christ was my top priority.  That I was a woman who without hesitation said "YES!" to God.  I don't want people to just see it on my Facebook that I love Christ with all my heart, I want it to ooze out of everything I do.  I want them to feel how much I love Him when we are in the same room.

If I'm being real with you all I can honestly say this:  This nation we live in is trying to silence Christians who want to live for Christ and Christ alone.  And because of that fact, it is so important now more than ever for all of us to rise up and make our voices heard.  And by that I don't mean shove it in everyone's face how we are sinning as a nation.  By that I mean let's take a stand and show Christ's love more than we ever have.  Let's say enough is enough and do our best to win every heart for Jesus by listening to God's voice and serving Him like never before.  God needs His army of believers now more than ever.  No one will ever be able to silence my love for our sweet Jesus.  I want to plant seeds everywhere I go that will help win hearts for Him. In the words of Lauren Daigle:  

"So take my everything, my flesh and blood

I'll lay me down on the altar altar

I am forever covered in your love

So let the rain fall hard"

We only get one life.  One life where we have the power with Christ to help every one we meet to have an eternity.  Let's not waste it looking down or at ourselves.  Instead let's live it in the most radically obedient way we can. Let us pray for God to show us ways to serve Him....even if it seems like the most trivial thing to us.  In the bigger picture....it might mean everything to God's plan for that person.  I leave you now with a song that created the fire in my heart.  The fire for us to rise up and impact our world like never before.....

P.S. I'm still MIA from Facebook for a few more days....and frankly if we didn't have people we loved scattered around the country I might give it up for good. However I know there would be people that would miss seeing my sweet kiddos faces ;) See you all in a few! :) 

When God uses "Lava" to speak....

Have you ever heard God's voice in the most unusual place? A place where you just kind of scratch your head and think: Really God?? Did you really just use that silly thing to make me hear you? I have had many 'aha' moments in the past almost 2 years now especially.  And in a lot of those cases they came in the most unlikely form.  Take this past weekend for instance...

On Saturday we got to take Maci to her first movie ever.  We were so excited to spend some quality one on one time with our girl and watch her sweet face as she saw the huge TV screen play a movie.  She got the full theater experience.  Best seats in the house as well as her own kiddie pack of popcorn, pop, and candy.  It was so much fun watching her face as the previews started and she got excited for each and every new kid movie coming out in the next 6 months.  After what seemed like ENDLESS previews the movie finally started.  Or so we thought.

Instead an ocean filled the screen and the theater filled with a man singing.  Soon the screen filled with this cute volcano's face:

The narrator introduced him and talked about how he was happy but he wanted someone to 'lava'.  He was hopeful and every day he would sing this song:

"I have a dream

I hope will come true..

that you're here with me

and I'm here with you.

I wish that the earth,

sea, and sky up above

will send me someone to lava"

Now this went on for years and years.  Thousands of years to be exact.  As the song continued we soon saw the big tall volcano turn into a short, old, tired volcano.  He didn't look as happy and full of life as the beginning and yet he sang the song up above knowing it would be his last time being able to sing it.  As he sang we are taken down under the sea to a beautiful girl volcano who had been listening to him for all those years.  She finally knew it was time to be able to rise up above the sea and meet him.  As the song ended though, the original volcano descends under the sea. His face says it all, he feels as though his dream is gone.  And as he descends the girl volcano shoots up and rises just missing the other.  Not seeing the man who sang to her all those years she remembered his song and started to sing it.  Now under the sea, the boy volcano hears her angelic voice and knows she was the one sent for him.  And yet he is sad because she won't know that he is there for her and listening.  As she continues to sing, his lava rises and he is shot up to the top again to be with her.  Finally after thousands of years of singing, his dream is a reality and he has some to 'lava'.  

While this short film is silly and volcanoes can't talk or sing or have someone to 'lava', the message was clear.  We can't ever give up on what God is promising us.  His timing is perfect and He knows the best way for us.  We might not like it and we might have a point in our journey where we feel the 'dream' has died but how often is it when we feel like all hope is gone that God shows up in a mighty way and says "Look my child! LOOK!! Here it is! You have been waiting faithfully and you haven't stop believing in me.  And now the time is right and I want to bless you and give you what I have been promising"  Take a look at Abraham.  Abraham waited years and years for God's promise to be fulfilled.  And God did exactly as He said He would.  Probably not in the way or timing Abraham wanted but it happened.  God promises that if we wait upon Him, he will renew our strength. (Isaiah 40:31).  So when it takes Him longer than we want, He will keep giving us the strength we need to carry on if only we call on Him.  

We need to always have our ears and eyes open for ways Jesus is trying to speak to us.  I could have just watched that short film and thought "Well that was kind of cute" and yet God had a message He needed me to hear.  It seems I ask Him daily these days to make His voice known and clear to me.  Some days He chooses to stay silent and the other days He whispers quietly into my heart and makes it known that He is everywhere and He can use ANYTHING to make me hear Him.  

From this day on when I see or hear about that Disney short film called "Lava" a smile will form across my face.  And I can't wait til we have the movie at home so I can watch it again with our sweet Maci and have the conversation about God always fulfilling His promises.  Let us all spend the rest of the week keeping our ears and eyes open for the most random of ways God will try to speak to us.  Because every time He speaks....it is SO SO worth it.  

Don't expect it to be perfect....just extend some grace.

We got out of the van, and I carefully looked over Maci's outfit one more time.  I looked down at my own and then quickly grabbed her hand to cross the street.  An older couple had just got out of their own car and started walking towards the doors as well.  I looked at Trav one more time and took a deep breath.....we were trying a brand new church this morning.  That's right.....a brand new church.  And this wasn't like any other church we had been to in the past.  This was a small town church.  A small town church where you knew the moment you walked in, the congregation would notice and wonder who you are and why you were there.  Would they like us? Would they be friendly? Would my kids be on their best behavior? Would I say anything to make myself sound stupid? You know those questions....those questions you ask yourself anytime you do something new and a little scary.

Well I am happy to report we survived and everyone was so friendly.  We no doubt felt welcomed.  Before too long we were having a nice chat with a friendly mother of another little girl that Maci quickly warmed up to and was running around the room with.  She asked where we lived and we said Canby.  Her response was this: "That's quite a far drive isn't it?".  Great I thought to myself.....let me back up a little.... 

We were going to an amazing church we fell in LOVE with in Marshall. However Marshall takes us about 45 minutes to get to and we started to wonder if it was the right fit for us when we wanted to get to know more people in our own community.  This new church is about 20 minutes away from us....half the distance.  We wanted friends that wouldn't find us to be too far from them....so when this sweet woman said this...my heart sank a little.  I thought to myself, "Awesome...we are gonna be in the same boat we were before...." 

When the music ended the Pastor got up and started telling us some announcements. One of which was stating that they wanted to try something new.  Starting in June, one Friday a month they would all be getting together to play games and get to know each other better.  How fun! It gets even better....soon he said something that made me think....like really think.  And I'm not sure he knew what a profound moment it would be for someone.  He looked around and said this:

"I want you to come and not expect it to be perfect. At some point, I'm going to say something to hurt your feelings and then at some point you are going to say something to hurt mine.  We need to be willing to extend grace to each other."

Did you hear what I did?? We don't need to be perfect.  We will mess up.  We will say stupid things.  We will say the wrong things sometimes.  We will hurt people....we will offend people....and visa versa.  It's going to happen but you know what the amazing thing is? It's ok.  Let me say that again: IT'S OK!!!  We are all humans.  We are all sinners.  We all need God's mercy and grace.  So why can't we do the same for our brothers and sisters?? 

99.9% of the time I can almost guarantee our brothers and sisters in Christ don't do or say things to purposely offend and hurt us.  Most of the time it's unintentional I would bet.  We don't get to see what's going on in their own lives and the truth of the matter is we are all struggling with something.  So many people are going through some really really rough tough things.  My own family included.  So instead of thinking that just because we go to church that we need to be perfect with each other.....how about we start thinking that because we go to church we aren't perfect.  Because the truth of the matter is....at the heart of the reason we are there....is simple because of this:

I AM NOT PERFECT.  I AM A SINNER.  I NEED JESUS.

So then as I'm sitting there and hearing this I realize....that sweet lady probably didn't mean that simple phrase in the way I took it.  She probably didn't mean, "Oh gosh you live in Canby?? Well we can't be friends then because that is such a long drive."  I just chose to take it that way in that moment because of other things I'm going through that she has no idea about.  

We need to stop thinking that just because we are in a church means we can't mess up.  That we have to be perfect.  Because we all know that we aren't.  That we are all just sinners who need some grace.....

So this week I challenge you to extend a bit more grace that you normally would.  That person who did or said something silly to you that you chose to take offense to or let it hurt you....give them a little more grace this week.  Because they just might not have meant it the way you thought.....and they just might be going through something you don't see....

In an Instant.....

On Saturday I was driving to Brookings to meet up with my family to celebrate my mom's birthday.  As we drove down there it was gloomy and you could tell the rain was slowly moving in.  The grass was dull and looked pretty lifeless.  We hadn't got much rain or snow at all this year and the ground was screaming out for the sweet taste of water to bring it all back to life again after a long winter.  I'm not gonna lie, the 24 hours prior to leaving for Brookings were hard on my soul.

The day before was filled with a screaming toddler who was having some tummy issues, which brought on a screaming 3 month old who didn't understand why her big sister was so upset.  Which then also brought on a mother who was sitting on the bathroom floor trying to encourage one daughter to go potty while also trying to feed the other one in order to calm her scared little spirit.  It was a day filled with being on the verge of tears from being frustrated.  And of course bedtime was also a huge disaster.....the 3 month old was overly tired.....and the 3 year old got up 2 hours after going to bed to scream some more on the potty.  I was looking forward to curling up with the hubby and some pizza after the girls were in bed and let it all out about what a rough day I had had.  I was looking forward to having him to help make me feel better.  To tell me what a rockstar mom I was. But of course that couldn't happen either.  He came home really really sick and was in no mood to talk.  So alone to bed I went hoping I would awake the next morning with all right in the world.

The next morning wasn't much better.  The husband was still sick and the 3 year old was still having tummy issues (along with getting up at 5 am...which is WAY earlier than the norm).  And yet off to Brookings the girls and I went to hopefully have a joyous celebration.  The night didn't go smoothly but it ended on a good note and was so good to see my family as usual.

On the drive back home it was raining.  Finally much needed rain.  PRAISE THE LORD! As I looked around the fields and ditches on the ride home I noticed something that took my breath away.  The grass....the grass that looked dead and lifeless on the drive to Brookings was beautifully green and full of life.  In just a few short hours and with a little water, everything had changed.  Everything looked different.  And it got me thinking, isn't that what Jesus does for us? He can take any situation, any hurt, and any thing that is wrong, and in an instance turn it all around making it right....making it beautiful.  All we have to do is call out to Him.  Ask Him to fill our empty and weak souls up.  Ask Him to heal our hurts and pains.  Ask Him to come into our situations and move in ways only He can do.  While having these thoughts running through my head a song came on my playlist from Lauren Daigle.  The chorus fit so well with what I was thinking and feeling:

Oh o'Lord 'o Lord you hear my cry

Your love is lifting me above all the lies

No matter what I face I know that in time

You'll take all that is wrong and make it right

You'll take all that is wrong and make it right

-O'Lord Lauren Daigle

While those 24 hours prior to that drive where hard and stressful, they didn't last forever.  Eventually we got relief from the stress and everyone was happy again.  Whatever situation we are facing we need to remember to cry out to God for help.  Ask Him to breathe life into our trials and sorrows.  Relief might not come right away, but everything everything can change in an instant.  As quickly as the grass changed from dull and brown to vibrant and green, in God's timing He can change anything.  All we have to do is lean on Him, and let Him.    

But I don't want to leave it behind....

Haven't wrote in such a long time.  A lot has happened in the past 6 months.  We moved to be together as one family under one roof....had a beautiful baby....and had to get used to taking care of 2 kids instead of 1.  I've honestly just been trying to relish in the newness of everything.  The newness of the house we will in, the newness of the little town we moved too.....the newness of sweet Lyla and having 2 little girls to love and raise.... And honestly....I've been trying so hard to just love it.  No matter what.  It wasn't how we wanted to get here and it's not how we wanted to be living but it says in James 1:2-4 to take joy in our trials and sufferings.  So I've been trying my darnedest to do just that.

And yet here I am on a beautiful spring morning not feeling so joyful.  I've hit that wall.  That wall of saying, "God I don't get this. Why oh why are doing it this way? Why have we had to sit here and wait and wait AND WAIT to get to our finish line with this season? Why are we living somewhere that is way too expensive? (and a place that has way too many spiders going on...but that's a whole other discussion) Why is our house still sitting here on the market and not sold? Did we do something wrong? Have we not been faithful to you and done everything you have asked? Or did we mess up somewhere and take a wrong turn?"

I hate that those thoughts have all creeped their way back into my heart but they have.  And that's the real honest truth.  The past few weeks we've had a few more ups and downs and hopes torn down.  One of those things was something we thought God was illustrating for us to bring us to our final destination. I made this timeline in my head.  This timeline that would WOW me.  I kept thinking "Wow God is this it? Is this where you are taking us? I can't believe it!" And I started being so thankful for this plan I made in my head and none of it had even happened.  But did you hear me? Did you catch that? I made this timeline....I MADE THIS TIMELINE.  God never said it would come to be.....He never gave me this sign in my head.  I just decided that's how He was going to do it.  I decided that if I was going to have it happen that was how I would want it done.  It had nothing to do with God's plan and what He actually was going to do.

I'm doing a bible study on the book "What Happens When Women Walk in Faith" through Proverbs 31.  It couldn't have come at a more perfect time.  This week's chapters have been all about how we need to go through a leaving stage.  That when we chose to walk in faith with God through our dreams, He first asks us to leave things behind.  And this morning...at the end of my chapter... Lysa asks "What is God asking you to leave behind?" After a morning with some tears shed that answer was pretty clear.  After a morning where uncertainty and doubt came knocking on my door..... a morning where I wanted to sit and question EVERYTHING God promised us... the answer stared me right in the face.  I want things done MY way....in MY timing.  Yes I have been walking in faith with God the past year and half.  Yes I have known the entire time it would all be in His timing, and yet I don't think I really got it.  I don't think I ever laid it all down at His feet and said "God take this need for me to control this situation you are wanting to solve for us.  That you are wanting to give to us.  Take this want of me wanting it in MY timing and MY way. "  So I say that to Him right here right now.

God this journey isn't about me.  It's about YOU.  It's about all you have promised us.  It's about giving you glory even when we don't want to or know how to.  It's about showing the world our love and trust in you no matter how many mountains we face.  No matter how bleak and hard the road ahead may look.  It's not going to be easy and it might not be fun, but you love us way more than we can imagine.  Help us to remember every single day that it's not going to be in our timing and it's not going to come when we want it to or even how we want it to.  Your promises are true and faithful.  You will conquer everything we face.  You have gone before us. Help us hear you always and show us the way you are calling us to go.

"I am the Lord, who opened a way through the waters,

making a dry path through the sea.

I called forth the mighty army of Eygpt

with all its chariots and horses.

I drew them beneath the waves, and they drowned,

their lives snuffed out like a smoldering candlewick.

But FORGET all that--

it is NOTHING compared to what I am going to do.

For I am about to do something new.

See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?

I will make a pathway through the wilderness.

I will create rivers in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43: 16-19

Has God promised you something? Has He given you a dream but you just don't know how to walk in faith and let Him make it a realty? I encourage you to pick up this book. I'm just a few chapters in and it is so amazing.  And if God is telling you to leave something behind.  Don't hesitate.  It won't be easy and you will probably have to leave it behind day after day for awhile. But I know it will be worth it.  I'm not there yet.....but I have faith that it will be greater than I could ever imagine.