Going against the grain

Going against the grain isn't normal.  It isn't our natural instincts.  It's hard and sometimes painful.  The bottom line is it screams that we are different.  We aren't going with the crowd.  Aren't doing what the 'cool' thing is.  Think back to high school and you will remember quite clearly who was 'going against the grain'.  You will clearly remember those that were different. They weren't like everyone else.  Sadly, more than likely, they were probably mocked and made fun of at one time or another.  They didn't blend in.  Those that blended in went with the tides.  Went along with the rest of the crowd.  It didn't mean they agreed with everyone else, it just meant they didn't want to stand out. They didn't want to be different.

Life as an adult hasn't changed much.  We are so quick to try and blend in with the customs of the world and the way they all think life should be done.  We are afraid to offend anyone.  Always have to be politically correct because even if it goes against our beliefs it doesn't matter if it will hurt someone else.  And of course that's true to a point, to a point. But Jesus, a man who we will celebrate this week for dying for us all, He didn't ask us to blend in.  He didn't want us to be so afraid to offend someone that we don't spread His word.  He wants us to shine and stand out bold and proud of who we are in Him.

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and PERFECT."

-Romans 12:2 NLT

God reminded me of this verse and convicted me tonight.  This winter, I felt Him tugging at my heart to go out and pray over our for sale sign.  It was -20 some below out and I said, "You have GOT to be kidding right? No way!"  So I didn't....I went on with my life and left it alone.  Just recently the thought came into my head as well as a dear family friend suggesting we start walking around our house praying over it.  So this time I said "Ok God....I'll listen." The first day I did it Trav was standing next to me and I felt comfortable doing it.  I felt strong and secure doing it.  Confident.  Tonight though....oh tonight I am all by my lonesome.....and let me tell you friends, I truly felt alone.  Suddenly I felt like our whole neighborhood was staring out there window at the crazy lady standing with her hand on her for sale sign with her eyes closed.  I felt awkward and like they were all judging who I am.  I will tell you right now, I felt like I should be kneeling outside praying and I didn't.  Not too long after I had started at the sign I quickly decided to just start walking around the house.  And I still felt judged and watched.  I felt different than everyone else.  I felt like the uncool kid in school.  Now let's be honest, were all my neighbors staring out their window? Probably not.  Were they all thinking how crazy I was? Probably not.  But even if they were why should I care? It clearly states in Romans 12:2 that we shouldn't be like this world because friends we aren't of this world.  Our home and world is with Jesus in heaven.  We need to stop worrying about what the world is seeing and start thinking about what GOD is seeing.  It is so. dang. hard.  I know it trust me I do.  But I also tell you what friends I pray, I pray to God, that someday...some day soon...I will be so confident in who I am in Christ and be kneeling outside in front of our house with arms raised praising Jesus and begging Him to sell our house.  I pray I find strength in the fact that what HE  sees is all that matters.  I pray that if my neighbors happen to look out while I am out there that they will want to come ask me what the heck I am doing so I can have the opportunity to speak the sweet word of Jesus to them and tell them who He is.  Because I am not only out there praying for our house, I am out there praying for our neighborhood that God will bless it fully and richly.  

Let's stop going with the tide and start going against the grain.  Trust me it feels weird and hard at first....but with time I trust that Jesus will change my heart to see that  HIS opinion is the only one that matters as long as I am obeying what He asks.  And with that I say: Are YOU up to the challenge? 

180 days.....

Our life has been one big ole' mess this past month.  Not only have we been doing the whole living apart, praying for a miracle for us to be a family under one roof again.  But we also had our first downright scary health scare with our baby girl.  It made the stress level of our lives skyrocket.  Trav and I both should have been having nervous breakdowns daily.  And in fact, we could have started questioning how much our Savior really loves us.  We could have started asking why on earth He would ever let this all happen.  We could have started wondering if He really is there for us daily and if He really is having our best interests in mind.  Our faith could have met an impasse, and we could have turned our backs on Him.  We could have gotten angry.  So angry we decided to leave Him behind and do our own thing.  It's the easy solution to do really.  To blame Him for it all.  Because let's be honest, in today's world, we are always looking for someone to blame.  But instead we chose to stick by Him.  To lean on Him and to trust Him to get us through it.  Why?? Why would we do it when most of the world says you need the easy way and not the God way?

As of Tuesday we will have been on our current journey for exactly 6 months.  Half of a year.  180 some days of Trav living in a small hotel room out in Canby and us leaving here in Litchfield until our house sells.  180 some days of being a single parent Monday through Friday.  180 some days of sleeping in an big empty bed.  Come on over for a cup of coffee sometime and I will tell you how lonely we both get.  I will tell you about the days I want to cry.  I will tell you about the days I lost my patience with Maci far too soon because I'm just sick of our situation.  I will tell you how badly I want this season to be over for us.  Especially the past month when we are going through something as a family that we shouldn't have to go through.  A time when our family should be closer than ever and together far more often than normal because our baby girl was sick. I could tell you all about the negatives.  The negative list of what we have been going through the past 6 months far out weighs the positives at the moment.  But if you come over for some coffee, after I cry on your shoulder for a little while....I will look up at you and tell you about all the ways we have experienced God in the past 6 months.  I will tell you all about the ways, big and little, we have seen God's fingerprints.  I will tell you all about how much more we as a family lean on Him more than we ever have.  I will tell you all about how much stronger I am because of what He is doing in our lives.  6 long months ago, if you would have told me this journey would have taken this long...I would have told you I don't have the strength.  But here we are, and I have gotten through things I never thought I would be able to. But all the thanks and glory goes to God.  Doesn't mean I don't have days where all I do is cry....doesn't mean I don't have days where me and God aren't on speaking terms...doesn't mean I don't have days where I yell at God and ask Him why...because I do have those days.  And I know God is strong enough to take them.  Any relationship has their good and bad days....but at the end of it all He is still the one I run to.  I can't do anything without His loving arms there to guide me.

I leave you with this one thought to ponder.  It was in my daily devotional and really made me think and have a wow moment.  Maybe...just maybe...it will do the same for you:

"If nothing frightening ever happened, how could the assurance of God's constant presence be the quieter of our fears."

-Praying God's Word Day By Day-Beth Moore