Insignificant: truth or lie?

It's 4 o'clock.  I'm currently in the kitchen starting to get supper together to get in the oven.  Before I start to cut the onions I have to (for what seems like the millionth time) clean off the counters and put stuff in the dishwasher.  At my feet is a little babe who wants her mama, well and food of course (because if you've met my kids you know they LOVE their food).  Not too far behind her, is her big sissy who is currently asking for juice for what seems like the billionth time today. The hubby is off in another room somewhere doing who knows what.  And I stand at the stove and start to feel that deep gross feeling.  That feeling that I get up and do the same menial tasks day in and day out.  I feel....well I honestly feel insignificant....

It's a gross feeling.  And it's honestly one that I know is just a lie.  I mean HELLOOOO if I stopped getting up, making a bottle, making breakfast, pouring juice, changing diapers, pouring more juice, giving naptime, changing diapers, making lunch, making ANOTHER bottle, pour juice, giving snacks, giving another naptime, pouring more juice, changing MORE diapers, giving ANOTHER bottle, making supper, giving bath time, reading bedtime stories and kisses good night they WOULD notice.  And that doesn't even included snuggles, play time, getting Maci to school, comforting them when they get hurt or are sad, creating a budget, paying bills, getting groceries, dance classes, church events...the list goes on.  So if I stopped doing what I do every single day, they would notice. So why do we sometimes, as moms, feel so insignificant?

Maybe it's because we DO do so many of the same tasks every day.  In the small scale of things it is hard to see the bigger pay off.  What caring for our families looks like in the long run.  What the finish line actually looks like when they get big and move off on their own....

As I was standing in front of the stove tonight, Travis was playing hide and seek with Maci.  One of the last times he hid, he hid SO well that Maci eventually gave up and sat down at the table and proceeded to look through a toy catalog.  Lyla then took it as her cue to start crying and needing wanting attention.  Maci made it pretty clear she had given up and I knew Trav could hear.  As I stood there, I felt myself start to get pretty irritated.  Here I was making a home cooked meal to fill his belly and instead of coming to get the agitated kiddos, he was 'hiding' somewhere.  I might have even said out loud "I wish I was a dad so I could just pretend to go hide from the babies."  Come on moms, I know we've all been there.  Irritated at Dad because he isn't doing enough to help in our minds.....

Not long after that Maci went to find him and the house quickly filled with distracted kids and laughter.  I starred down at the hamburger in the pan and thought....."Why am I feeling so invisible? So insignificant? I know I matter.  I know Trav loves me. And I know he helps me in so many ways. So why on earth am I feeling this way?"   The truth is...this mommy thing is hard.  It's draining.  And it does have days where we DO feel insignificant.  Like they just expect us to do it and our hearts don't really matter.  How we are feeling doesn't really matter. That the don't truly see the person who is caring for them....  We are human after all and the same old tasks can get tiring.  And sometimes we just want someone else to be us for a day.  Not because we don't love our families, but because we DO love our families.  We want to feel appreciated and loved and SIGNIFICANT.  And even if our husbands and kids tell us every day how thankful they are for us, we would still feel this way.

And then I remembered reading a blog somewhere where the writer talked about being a missionary at home.  It was something I had never thought about and yet it made perfect sense.  Missionaries devout their entire lives to helping others by showing them who Jesus is.  Some in places they might not even hear very often at all how much their job matters to the greater work of Christ.  All it takes is for them to make one small gesture at just the right time and they could end up changing someones entire world.  And here we are with our babies every single day and know them on a real personal level.  How profound it is when we realize they are our greatest ministry of all! We get to show these little humans every single day what Christ's love looks like.  We may not be perfect at it and there will be days where we feel our work is insignificant but we just have to keep fighting through those days because that's how our babies will come to know who Christ truly is.

While I know my days of feeling like my work isn't significant in any way, shape, or form aren't over, I do pray that God keeps granting me the peace, patience, and love to keep pressing on during those days where it is just plain hard.  And sweet moms out there, I pray that this helps you to continue to know that other moms out there feel the same way you do.  You aren't the only one having these thoughts.  But I also pray you know that those thoughts are lies.  You DO matter.  You ARE loved. And your work IS significant.....

When a letter to your daughter...turns into a reminder to yourself....

My precious girl,

I see you.  I see the way you are getting yourself all 'dolled' up.  I see you putting on your fancy purple heels with your multi-colored string of pearls.  I see the way you are ever so carefully putting that plastic lipstick on your innocent lips.  I see the way you are putting all the necessities you need in that cute little girl purse.

I hear you.  I hear the excitement in your voice.  I hear you as you tell me you are off to Prince Mickey's ball.  I hear the anxiousness in your voice, if that's even possible for being such a little girl in such a big pretend world.

I watch you as you tell me that you are in a rush and need to go.  You don't want to miss the Prince.  You can't wait until he dances with you and makes you feel so special and loved.  You tell me you are going to marry him and how you love him so.....

I didn't expect this you know, sweet girl.  I didn't expect you having these thoughts and feelings and desires at such a young tender age of 3.  I didn't expect you to understand the desire of wanting a special boy to love you that way...even if in your innocent pure mind it is Prince Mickey at the moment.  I thought this would be something that came later in life.  When you were older and we could talk about it in a very real sense.  When I could tell you to guard your heart.  That Jesus loves you far more than any man on this earth will and therefore you don't have to go searching for that special boy to make you feel all the things your heart desires. See if you were older it would seem, in a way, easier to have these talks with you.  Right now you seem so young and fragile....so pure and innocent....

But baby girl, the truth is we were all born with that longing to have someone love us that way.  With the desire to have someone see us for who we are and love us in every area of our hearts.  Someone to make us feel special and adored.  So I don't know why it took me by surprise when you started with this obsession of pretending to go meet your prince.  I don't know why I'm shocked when I see you play with Mickey and Minnie while making them dance and fall in love.

And so I will take this opportunity to let you start to know that Jesus will always make you feel special and loved in a way no human can.  That you can have that feeling of being loved and adored right now, right here.  I know someday you will want the real thing.  A man to call your own.  A love story that is real and true...something that isn't pretend.  So until that day comes I pray that the Lord reminds me and your daddy daily that you are watching our own love story.  You are watching how we treat one another.  You are watching the way we show our love.  Our words and actions to one another matter more than they ever have before.  We both want you to one day fall for someone who is warm and kind.  Someone who loves the Lord.  Someone who will be just as tender with your heart as we try to be.  And we know the best way to get you to understand this is by starting with ourselves...

I pray that you see how much we fight for one another and not just against.  I pray you see us say I love you as much as we can.  I pray you see that yes, love can be hard but at the end of the day we put each other above ourselves.  That while love isn't easy, it is worth it.  Our marriage isn't perfect baby girl because we aren't perfect.  And while you dream of a fairy tale that is as great as in the movies, I hope that you can see in us that while that's not real, the real thing is far more valuable.

And while I thought writing this would be something to help teach you something, at the end of it I realize instead it's teaching me.  At such a young age your little mind and heart is so impressionable.  You see things in a way that we as adults don't.  Even when we don't think you notice, our marriage to each other has a huge impact on you.  What we say, what we do, how we react to each other....you see it all.  You notice it all.  And it is shaping your heart and how you think about love.

And so finally I pray that you always keep believing in that fairy tale kind of love.  Because if you do, it gives me hope that me and your daddy aren't failing at this thing called marriage.  That maybe we are doing it right.  Because if you still believe in that kind of fairy tale love....it means your daddy and I have maybe shown you that in some sense....it truly does exists.....

An End to the World's Broken Christmas.....

This afternoon we were at Walmart returning a movie.  Now I don't know if you happened to get out and about this afternoon, but if you did and you live in the Sioux Falls area, it was a beautiful December afternoon.  The sun was shining and it wasn't too cold.  Mix this with it being the holiday season and it should make for some amazingly cheery people.  However, I witnessed something today that made my heart ache.  You see as I was walking up to the door, I heard someone very forcefully laying on their horn.  I quite frantically looked in all directions to see where it happened to be coming from.  Was there an accident about to happen? Was a child in the road where they shouldn't be? But much to my surprise nothing like that was happening.  Instead I saw a very grumpy older man (70ish) getting out of his vehicle *which was parked in the middle of the aisle btw) and heading up to a SUV that had just parked in a front row parking spot....

Now I can imagine that you are thinking the same thing as me....The man in the SUV 'stole' the other man's parking pot.  And that's just what the man said as he quite forcefully tapped on the SUV's window.  He proceeded to say "You WILL back out." I quite frankly wasn't sure if I should continue to watch just in case 911 needed to be called or not.  But I decided to run in, return my movie and then see how the situation was when I came back out.  Not much had changed to be honest.  The gentleman was still talking to the person in the SUV, and within a few more seconds he was back in his car driving off.  As I walked by the SUV I noticed the man was an elderly man and it made my heart break a little.  Because frankly I don't think this man was intentionally trying to 'steal' the man's spot.  I honestly doubt he even saw where he was waiting for that prime spot.  A few minutes later, Trav and I drove by that spot and I then noticed a handicap sticker in the man's windshield.  As you can imagine, it's holiday shopping season and therefore handicap parking is hard to come by.  So in my mind I imagine this elderly man trying frantically to get to that front row parking spot (that wasn't handicap parking).  And when he parked, he probably felt so thankful he didn't have to park near the back......and what happened? A quite capable to walk man confronted him with the notion that how dare HE take his spot.  As if he was entitled to it way more than him...even if he didn't see him waiting.....

As we drove home I couldn't stop thinking about it.  The Christmas season is supposed to be filled with joy, gratitude, and kindness.  And what do we see the most of when we are out and about? Shoppers frantically trying to check off their to do lists and if we are honest...not much holiday cheer.  We as a society have started to make it quite clear that we feel entitled to what we want...when we want it.  And if things don't go our exact way (whether it be the parking spot we want, an item we 'need' to buy, or how someone else treats us), we lose our holiday magic quite fast.

I know for a fact, I can easily 100% fall into this trap.  Christmas time can so easily get stressful.  All the events we need to go to, all the people we need to shop for, all the chaos that seems to be happening at stores all over the country.  On the flip side there are also many that are hurting this holiday season.  Whether it be grief, finances, or what seems like a very broken Christmas.....

Therefore as we are out and about, we encounter all types of people that fall into all kinds of categories during this time.  And we are left with a very hard decision.  I say hard because it isn't an easy thing to just do.  We need to be intentional about this decision and constantly make the choice by the minute sometimes even.....

We are left with the choice to either let our entitlements and emotions get the best of us and turn into a scrooge and quite frankly a crab....or we can choose to let what the Christmas season is really all about to seep into every nook and cranny of ourselves.  And choose that no matter what may happen, no matter how someone else treats us, no matter what we think we need.....choose to be the joy of the season.  Choose to let the hurting world around us see Jesus in us like never before.....

It is something we should be doing all year and yet it also seems to be that this time of year is the hardest to do it.  Let us as Christians shine a beckon of light into what sometimes can turn into a very broken season for the world.  Where society seems to dictate that our selfish wants are more important than being kind to others.  A time where the world seems to push more of the attention on what kind of good deals we can get rather than the love of a Savior....but the world is so desperately searching for that love during this season, even if they don't want to admit it.

So will you join me in being even more conscious of how we are treating people? I thought I do pretty good most of the time but I know deep down in my heart that I don't do as good as I should.  I don't have to be happy and smiling all the time, but it could be something as simple as not getting so irritated when the check out line is taking longer than I want.  Letting someone who only has an item or two go in front of me.  Holding open a door as someone is running to get into the warmth.  Perhaps buying coffee for the person behind me and handing them a note saying "Merry Christmas! Jesus loves you!" Not snapping at the cashier even if they are being beyond rude.  Or simply letting someone else have the closer parking spot......

Christmas should be about the love and warmth of our Savior being born into this world.  It should be about spreading that love to celebrate His birth.  This isn't an easy choice to make when our worlds seems to get so chaotic during this time but it's one I think we need to be reminded to make daily.....  

If we want how broken the world seems sometimes during Christmas to come to an end....it starts with us.....

When we choose to not see the beauty.....

In the past week and a half, we have received a total of about 25 inches of snow.  Give or take of course.  And this snow hasn't just been off and on for almost 2 weeks.  No this snow has happened in just 2 snow storms.  One moment we were having enjoyable fall-like weather and then BOOM the next day we were covered in 17 inches of snow.  And then today we woke up to light snow falling and them BOOM another 8 inches or so.

This first snowfall was the first we have experienced in our current rental house.  My sweet husband was dreading this day.  You see, our landlords put in red rock for a driveway.  Not the ideal choice when you live in the Midwest and winters tend to come with lots of snow involved.  Travis did his best to shovel the entire driveway a week and a half ago.  He quickly learned that was not the best way to go.  Tonight he used my dad's snowblower he loaned us.  Well we again quickly learned that wasn't the best route either.  After multiple hiccups, Trav finally gave up and came in for the night.  He was not only exhausted but also very clearly mad.  I sat and listened to him unload his frustration and then it was time for bed.  When I came downstairs from checking on our oldest, all the lights were shut off in the house.  I went over to the window and looked out to see if it was still snowing.  And suddenly my breath got taken away....

I saw the beauty and magic of the situation...

I sat and looked out into the peacefulness of the snow still falling.  Off to the right are some tall bushes, and they were so beautifully covered in snow.  The dim streetlight shining on them ever so gently.  As you looked up into the streetlight, you could also see the shimmering of snowflakes still making their way down to the ground.  It literally took my breath away.  Travis soon came out into the dark living room to see what I was doing exactly.  I said, "Look at those bushes.  How gorgeous they are.  All that snow sitting on them so peacefully."  His response? A muttered "You go out in it and shovel then..."  Here I was wanting to go grab my camera and head out into the night to capture the beauty that was around us while he was on the polar opposite end of it. While I chuckled at his comeback, it also left me thinking how much of our daily lives are like this.....and how I have so been in his shoes with not wanting to see the beauty.

Instead of looking at the mounds of snow that needed to be shoveled...

There are always 2 different viewpoints to every situation.  We can either find the beauty and contentment in whatever we are faced with, or we can choose to let ourselves get swept away in the negative.  There have been very few moments in my life when I'm faced with a trying situation and still choose to be content.  Where I willingly choose to see the beauty.   It is incredibly hard to do.  Especially when we live in a world where we are taught that we can have what we want, when we want it.  Where we are essentially taught that we are entitled to what we want, when we want it.

So how do we try to turn the tide? How do we strive to always be content with what we are given or find the beauty in any situation? Gratitude.  What if when we start to feel ourselves getting bogged down in the negative of a situation, we take a step back.  We pause, take a deep breath, and think of at least one thing we are thankful for.  No matter how tiny or small it may seem, we choose to take the time to be thankful for that one thing.  I will be the first to raise my hand to say I struggle in this area 99.9% of the time.  When I think the situation I'm dealing with is crappy, that's all I can think about.  Why me? Why this? Why now? But the truth is, I'm not entitled to having a picture perfect life all the time.  Crappy situations are gonna happen and they aren't going to be fair.  But instead of wasting my energy on the bad, I want to intentionally pick out some things I'm thankful for among all the bad.

Currently I'm reading Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World by Kristen Welch of 'We are THAT family'.  I'm only on chapter 1 and this is what it is doing to my heart.  That's right friends, it's supposed to be a book on how to raise my kids to be more grateful.  I wasn't expecting it to point out where I'm clearly lacking.  But the truth is: what we want our kids to be good at, we also need to be good at. Preorder of the book begins TODAY!!! And I strongly encourage you to head over to the link and order yours.  Not only do you get some free goodies for preordering but man is it gonna be good for your soul.  Not only does it have good good stuff to help us be better parents, but man does it show you that you aren't alone in this parenting world.  The struggles you have are the same in every family.  We aren't alone in this.  We can learn from one another.

What situation are you facing that is yucky and not so fun? As hard as it might be, can you think of at least 1 thing to be thankful for? Or to be content with in the situation? And if you feel comfortable sharing, I would love to pray for you.....    

God cares about your dreams...

Just over 3 years ago now I first started blogging.  I thought it would be a therapeutic way to get some thoughts and feelings out.  Maybe about motherhood, maybe about marriage, or maybe just about something that God lays on my heart.  I didn't know when I started that the past 2 years of our life would be so crazy and that the Lord would be laying so much to learn on our family's heart.  Whenever I have written, I have never known what the outcome would be.  Whether people would even read it or that I would have people reaching out to me and opening their hearts letting me know how Jesus chose to use my words to speak to them.  Each time I hit post, I say a short simple sweet prayer: "Jesus use this to your glory.  Let it speak to who you meant it for".  

I also did not expect for it to stir up a love for writing deep in my soul.  I didn't expect to have nights where I'm laying in bed writing a blog in my head.  I didn't expect to have moments in my day where I'm stopped dead in my tracks and have to sit down and write before the thoughts escape my mind.  I didn't expect to write things that I myself need to read again and again to remind myself of some of the lessons God has laid on my heart.  God has used blogging to work on my heart and change me in ways I never thought possible.

Over the past several months, I have been thinking dreaming about where this hobby would lead. Travis and I have had many talks about things I want to do in order to become a better writer.  We have been talking about big dreams I never expected to dream about doing.  While some of those dreams may never happen, it is so much fun to sit with your family and talk about all the ways you want to do your part to help change the world.  While currently my biggest dream is to actually attend a She Speaks Conference *and this is one that Travis and I have promised will happen some day*, I recently did something that I have never done before.  Something that a few years ago I would never even think of doing.  I applied to be part of a book launch for an author.  Just before my Facebook vacay started I saw on my newsfeed a post from We are THAT Family saying she was looking for people to help launch her new book: Raising Grateful Kids in an Entitled World.  So I hopped on the site and looked into how a person got on the book launch team.  Because let's be honest, that topic of the book? HELLO so much NEEDED in today's world.  After looking into it , I was thinking I was clearly late to the party and wouldn't probably never get chosen, I'm not one to 'win' anything so why would that change now? ;) But deep down in my heart I still wanted to try so hey why not? It certainly couldn't hurt anything.

Can I just say as someone who didn't dream all her life of becoming a writer how scary terrifying it is to put your blog on an application.  Like this application is going to a publishing company so there is a chance they are actually looking into who the heck you are.  But I was courageous and filled out all the info on the app, which included any social media accounts I also had.  Once I hit send there was no going back and frankly after I applied I didn't really think of it again.  Because I honestly thought I would never be chosen.  Seriously there had to be hundreds of people applying, why would they chose me?

Fast forward to Saturday afternoon.  I pulled up my email and looked at a company that emailed me that I honestly almost deleted but instead opened.  It was the publishing company in charge of Kristen Welch's new book congratulating me, yes ME for being chosen as part of the book launch team!!! Frankly even after telling my mom and my husband I still didn't believe it.  Why would I be chosen out of hundreds of applicants?

Even though I am on a Facebook hiatus, I did have to log on and request to become part of the launch team's closed group.  Which I did Saturday night and then didn't think about it again until last night.  I once again logged on quick to make sure I was 'accepted' by the admin and then once I was, I began to look through all the intros people had written.  Friends, this made me that much more nervous.  No joke.  This group of women they put together have AMAZING stories.  From all walks of life and lots of veteran bloggers.  Women that are missionaries across the world.  Foster moms.  Women that have some incredible companies and organizations that are furthering the kingdom of Christ.  Seriously so many amazing stories.  But there were snippets all over that these women, while we are all so different, are just like me.  We all have the same goals and dreams for the world and our family.  And then I just got overwhelmed by feeling so incredibly blessed.

Maybe I won't ever become an author of a book...maybe I won't ever have thousands of followers on my blog...but friends....God made sure I knew this past week that He sees me.  He sees my hopes and dreams.  He knows the deepest desires of my heart and He cares about them all.  Even if they seem too big for me.  Even if they seem silly to me.  Even if I think they are so far out there and crazy.  He wants all our dreams to come true.  He wants us to feel significant in this world even if it's for a small purpose because the reality is, in His world, even the small purposes are big.

Maybe these publishers randomly picked people.  Maybe there wasn't anything special that stood out to them about me.  But ya know what? Call me crazy but this wasn't a chance thing in my mind I was chosen.  This was a GOD thing.  God wants us to know that He always cares for us.  He always wants to help make our dreams a reality.  He wants us to feel quipped to help change this hurting world, no matter how small or insignificant we may feel.

So that dream you have been thinking is beyond you....that you think is too big for you...too far out of your comfort zone....something that you think will never be apart of your world.....Friend, it's not too crazy.  Maybe you won't go where you think you will go, maybe you won't become 'successful' with it as the world sees it, but God will use that dream of yours.  He can make it happen.  He doesn't want you to see yourself as unworthy of it.  Keep dreaming about it.  Keep striving to become better at it.  Keep putting yourself out there.  Keep leaving your comfort zone because I promise you...I promise God is going to keep giving you blessings to encourage you to use it for His glory...

I don't know if this launch team will lead to anything other than getting to know some amazing women across the world and to let you all know about an amazing book that is coming out, but what I do know is I am so beyond grateful that God gave me the opportunity to be apart of it.  And I'm so thankful He constantly reminds me that my hopes and dreams matter to Him.  No matter how silly they may seem.  Be encouraged sweet friend.....and always remember how deeply you are loved....

**While I am still technically on a Facebook hiatus, I am getting on once a day to stay in touch with this sweet launch team and continue to get to know them.  And my hiatus may come to an end sooner than I originally planned so I can be back on when it officially kicks off and I can start letting you all know the sweet goodness of this book.  So seriously stay tuned because I have a feeling this book is gonna be incredible for all you parents out there.  Happy Thanksgiving all!! May you be blessed as this holiday week kicks off!

Has it really come to this??

I think it goes without saying what a broken world we live in.  Lately it seems with each passing day, the world itself gets darker and darker.  It seems harder and harder to find the light.  Harder to continue to spread hope and love wherever we go.  It becomes harder and harder to explain to others where God is and what His plan is in all this.  It becomes harder and harder to let others know, God is still with us.  He still loves us.  Our own faith is getting harder and harder to sustain as the world pulls us in a million different directions.  Relationships are getting tested more and more as the world tries to put wedges in between us. Oh how my heart aches and tears fill my eyes as I think about all this.  I look at our two beautiful babies and think "God, how can we continue like this.  What will these two beautiful souls see in their lifetime." Because the truth is this:  The world is going to continue in the direction it is headed no matter how much we fight it because the bottom line is: This is not our home. We don't belong here.  Nothing we can say or do is going to change the entire world's course.  The course it is on is headed for destruction no matter how we fight it.  The only piece of hope in that is that we all know how it ends.  God wins.

That doesn't, however, mean that we don't continue to fight for souls that we can touch.  That doesn't mean we stop showing the light whenever and wherever we can.  That is our ultimate purpose isn't it? To win souls and hearts for Jesus?  If that is the truth can I ask a very real, honest, gut-wrenching question? One that terrifies me at the core because I know I have been so guilty of it just as much as everyone else...

If we as Christians all have the same purpose here on earth; that is to win hearts and souls for Christ....why, oh why are we as Christians constantly trying to puff out our chests and try to prove how much more Christian we are than the next?  The past few months have been awful when it comes to this.  I can't even begin to tell you how much of it I have seen on Facebook.  I know I am not excluded from this list because I have done it and had thoughts of it invade my mind just as much as anyone else.  And yesterday afternoon, my heart broke with that reality....

Take just a month or so ago as a first example.  Starbucks unveiled their new holiday season cup.  And at first there were a few in the country that saw it as a war on Christmas.  A guy even made a YouTube video of it stating his opinion.  And it was just that an opinion.  Whether you agreed or not, he never stated that if you didn't see it you weren't Christian enough.   And yet what did thousands of non-Christians do as well as thousands of Christians? Mocked him and everyone else who has this opinion.  The awful things that were said because of this small minority opinion where horrid.  And then I also saw image after image being shared of images 'proving' that if you shared this belief you weren't as Christian as those who thought it was in fact a war on Christmas.  For example, one said this: If coffee cups define your Christmas, honey its YOU who need Jesus.  Why? Why do we need to be at war with other Christians? *For the record, I didn't really care about the cup.  We don't support Starbucks for various reasons.  But hey if you still go to Starbucks? That's fine.  Whether you do or you don't isn't what makes you Christians.  It's who's in your heart. Jesus.

And then the next example is something that has happened in the past week.  Something that is awful to even be talking about.  Something that shows even more what a hurt, broken and evil world we live in, simply because the fact that it is happening.  Unless you've been living under a rock, you know all about what happened in Paris.  You know that Syrian refugees are supposed to be coming to America.  You know that there are those who are welcoming them with open arms, and you know there are those who are saying that we need to stop for a second and make sure we are properly 'vetting' them in order to keep our country safe.  I know countless Christians on both sides of the argument.  And in ways, I can see where BOTH sides are coming from.  As a mother and a human being, my heart breaks for those who have to even have this be an option for their family.  If I could and had the means to I would want to help them in any way possible.  And yet, I do think we need to take a beat and go over all procedures again to make sure we aren't bringing what they are fleeing from here.  If we do bring it here, we aren't saving them from anything.  And I have friends and family here I love and want to keep safe.  What I do not think is that one who believes one way over the other is any more of  Christian than the next.  We are called to love our neighbors, we are called to help the poor and needy but I don't think that just because a group of people want to ensure their safety first means they aren't Christian enough for Christ.  I don't think we as Christians should be condemning people on either side.  And what am I seeing on social media? Brother against brother, sister against sister, friends against friends.  We knew the non-Christian world would be using any tactic necessarily to call Christians out.  To make them look like hypocrites and to make them try to prove just how Christian they say they are.  But I didn't expect to see so many Christians condemning other Christians for their beliefs.  Once again we are trying to out do each other and puff out our chests.  I've seen it on both sides of the argument.  And it makes my heart break.

I'll be honest again by saying that I am just as much guilty as anyone else of these things.  Of having those thoughts in my head as I read something.  Thinking "Really you stand for that huh?  I'm more Christian than that."  It's an awful thing to admit about yourself.  Trust me, I've been dealing with it myself.  Sitting before God asking Him to cleanse my heart of such thoughts.  I believe we are called to keep other Christians accountable. That is biblical.  (Galatians 6:1-2) But I don't think when God said this He was referring to calling people out on social media.  And keeping Christians accountable I do not think includes the examples above.   Keeping one another accountable is doing it in a loving, respectful way.  In a safe place where the person loves you and knows they can trust you.  Trying to prove how much more Christian we are for having differing political beliefs is not the same thing.  It is something the devil is gleaming about.  He is loving what a divided Church we are becoming.   The secular world is gloating and laughing about how divided we have become.  How easy it is for us to turn on one another.

We all have the same purpose on this earth. To win hearts and souls for Christ.  It gets harder and harder to do that in today's world.  Especially when we are all turning against one another so easily.  When we are constantly trying to prove that we are more Christian than another.  There is no point to proving that to the world.  The only opinion who matters is Jesus.  And if you have Jesus in your heart and you love Him, that's all that matters.  You are on the same playing field as us all.  Let's keep each other accountable but not like this.  Not at the expense of becoming a more divided church than we already are.  This world needs us now more than ever.  We need to RISE up and fight for Christ more than ever before.  And in order to do that to the greatest glory that Christ deserves...we need to keep building each other up.  We need to rise together...united...as one body...

**You will find this blog on Facebook, however, I have been called away from it for awhile again.  My heart and soul need a cleanse of it.  It's so easy to get caught up in all the negative and worldliness of what it is sometimes....therefore Travis and I decided to take a step back.  Doesn't mean we are any better than those who are still on it ;) It just means God has called us to give it up for a time and therefore we want to be obedient to Him... We love you all more than you know and I will miss dearly seeing all that is going on with you guys and seeing your beautiful families....so please don't take offense if you don't get a notification saying that I 'liked' a photo.  I will be back at some point...hopefully with a better heart and soul for Christ.

Own it momma.....

I woke up this morning annoyed.  This whole time change has racked havoc on our girls' schedules.  We have been getting up far to early and it feels like it will never go back to normal.  After making sure Travis was putting on the coffee and I brought sweet Lyla down from her room, I started scrolling through Facebook on my phone as I impatiently waited for the coffee to finish.  After only a few short seconds I came across something that took my breath away.  Something that stopped me dead in my tracks and tears to form in my eyes.  A sweet angelic looking little 3 year old niece of a Facebook friend had passed in her sleep last night. Suddenly my annoyance seemed to not mean a single thing.  My babies where playing in front of me happily and....breathing...full of life.  I was happy and blessed to have them alive.  My small annoyance was nothing compared to the pain that young momma must be feeling....

All morning it was all I could pray about...think about.  Made me have more patience with the girls...more compassion...more grace.... And it got me thinking about how whenever something tragic seems to happen to a young child we always say the phrases "Hug your kids tonight..." or "Hold onto them a little longer today".  And then before we know it life moves on and exhaustion creeps in.  Our tempers get short again....the rush of life hurries us out the door.  But you know what? These precious children God entrusts us with...these fragile souls we get blessed with....are only ours for such a short time.  We can never 100% know when they will be taken from this earth.  Every single soul on this earth will be taken from it at some point.  We don't know the years, months, weeks, days or hours we have.  So besides the same old saying of cherishing every moment we have with them... I started thinking about something else we need to keep in mind as we journey together on this road of motherhood.....

Each of our journeys as mothers are different.  We all have our own way of doing things....we all have our own ways to be the best parents we can be to our kids.  And since time is fleeting before our very eyes I feel we as mothers need to start owning it.   We need to start owning the decisions we make as mothers for the benefit of our kids.  As mothers I know we all have those voices in our heads.  Those voices of doubt and fear over how other mothers or society is choosing to judge each and every decision we make for our kids.  But you see, TIME is FLEETING. Even if our kids never leave this earthly home before us, we still only get a few super short years to help shape their tiny souls.

So this is a call out to every single mommy out there.  New and experienced...young and old..... You, yes YOU were entrusted by God for that tiny little sweet amazing child's life.  Whatever decision you choose for the betterment of your kid, own it.  Hold your head proud and drown out every single doubt you have.  Hold your head proud and pray for God to help quiet all of society's judgments.  Stay at home mamas, we chose this life after much prayer and going over the numbers.  We chose this because it was the best decision for our family.  There will always be those people out there wondering what we did all day or thinking that if you are struggling financially maybe we should 'get up off our butts' and go to work.  Ignore them.  Own it momma.  Working mommas out there, good for you girl.  I know that decision wasn't easy.  I know when you come home to find out that sweet baby did something new without you being there is hard.  I know it's not easy but you decided that because it was best for your family.  Own it momma.  To the mom who prayed and cried and researched and prayed some more and then finally decided to homeschool.  I see you, I can only imagine that some days you wonder if you did the right thing.  I imagine it can get long and hard and stressful.  I imagine you can sense when it comes up in conversation and people say "Ohhhh you homeschool"...that you can tell in their voices that they don't approve.  Guess what? You don't need the world's approval.  You, only you know what's best for your family.  To the mommas who put their kids on that public school bus every morning and pray that they are kept safe.  I see you, I know how you must worry about all that is being taught at school.  How you must pray and worry so much for what they might be tempted with or how safe they are.  Girl, you made that decision because it's best for your family.  Or maybe you are the mom who spent money on a higher education, a degree in something your heart and soul was in.....But then that sweet angelic face popped into your life and your world turned upside down.  Therefore you aren't working in the field your degree is in...instead you are working a job that maybe wasn't your life passion but you get more time with that precious soul.  Don't be ashamed....don't be afraid to shout it out why you did it.  That little life is worth it. Own it mommma....OWN IT MOMMAS.

The list could go on and on....because you see we are all different.  No 2 moms are the same.  No 2 kids are the same.  God made each of us unique and with that each of our parenting techniques will be unique.  And that is a beautiful thing.  I don't ever want to be ashamed of how we chose to raise our 2 beautiful girls.  Because if there ever should come a time where our time together is cut short.....I don't want to have any regrets.  I don't want to ever regret not giving hugs, kisses and I loves yous....I don't ever want to regret how I raised them.  I want to own it.  I want to feel 100% confident that I did the best I could....the way Christ was leading me to parent.....

So sweet momma.....those doubts about how you are raising those precious little souls.....pray that God silences them.  As long as you are letting God speak into your heart about the way you should go...that's all that matters.  You know what your family needs more than anyone else.  Those little hearts look to you for guidance and you are doing the absolute best you can.  It might not look like how I do things or the mom down the street....but girl....you are rocking it.  Own it momma....own it....

Motherhood:The best teacher of all...

Chances are, if you live in South Dakota or Minnesota, you looked out your window at some point today and noticed something fall from the sky.  There's also a good chance that it wasn't rain nor a meteor.  It was probably white and it was probably something that made you wrinkle up your nose.  That's right, it snowed for the first time this season.  And if your facebook is anything like mine, you were updated by many family and friends that it was in fact snow.  You were also probably reminded that, for most of us anyway, we don't particularly like the first snow.  Now most of us I would say LOVE the snow at Christmastime.  However this first snowfall usually catches us off guard (even though it IS almost November let me remind you).  It reminds us that the warm sunny weather will become a thing of the past for the next several long months.  And honestly makes us feel a little grumpy.  Unless of course you are one of those weird people that LOVE the cold weather....which is a pretty alien species if I do say so myself... ;)

However I would also bet that if you are like me and have a little one at home.....at the same time as you were slowing dying inside, they were beaming with joy and excitement as those tiny flakes of evilness fell.  You mentioned to them that it was in fact snowing outside (maybe even with a little bit of detest in your voice) and they ran as fast as they could to the window.  They wanted to watch this exciting turn of events.  They might have even squealed with delight.  And for a few minutes you watched in complete amazement that, while you were completely hating the fact, they were basking in it.  They had a completely different perspective of the situation than you did.

(Our sweet Maci looking at TONS of snow her first winter.)

As I watched this scene unfold in my own house, it got me thinking how it could easily be applied to any situation.  We can so easily be disgusted, angry, upset at ANY circumstance that may face us.  It is so easy to just look at the bad that seems to be screaming out from what unfolds before us.  What would happen though if we changed our perspective a little and looked at it from a different angle? It doesn't mean that we can't still feel upset or disgruntled ever, but if we change how we choose to see things it just might change how we see everything.  It may just in fact shift our focus to something that is more important.  It may just in fact have the power to impact how someone else sees something they themselves are facing.  Perspective changes EVERYTHING.  

While I don't think I will ever fully enjoy the first snowfall, I do know that I adore watching my girls get excited over it.  Their faces make it worth it.  And I am so unbelievably thankful for the new perspectives they give me on life.  And how much they help teach me.  Keep it up girls....cause Mommy still has so much yet to learn.....
 

New Beginning

I can still remember how my heart felt that day.  I was so excited to finally get to be an 'adult'.  Living in my own apartment, having no one to answer to as to when I would be coming home that night.  And yet my heart pounded so hard at times that I thought it might leap from my chest.  I would be 2 1/2 hours from everything I've ever known.  All those that I love would not be within minutes anymore.  I knew no one in town.  Not one single person.  Would I make friends? Would I be able to find my own rhythm in such an uncharted territory?  I think my first night alone in that small apartment my heart felt every single emotion possible.  Excitement...fear...optimism....worry.  No one knew who I was.  They knew nothing about my past nor who I was back in Sioux Falls...essentially I could be anyone I wanted to be...

Any young person who leaves their hometown and goes off to college will tell you it was life changing.  Sounds like a cliche but when you move away to a new place it is bound to change in one way or another.  You are given a clean slate. A blank page.  A fresh start....a new beginning.

Fast forward almost 8 years and I have been through a few new beginnings.  When I moved to MN after we got married, when we moved to Canby, and now Canton.  As I was walking last week I took a look around at the life that was going on around me and it hit me again.  No one knows us here.  They don't know anything about our pasts, nothing about our character or have any preconceived notions that they've heard from others.  We have been given another clean slate...a new beginning.

This is a huge gift.  Fresh starts are precious, beautifully rare gems.  A gem that we need to be intentional with how we choose to use.  And that got me thinking about how Christ offers everyone this beautifully rare gem.  He died on the cross to forgive us.  To give us a new life...a clean slate...a new beginning. 

"For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism.  And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live NEW lives."

Romans 6:4

"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a NEW person.  The old life is gone; a NEW life has begun!"

2 Corinthians 5:17

How amazing is that? How many people do we have in our lives that could use and love this precious gift? Are we doing everything in our power to let them know about Christ? With such a hurting world today, it is crying out for fresh starts and new beginnings.  We need to do everything in our strength to get the word out.  Live our lives for Christ in a more meaningful way than ever before.  Be missionaries in our own communities to spread the word that in Christ we have new life.

"Then I will sprinkle clean water on you and you will be clean.  Your filth will be washed away and you will no longer worship idols.  And I will give you a NEW heart and I will put a NEW spirit in you.  I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart.  And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations."

Ezekiel 36:25-27

New beginnings are precious.  A rare gift not everyone gets.  But in Christ, we all have the opportunity to have one!

And as for my current new beginning? I want to be intentional about smiling at everyone I come in contact with.  Saying "hi" to everyone I can.  If I become known as the 'crazy, happy, never stops smiling' lady in Canton....I'm ok with that.  Because maybe....just maybe...it will lead to a deeper conversation later on about where my light comes from.  Which of course is simple:

CHRIST.  

"Since you have heard about Christ and you have learned the truth that comes from Him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception.  Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes.  Put on your NEW nature, created to be God-like - truly righteous and holy"

Ephesians 4:21-24

I dare you....double dare you...

I want you to indulge me for a moment.  Close your eyes and dream.  Dream of a world where everyone lives in harmony.  What does that world look like to you? I imagine it is a beautiful place where everyone gets along.  There is no arguing, no harsh words being said, no insults being flung around.  Everyone is full of love and compassion towards one another.

Now let me ask you this: In this world of complete harmony, does everyone agree? Does everyone share the same opinions? Or is it a place where everyone has their own opinions and ideas but no one shares them out loud? Is it possible to live in a world of harmony but yet disagree with some of life's issues? That my friends is a HUGE question....

In today's world there are so many places people share their opinions and beliefs.  Social media....blogs... face to face conversations....texts...newspapers...news media..the list could go on and on.  Opinions, thoughts, feelings are everywhere we look.  Not everyone shares our same opinions and in America, usually....supposedly, this idea that we are all different is something we are called to celebrate.  But lately it seems that it's only cause to celebrate if the person shares our same opinion...

Go on Facebook at any given time and you can find a hot topic post.  Once you do this go ahead and click on the comments section.  When I do this I'm usually left heart broken.  Not only do I see non-Christians attacking Christians....I also see CHRISTIANS going after non-Christians...and even worse yet....Christians attacking CHRISTIANS.  Everyone frantically trying to get their own opinions out....wanting their voice to be heard.  And in the process of doing what is their right to do...they are taking casualties.  Insults are being flung around like they are no big deal.  Like there aren't real people on the other side of the screen with real heart felt feelings.  Name-calling...cursing one another out...belittling...it's all there and it seems we as a human race have started to see it as our God given right to treat one another this way.  Because, you see, we are being taught that when someone doesn't agree with us that we need to fight to the death to protect our opinions.  Like if we for some reason don't keep fighting for it, our ideas and opinions will be taken away from us.  We are being taught our opinions are right and everyone else is always wrong.  We are being taught that we are entitled to do as we please when we please.  We are taught that having a difference of opinion somehow gives us the right to rip to shreds everyone who differs from us.

As a Christian, I am embarrassed and heartbroken when I find conversations where such things are happening.  Especially when I see members of the body of Christ are partaking in such acts.  What does the bible ask of us?

"So then let us aim for harmony in the church & try to build each other up..."

Romans 14:19

"May God, who gives this patience and encouragement, help you to live in complete harmony with each other, as is fitting for followers of Christ Jesus." 

Romans 15:5

"Dear brothers and sisters, I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful.  Grow in maturity.  ENCOURAGE each other.  Live in harmony and peace.  Then the God of love and peace will be with you."

2 Corinthians 13:11

When I read these verses, I don't dream of world where everyone is the same and has the same opinions.  After all God created each of us as unique.  What I do dream of is a place where people aren't afraid to share their own in fear that they will be viciously attacked.  I do not think the bible calls us to never disagree with anyone.  After all we all called to proclaim who He is and preach the gospel.  The whole world will NEVER whole heartedly agree to that.  But I do think it calls us to share our opinions and beliefs in love.  As followers of Christ we should be leading the pact with this.  But sadly, I fear, we are miserably failing at it.

"A gentle answer deflects anger,

but harsh words make tempers flair.

The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing,

but the mouth of the fool belches out foolishness."

Proverbs 15:1-2

When being pulled down into such evil, remember this verse.  The harsh words never win, love & gentleness do.  Let God's teaching, wisdom, and knowledge fill your soul when sharing your opinions.  Let them be dripping with love and gentleness.  Speak and share when He says share and when He says quiet....stay quiet.  

Let us show this tired, sad, longing for a savior world who Christ really is....

Can people live in harmony while still sharing their differing opinions? I say the answer is YES!

Friends let's show them by being the example of this.  We can and should stand up for Christ.  But above all...let's do it in LOVE.....

"Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.  And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts.  For as members of one body you are called to live in peace.  And always be thankful.

 Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives.  Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom it gives.

 Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts.  And whatever you do or say.....DO IT AS A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE LORD JESUS. Giving thanks through Him to God the father.."

Colossians 3:14-17 

 

An old fashioned kind of love...

It's the 1940s, a boy sees a girl from across the street.  Her smile is contagious....her laughter magnetic.  In an instant he knows she's the one for him.  Of course when he asks her out she tries multiple times to refuse.  The boy, in the same token, refuses to give up.  He sees her get on a ferris wheel with another guy and runs and leaps onto their seat.  When she refuses him yet again, he proceeds to dangle high above the ground in order to force her to say yes.  And from there, they proceed to fall madly in love.....a true passionate old fashioned kind of love.  Fast forward years later and we find this girl, now woman, has Alzheimers.  She has seemed to forgotten the love of her life and yet he continues to refuse to accept that and makes her fall for him over and over and over again. Until one day they lie down and drift off into heaven together....

We all know this story.  It's Nicholas Sparks book titled, "The Notebook".  Women, and let's be honest some men, fell head over heels in love with this story.  We fell deeply into each character.  We felt what they felt.  We cried when they cried and we laughed when they laughed.  Some may say we loved it so much because it was a beautifully written story.  And while I agree I also feel like we let it seep so deep into our souls because we all crave that earth shaking, knees quaking, no one else matters around you kind of love.  And not only that passionate, but a love that is so powerful it lasts until your final breath.  And not only until your final breath but also through all sorts of turmoil, heartache, and pain.  A love that is still felt even when one of your memory's slips away.  A real, honest, pure, simple, passionate, old fashioned kind of love.  In today's society.....in generations since that time, it just doesn't seem to happen when you look at the staggering statics of marriages.  Life it seems has gotten more complicated for families.  Both the husband and wife can easily both have booming careers outside the home.  Kids activities seem to clutter and fill up the schedule.  There's errands to run, chores to be done, functions to attend, meetings to go to....and it seems that the thing that takes the biggest hit is our relationships with our spouse.  We seem to take that relationship, that bond, that love for granted.  It's so easy to assume the will always be there for us.  They are married to us after all so they will have to wait.  Other things, other people, other stuff needs our attention more at whatever season we are at in our lives....

Recently, just a few weeks ago actually, Travis' beloved Papa passed away.  He lived to be the wonderfully old age of 92.  And by his side for almost 68 of those amazing years was his wife Lilian.  Can you even fathom that? When he was just 24 and she was just 18 they fell madly in love with each other.  And they never stopped.  They had their share of good times and bad.  They had 2 sons together and lived out their lives on the farm.  Ever since I started dating Trav I honestly don't think I ever saw one without the other.  With each glance they gave one another I saw the purest form of love I have ever seen.  The way he looked at her, his eyes danced.  I can just picture it in my mind as I close my eyes now.  When Travis would tell stories about the 2 of them he would say so many times how much they loved each other.  For the last several years we had said we didn't know how one would get along without the other.  They had that "Notebook" kind of love.  That love that society seems to view as a 'fairytale' these days.  We haven't been back to the farm since Papa's passing but I know how incredibly hard that day is going to be.  When we think of Papa and Grandma, we think of them as one unit.  They aren't 2 separate people in our minds.  They are 2 souls forever intertwined....

When I think of them, it makes my soul yearn....It makes my soul yearn and aspire to make sure that Travis and I have that old fashioned kind of love.  That love that people don't see much of these days it seems.  That love that intertwines us for eternity.  That love that makes people see us as one unit.  That love where if either one of us were to lose the other we wouldn't know how to go on nor would we want to live in that world.  A piece of us would forever be missing. 

In today's society we are told that we shouldn't depend on anyone like that.  Especially women are taught that.  That we need to be our own person and we need to take care of ourselves.  That we need to prove to society that we don't need a man in our lives to take care of us.  And men are taught that they need to prove that they don't need any women in their lives telling them what to do.  That marriage is a ball and chain relationship...

I tell you what ladies and gentlemen listen up.... I want that kind of love.  Society is lying to you once again.  That old fashioned kind of love is good for the soul.  That old fashioned kind of love works.  That old fashioned kind of love is the kind where the divorce rate isn't 1 out of every 2 marriages.  That old fashioned kind of love is the kind of love that God created for us all.  He wants us to feel that kind of love.  Our souls yearn for it.  It's why we love stories like the Notebook.  But they don't have to be just stories.  Love like that really exists out there.  Papa Donovan and Grandma Lillian are living proof of that.  I pray that Travis and I live to see 68 beautiful years together.  It's not going to be easy....but by God it's going to be WORTH it.  Find an inspirational couple in your own life and let them inspire you to do everything in your power to make sure you are fighting for them daily.  That that relationship is your top priority after Jesus.  Kids are amazing but they thrive when mommy and daddy are head over heels in love.  The busyness doesn't have to be so busy.  Carve out time for them.  Do unexpected things for them.  Pray for them.  And when life tries to bash the love out, dig in your heels and fight for them....

I want an old fashioned kind of love......the earth shaking, knees quaking, no one else matters around you kind of love......

CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES C'MON! Or....wait....what?

A sweet Facebook friend shared an assignment tonight.  One that I felt as if she had written specifically for me.  Like seriously God sat her down and said, "Chelsia...you need to post this assignment for Chrissy.  Because her and her family are moving into a new season and frankly they have been complaining about the past one far too much." Oh sweet Jesus why do you have to be so direct sometimes.....

The assignment, or frankly in our case challenge, was this:  Count how many rooms you have in your houses, and then think of that many things you can CELEBRATE from the past season.  Guess how many rooms our house has? 11.  Yes 11.  I think God has a sense of humor because honestly this past season has been one of the most painful seasons we have ever had in our marriage yet.  I wasn't even sure if we would be able to do it.  Well Travis and I sat down and we did it! And I want to share it with all you because I want you to realize that no matter how much the season you are in sometimes frankly sucks, there are ALWAYS things in it worth celebrating.  So here we go:

1. WE HAD OUR LYLABUG!! Seriously the best thing worth celebrating.  She's a ray of sunshine in our lives.

2. We made some awesome awesome friends in Canby.  Seriously God placed them in our lives for a reason.

3. We learned FULLY that no matter what God WILL provide.  Seriously there were times we shouldn't have made it when Trav was living in Canby by himself.  And guess what? All bills always got paid.

4. Trav got sales experience to put on his resume to help lead him to his next (now current) job.

5. We didn't have to live apart the whole 2 years.  God provided a house to live in.  We might not like the house...it might not be anything that we wanted, but God provided the way for us to live here.  So we could live as a family again.

6.  As hard as this one is to admit: That our house in Litchfield DIDN'T sell.  If it would have sold we would have bought one in Canby.  And we don't belong here.

7.  Our marriage STRENGTHENED while we were living apart not weakened.  Yes that's right.  I said strengthened.  That's UNHEARD of in today's world.  And yet we made sure to hold on for dear life and make sure that was our top priority.

8.  Maci is here with us.  If you remember a year and a half ago....she had the worst case of croup.  One that made her go to Children's in an ambulance and end up in ICU.  They didn't know if she was going to pull through when she was first brought in.  She is here and had just the right doctor at just the right time.

9. Our faith grew stronger. Our love for Jesus is like nothing we've ever felt before now.  We loved him and trusted him before.  Now we love him and trust him more than we ever thought possible.

10.  God provided just the right job, in just the right location, at just the right time.  The new job Trav has.....it's more than we could have ever pictured him doing at this point in his life.

11.  WE SURVIVED!! I tell you what with all we have been through this season....with all the curve balls we have been thrown.... we shouldn't be the family we are today.  We shouldn't still have the faith we have...we shouldn't be such a strong tight knit family.  In today's world, the scenarios we were in tear families apart.  They don't make them stronger....they don't survive.  WE DID!! We are here to tell the stories and here to share our faith with anyone who will listen.   We survived...

While this season is over, and we start to move into our next... I'm so thankful.  The end of this chapter is painful, and will continue to hurt for a little while but....BUT we see the light.  And God is and will always be good.

I encourage you to do Chelsia's assignment.  Even if it's hard....actually ESPECIALLY if it's hard.  All glory to God forever and ever......

When God takes you on detours...

It's so easy to question God isn't it? It's so easy to also question whether you took a wrong path.  You sit down and pray over a situation.  You pray so hard for God to show you that that is the calling for you.  That this road will lead to good things at the end of it.  That this road will lead you to blessings far more than you can imagine.  That's what we did almost exactly 2 years ago.  We sat down and prayed so hard for our future.  We felt God calling us out of Litchfield.  And as scary and hard as it was, we felt such a peace about it.  We felt that God was giving Travis an opportunity to move into his dream position.  We felt that He had bigger and better things in mind for our family and we needed to put far more trust into Him than we ever had before.  Trav accepted the Canby job, we put our house on the market...and then much to our disappointment.... Maci and I watched Trav drive away to his new job without us.  We watched him do that every single week for a year.  It was probably the hardest most emotional year I had ever had.  Our faith was tested more than it ever had up until that point in our still somewhat young lives.  And then November 1st rolled around and we finally got to move as a family.  Things were still left undone but we finally finally got to all live under one roof.  We were so happy and didn't want to take a second of it for granted. A few months later we had our 2nd baby girl and even though our house was still on the market we continued to trust God with everything we had.  After all he had brought us this far.  We had some severe hardships this past winter with finances but God provided like He always does.

As spring rolled around we started to feel that unsettled feeling again.  That feeling like God is doing something behind the scenes and yet you don't know what it is.  I got excited thinking our house was going to sell as soon as we put it back on the market.  And then God started whispering into my heart....."Make the most of the situation you are in Daughter but you don't belong here.  I've got something else in mind" And to be honest Trav and I tried to ignore it.  After all we worked so hard to move here.  And then things began happening.  Things that broke our heart.  Things that made us angry.  Things that made me cry... a lot.  Finances started to get tighter and tighter (seriously NEVER EVER EVER live in a house with fuel oil. WORST DECISION EVER). As we started to try even harder to find new housing that was affordable and just simply worked better for our family in the area we kept coming up empty handed.  And that whispering in our hearts began getting louder and louder. "You don't belong here children......I've got something better in store for you".  So Trav began searching for new jobs.  We were so confused because honestly....we thought Canby was going to be our new forever hometown.  And yet a place we worked so hard to get to, God was just blocking our paths to stay here.  We didn't get it. We didn't understand it.  Why God? Why after such a hard year to get us here are we having to search to leave again? Did we hear you wrong the first time? Were we never supposed to be here in the first place? And that's when the Hefty job popped up in South Dakota.  Trav didn't apply right away.  In fact he had applied to other jobs before that didn't work out for one reason or another.  But that job kept getting brought up on our computer screen and he kept asking me what I thought.  He finally said "What the heck.  It can't hurt me to apply"  He never in a million years thought they would look twice at his application.  You see this is a job he thought he wouldn't get for many years after working in a coop in sales.  He's always wanted to work at a big seed company.  (And even though I didn't say it I was pretty excited for the job to be so close to my family ;) ) After he applied, he got an email pretty quickly from HR that she was on vacation for the week but really looked forward to talking to him the next week about the position.  That was sign number 1 that God was moving.  What person on vacation responds to a resume? Seriously that doesn't happen.  Soon after that I read this verse:

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. 12 In those days when you pray, I will listen. 13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. 14 I will be found by you,” says the Lord. “I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.”

Jeremiah 29:11-14

That last line struck me "I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land." He will gather us from where He sent us. He will bring me home again to my own land.  Wow.  Powerful stuff given our situation at that time.  Fast forward a few weeks and Trav had done 2 interviews with 2 different companies.  Both told us fairly quickly that they wanted him and offered him jobs.  But it was extremely clear which one was meant for us.  Hefty not only wanted him, but they let him choose which location he wanted to be at.  There were also some other things that were holding us back from saying yes and yet Hefty made sure to make those right with us so we had no doubts in our mind this was the place for us.  There was even one point as Trav was telling me what was said as such a God thing where I cried.  God was working miracles and He was making sure we got the message loud and clear this time.  

I can't even begin to tell you all the ways God has made sure we are confident this time with this move.  From housing.... we had an AWFUL time trying to find a place...Which in turn made us so angry because again REALLY God?? Really? That was a big reason why we had to move from Canby and now we are having to deal with that again? Well, turned out one of the first places I called ended up working out even though it sounded like it wasn't going to work out at all.  Budget wise was perfect...location wise was perfect....so far everything has been perfect.  The weekend we accepted the job we had 2 showings on our house in Litchfield which we hadn't had in forever.  Did our house sell? No but God has always used showings as a way to reassure us it seems.  A week or so after we accepted, suddenly in Canby there were 3 or 4 houses for rent.  If we hadn't got this new job at this certain time we probably would have rented one and then been stuck here for at least another year.  There have been many more signs but right now my brain is all over the place.  

You see, when God tries to bless you, for some reason, the devil starts to get nervous.  The last 2 weeks have again been so extremely emotional.  Things have been happening that are very hurtful.  Things have been happening where it is also been made even clearer that we don't belong in Canby.  Things have been happening where we are questioning God even more than ever why He brought us here.  And even though these things are so hard and can break our hearts into a million pieces God has very quickly seemed to pick up the pieces and start trying to weave it all together for the good.  And it makes me so thankful that God is on our side and that we love Jesus so much. 

I will never understand this world.  I try so hard to see the best in everyone and this world quickly reminds me that this isn't our home.  People and events won't always do what is right.  The devil will always be at work.  Those facts will always seem to take my breath away and break my heart.  But through it all, I can always be assured that Jesus loves us so so so much.  Life is hard but He will never never leave us.  I am living proof and can sit here and tell you without a doubt that Jesus cares.  He is always there.  You can cry to Him, scream at Him, question Him and yet He will still be there.  He is always waiting for you to come to Him.  If you hold on to Him, life seems just a bit easier to deal with. It will still be hard, there will still be heartbreaks but we have so much hope and promises in Him that will never fail.  Whatever you are going through...please please always hold onto that.  

The next month or so....especially the next 2 weeks are going to be incredibly hard on our family.  Our faith, in my opinion, is going to be tested even more than it has been thus far.  The only thing I can and will say is we aren't leaving Canby with very many good memories and good things to say.  And that's such a hard thing to say.  It breaks my heart quite honestly.  We are trying to speculate why God even brought us here and quite frankly I don't think we will ever know until we meet Jesus in heaven someday and get to ask Him.  What I do know is God gave me such a precious gift for my last year here.  And tears are filling my eyes thinking about her but honestly it needs to be said.  Jess Citrowske I can't thank you enough for your incredible friendship since we moved here.  God used you to make sure that I never felt alone in this town.  Your family's friendship is something we are going to cherish forever.  God hand picked you to be put in our lives and I can't thank Him enough for that.  "I thank my God every time I remember you" Philippians 1:3 

Please please please continue to keep our family in your prayers the next month, especially the next 2 weeks.  We have a mountain in front of us and will be having to lean on God more than ever before.  This path once again isn't going the way we thought but we know God can make everything work out for good. (Romans 8:28) Life is hard...but our God is so much stronger.....