The Derailed Train...

Devastated.  Hurt. Angry. Bewildered. Confused.  We sat there in the kitchen wondering how it could have ended up this way.  We had heard God.  We knew this was the path He had wanted for us and yet here we sat questioning why if His plans were so good...then why did this one seem to hurt so much?  

It all happened about a year or so ago now.  The job offer that seemed like it would be forever away for Trav landed in his lap.  We knew it was a God thing.  We knew it wasn't by chance that this was happening at that particular moment in time.  It started to make our whole story make sense.  Why our house wasn't selling...why we weren't finding a more permanent place to live other than Trav's manager's house.  We were on what seemed like cloud nine until we suddenly realized we were between a rock and a hard place.  That minor detail of our landlord also being Trav's boss.  Therefore instead of giving the usual 2 weeks notice, we would have to give 30 days notice.  I don't know if it was just us being naive or not, but we didn't think it would matter.  God had brought us this far and we knew He wouldn't leave us hanging.  We knew that in the end He would work it all out.....

Until that day.  That day where our world seemed to crumble.  That day the rug seemed to be pulled out from underneath us.  That day where the train God placed us on seemed to derail fast and hard......Trav had given his notice and wasn't to start the new job for 4 more weeks.  And suddenly just days after walking into their office, Trav was called back in and told that in just 2 days he would have to have his last day....3 weeks early.  Without pay....without insurance.....without a way to support his family.  It cut like a knife.  The anger that was placed in our hearts seemed far more than we could bear.....

"God, your plans for us are good.  You are good! Why doesn't this feel good? Why would you allow this to happen?"

I could tell you all the things that came out of my mouth in those final 2 days of him working there. I could tell you all about the pain we felt.....about all the anger we didn't know how to handle.  But I will spare you those pleasantries.  Because they were far from pleasant as I'm sure you can imagine.....but what I can tell you....what I can tell you is how our good God used those 3 weeks to make sure we knew just how He uses it all for His good.  How He always has our best interests in mind, no matter how much the world tries to break us down to nothing...

You see it was in those 3 weeks that Trav's beloved Papa became fatally sick.  He was in his last few days here on this earth.  His body was failing and it was in that time Trav had off that we got that call.  Because Travis wasn't working, He had the time to go to his dying grandfather's side to give his hand one final squeeze.  He had the time and the freedom to go tell him he loved him one final time.  If Trav would have still been working, I know he wouldn't have been able to have those moments.  And I know those last moments with him mean more to Trav than he will ever care to admit.......It was also in those 3 weeks that we had more than enough time to pack up that house as a family.  I didn't get the luxury of having my husband home when we moved the first time and so it was something I missed out on.  The last time I had to pack up the house myself.....but this time, we got some amazing quality time with him.  He also got to start a week early at Hefty.  God blessed us with that prayer answered.  And because he got to start a week early......we also got blessed with being able to go as a couple to Las Vegas with the agronomists of Hefty.  If he would have started when he was originally scheduled to, he wouldn't have started til the week everyone was already there.  

I'm not sure why this whole situation came to me again today as we were out on an afternoon walk. Maybe it's because we are in yet another situation of questioning what God could possible make good come out of it. Or maybe it's because there's someone who is going to read this that needs to hear it.  Whatever the reason is, I do know this:

God is faithful and true.  He is never changing.  He is the GREAT I Am.  And He has the power to stop any bad situation that may be headed for us.  He could have laid it on those managers hearts to let Trav finish out his time with them.  If He had we would have never had to experience the kind of hurt and anger that we did.  But God also gives every single person on the face of this earth free will.  And we know that since this world is a fallen one, there will be people and situations that fail us.  Things that make us question if God truly is good.  Things that make us second guess if we truly did hear His calling for us.  But friends, when you know without a shadow of a doubt that God has placed you a on certain train.....when you know you heard Him LOUD and CLEAR......don't ever second guess who He is and that He is good and His plans for you are good.  There are gonna be times that train will flat out derail from the tracks.  There will be times that it goes a completely different direction than you thought it would.  But don't you dare let go.  You hang on to that train for dear life.  Because if God placed you on that train, no matter how many bumps and pot holes you hit, it is headed some place good.  It may derail, and your heart may get broken in the process.  But God can take those broken pieces of your heart and turn them around for good.  He can bring good out of anything that the world throws your way.  So hang on tight dear one.....God isn't finished yet...

If this is where your heart is today friend, take a few minute and listen to this song.  Let it bless you, it's like she reached into my heart and wrote a song about what that month was like for us....

It's all going to be okay.....

A blow we didn't see coming happened.  One that left us confused and searching for answers.  We did the only thing we could and knew how to do.  Ask the question why.  Ask for an explanation that would calm are hearts. An explanation that could heal the damage that had already been done.  An explanation that maybe would stop the anger, hurt, tears, feeling of rejection, and betrayal.  We waited.  And we waited...and we waited some more. The more days that seemed to pass, the more it seems like we would never get the answer we were desperately searching for.  Anger was knocking hard on our hearts....I was begging God to see the bigger picture and not let my heart grow cold.  I prayed for the protection of my hubby's own heart as well.  I wanted answers so much it hurt, and if I felt that way I knew he wanted them just as much if not more.

While we are still waiting on that answer, and praying hard we will still get it, God reminded me of the very thing we often seem to forget in times like these.  This world and the people in it will always let us down at one time or another.  There will always be questions that go unanswered.  And even when we do get answers, those answers won't always satisfy our heart.  They won't always heal the anger and hurt that sometimes goes with those answers.  And as we are left in the waiting and wondering, we have the one answer that can heal anything.  The one answer that can calm a desperate heart.  The one answer that we can count on time and time and time again.  The one answer that is constant and never changing.

No matter what happens, we can put our trust and hope in God. He's got this answer and every other answer in HIS hands. No matter what the outcome is, He will never leave us nor forsake us.  It's all going to be okay.

It's all going to be okay.....It's all going to be okay....  Deep breath mama, that screaming toddler you can't get to calm down?? It's all going to be okay......  That job you are waiting on?  It's all going to be okay whether you get it or not..... That test result you are waiting on? No matter what God's got you and it's all going to be okay....  That friend that won't call you back and you wonder why?  It's all going to be okay.....  That raise you are desperately needing and not receiving?? God will provide.....He always has and He always will......It's ALL going to okay....

It's. Going. To Be. OKAY.....

So I don't know where you are at right now in your life.  Maybe you are like us and waiting on some answers to some big whys and you just can't understand why all there is silence.  All you want is an answer to this problem and there's not one in sight.  Friend, take a deep breath with me right now and remind yourself of the only answer that truly matters.  God's got us in His hands.  We won't always get clear cut answers but we do know that He will never leave us and He will always be on our team.  He will always fight for us when we don't have the strength or energy to fight for ourselves.  Our hope and trust is ALWAYS safe in Him.  It's all going to be okay as long as we are clinging to His strong and safe hand.  We won't always get the answers we want from the world around us and that's okay.  Because our God is bigger and stronger than anything this world will through our way.  It won't always be fair...it won't always be just....it won't always be what we need but we already have ALL that we need.  That is our sweet Jesus.  It's all going to be okay.....I can promise because He promises.......

A Chance Encounter

It was our anniversary and instead of out to eat at some romantic place, I was chasing after a lively 18 month old while her big sissy was doing a 45 minute dance camp.  Travis assured me he was going to leave work in time to get there about 15 minutes before it was over, plenty of time before they called the parents in to see what the kids had learned during that time.  I was getting exhausted from chasing Lyla around and getting a tad antsy for him to walk through the door.  Finally just a few minutes after 6 we saw his car whiz into a parking spot.  "FINALLY" my heart wanted to shout.  I was so ready to give him the big anniversary hug I had been waiting for and, if I'm being really honest, let him take over chasing duty for a few minutes.  But as he was starting to rush into the church, a man I had never seen before seemed to call over to him and there they stood in the middle of the parking lot talking.  After a few minutes I was starting to get a tad agitated. In just a little bit they would be asking for parents to head on in and see the literally 1 minute dance number they had been working on.  I texted him...asking what on earth he was doing.  He never checked his phone and he continued to talk to that man as his brow was in a serious state of mind.  I wondered out loud to the woman sitting in front of me what on earth they could possibly be talking about.  "I have no idea who he even is..."  And then I just heard the whisper into my heart: pray. pray for Trav to have the words.  After saying a short prayer, they both started walking into the building.  I looked into Trav's eyes expecting some sort of a clue but instead the gentleman stood in front of me asking if anyone from the church happened to be in there.  I told him no...that the dance company rented it from them but that we could certainly ask Jen when she was done if she went there and knew how to get a hold of someone.  And then as I stared into that man's eyes, they started to fill with tears as he said: "I just really need a lot of prayer right now.  Just a lot of prayer..."  My heart broke at the sight and sound.  Before I could even draw another breath, the woman I just happened to be standing next to said that her husband was going to be a pastor and he would certainly pray with him.   And pray they did, they were still huddled in a corner talking as we were leaving......

Now this could just seem like a really sweet story at first.  Just a random occurrence.  A chance meeting with a stranger who went to a church to seek help.  But friends, it just isn't.  You see I went back and forth on if I should have even signed up for that dance camp.  We went on vacation this past weekend and I knew Maci would still be exhausted from all the lake fun we had.  And normally I would have just skipped over it but I didn't.  I felt like Maci needed to be there.  Travis had left in plenty of time to get there before 6, and yet he pulled into the parking lot 3 minutes after....the exact same time as that man did.  All the other parents were already inside.  No one else showed up after him.  I had been chasing Lyla all over that church and yet for those moments as they were outside, we stayed in one place.  And in that one place I could see that something was happening out there and felt the call to pray over them.  There were also plenty of other parents I could have been standing next to when they both walked in to talk to me.  And yet....I happened to be standing next to the wife of a pastor to be.  

For the past 24 hours now, this man (whose first name is Dan), has been on my mind and heart.  When I went to bed last night, he was there....when I woke up.....when we went on a walk....as we played in the park....at quiet time...at supper time....at bed time.  Friends I have been praying over this man I don't even know asking God to bless him.  Asking God to answer his prayers he so desperately needs prayer for.  Asking God to continue to place people in his path who are going to be willing to help him and pray over him.  And tonight as I was getting ready for bed, God reminded me how perfect His timing is.  How things that could easily be seen as a consequence, aren't.  How God cares about the littlest details.  How one simple encounter with someone could help them in a bigger way than we even realize or know.  

We probably won't ever know what happened to Dan.  We won't ever know if his prayers were answered or if his life changed the way it needed to.  But those short 10 minutes affected me in so many ways......Our world is filled with people like Dan.  People who are hurting.....who are searching for someone to listen to their story and offer their help.  We just have to be open to it and willing to take the time to listen.  Trav could have told him that he was in a hurry and he had to get inside.  But instead, my amazing hubby took the time to really listen to his story and try to figure out someone to help.  I am so proud of him for that....even as I was sending him a 'nagging' text to get inside.  And then tonight as he was again on my heart, I was overwhelmed with God's timing.  That short little story could be so overlooked and seen as just a nice little story.  But oh my goodness that timing was incredible for all those little details to line up. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  If God has you waiting on something friends, He is just waiting for all your little details to line up.  Because no matter what our timing is, HIS timing is perfect.  If Trav would have gotten there when he had wanted.....he wouldn't have met Dan in the parking lot......

In a world that is weeping and losing it's joy daily.....I pray that we will all have eyes that are open to see those that are hurting that we might encounter.  That we take the time to listen...really listen....to take the time to look into their eyes and see their souls that are craving an encounter with Jesus.  Because we can be that encounter for them.  And I pray that instead of getting aggravated at God the next time things aren't happening in my own timing, I remember Dan.  That I remember that God loves me so much He wants every little detail to be perfect.  Because when I look back at how perfectly He did time it......I know I will be standing in awe and praising Him far more than I ever have before.......

Fireflies in the Night

The sun is setting and you are sitting outside soaking up the last few moments of the light before the darkness seems to take over.  Crickets are starting to chirp and the world seems to go quiet as you watch the sun slip away for yet another night.  If you are one of those that live in a small town or in the country, all becomes dark and quiet.  No cars or sirens in the distance.  No street lights making it seem as if it is still daytime.  Darkness has come as another day is over.  But suddenly as you sit there taking it all in, you notice flickers of light.  They may be small and not give off much light but yet their presence is made known.  Even if you aren't looking directly at them, you still see them out of the corner of your eye.  They are bright and shine vibrantly in the darkness.....

While we were living in MN, we saw fireflies on occasion.  But nothing like we have seen since we moved to SD.  Last night as we finished off the few fireworks we had, I stood there in our backyard and I was in awe.  They filled our backyard.  Their little lights flickering constantly.  Making sure the world sees them.  Letting us know that while darkness has fell, they are still there....shining brightly.  

(This isn't our yard, but it sure looks like it)

And as I stood there, I remember how dark the world seems to most of us right now.  So much terror, so much evil.....so much that some days it is hard not to feel like that darkness is going to consume us.  That this world we live in is going to continue to fall into that big black hole and there is nothing we can do to stop it.  Some days we even wonder what the point of trying to let our own lights shine in it is.  We think that because we aren't anyone famous or 'significant' that how we reach out and try to change the world doesn't matter.  I know I have.  Things happen that left us with a huge hole in our hearts.  That made our hearts burn with anger and tears for how far the world has fallen.  Turn on the news for just 5 minutes and you will walk away feeling like its all out of our hands.  That the world is what it is and there is nothing we can do to change it.  And while it is true that we will never be able to stop the darkness from coming, the light that Jesus placed inside of our hearts does matter.  It is significant.  It is something that the world can see whether they choose to admit it or not.

See as I was standing in that backyard and watched the black of the night surround me, I wasn't consumed by it.  What I was consumed by were all those little tiny fireflies dancing around me.  Their light beckoning me to them.  My eyes were drawn to them.  And in that moment the Lord reminded me that human hearts are drawn to the light.  That even though darkness seems to swallow up the world around us, the eyes of the people are drawn to the ones who are still letting their lights shine as brightly as possible.  There are still people out there standing in the middle of the blackest of black night they can imagine, and their hearts are yearning to be drawn to that light.....to be drawn towards hope.  

My heart longs to be like those fireflies.  They don't seem to care that the darkness has taken over, in fact they seem to dance in it.  They don't go and hide until the morning comes.  They don't care if they are small and feeling insignificant.  All they do is just continue to let those tiny lights shine.  I want the world to be drawn to my heart because they see the light of Jesus burning brightly inside of it.  I want them to be reminded that the darkness doesn't have to consume them.  I want them to see the light of Jesus and know that no matter what evil has done to take over this world, there is hope.  There is still good in the world.  All we have to do is to always remember to have our eyes be drawn to the light.  Because that is our instinct.....we just sometimes get lost in the darkness.  We let the night consume us, instead of being drawn to the glowing hearts of those who are still letting their hearts shine brightly. 

You matter in the kingdom of God.  The fire in your heart that burns brightly for His glory is seen.  It is needed in this dark night.  You might not reach millions of hearts.  You might not reach thousands or even hundreds.  In fact sometimes you might think you just reached one.  But that one IS significant to the Lord.  Every single soul matters to Him. So as this darkness continues to fall around us, let that little firefly inside you burn as brightly as the sun.  It might not touch the whole earth, but those around you will be drawn to it.  And it will spread the kind of hope this world needs more of.  The kind of hope that will make the darkness not seem so dark after all.....