When we say "I'm fine" when we really mean: "I'm not ok..."

"Hey! How are you?"

"I'm fine.  How about you?"

"Good!"


This is a conversation that happens daily in everyone's life.  You see someone you know on the street, at the store, at church...wherever.  You both smile and do the generic conversation.  I say generic because let's be honest, how many of us truthfully answer that question? How many of smile and say we are fine when really we are weeping and screaming inside? And how many of us on the flip side ask the question hoping and expecting the person to just give the generic response? I'm fine, good, ok..... When we ask the questions are we being sincere about it? Or are we just asking because it has become the normal in our society?

Why do we do this to ourselves? When we don't admit to others that we are hurting it is only hurting ourselves more.  It only does to more damage than good.  The bible says that God works best in our weakness, therefore we  should boast about our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9).  So when we are weak, when we are hurting....why do we try so hard to conceal it? To try and make it seem like we are doing fine and good with whatever life is currently throwing at us? Instead of replying with the generic ok, fine, good; we need to starting saying honestly how we are doing.  If we aren't doing fine or good, then we need to respond with: "Right now we are really struggling.  This is isn't as easy as I thought it would be.  Could you please pray for us?"  Or if life is really good and wonderful say that and why you are so blessed in that moment.

And on the flip side, when we ask those words to others, "How are you?" we need to stop asking so scripted .  We need to start asking with heart and compassion behind it.  We need to start letting the person know we are truly asking because we care about them and want to know how we can help them.  And if someone does respond with "I'm not ok....this isn't easy.  I'm hurting..", we need to really listen and take action! Maybe it's stopping right then and there and praying over them.  Maybe it's making a note and a point to pray over their family in our own quiet time.  Maybe it's asking them to go out and have coffee.  Maybe it's making it a point to go out of our way to make their day brighter.  When they tell you of a need, help fill it.  Help show them Jesus.

I struggle so hard with both sides of this.  God is working on my heart hard the past few weeks telling me that it's ok and better to be weak, because in Him I am strong.  Instead of telling everyone I'm doing fine, I need to start saying "You know this is really hard.  I didn't think it would get this hard.  I didn't expect to cry this much.  I'm not as strong as I've been pretending to be." And on the flip side of that I too do the generic "how are you?' when I'm greeting someone because it's the thing to do.  I need to start asking with more heart and compassion.  I need to start really listening to people and help them in their time of need.  Life is busy and it's hard.  It's so easy to get caught up in our own circumstances that we forget to see the needs of those around us.  But God calls us to rise up and be different than this world. (Romans 12:2)

With this I challenge each and every one of us to start seeing this question as more than a generic question.  To start asking with the intention to really hear how the other is doing.  And to start answering with truth and transparency.  What do you think? Can we do it? I know with Christ we can and maybe....just MAYBE it will be one small change to our lives to start showing more of Jesus in this sad and broken world.....

Below is just a little Matt Redman to start your weekend off right :) 

That unsettled feeling...

Last spring and summer I had this deep pit in my stomach.  Not necessarily a bad pit but a very unsettled pit.  A feeling that something was going to happen....that our lives would be changed in someway, shape or form.  Trav had been talking about finding a new job for quite awhile but it was just that: a lot of talking.  Until one day he let me know that he had decided to touch base with a recruiter to help him find exactly the job he was looking for.  Not long after that everything got very real.  Jobs were being discussed.  Jobs that we had to decide if it was a good fit or not.  Jobs that weren't in the area and that all required us to move away from Litchfield.  I knew deep down that this wasn't just talk anymore.  I knew a change was coming and I knew eventually Trav would be accepting a job; one that he would love. 

I told Travis more than once I knew it would happen soon; I could feel it deep inside.  You see that unsettled pit, in my mind, was the holy spirit's way of saying "Daughter it's coming and you need to prepare your heart.  I'm going to bless your husband with some thing he has wanted for some time now." Little did I know, this little something would require a great deal of sacrifice and strength from me.  Little did I know I would have to 'sign on' to being a single mommy 5, 6, sometimes even 7 days a week.  But I knew above all else I loved and trusted my husband as well as Jesus with my life.  I knew as long as they both were pointing the same direction that we would all be fine.

Here we are 7 months later.  Some days are good and some days are bad but I'm still trusting Jesus with this crazy chaotic life and I know He is working it all out.  But lately, I have been having that unsettled pit again.  That feeling of something changing.  That feeling of God preparing something behind the scenes for us.  It's a strange feeling, one that I totally can't explain in words.  Some nights I feel like we are visitors in our own house.  Like we don't quite belong here anymore.  Like our lives aren't here anymore.  But even though I don't 100% know for certain that means our house is going to sell like ASAP, I am hearing that still small voice again.  "Daughter it's coming and you need to prepare your heart...."

Maybe you  have that still small voice inside of you that is making you feel unsettled.  Whether it's an exciting unsettled feeling or a scary one, I promise you that God is behind the scenes working on it.  It might take longer than you 'planned' for or it might be faster than you 'planned' for, but either way God's timing is perfect.  And through it all He will be beside you holding you up when you need it.......

"The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me.

I will protect those who trust in my name.

When they call on me, I will answer.

I will be with them in trouble.

I will rescue and honor them.

I will reward them with a long life

and give them my salvation.'"

-Pslam 91:14-16

Someone shared this song on Facebook earlier today and I am now in love.  He will never fail...

Trials Come So That....

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work in you SO THAT you may be mature and complete not lacking anything."

-James 1: 2-4

Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials. Pure joy? How on earth can we look at any and all trials and take joy in them? How can we go through something that makes our hearts heavy and consider it joy? And why on earth would God ever want that from us? Does He take delight in seeing us suffer? Of course not so why, WHY should we consider it joy? This verse alone has so much depth to it and honestly it has been one that has helped me get through these past several months.  But I don't think I fully grasped all it truly had to offer me until this very week.

For the past month now I have been working through the book, "Living So That" by Wendy Blight with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies.  It is an incredible book and one I hope you will read one day.  This week the topic is: Trials Come So That.  Every week we have a memory verse to go along with the study, one that includes a SO THAT.  And my mouth dropped open when I saw that this week James 1:2-4 was our memory verse.  I have come to hold that verse so close to my heart for the past 6 months or so.  And I have no doubts in my mind that I was meant to be pouring my heart over that verse every day this very week.  You see, we are coming up on 7 months of our family living apart.  7 months!!! I could have never imagined we would still be in the place we are in. I would have never imagined God would decide to make us live with our 'trial' for 7 long tiring months.  And these past couple of weeks I honestly thought He would show up and let everything just fall into place.  That we would be moved and living our happily ever after again.  But here we are, no offer on our house and still living in 2 separate places. And as much faith as I still have that our house will be sold soon, this week has been a hard one.  

Honestly I've been trying to stay upbeat and super optimistic for the past several weeks now.  I've been trying not to say "if" anymore but "when".  I've been packing up our belongs and getting into the mindset that soon we will be saying good-bye to our loved ones here in Litch and we will be on our way to start our new life.  But this week, man it's been tough.  I kept trying to consider it pure joy but then yesterday, I just couldn't anymore.  I was down in the dumps and just plain sad.  My heart hurt and I thought "God I can't keep being happy about this.  I can't say "when" today God."  So Maci and I loaded up in the car and headed out to meet the hubby for supper halfway.  And when we had to leave, Trav and I both looked at each other and without saying a word we could look into each other eyes and see how much it hurt to be saying goodbye.  That's not considering it pure joy now is it? 

Then this morning I opened up that sweet book I've been reading and it had me read the story of Lazarus.  (John 11:1-45)  And then God blessed me with a new outlook.  You see Martha and Mary asked Jesus to show up and save their brother.  They asked Him to come and heal him so He wouldn't die.  But instead Jesus waited...He waited until it was too late in Martha and Mary's eyes.  Because by the time Jesus did come, Lazarus had been dead a few days already.  Martha and Mary of course were beside themselves. Their brother died and Jesus didn't come like they asked.  When Jesus saw how upset they were do you know what He did? He wept with them.  He cried with them.  Why? Because He LOVED them and didn't want to see them hurting.  He knew the outcome but He still didn't like seeing their hearts hurt.  In verse 40 Jesus says, "Didn't I tell you that you would see God's glory if you believe?" And with that He asked Lazarus to come out.  Can you imagine Martha and Mary's faces?? They thought it was too late!! They thought they would never see their brother alive again! And there he was in front of them, Jesus had rose him from the dead.  You see Martha and Mary thought it was over.  Probably also that Jesus had forgotten about them and left them there to suffer.  But instead Jesus did more than they could have imagined and because of that all those onlookers who were watching came to be followers of Jesus.  

"....the trials and sufferings that enter into our lives come to bring about the glory of God and to point others to Him."

We can learn so much about trials and sufferings from this story.  We must consider it pure joy because we know that God is always going to win, He is always going to be there for us, and glory and honor will always come to Him through it. But that doesn't mean it won't be hard.  It doesn't mean we can't weep sometimes.  It doesn't mean we can never let God see how much it hurts because friend, He sees in our hearts how much it hurts and He weeps with us.  But let's not forget what's on the other side.  Let's never forget that in the end God will get glory from it.  Through our sufferings we will bring others to Christ.  God will use our trials and through us others will be able to get through whatever they are also going through.  God is at work during our sufferings, maybe behind the scenes but He is at work so that all glory and honor will be His.