Hardest Job of all..

Let's face it.  Motherhood is hard.  Period.  End of Story.  Any mother will admit that to you if you truly ask.  And if they say it's easy, chances are they are lying to you.  Every time you think  you've got it all figure out and under control, the little dears switch it up on you and throw you for a loop.  You find ways to worry about them even when they are completely 100% fine.  Once you get through 1 stage, you are headed right into a new one.  It might be one that gives you a break, or it might be one that makes you want to scream and count down the minutes and hours until bedtime or nap time.  (Which by the way, those 2 times are sacred in our home.....completely and totally sacred :) )

We have been so unbelievably blessed with Maci. She has been such a good baby overall since birth.  Always has a smile for anyone willing to accept one (and even those that turn away grumpy, which rarely happens), listens to instructions (most of the time), and overall just has such a happy attitude.  We know how blessed we are and we get asked quite often if she is always smiling.  With that being said.....she isn't.  She isn't always smiling and we go through those awful stages just like everyone else. Maci just so happens to be like me when I was little.  To everyone else I looked so sweet and innocent, but trust me with my parents I could totally be a different story. Right mom? :) To the rest of the world Maci looks to be like a breeze, and most of the time she is.  But when the doors close in our home sometimes, we do get the screaming and tantrums.  The attitudes where nothing makes her happy and the buckets of tears.

This past week we are knee deep in a stage.  It could be she has just hit a point where she is realizing she can't always get what she wants or it could be that we are working on our last few teeth.  Yep girl only has 3 more left before her 2 year molars in the winter.  And can I just say she started out with only 2 teeth in January.  Yea just think about that.....10 or so teeth in a matter of a few months.  Mommas out there just feel my pain for a moment ;). 

The past few days have been difficult to say the least.  There has been screaming and whining and crying....from both of us.  There are times when I cry with her from being so exhausted with the day of fighting her on everything she knows she shouldn't be doing.  There are times when I want to just sit in the bathroom and lock the door.  And then there are times when daddy gets home and neither one of us can get to the door fast enough.  We have tried different outings and activities and she isn't satisfied with any of it.  She just going through a phase and I keep reminding myself of that.  But it's just so. hard.

But then out of no where God uses this little angel faced baby to speak to me and teach me something to simple that I sit there amazed.  Yesterday I was trying to get something done that I felt the Lord telling me to do.  As we were rushing around the house trying to leave after a rough start to the morning I couldn't find Maci's other shoe.  When you are already frustrated something so little can just send you over the edge.  I kept repeating "Maci find your shoe....Maci find your shoe." The poor girl just kept staring at me and to be honest it was making me more irritated.  Finally I said in a pretty gruff voice from being so mad that I couldn't find the stupid thing, "Maci! Find your shoe!" She looked at me puzzled and calming bent over to pick up the other shoe I was looking for....that was RIGHT in FRONT of her!  I sat down and started to laugh and she proceeded to laugh with me.  I felt so stupid.  What I was looking for all along was right there.  I gave my sweet babe a hug and kiss and off we went.

I didn't give much thought to that moment again until this morning on our walk.  It popped up into my mind again and then I heard His voice.  And once again I laughed at how simple the answer was.

"Daughter, I have all the answers to your life.  All the solutions to your problems.  If only you would remember that always.  There would be no reason for frustration and anger, if only you would trust me always."

I then just pictured Maci's face in that moment when she was like "Mom DUH!! The shoe is right here!"  And then I pictured God's face when He sees us searching so hard and He knows the answer.  All He wants from us is to ask.  All He wants from us is to trust in Him.  All He wants from us is to love Him.  It's such a hard one to do in such a rush, impatient, do it on our own world.  But if we did more leaning and trusting and asking on Him, our lives would be so much simpler! 

"Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting You.  Show me where to walk, for I give myself to You."   -Psalm 143:8

I'm gonna leave you with this video.  Music touches the deepest part of me and this is one of my many favorite songs by Chris Tomlin.  Right now it makes me think of a very special family to our family that is going through some super tough stuff.  Always remember that when you think you have it bad, there is someone else out there who is going through something worse than you are.  If that's you, may this song give you comfort.

Have a Little Faith...

We can all sit here and say we have faith and trust in the plans that God has laid out before us but how much do we 100% believe that and not worry one bit about what the consequences will be or if it's going to happen when we want it (which usually is right now)? Honestly it's so easy to say that we trust the Lord with our right now and our future.  It's so easy to say we have faith in Him that He will come through with all He has promised us.  But frankly there are probably very few times where we haven't even given it a second thought.  Where we had so much faith and trust in Him that we just did or said what He wanted us to without a second thought.  We are all human and it's in our nature to question and think it over.  Especially if it's something outside of our comfort zone or something we really don't want to do, or even something that scares us.

Right now our family is waiting on so many questions that have no answers.  We know God will get us where we want to be in His timing but it's so hard to wait when you so badly desire something.  While I was in the shower this morning, dreaming the dreams we have been praying and begging for; God put a memory in my mind where I had 100% faith and trust in Him where I didn't even question it.  I think of this memory often because it is so dear to me but I never thought of it in such a way that would give me so much hope in all areas of my life.

Those of you who are close with us know I had one very long tiring labor with Maci.  I woke up the day before she was born with contractions at 4:00 am and then eventually they went away until 1:00pm that day.  We went to the hospital that night and in the end I was in labor for 25 hours with over 4 hours of pushing.  At about 1:30 pm the day Maci arrived, the doctor came in and told me that he needed to start prepping me for a  c-section since my water had broke about 12 hours prior and things weren't progressing the way he had hoped.  Now if you know me at all, you know that it's very hard for me to stand up for myself.  Especially to a stranger.  I always worry about how people are viewing me.  But at that moment when he was telling me what I so badly didn't want to happen, it was like someone else entered my body.  Travis to this day still tells me how much he was shocked by how I acted at that point.  (As a side note, I"m a baby when it comes to pain ect so 'normal' Chrissy would have just wanted it all to be over) Instead of saying ok to something I didn't want to happen and becoming a basket case, I looked in that doctor's eyes and said, "No I CAN do this."  He proceeded to tell me about possible complications that could arise if we didn't, ect.  I looked at my nurses and at my sweet husband, then looked back in the doctor's face and asked how long he would give me.  "I'll give you 20 minutes, and then we need to do a c-section."  My response?

"I can do this.  God's on my side."

Within 2 contractions our sweet baby girl who was being so stubborn on coming out was out in my arms and crying away.  Still brings tears to my eyes as I think back on that moment.  I know the Lord was whispering in my ear, "Daughter trust me.  I've got your back.  I will make sure you are both safe.  You CAN do this.  Trust.  Have faith." 

I did not think twice about what needed to be done in that moment.  I trusted the Lord would take care of us and I had faith that He would fulfill what He told me would happen.  God knew how much I didn't want a c-section.  He knew about how much the idea of it scared me.

What does this all have to do with my every day life? I need to start having that kind of faith and trust in Him EVERYDAY.  I need to stop questioning why not now.  I need to stop trying to make it happen in my timing.  I need to stop fighting it when it's something I don't want to do.  When I need to say or do something in His name, I need stop being so scared about what the reactions of others will be.  I need to start living with total and complete faith in Him.  No questions asked. 

"Then Jesus told them, 'I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don't doubt, you can do things like this and much more.  You can even say to this mountain, 'May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea' and it will happen.  you can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it."                                                                                                                Matthew 21:21-22