A letter to myself....

Hey Beautiful Soul.  Yes I'm talking to you.  I've been watching you for awhile now.  You've always been one to wear your heart on your sleeve.  You've always been the one to forgive and forget ten times over again and again and again.  You've been beat up and bruised.  You've been hurt.  You've cried what seems like millions of tears.  And yet you kept choosing to stand up and do what is right...You kept choosing to love beyond measure....

But now, I see the weight is starting to take it's toll on you.  You are starting to wonder what the point is.  The hurt you have from others actions and words is starting to cut a little too deep. You decided enough is enough.  You have decided you have nothing left to give.  You have decided you are done continuing to give of yourself when you can't seem to see past the hurt....And so you start building the wall.  The wall to keep others out.  The wall to keep others at what you feel is a safe distance. The wall that says I'm done giving of myself because I can't take the hurt again....

Friend, I'm here to let you in on a secret. That wall you are building, it's made of all your fears.  All your fears of what might happen if you choose to continue to love as Jesus loves us.  It's Easter weekend, a weekend where we are reminded of the simple fact that no matter how many times we have sinned and hurt Jesus, He still chooses love.  He still chooses to love us regardless of our faults.  Regardless of our mistakes.  Regardless of how we choose to turn our backs on Him at times.  Regardless of how much we choose to curse against Him.  He is and always will be there for us no matter what.  When He took up that cross, He knew the world would still break His heart millions of times over.  When He took up that cross, He knew without a shadow of a doubt, that He would choose love over and over and OVER again.

We have bruised Him.

We have beat Him up.

We have broken His heart.

We have made HIM cry millions of tears.

And He still chooses to love us....

It has never made Him think of giving up on us...

He will never leave or forsake us...

No. Matter. What.

So sweet soul, I know you are tired. I know you are hurt.  I know you feel like you can't keep trying.  But when you feel like giving up.  When you feel like not choosing love time and time again.....I want you to picture the cross. I want you to picture Jesus Christ Himself hanging on it dying for you.  I want you to hear Him saying from that old rugged cross, "My sweet daughter, this is for you.  I don't want you to bear the weight.  I want to take that weight for you.  I want to continually take that hurt and pain and suffering away from you.  I want to conquer death so that you might live.  No matter how much you hurt me, I will always love you.  I will never give up on you.  I know you aren't perfect, I know you will make mistakes and take wrong turns....but daughter, I will still be here always.  As hard as it is to do in this world of hurts, choose love always.  Show the world what my love is made of.  Be my hands and feet."

If Jesus can take all that hurt and pain and suffering when He didn't deserve an ounce of it, oh sweet girl, we can choose to love without being afraid.  We can choose  love over and over and over again with Him at our side.  It's scary, and it's going to be outside of our comfort zones sometimes.....it may hurt at times, we will get our hearts shattered and it may always be a toss up with how others respond.  But oh dear one, it will always be worth it in the end.  So be brave in a world that has so many odds against you.  Step out of your comfort zone and show the world who Christ really is.  Be vulnerable.  Be tender.  Wear your heart on your sleeve unashamed.  When God whispers into your heart, listen.  Don't ever feel like you have to justify your actions when it comes to showing His love.  This world needs more people who are choosing love and truth over what the world is offering.  Because the kind of love and truth you are offering is not only life changing, it's LIFE GIVING.  

You can do this.  With Christ at your side, you are stronger than you know.  Don't ever give up on loving, because love can heal what hurt divides...and that my sweet friend is what the world needs more of.

Love,

Me. 

"Choose to Love" - Francesca Battistelli

No Longer a Slave.....

Just over 2 1/2 years ago, Travis and I started down a path that scared us.  We were choosing to start looking outside of our comfort zones and look into leaving the little safe life we had built in small town Minnesota.  We didn't know where it would take us.  We didn't know where we would end up but we did know one thing.  No matter what happened we would end up victorious as long as we kept our focus on God's way rather than our own way.   If you would have told me that day what that journey would all entail, I might have stared at you fearful.  My heart and head would be screaming out with every fiber of their human nature saying "NO!! Nope! No way!! I am NOT doing any of that.  I am NOT living apart from the love of my life and father of my child for a whole year.  I am NOT doing the single mother thing 6 days a week.  I can't sleep in an empty house.  Are you NUTS? I am NOT getting pregnant while we are still living without the hubs around.  There is no way I'm moving to a town in the middle of no where." And then after all that if you would have told me that Canby would not be the end of the journey for us and we would again have to pack up and move....my reaction again would have been something like this... " C'mon, you are kidding right? You think we are going to pack up and move our life to a town that we wouldn't even live in for a year? You just think we can keep moving?? Right after we start settling down and making friends? No I'm not doing it."

If you would have flat out told us that this chapter of our lives that God was calling us to would be this long and tiring.....our fear would have taken over.  Our fear would have been keeping us from all the great things that this journey has led us to.  2 1/2 years ago I would have told you that I was scared that I wouldn't be strong enough to handle the journey.  That I was scared we would fail.  That I was scared we would take missteps......that bottom line... My fear would have been stronger than my courage....

Last week we yet again had to make a new decision regarding realtors and while we sat looking at our options, that same fear kicked in: What if we make the wrong choice? What if it still doesn't sell? What if...what if...what if....   And then I heard a sweet friend say on Facebook... "You just choose, and He'll meet you there."  And while the tears fell, I heard him reassure me that we are strong enough for this decision.  That we don't have to be afraid of it, because He has been there time and time and time again.

Friends, fear is so powerful.  We don't think we are strong enough.  We are scared we will fail.  We are fearful that we aren't hearing Him right.  We are scared what other people might think and say of us.  The list goes on and on with what our fears are..... But God is SO much BIGGER than our fears.

And I was reminded again of that last night.  I was reflecting on everything we have been through.  Every single scary decision we had to make.  Every single act of faith we took.  And as I was doing that....I heard this song:

No Longer Slaves - Newsboys

I encourage you to listen to this song and let those words sink deep into your souls...

I'm no longer a slave to fear....

I am a Child of God...

I'm no longer a slave to fear....

I am a Child of God....

You split the sea so I could walk right through it

My fears were drown in perfect love.

You rescued me so I could stand and sing

I am a Child of God....

I have tears as I'm writing those words.  We are no longer slaves to our fears friends.  Those deep dark fears you have?? They don't own you.  You aren't their slave.  You are a CHILD of God.  Let me say that again.  Those fears don't OWN you.  You aren't their slave.  You are a CHILD of GOD.  

I don't know what's going on in your life.  I don't know if you are facing health concerns. I don't know if you are facing life changing decisions.  I don't know if you are fearful of your future.  But friend, hear me when I say you don't have anything to fear.  God is WITH YOU.  GOD is FOR YOU.  He is on your side and He is there with open arms to wrap you in and help lead the way.  The answers might not always be staring you in the face but know this: No matter what comes your way, if you are letting God be in control you have nothing to fear.  He wins every time. NO MATTER WHAT. It might not always end the way you want.  The answers won't always be bright and rosy, but you don't have to be fearful of any of it.  Because....

"So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10