When feelings are more than you can bear....

My personality traits are not always for the faint of heart.  When I feel an emotion, it is felt in such a passionate, words can't even describe it way.  When I'm angry, the world knows it.  It's not something I am quiet about.  When I'm hurt, I hurt in such a deep way that, sometimes, I'm not sure how I will ever even be able to process the hurt in a healthy way.  When I love, I love BIG.  When I'm happy, it's hard to contain the excitement.  I want everyone to feel that joy when I have it in my reach.  Life with me can be a roller coaster at times and I am so blessed to have the hubby I have.  He knows how to help with those hard raw emotions as best he can.  He holds me and lets me cry it out for as long as I need to.  When I'm angry, he lets me unload and get it off my chest so I don't explode later.  He gets me....and I know not every man in the world could handle my emotions all the time.

While there are positives and negatives to this personality trait, today I was reminded how dangerous it can also be.  Along with those raw, real, bigger than myself emotions I let myself feel....I also can have a ridiculous amount of being the hardest on myself.  Whether I'm angry, or just plain hurting....I open the door in my mind for the enemy to come in and have a huge place as his preying ground.  As my heart is hurting, my mind is racing to think of every possible outcome to the issue at hand.  I'm going over every word said, every action taken.  I let myself start to feel alone.  I let myself start to think that no one understands these feelings.  The devil takes that as his lead to enter into a war with our minds.  He uses it as his cue to whisper those sweet lies about ourselves that are so easy to feed into....

That we aren't good enough.....we don't love how we are supposed to....that God would be ashamed of us......how could anyone ever love us.....you are selfish.....you are a nobody....God will never forgive you....they will never forgive you.....you missed up so big this time, you will never recover..... they will never love you how you should be loved.....they don't deserve your friendship.....or you don't deserve them...

The list could go on and on and on with lies and deception he uses to make you feel lower than you already felt.  To make you feel like you will never be worth Christ's love.  That you will never live up to the expectations you are supposed to......

And then God spoke and showed me this beautiful verse:

Friend, there is so much beauty and truth in that one simple statement.  Whether we feel guilty for reasons that aren't true or we feel guilt because we truly did something wrong....God KNOWS our hearts.  He KNOWS our intentions, even when the world around us doesn't get it.  No matter how BIG and SCARY our feelings can get sometimes...no matter how MUCH they seem to take over moments in our lives.....God is GREATER than them.  God is GREATER than that serpent whispering all those lies about who you are in your ear.  When feelings consume us, we have the power to cry out to God and say, "God, this hurt, this anger, this loneliness ect, God, it hurts.  It seems bigger than me.  It's trying to consume my heart and my mind, but I REFUSE to let is take my soul.  I REFUSE to give into all those other feelings that are just lies from the devil.  Take this burden Lord.  I don't know how to handle it.  I don't know how to lay it down but God, my loving Savior...take it! Let these emotions turn a corner.  Help me to know that no matter what, You've got this.  You are greater than my human instincts...You are GREATER than my feelings."

We need to feel friends.  And I'm a firm believer that if you are feeling something you should feel it and explore it.  You should let it out.  Whether it be crying on someone's shoulder or going for a run when you are angry and need to cool off.  Your feelings are always valid. It's what you do with those feelings and how you handle them that matters....But when those feelings start to feel like more than you can bear....we don't have to be afraid.  We don't have to hear those lies the devils so desperately wants us to believe.  Our God is so much GREATER than them.  God knows our intentions, He knows our hearts....He knows EVERYTHING....

  

 

Hello my name is Chrissy and I'm a recovering people pleaser....

This morning I shared this image:

And since then I haven't been able to get that passage out of my brain.  There are so many thoughts and feelings it stirs up in my soul.  It has been a passage that has flashed in my mind time and time again.  It's a passage I feel God uses to convict me when I start to give in to the temptations that the world tries to get us to accept things we know in our hearts are not right.

I am a hard core people pleaser.  Or at least I was....It has always been a struggle for me to go against others.  Debate is not my strong suit. I would rather live in harmony and have everyone get along.  When I know someone is upset at me I hate it.  I can't eat, can't sleep....I want a resolution.  I want them to like me again.  All through high school I was just like every kid that wanted to fit in so baldy and yet at the same time....I wanted to please my parents and the thought of them being disappointed in my actions was gut wrenching.  It was a constant struggle in my heart.  Fast forward to married life and while Trav and I have some knock out fights....I can't handle the fight for long.  No matter who is right I always end the fight sooner than later because I can't stand the silence and the anger between us.....I say sorry far too much.....I over analyze what I say and how I say it.  Which, if we are being honest, annoys the hubby probably far more than he would care to admit.  Most of the time I walk away from a conversation replaying it over and over again in my mind.  Did I say the right thing? Did I act the right way? It's an exhausting way to live.  

The past few years however, God has been putting all those thoughts and feeling to the test it seems.  You see, the deeper we seem to get in this walk with Christ, the deeper our beliefs grow.  Our thoughts and opinions about this hurting world get stronger and stronger.  And the stronger our relationship with Jesus gets, the further we seem to get from this world and the more people we seem to encounter that try to challenge our way of life.  We have more people that dislike us because of what we believe.  While Christianity and Christ are founded and wrapped up in love....the truth is also not always everybody's friend.  Our culture, the way we are born is to feed every human desire we can.  And when you meet Christ face to face, that way of living is completely challenged.  Therefore, as Christians we wont' always please everyone.  And ya know what? We aren't supposed to.....

The world will always accept what is sinful and against Christ.  The world will always reject the truth.  The world will never stop making Christians feel like they don't belong here.  Because friend, here me in love when I say this: WE DON'T BELONG HERE.  This tired old earth is not our home.  It never will be.  We will always feel out of place.  We will always feel like the outcasts.  We will never be accepted by everyone here.  We will always feel like when everyone else is going one way, we are going the opposite.  But there is also so much freedom in that.  In Christ, we can be who we are called to be.  There is no people pleasing.  We don't have to please everyone.  We don't have to try to fit in some mold when we don't fit.  Because the truth is in Christ,  we all belong. There are no outcasts, no rejects, no losers.  So when we speak the truth and follow Christ....when we are proclaiming His word while the rest of the world seems to be slamming the door on it....we can have confidence.  We don't need to over analyze.  Doesn't give us the right to be rude or put others down.  We still must always speak in love.....but friends...sometimes love hurts.  If you truly love someone and care about them you will never....never stop proclaiming His truths.

This doesn't mean you will be friends with everyone all the time....you will upset people....and it will hurt.  We've had experiences with that in our own families.  And let me be the first to say that when you don't like conflict and you are a people pleaser....it goes against every fiber of your being.  And yet if you are following Christ's commands you can lay it down at His feet and have Him help carry that burden.  Because He will.  Lord knows how much He upset people when Jesus walked this world.  He went against it just like we are.
It's still a daily struggle for me sometimes.  When God is speaking to my heart and calling me to say or do something....whether it be face to face or on social media....I still think, "But God, there are gonna be people that don't like that.  I'm going to upset some people.  What if someone says this or this...."  And yet there's this simple truth: We will never please the entire world, there will be times where we offend or upset it so much that we get rejected.  But if our heart and soul belong to Jesus....we can never get so far that He is out of reach.  He will never reject us.  His love is always there waiting for us to run to....