As High As the Sky Mommy!

"HIGHER MOMMY HIGHER!! As high as the SKY!!!"  I hear the sweetest little voice yell out in front of me.  It's become a tradition to hear those words as she's sitting on the swings, but this morning my heart heard them differently.  They seemed to have more weight to them in.....more stillness in them....I wanted to savor that moment more than I had ever before.  She's only 4.5 and yet time seems to be moving far too fast for my mama's heart.  In Proverbs 27:1 it states: "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring" so as we know that no day to us is promised.  We know that we are often told to savor each day as much as we can because time passes too quickly and we don't ever know the time nor the hour when Christ will call us home. And yet the busyness of life happens, and before we know it....we haven't been savoring as much as we should.  And there are moments where we seem to be told that more than ever due to a tragedy having happened.  Whether it's an accident, a disaster, or worse yet....a beautiful young soul being taken far too soon.....

This weekend, if you happen to live in SD or MN, we all heard about that last one happening in one of the most tragic awful nightmare ways possible.  And sadly we hear of things like this happening to kids far too often.  We stop for a few moments and say a short prayer for the family.  We think of how awful it must be for them.  We say that we need to hold our kids more tightly that night....give them an extra kiss.  And then life happens and we forget those feelings we just felt.  One of them just dumped the jug of juice all over the floor while another is having a fit over her shoe not being on her foot.  Or you have asked 5 times for something to be done and all you are getting back is attitude.  Life happens and suddenly we are right back to where we started....our tempers are short again.  We do and say things we regret.  We go to bed again with guilt over how the day ended.  Wondering if they know how much we love them.  How we are their biggest cheerleaders.  How we would do anything for them.  And as we lay there in the stillness of the night, that family comes to our mind again....and we wonder how we could have forgotten that someone somewhere is without there child.  How we should be savoring these moments with ours......

That's usually how my days in the past have gone when I hear on the news of yet another horrible nightmare of a thing happening to a kid somewhere.  But this time...this weekend...it was different somehow.  I don't know the family....I have never met them.  And yet, I can't get that little girls face out of my mind.  My heart hurts often for that mother who just wants one more moment to let her daughter know how loved she is.  My heart hurts for her as I think of how she must be questioning every action and choice she had ever made with her....how she could have stopped it or changed it.  I know that's where my head would be.  After all, we as mothers tend to do it to ourselves on a daily basis even without anything like that happening.  My eyes have felt the sting of tears as I have lifted this family up in prayer.  And as I was crying yesterday after Trav and I had just finished watching a news story on it, I wondered why this case was different for me.  Why I was feeling more than I had ever before with this case.  Besides the little girl not being much older than Maci, I realized it's because this case was a case that could have literally happened to anyone.  Everyone always says you can never see it happening to yourself until it does and yet.....this time I think most parents can see it happening to them....for various reasons...

This morning as I watched my firstborn giggle and squeal with delight on that swing, my heart once again turned to that family.  They won't ever get another moment like this with their daughter.  They won't ever get to see her flash that award winner of a smile.  They won't get to hear the giggles and the pleads for: "Higher Mommy! Higher! As high as the sky!!"  And my heart whispered to my head:

"Savor it Mama.  Savor it with all you've got."  

I don't want my heart to ever forget this morning.  I want my heart to feel the weight of each and every moment.  I want that weight to dictate the words that come out of my mouth.  How I handle each and every situation with our girls.  And when I mess up, because I know I will, I want that weight to lay even heavier on my heart, so that I can make sure I go to my girls and drill it into their hearts how much mama loves them.  I don't want this tragedy to be just another tragedy where I just say: "Hold your kids tighter tonight.  Give them an extra hug and kiss.....savor every moment because tomorrow isn't promised." I want to live it.  I want to breath it.  I want to feel the weight of it.  

So mamas (and daddies) out there, feel this one differently.  Allow the hurt and sadness of it to seep into your souls...into your hearts.  And when it does, let it change you.  Let it allow yourself to slow down and savor each and every moment with your children.  Don't just say the tired old sayings, feel them, breath them, live them.  I'm sure that family would say the same thing.  They don't get the privilege of more time with their sweet one.  And as you take the time to stop and watch your children today, to savor a single moment in time.....think of the Ertl Family.  Pray for them today and everyday.  Because the truth is, unless you've been through it, we can't even imagine the pain they are feeling right now....

So go and savor it Mama.  Savor it with all you've got.

**And if for some reason, this blog gets seen by a member of the family....I want this song to seep into your soul.  You aren't alone.  You aren't walking this road alone....

What seems like the forgotten bible verse....

As Christians we all know the story...a woman who was caught cheating on her husband was brought before Jesus. The law said she should be stoned for what she had done and yet Jesus called out to them what seems to be the catch phrase many like to throw out there from the bible:

"All right but let the one who has never sinned cast the first stone!"

And the crowd dissipated. No one was left to cast that first stone because the hard core truth is that we are all sinners in need of grace.  We are all in need of that one person to choose to not condemn us and instead show us the kind of grace and mercy we are all so desperately searching for.  And I know that Jesus is that one we are all looking for.  Because He is that one that did not condemn this woman.  He did not stone her as the law said.  Instead He said these words to her just a few short verses later.  And these words are where my heart is tonight in the dark quiet of the night...  

"Go and sin no more...."

Go....and sin no more.....GO and SIN NO MORE.  These words have been playing in my mind for what seems like hours now.  They are words that are so full of grace and mercy and yet...at the same time...cut like a knife.  

We are all born sinners.  Not a single one of us deserves the gift Jesus gave to us by dying on that cross so long ago.  Not one of us deserves to be saved and loved the way He loves.  Not one of us deserves the compassion He freely gives us.  NOT ONE.  We all have stories...histories of who we were before Jesus came into our hearts and so radically changed us.  And with those stories and histories comes with a baggage of sin that Jesus so freely takes from us.  And yet....we also all have those sins that we hang onto ever so tightly.  When we first met Jesus we asked for forgiveness.  We laid down those burdens and vowed to do better.  To be better.  But those sins that we hang onto so tightly, each a different struggle than another, those sins keep on creeping in....

We justify those sins.  We make excuses.  We say we will do better next time.  We say we will give it up next month...or next year.  We make promises and vows to never do them again.  When others point out the facts that sin IS sin, we throw out the bible verses about not judging each other.  That everyone is a sinner....and even....John 8:7: let the one who has never sinned cast the first stone...We hold onto these sins so tightly.  And in the dark world we live in, it is so easy to keep holding onto that sin.....Our world is upside down...what is right is now wrong and what was wrong is now right.  What my absolute truth is, is now not the same absolute truth has yours.  We struggle and we make excuses and we justify.....and friends...we forget those very powerful, very real words Jesus said in the next verse....

"GO AND SIN NO MORE.."

He doesn't say justify it...He doesn't say try harder next time....He doesn't say keep asking for forgiveness.....He doesn't say that everyone is a sinner anyway so it's okay....He says:  GO! and sin NO MORE.

We all know what is absolute truth in our heart of hearts.  We all get that feeling that something feels wrong.  We all get that feeling of craving a savior.  And friends....I know who that Savior is that your heart so desperately needs.  That my heart so desperately needs.  When He died on that cross He took all your sins and all your burdens, and paid the price for them.  He laid down His life so that when your take your last breathe on this earth, He won't see all your wrongs.  He won't stone you.  He won't condemn you to hell.  Instead He will see the blood of Jesus all over your beautiful face.  He will cover you in the grace and mercy that you don't deserve but because He loves you so much He paid it all to cover your guilt and shame.  He wrapped you up in His loving arms and forgave you for it all.  

But sweet one, don't you dare forget that next verse. And I feel like I need to make a huge banner of it in my own house, to remind me that there is no such thing as a little sin.  Jesus paid the ultimate price for you because He loves you that much and sees how worthy you truly are.  So you live this life as boldly and confidently as you can for Him. You shine your light brighter than it's ever been for Him.  But you lay down those sins....you lay down those heavy burdens you struggle with, sometimes daily....and then you go and sin no more.  Don't justify them.  Don't let the world tell you that they are okay.  Because Jesus paid it all.  And because He paid it all He is worth all the sacrifices of this life that we make for Him.  He is worth standing tall for Him.  He is worth denying ourselves of those sins we struggle with.  Those sins that feel good.  Those sins that are fun.  Those sins that the world justifies.......

Doesn't mean we suddenly become perfect...doesn't mean we won't mess up...doesn't mean we will never sin again.  But friend, it also doesn't give us the right to knowingly keep doing something that we know is wrong just because we can justify it.  Because when we are justifying it, we are conforming to the world's standards and Jesus deserves far more than that.  He deserves my life.  I owe Him that because without Him....I would be nothing.  I would be beyond help.  Nothing can save me but His love, mercy, and sweet amazing grace.  

Cling to His absolute truth.  Cling to His standard of living.  Cling to what you know in your heart is wrong.  Because no matter what the world tries to say....sin is sin.  And we are all sinners.  And thank the sweet Lord that He gives us the gift we don't deserve.  But because of that gift, we owe it to Him to keep this command the best that we can....

"GO AND SIN NO MORE...."

No justifying....no twisting words.....no ignoring His voice...just simply go and sin no more friends.  You can do this.  You can kick that sin you struggle with on a daily basis to the curb.  Do it.  I believe in you and so does Jesus.  After all, He believed in you so much, that He gave His life......