"HIGHER MOMMY HIGHER!! As high as the SKY!!!" I hear the sweetest little voice yell out in front of me. It's become a tradition to hear those words as she's sitting on the swings, but this morning my heart heard them differently. They seemed to have more weight to them in.....more stillness in them....I wanted to savor that moment more than I had ever before. She's only 4.5 and yet time seems to be moving far too fast for my mama's heart. In Proverbs 27:1 it states: "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring" so as we know that no day to us is promised. We know that we are often told to savor each day as much as we can because time passes too quickly and we don't ever know the time nor the hour when Christ will call us home. And yet the busyness of life happens, and before we know it....we haven't been savoring as much as we should. And there are moments where we seem to be told that more than ever due to a tragedy having happened. Whether it's an accident, a disaster, or worse yet....a beautiful young soul being taken far too soon.....
This weekend, if you happen to live in SD or MN, we all heard about that last one happening in one of the most tragic awful nightmare ways possible. And sadly we hear of things like this happening to kids far too often. We stop for a few moments and say a short prayer for the family. We think of how awful it must be for them. We say that we need to hold our kids more tightly that night....give them an extra kiss. And then life happens and we forget those feelings we just felt. One of them just dumped the jug of juice all over the floor while another is having a fit over her shoe not being on her foot. Or you have asked 5 times for something to be done and all you are getting back is attitude. Life happens and suddenly we are right back to where we started....our tempers are short again. We do and say things we regret. We go to bed again with guilt over how the day ended. Wondering if they know how much we love them. How we are their biggest cheerleaders. How we would do anything for them. And as we lay there in the stillness of the night, that family comes to our mind again....and we wonder how we could have forgotten that someone somewhere is without there child. How we should be savoring these moments with ours......
That's usually how my days in the past have gone when I hear on the news of yet another horrible nightmare of a thing happening to a kid somewhere. But this time...this weekend...it was different somehow. I don't know the family....I have never met them. And yet, I can't get that little girls face out of my mind. My heart hurts often for that mother who just wants one more moment to let her daughter know how loved she is. My heart hurts for her as I think of how she must be questioning every action and choice she had ever made with her....how she could have stopped it or changed it. I know that's where my head would be. After all, we as mothers tend to do it to ourselves on a daily basis even without anything like that happening. My eyes have felt the sting of tears as I have lifted this family up in prayer. And as I was crying yesterday after Trav and I had just finished watching a news story on it, I wondered why this case was different for me. Why I was feeling more than I had ever before with this case. Besides the little girl not being much older than Maci, I realized it's because this case was a case that could have literally happened to anyone. Everyone always says you can never see it happening to yourself until it does and yet.....this time I think most parents can see it happening to them....for various reasons...
This morning as I watched my firstborn giggle and squeal with delight on that swing, my heart once again turned to that family. They won't ever get another moment like this with their daughter. They won't ever get to see her flash that award winner of a smile. They won't get to hear the giggles and the pleads for: "Higher Mommy! Higher! As high as the sky!!" And my heart whispered to my head:
"Savor it Mama. Savor it with all you've got."
I don't want my heart to ever forget this morning. I want my heart to feel the weight of each and every moment. I want that weight to dictate the words that come out of my mouth. How I handle each and every situation with our girls. And when I mess up, because I know I will, I want that weight to lay even heavier on my heart, so that I can make sure I go to my girls and drill it into their hearts how much mama loves them. I don't want this tragedy to be just another tragedy where I just say: "Hold your kids tighter tonight. Give them an extra hug and kiss.....savor every moment because tomorrow isn't promised." I want to live it. I want to breath it. I want to feel the weight of it.
So mamas (and daddies) out there, feel this one differently. Allow the hurt and sadness of it to seep into your souls...into your hearts. And when it does, let it change you. Let it allow yourself to slow down and savor each and every moment with your children. Don't just say the tired old sayings, feel them, breath them, live them. I'm sure that family would say the same thing. They don't get the privilege of more time with their sweet one. And as you take the time to stop and watch your children today, to savor a single moment in time.....think of the Ertl Family. Pray for them today and everyday. Because the truth is, unless you've been through it, we can't even imagine the pain they are feeling right now....
So go and savor it Mama. Savor it with all you've got.
**And if for some reason, this blog gets seen by a member of the family....I want this song to seep into your soul. You aren't alone. You aren't walking this road alone....
No comments:
Post a Comment