How I lost 50lbs in 6 weeks...

Naw, I really didn't but I got your attention didn't I?? Slap a celebrity's picture and that title on any magazine and you are guaranteed to sell millions of them.  Why is it as a society we are so obsessed with weight? Most importantly how to lose it in the shortest amount of time. Seems women and even some men all over the globe are all in this big race with each other in who can get the skinniest the fastest.  Doesn't matter how you lose it as long as you get skinny quick.  Doesn't matter if it's healthy or unhealthy.  Society really doesn't care as long as you do it.  We call healthy men and women fat and yet we call ultra skinny gorgeous.  It's really no wonder why so many teenager girls struggle with their weight.  Moms of all kinds are counting calories in every bite, saying any kind of dessert is evil and obsessing over whether or not they got enough exercise in that day.  Now don't get me wrong, watching what you put into your body is extremely important but should we be obsessing over every little bite? This is something that the past several months has been weighing heavily on my heart.  Something that God has been whispering into my ear since this summer.  Something He has been calling me to write about but that I just couldn't seem to get the strength to type out.  Weight is such a sensitive issue no matter who you are.  I guarantee the most confident woman still has issues about their own body and something they would like to see changed.  It's such a sensitive issue that I couldn't figure out why in the word God would want me to write about it, but here we go anyway.  This is my journey.....

A few months ago while at the check out counter at Target I noticed this little dandy of an image:

Notice that lovely title: How I got thin fast..... I stared at it for awhile kinda laughed inside and then got really sad.  It made me think back to the past summer and how awful I felt about myself for not losing the baby weight from Maci fast.  It made me think about all the beautiful women out there who are reading it and thinking that that's how it is supposed to be.  That once you have a baby you should be able to just work off that weight in a hurry.  The reality is folks, that's not how it works nor how it should be.  Whether you just had a baby or just aren't as thin as you used to be, the weight took time to gain.  As much as you think it did, you did not just wake up one morning 10, 20 or 30 lbs heavier than you once were.  If it took time to gain the weight it will take time to come off plain and simple.  I didn't fully understand or even want to believe that until this past spring/summer.

As a teenager I don't feel I ever had this huge hang up about my weight.  I wasn't the skinniest girl in school but I certainly wasn't the biggest either.  I would say I was pretty much average.  My mother helped me in so many ways she doesn't even know.  Eating healthy was always her goal, eating the right portions, and she's makes sure to get adequate exercise.  I never saw my mother stand in front of the mirror and call herself fat.  I never saw her refuse a bite of a brownie for fear of the calories.  I know for a fact behind close doors she probably had those little insecurities like every other woman does but I thank her so much for never showing that side to her.  I 100% give credit to her for not having severe weight fears most of my life.  I had things I wanted changed about myself here and there but nothing that made me go on crazy diets.  That is until I had a baby...

The first 3 months of my pregnancy were the hardest healthwise.  I lost a total of 20 lbs in those months but by all means it was not healthy.  I couldn't keep anything down and even though I got lots of 'you look great' it didn't make me feel good about how I looked.  For goodness sakes all I could eat was crackers!  Not the funnest part of being able to 'eat for two'.  In the next 6 months I gained 40-45 lbs.  More like 60 lbs if you include what I gained back from being so sick.  That's a lot of weight for a girl to gain but I didn't think twice about it because I was gonna have a little girl.

Once I had Maci I didn't step on the scale until I had to at the doctors.  I didn't want to know what it was because frankly, I didn't want to worry about it.  I just had the most beautiful baby girl I had ever seen and that's all I wanted to focus on.  2 weeks after I had her I squeezed my big old butt into my 'skinny jeans'.  Yea they fit but they were not comfortable in the least.  But yes I wanted to be able to tell my girlfriends at 2 weeks post baby I fit into them.  Looking back that was a very stupid reason for wanting to fit into them but hey I'm human.

3/4 months after I had Maci was when I hit my lowest.  I was breastfeeding and I truly believe my body hangs onto the weight while doing it.  It's not a weight-loss plan for me.  I was at my parents and they were having some friends over to meet their new granddaughter.  Holding Maci I walked into the kitchen to see what everyone was talking about.  An old friend of my parents came up to me and said, "My you have put on weight!" Not even thinking for a second he could possibly talking to me I said, "Who me? Or Maci?" His response: "Well you of course!" The rest of it all goes downhill from there.  I try to tell him I just had a baby, he asks how old she is.... I say almost 4 months....He says then I didn't just have her...ect.  Probably the most painful emotional experience I've been through in a very long time.  In all my 24 years of being on this earth I had never felt bad about myself.  I never saw myself as this fat overweight person.  I never had someone say such a hurtful thing to my face.  Instead of standing strong and proud, I gave into the doubt the Devil placed into my mind and let those thoughts stay there.  Not only that night did I change into a bulky tummy hiding shirt, but I gave into the temptation of looking into the mirror and seeing ugly.

For most of the summer I hated my body.  Hated every detail about it.  Felt like the fattest girl ever.  Tried to work out and got frustrated when it didn't work out.  Got sucked into all the conversations women have of what they hate about themselves.  I felt awful.  I know my hubby got so sick of me saying how gross I was.  Trust me he told me.  And then one bright and shiny day God spoke to me as I was rocking Maci.  And this is pretty much what He showed me:

(Just saw this image on Pinterest today, which gave me the courage to write)

I saw Maci growing up watching every move her momma makes.  Watching her momma hate the skin she is in.  Watching her mama criticize every detail God created on her.  Watch her momma have some pretty dang low self worth.  It. Broke. My. Heart.  I don't want that for my baby girl.  Whether I'm overweight or not doesn't matter.  What matters is what SHE thinks of herself and if she watches me act like this? Lord what am I doing to her.  

I tell you what ladies and gentlemen, that's some pretty intense powerful stuff He laid out in front of me.  Is it hard to look inside yourself and see all that? Of course.  No one wants to think they are setting their kids up for failure.  But if we aren't acting, thinking, doing all we want them to do...then how in the world are they going to grow up to have some awesome self confidence.  How are they going to think good about themselves.  If they see momma not loving her body, how is that little angel gonna be able to feel good about her own? 

God created us in His image and He thinks we are beautiful no matter what we look like.  He doesn't care if society sees us as overweight, underweight or perfect.  What matters is how He sees us.  So mamas who just had those beautiful babies, it's ok to still have baby weight.  It's ok if it takes you awhile to lose it, or if you don't.  Ladies and gentlemen who think they are overweight, it's ok to take your time to get where you want to be.  Be healthy.  As long as you are healthy and feel good about yourself that's all that matters.  You are perfect in God's sight so forget the rest of the world.  It's not easy but once you let your insecurities go about how you look you will feel amazing. God will help take that burden off of you and you. will. be. free.  

After about 10/11 months I got to my pre-baby weight.  Did it feel good of course.  Am I back to my size 6 that I was when I got married? Heck no.  But that's ok because in God's eyes I'm beautiful.  I'm ok in my own skin now and it feels amazing.  If anyone were to call me fat now, I'm 90% sure I could look at them and tell them I don't think so.  I'm right where I'm supposed to be.  :)

"You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you"

Song of Solomon 4:7 

Oh how He....

Saw this beautiful image on pinterest yesterday morning.  That little girl looks so happy and full of life.  So perfect in the eyes of that daddy kissing and loving on her.  When I first saw it I thought oh how cute! Didn't really think too much of the words written so carefully below the picture itself.  I feel like we all do that more times than not.  See such beautiful thoughts that are clearly from God and we just tend to overlook them.  Until Jesus decides we need to remember them and think of them in a much bigger way.....

Later on in the afternoon, me and my adorable newly 1 year old baby girl were in the kitchen playing and goofing around.  For those of you who don't know Maci, she has such an infectious laugh and smile.  She lights up the room with her big beautiful grin and I promise I'm not just being biased.  ;)

So here we are sitting on the kitchen floor, why I have no clue...I was in the process of making some homemade bread and the kitchen is Maci's most favorite place to be (especially if mom is in there trying to get something done).  I bet for about 10 minutes or more we spent playing with this silly pink doll blanket.  I would put it on my head, she would take it off and I would yell "BOO!", she would giggle, give it back to me and the process would start all over again.  After a few minutes Maci got the hang of it and decided she wanted to be the 'hider'. 

And when she would take the blanket off her face she would give you that sweet sweet smile and then giggle away.  These are the moments I will remember when she is grown up and off on her own, but during this particular  moment the Lord decided He needed to tell me something and show me something I needed to see to fully grasp His love...

I've always known that God loves me and He created me in His image but for one that grew up in the church that tends to just get lost in the every day life we have here on earth.  We know He loves us but sometimes it doesn't feel like it. Therefore as I was sitting there looking at this beautiful perfect child in my eyes, and just feeling my heart swell up as I watched her sweet face full of joy, my thoughts went back to that first image.  The image I saw on Pinterest.  I sat there staring at Maci and thought, "My God, my loving and awesome God, you love me more than this? You love me even more than I love my own daughter don't You?  You see me as this giggly beautiful child don't You? You will never leave me.  You will never stop loving me like I will never stop loving her will You?"  Now friends, it may seem like such a "Sunday School" answer.  It may seem like something that is such a practical thought that you are taught right away as a Christian, but friends, do you fully feel every ounce that is in that promise?  If you have children think of how much you love your kids and think of how much happiness they bring you....think of how even when they mess up or are 'naughty', how much you still love them.  It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that kind of love.  That kind of powerful love.  He watches us everyday just as I watch Maci play and giggle.  When He watches us giggling and laughing we bring a smile to His face.  He hurts when we hurt and oh how He rejoices when we rejoice. 

Oh how He loves us...oh how He loves us.....Oh how He LOVES us.......

It's a beautiful thing....we may not always feel like we deserve it....but that doesn't stop Him.  His love is far more powerful than we could ever imagine.  Can you feel it? I sure hope you can because it is there far more than we realize it......

Leaps of Faith

January 2, 2013.....2013.....crazy how time flies.  Still to this very day I feel like the year 2000 was just a couple years ago. When in reality it has now been over a decade ago.  It is true as you grow older time seems to go faster and faster.  I don't know if I ever really believed that saying until we had our Maci. 

Last year I remember at this time I was very big and pregnant.  We were just mere weeks away from the arrival of our daughter and we didn't know where the past 9 months had gone.  I returned to work on the 2nd knowing that I only had a few more weeks left of getting up and going to work everyday.  While on one hand I was so excited to be able to spend all that time at home and watch my baby grow and change everyday, on the other I was scared out of my mind.  Of course the decision to quit my steady income job had been a careful thought out and prayed one, Trav and I still felt like we were taking such a huge leap of faith.  We had taken little baby steps here and there that God told us to do but this one was the biggest one He had ever called us to do.  Where would that extra money come from?? Would our bills always get paid on time?? What about the extra little human that would be depending on us for every little thing she needed?? What about food to feed ourselves?? What about things we would want to buy or even need to buy?? There were so many unanswered questions and neither Trav nor I would ever really speak them out loud.  We just kept telling each other that God has our back and no matter what we would make it. 

Now did I deep down in my heart and soul believe this with 100% certainty?? If I'm being honest, probably not so much.  I deep down thought that after about 10 weeks I would have to find at least a part time job to help pay the bills.  I thought our savings account would be drained within a few months and that would be the end of it and we would look like the idiots.  But I just kept praying every day, "God take care of us...please don't let us fail". 

Well guess what folks?!? In just 2 short weeks we will have been living on Trav's small income for 1 whole year! When I looked back at the past year and saw all that God has done for our family I was so amazed.  All the little things that happened were worked into the whole scheme of things.  One of the biggest blessings that I will never forget is my dear sweet co-workers at West Elementary throwing me a diaper shower just a week before I had Maci.  You really don't think it sounds like a big deal but guess what?? We didn't need to buy diapers for 6 whole months!!! God is so good to have placed those sweet women in our lives.  There were so many other little things that happened here and there that were just when we needed them.  And to be honest there was no other way to explain them except God things. 

The moral of this post to start the new year is that when you take those leaps of faith, no matter how big or small, God has your back.  He will take care of you, He will be there for you, He will comfort you when you need Him.  He will NEVER leave you.  Yes we had our struggles but God helped us through so much.  Don't be scared this next year to take that leap of faith He is calling you too....I promise you it will be so worth it! :)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11


~Chrissy