Glimpses of Beauty: The easy road vs the hard road

Well here we are.  Finally in Canby MN living as a family under one roof.  Finally reaching a goal that we had been praying for and striving for for days....weeks....months....and over a year.  We have been living this life for 2 weeks now.  2 weeks of our new normal.  2 weeks of sleeping together under 1 roof.  2 weeks of dinner as a family together every night at the table.  2 weeks of laughter and smiles.  2 weeks of fears coming to the surface about how this new life is going to play out.  Will we make friends? Find a good church home?? Do we even know how to live together as a family 7 days a week anymore? How is our house back in Litchfield? Is it still standing? Did the tenants move in ok?? Will they take care of it?

It's funny how God will take you on a journey to get you where He wants you to be.  And the fact is you will think He is taking you one way, when in reality He has a completely different course laid out for you.  But He won't always lay out a clear path for you.  You will have to be watchful and be careful to listen.  You will have to put way more trust in Him than you even thought was possible.  A lot of times you will be blindly going onto a pathway, and sometimes that path leads to some dark corners.  Corners that are so dark, you hesitate.  You hesitate because the devil puts those little thoughts in your head that God doesn't know what He's doing.  That He isn't really there.  That He lied to you.  That the road is so unbelievably dark that you won't make it out with your head above the water.  You will drown and God will sit there and watch it all happen.  And that's when you have a choice to make.  You can either buy into all those lies.  And when you buy into all those lies, you turn onto your own road and away from God.  And 99% of the time, on that road you will get to a drowning place.  A helpless place.  The other choice you have is simple yet it isn't so simple.  See the other choice is taking those first steps into what looks like the darkest road....the longest road....the hardest road.  And on that road, you won't always see God clearly.  On that road, there will be days you cry out and say "Father what have you done? I can't do this....I wasn't made for this.  What on earth were you thinking by putting me on this path?" But on that path...on that road....that road that looks like it's tons of mountains and valleys and dark corners; you will get breaths of fresh air.  God will make sure to give you glimpses of the beauty He has coming for you.  He will give you moments where you can't even deny His presence because it's too great to deny.  On that road He will be holding your hand every second.  He will be carrying you when your feet can't seem to walk another step.  And when you finally get to your destination at the end of that journey, the view and the air will be far greater than any glimpse He's given you.

Right now, in this moment, we are just getting a glimpse of the beauty God has in store for us.  We have had to trust Him with every fiber of our being the last year.  Our faith has been stretched far more than we could have ever imagined.  And even though it's been a hard year and the journey has not been easy so far, I don't think Travis nor I would change it.  Because in the midst of it all, we have got to see more of who God is and what He wants for us.  And we have been praying so hard for so long for us to move to Canby and for our house to sell.  God has answered half of that prayer in the last few months.  We are all moved under one roof and there are no words to describe how amazing it feels.  My daughters smile every night when daddy walks through the door makes my heart soar.  Hearing them chase each other and giggle hysterically every night blesses me more than I could ever  imagine.  Knowing my husband is getting a good home-cooked meal every.single.night. is AMAZING.  Not sleeping alone in a big empty bed feels AMAZING.  But we still have to trust Him.  We do still own our house in Litchfield.  We have renters in it and that was something that scared the crap out of us.  But God has perfect timing and told us to wait to rent it out until we did because I firmly believe He found us the perfect renters and they probably weren't ready to rent our house a year ago.  I also firmly believe He had the house we are in picked out for us.  While it certainly is not the ideal house and isn't perfect...the fact is, it wasn't available or ready a year ago.  There is a reason our house hasn't sold yet.  There is a reason we are having to rent it out and in turn rent a house for us to live in.  So our journey isn't over.  We are still on the path God placed before us and we are still choosing the path that without God's help looks like the darker path.  But with all that He has done for us in the past year, and looking back and seeing the ways He has never left us; we know.....we know the path He wants for us is the better path.  It has our best interests at heart and in the end when we can finally say we are completely DONE with this journey, we will be looking around and saying, "My God how you are good.  My Lord look at this.  We couldn't have dreamed up a better ending.  I wouldn't change a thing."

So the next time you come to a fork in the road and there are 2 paths you can take: An easy brightly lit one or a hard uphill darker road....just take a few more moments before you immediately go to the easy road.  God never said following Him would always be the easy road.  And even though it's not the easy road...if God is the one leading you down it....it will always....always....ALWAYS be worth it.  Even if it takes you way longer than you imagined......


**This is one of the many many songs people told me to listen to through the dark times of our journey.  So when you are on the hard road and in the place where you aren't sure what He has planned for you....pull up this song and sing it from the depths of your heart.  And if you need more...I've got plenty to share :) 

A love letter....

My sweet hubby,

I know our life is so hard right now and not at all what we dreamed it would be like when we first said I do.  Back then we thought we'd be living this picture perfect life, the fairy tale kind.  We would have a kid or 2 by now (which we do) and we would be living the American dream.  Dinners as a family at the dining room table every night at 5:30......reading bedtime stories together to our little angels......both climbing into the same bed exhausted....and falling asleep knowing that all is right in the world because we are together.

But as we have learned over the course of our lives together that life isn't a fairy tale.  And it doesn't always go how you dream it will.  There are times when we aren't sure how we are going to make it...how we are going to hold it together and survive whatever storm we might be in.  Times where the future isn't completely clear and we honestly have no idea where we are going to end up.  Times of frustration, anger, hurt, sadness, uncertainty, fear, anxiety.....

And while I know there has been and will continue to be those dark times in our lives together here on this earth, I'm so extremely grateful and happy that when I look over I see you by my side. Because I know that no matter what gets thrown at us, that we will make it through.  That our love will survive.  And while this sounds corny and cheesy, I know it to be 100% true.  With Christ at the center of our marriage, as long as we continue to look to Him for guidance in every circumstance, we will become stronger and a tighter unit through everything that life places in front of us.

And just because I don't say the words enough my handsome guy: You are kind.  You are thoughtful.  You are strong.  You continue to amaze me with each passing minute. I am so thankful for each and everything you do no matter how tired you are to make sure my life is easier.  The way you love our daughter is priceless and makes my heart soar.  I feel completely safe whenever you are near.  You provide for our family in more ways than you even know.....

The fact that you chose me to be your girl for the rest of our lives still makes me giddy with excitement.  You are my guy and I will always continue to thank the sweet Lord for bringing you into my life.  Thank you for being you.  Remember that, no matter what my face and voice might say sometimes, these words are the truth of my heart and they my dear will never ever ever change...

Love,
Your one and only

The day I had been dreading.....

Yesterday had been a day I had been dreading for a few weeks now.  Not because I would turn another day older, I'm totally fine with that.  Another year older means you've gotten a chance to put more life in your years and make more memories with loved ones.  No I wasn't dreading it because of that, I was dreading it for a whole different reason.  A reason that had nothing to do with my age or day of birth.  It was a reason that really should have been celebrated and brought so much more joy to the day than usual...... Exactly one year ago yesterday, Travis and I made the official decision for him to take the job out in Canby.

While I remember that day being so full of joy and hope and excitement last year, this year had a much different feeling to it.  Last year we were at Worship in the park with our church for the fall kick off.  I remember listening to Pastor Paul talk about the plans for the next year and the excitement of what the year would bring.  I remember singing along with the closing songs and having tears streaming down my face.  So thankful that God brought this new journey into our path and at the same time feeling the sadness that that meant leaving our church home and friends we loved so dearly.  I remember telling a close girlfriend that we had made our decision, and I remember barely being able to get the words out.  But even though they were a little bit of sadness tears, they were mostly tears of excitement, joy, and hope.  We were starting on a fresh new journey.  A journey we were most certain God had put us on for a reason.  But last year if you would have asked us if we would still be in this place.  This place of so much still left undone.....a place were there is so much a uncertainty....a place were at times we feel it will never end....If you would have asked us if we would still have Maci and me in Litchfield while Trav was out in Canby our answer would have been "Oh gosh no!!"  Much less have answer that I would be 5 months pregnant and still being a single parent during the week.

So as yesterday fast approached, even though it was my birthday, I dreaded it.  I dreaded the thought of acknowledging that we have been here a year now.  That not much has changed in our situation since last year at this time.  That God didn't rush in and save us.  That we still are living apart 5 out of 7 days a week....and sometimes 6 out of 7 days.  Days that sometimes get ridiculously lonely.  Days that hurt so bad that we want to scream.  Days when we feel hopeless.  And even some days where we look around and say "God where are you? Are you even still here?" Yes it has been one very hard year.  And I will admit that yesterday, on my birthday, I did share some tears.  And there were a few moments that I wanted to just take Maci and curl up in bed until the day had passed.  But even though the devil tried to ruin my day completely with random mishaps, God had a different idea and used people that love our family to make it a good day instead.

And while this road has been ridiculously hard and I have my bad days, when I really sit here and reflect on the past year, I can't help but be thankful and full of gratitude to God.  Because even though He hasn't 'swooped in' and made our prayers happen NOW, He has blessed us throughout the entire time.  Even when we didn't feel Him around and had our moments when we played into the lie that He left us alone.  And if you ask me when it's all over if I would want to take it back my answer would be absolutely not.  Will I want to go through it again, again absolutely not.  But I don't think I will ever want to take back a single moment and change it.  God has blessed us so much through Travs job and using it to show us he is where he is supposed to be.  I never knew he could be so stress free when it comes to his work.  He loves what he does again and for that alone I'm thankful.  Our marriage as a unit, even though we have had some really tough times, we have gotten closer and formed a tighter knot through it all.  We cherished each moment he's home more and savor it.  Not one minute when he is around on the weekends is ever taken for granted.  Financially God has blessed us to make sure we haven't suffered past what we can handle. There have been bills we weren't sure how we would pay and God made something come through that we just couldn't explain any other way than Him.  When Maci got sick, we firmly believe we were supposed to still be living where we are because we were that much closer to Children's, which was where she needed to be then.  This baby girl in my tummy....she is a gift from Him in so many ways.  And the list could go on.

So if you take away this past year and change it to be perfect timing in our eyes, we wouldn't have had to depend on God's strength so much rather than our own.  When I think of the blessings we have had because of God waiting on His timing rather than doing it on our timing, the fact that we have been in the waiting room for a year now doesn't sound as bad.  It doesn't make me want to scream as loud.  The situation still stinks and we are still on our knees begging God to make it happen but we don't have to be bitter at God for it.  He is still there and He always will be.  Are you going through something hard?? Something that isn't happening in your timing and all you have is to sit and wait on God?? I'm here to say that even though there will be days you question if God is there, He is and always will be.  All He is asking is for you to lay it down at His feet and just....be.....held.....

"Come to me all, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest"

-Matthew 11:28

'But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.'

-2 Corinthians 12:9

When we say "I'm fine" when we really mean: "I'm not ok..."

"Hey! How are you?"

"I'm fine.  How about you?"

"Good!"


This is a conversation that happens daily in everyone's life.  You see someone you know on the street, at the store, at church...wherever.  You both smile and do the generic conversation.  I say generic because let's be honest, how many of us truthfully answer that question? How many of smile and say we are fine when really we are weeping and screaming inside? And how many of us on the flip side ask the question hoping and expecting the person to just give the generic response? I'm fine, good, ok..... When we ask the questions are we being sincere about it? Or are we just asking because it has become the normal in our society?

Why do we do this to ourselves? When we don't admit to others that we are hurting it is only hurting ourselves more.  It only does to more damage than good.  The bible says that God works best in our weakness, therefore we  should boast about our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9).  So when we are weak, when we are hurting....why do we try so hard to conceal it? To try and make it seem like we are doing fine and good with whatever life is currently throwing at us? Instead of replying with the generic ok, fine, good; we need to starting saying honestly how we are doing.  If we aren't doing fine or good, then we need to respond with: "Right now we are really struggling.  This is isn't as easy as I thought it would be.  Could you please pray for us?"  Or if life is really good and wonderful say that and why you are so blessed in that moment.

And on the flip side, when we ask those words to others, "How are you?" we need to stop asking so scripted .  We need to start asking with heart and compassion behind it.  We need to start letting the person know we are truly asking because we care about them and want to know how we can help them.  And if someone does respond with "I'm not ok....this isn't easy.  I'm hurting..", we need to really listen and take action! Maybe it's stopping right then and there and praying over them.  Maybe it's making a note and a point to pray over their family in our own quiet time.  Maybe it's asking them to go out and have coffee.  Maybe it's making it a point to go out of our way to make their day brighter.  When they tell you of a need, help fill it.  Help show them Jesus.

I struggle so hard with both sides of this.  God is working on my heart hard the past few weeks telling me that it's ok and better to be weak, because in Him I am strong.  Instead of telling everyone I'm doing fine, I need to start saying "You know this is really hard.  I didn't think it would get this hard.  I didn't expect to cry this much.  I'm not as strong as I've been pretending to be." And on the flip side of that I too do the generic "how are you?' when I'm greeting someone because it's the thing to do.  I need to start asking with more heart and compassion.  I need to start really listening to people and help them in their time of need.  Life is busy and it's hard.  It's so easy to get caught up in our own circumstances that we forget to see the needs of those around us.  But God calls us to rise up and be different than this world. (Romans 12:2)

With this I challenge each and every one of us to start seeing this question as more than a generic question.  To start asking with the intention to really hear how the other is doing.  And to start answering with truth and transparency.  What do you think? Can we do it? I know with Christ we can and maybe....just MAYBE it will be one small change to our lives to start showing more of Jesus in this sad and broken world.....

Below is just a little Matt Redman to start your weekend off right :) 

That unsettled feeling...

Last spring and summer I had this deep pit in my stomach.  Not necessarily a bad pit but a very unsettled pit.  A feeling that something was going to happen....that our lives would be changed in someway, shape or form.  Trav had been talking about finding a new job for quite awhile but it was just that: a lot of talking.  Until one day he let me know that he had decided to touch base with a recruiter to help him find exactly the job he was looking for.  Not long after that everything got very real.  Jobs were being discussed.  Jobs that we had to decide if it was a good fit or not.  Jobs that weren't in the area and that all required us to move away from Litchfield.  I knew deep down that this wasn't just talk anymore.  I knew a change was coming and I knew eventually Trav would be accepting a job; one that he would love. 

I told Travis more than once I knew it would happen soon; I could feel it deep inside.  You see that unsettled pit, in my mind, was the holy spirit's way of saying "Daughter it's coming and you need to prepare your heart.  I'm going to bless your husband with some thing he has wanted for some time now." Little did I know, this little something would require a great deal of sacrifice and strength from me.  Little did I know I would have to 'sign on' to being a single mommy 5, 6, sometimes even 7 days a week.  But I knew above all else I loved and trusted my husband as well as Jesus with my life.  I knew as long as they both were pointing the same direction that we would all be fine.

Here we are 7 months later.  Some days are good and some days are bad but I'm still trusting Jesus with this crazy chaotic life and I know He is working it all out.  But lately, I have been having that unsettled pit again.  That feeling of something changing.  That feeling of God preparing something behind the scenes for us.  It's a strange feeling, one that I totally can't explain in words.  Some nights I feel like we are visitors in our own house.  Like we don't quite belong here anymore.  Like our lives aren't here anymore.  But even though I don't 100% know for certain that means our house is going to sell like ASAP, I am hearing that still small voice again.  "Daughter it's coming and you need to prepare your heart...."

Maybe you  have that still small voice inside of you that is making you feel unsettled.  Whether it's an exciting unsettled feeling or a scary one, I promise you that God is behind the scenes working on it.  It might take longer than you 'planned' for or it might be faster than you 'planned' for, but either way God's timing is perfect.  And through it all He will be beside you holding you up when you need it.......

"The Lord says, 'I will rescue those who love me.

I will protect those who trust in my name.

When they call on me, I will answer.

I will be with them in trouble.

I will rescue and honor them.

I will reward them with a long life

and give them my salvation.'"

-Pslam 91:14-16

Someone shared this song on Facebook earlier today and I am now in love.  He will never fail...

Trials Come So That....

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work in you SO THAT you may be mature and complete not lacking anything."

-James 1: 2-4

Consider it pure joy whenever you face trials. Pure joy? How on earth can we look at any and all trials and take joy in them? How can we go through something that makes our hearts heavy and consider it joy? And why on earth would God ever want that from us? Does He take delight in seeing us suffer? Of course not so why, WHY should we consider it joy? This verse alone has so much depth to it and honestly it has been one that has helped me get through these past several months.  But I don't think I fully grasped all it truly had to offer me until this very week.

For the past month now I have been working through the book, "Living So That" by Wendy Blight with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies.  It is an incredible book and one I hope you will read one day.  This week the topic is: Trials Come So That.  Every week we have a memory verse to go along with the study, one that includes a SO THAT.  And my mouth dropped open when I saw that this week James 1:2-4 was our memory verse.  I have come to hold that verse so close to my heart for the past 6 months or so.  And I have no doubts in my mind that I was meant to be pouring my heart over that verse every day this very week.  You see, we are coming up on 7 months of our family living apart.  7 months!!! I could have never imagined we would still be in the place we are in. I would have never imagined God would decide to make us live with our 'trial' for 7 long tiring months.  And these past couple of weeks I honestly thought He would show up and let everything just fall into place.  That we would be moved and living our happily ever after again.  But here we are, no offer on our house and still living in 2 separate places. And as much faith as I still have that our house will be sold soon, this week has been a hard one.  

Honestly I've been trying to stay upbeat and super optimistic for the past several weeks now.  I've been trying not to say "if" anymore but "when".  I've been packing up our belongs and getting into the mindset that soon we will be saying good-bye to our loved ones here in Litch and we will be on our way to start our new life.  But this week, man it's been tough.  I kept trying to consider it pure joy but then yesterday, I just couldn't anymore.  I was down in the dumps and just plain sad.  My heart hurt and I thought "God I can't keep being happy about this.  I can't say "when" today God."  So Maci and I loaded up in the car and headed out to meet the hubby for supper halfway.  And when we had to leave, Trav and I both looked at each other and without saying a word we could look into each other eyes and see how much it hurt to be saying goodbye.  That's not considering it pure joy now is it? 

Then this morning I opened up that sweet book I've been reading and it had me read the story of Lazarus.  (John 11:1-45)  And then God blessed me with a new outlook.  You see Martha and Mary asked Jesus to show up and save their brother.  They asked Him to come and heal him so He wouldn't die.  But instead Jesus waited...He waited until it was too late in Martha and Mary's eyes.  Because by the time Jesus did come, Lazarus had been dead a few days already.  Martha and Mary of course were beside themselves. Their brother died and Jesus didn't come like they asked.  When Jesus saw how upset they were do you know what He did? He wept with them.  He cried with them.  Why? Because He LOVED them and didn't want to see them hurting.  He knew the outcome but He still didn't like seeing their hearts hurt.  In verse 40 Jesus says, "Didn't I tell you that you would see God's glory if you believe?" And with that He asked Lazarus to come out.  Can you imagine Martha and Mary's faces?? They thought it was too late!! They thought they would never see their brother alive again! And there he was in front of them, Jesus had rose him from the dead.  You see Martha and Mary thought it was over.  Probably also that Jesus had forgotten about them and left them there to suffer.  But instead Jesus did more than they could have imagined and because of that all those onlookers who were watching came to be followers of Jesus.  

"....the trials and sufferings that enter into our lives come to bring about the glory of God and to point others to Him."

We can learn so much about trials and sufferings from this story.  We must consider it pure joy because we know that God is always going to win, He is always going to be there for us, and glory and honor will always come to Him through it. But that doesn't mean it won't be hard.  It doesn't mean we can't weep sometimes.  It doesn't mean we can never let God see how much it hurts because friend, He sees in our hearts how much it hurts and He weeps with us.  But let's not forget what's on the other side.  Let's never forget that in the end God will get glory from it.  Through our sufferings we will bring others to Christ.  God will use our trials and through us others will be able to get through whatever they are also going through.  God is at work during our sufferings, maybe behind the scenes but He is at work so that all glory and honor will be His. 

Going against the grain

Going against the grain isn't normal.  It isn't our natural instincts.  It's hard and sometimes painful.  The bottom line is it screams that we are different.  We aren't going with the crowd.  Aren't doing what the 'cool' thing is.  Think back to high school and you will remember quite clearly who was 'going against the grain'.  You will clearly remember those that were different. They weren't like everyone else.  Sadly, more than likely, they were probably mocked and made fun of at one time or another.  They didn't blend in.  Those that blended in went with the tides.  Went along with the rest of the crowd.  It didn't mean they agreed with everyone else, it just meant they didn't want to stand out. They didn't want to be different.

Life as an adult hasn't changed much.  We are so quick to try and blend in with the customs of the world and the way they all think life should be done.  We are afraid to offend anyone.  Always have to be politically correct because even if it goes against our beliefs it doesn't matter if it will hurt someone else.  And of course that's true to a point, to a point. But Jesus, a man who we will celebrate this week for dying for us all, He didn't ask us to blend in.  He didn't want us to be so afraid to offend someone that we don't spread His word.  He wants us to shine and stand out bold and proud of who we are in Him.

"Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and PERFECT."

-Romans 12:2 NLT

God reminded me of this verse and convicted me tonight.  This winter, I felt Him tugging at my heart to go out and pray over our for sale sign.  It was -20 some below out and I said, "You have GOT to be kidding right? No way!"  So I didn't....I went on with my life and left it alone.  Just recently the thought came into my head as well as a dear family friend suggesting we start walking around our house praying over it.  So this time I said "Ok God....I'll listen." The first day I did it Trav was standing next to me and I felt comfortable doing it.  I felt strong and secure doing it.  Confident.  Tonight though....oh tonight I am all by my lonesome.....and let me tell you friends, I truly felt alone.  Suddenly I felt like our whole neighborhood was staring out there window at the crazy lady standing with her hand on her for sale sign with her eyes closed.  I felt awkward and like they were all judging who I am.  I will tell you right now, I felt like I should be kneeling outside praying and I didn't.  Not too long after I had started at the sign I quickly decided to just start walking around the house.  And I still felt judged and watched.  I felt different than everyone else.  I felt like the uncool kid in school.  Now let's be honest, were all my neighbors staring out their window? Probably not.  Were they all thinking how crazy I was? Probably not.  But even if they were why should I care? It clearly states in Romans 12:2 that we shouldn't be like this world because friends we aren't of this world.  Our home and world is with Jesus in heaven.  We need to stop worrying about what the world is seeing and start thinking about what GOD is seeing.  It is so. dang. hard.  I know it trust me I do.  But I also tell you what friends I pray, I pray to God, that someday...some day soon...I will be so confident in who I am in Christ and be kneeling outside in front of our house with arms raised praising Jesus and begging Him to sell our house.  I pray I find strength in the fact that what HE  sees is all that matters.  I pray that if my neighbors happen to look out while I am out there that they will want to come ask me what the heck I am doing so I can have the opportunity to speak the sweet word of Jesus to them and tell them who He is.  Because I am not only out there praying for our house, I am out there praying for our neighborhood that God will bless it fully and richly.  

Let's stop going with the tide and start going against the grain.  Trust me it feels weird and hard at first....but with time I trust that Jesus will change my heart to see that  HIS opinion is the only one that matters as long as I am obeying what He asks.  And with that I say: Are YOU up to the challenge? 

180 days.....

Our life has been one big ole' mess this past month.  Not only have we been doing the whole living apart, praying for a miracle for us to be a family under one roof again.  But we also had our first downright scary health scare with our baby girl.  It made the stress level of our lives skyrocket.  Trav and I both should have been having nervous breakdowns daily.  And in fact, we could have started questioning how much our Savior really loves us.  We could have started asking why on earth He would ever let this all happen.  We could have started wondering if He really is there for us daily and if He really is having our best interests in mind.  Our faith could have met an impasse, and we could have turned our backs on Him.  We could have gotten angry.  So angry we decided to leave Him behind and do our own thing.  It's the easy solution to do really.  To blame Him for it all.  Because let's be honest, in today's world, we are always looking for someone to blame.  But instead we chose to stick by Him.  To lean on Him and to trust Him to get us through it.  Why?? Why would we do it when most of the world says you need the easy way and not the God way?

As of Tuesday we will have been on our current journey for exactly 6 months.  Half of a year.  180 some days of Trav living in a small hotel room out in Canby and us leaving here in Litchfield until our house sells.  180 some days of being a single parent Monday through Friday.  180 some days of sleeping in an big empty bed.  Come on over for a cup of coffee sometime and I will tell you how lonely we both get.  I will tell you about the days I want to cry.  I will tell you about the days I lost my patience with Maci far too soon because I'm just sick of our situation.  I will tell you how badly I want this season to be over for us.  Especially the past month when we are going through something as a family that we shouldn't have to go through.  A time when our family should be closer than ever and together far more often than normal because our baby girl was sick. I could tell you all about the negatives.  The negative list of what we have been going through the past 6 months far out weighs the positives at the moment.  But if you come over for some coffee, after I cry on your shoulder for a little while....I will look up at you and tell you about all the ways we have experienced God in the past 6 months.  I will tell you all about the ways, big and little, we have seen God's fingerprints.  I will tell you all about how much more we as a family lean on Him more than we ever have.  I will tell you all about how much stronger I am because of what He is doing in our lives.  6 long months ago, if you would have told me this journey would have taken this long...I would have told you I don't have the strength.  But here we are, and I have gotten through things I never thought I would be able to. But all the thanks and glory goes to God.  Doesn't mean I don't have days where all I do is cry....doesn't mean I don't have days where me and God aren't on speaking terms...doesn't mean I don't have days where I yell at God and ask Him why...because I do have those days.  And I know God is strong enough to take them.  Any relationship has their good and bad days....but at the end of it all He is still the one I run to.  I can't do anything without His loving arms there to guide me.

I leave you with this one thought to ponder.  It was in my daily devotional and really made me think and have a wow moment.  Maybe...just maybe...it will do the same for you:

"If nothing frightening ever happened, how could the assurance of God's constant presence be the quieter of our fears."

-Praying God's Word Day By Day-Beth Moore

When God speaks on your date...

Looking at the calendar I can't believe tomorrow is April. March has completely flown by and I don't even really know where it went.  I take that back, I do know where it went.  The past 2 weeks have been utter chaos from our usual chaos.  With Maci in and out of the hospital, that's where March went.  And I will be quick to admit that I am so ready to bid goodbye to March and hello to April.....

This weekend however my man and I got a rare outing with each other.  We honestly couldn't even remember the last time we got to go out on a date and just enjoy one another.  It was something both of our hearts and souls were yearning for.  I was like a giddy little school girl going on her first date.  Going out with that man still brings my heart far more joy and happiness than I could ever imagine.  And with the weight of everything we've had to deal with over the past several months, including Maci's illness and living apart, it was far more needed than either of us could imagine.

First up on the agenda, going to a movie.  Usually it's dinner and then a movie.  But we decided to take advantage of matinee pricing and do it the other way around.  And boy am I glad we did.  The movie we went to had so much awesomeness in it, we needed dinner to talk about it all.  Can you guess what we went to? If you guessed "God's NOT dead" then you would be right.  And frankly I can't even describe into words how that movie made me feel.  I laughed, I cried, I got angry.  Every single emotion our minds have I felt at one point in those 2 hours.  If you haven't seen it, you really need to run and I mean run to grab a friend and head to the theater to see it.

Now there were lots and lots of profound things said during the whole movie.  And I would bet that every single person who walks out of the theater afterwards will have 1 moment that they felt God was talking to them during it.  That's just how awesome it was.  I too of course had one of those moments....

As most of you know, Trav and I are currently living apart during the week.. until our house sells.  It sucks, its hard, it brings lots of challenges and tears. And frankly the last 2 weeks have been the hardest.  Sure the world can tell us there are easy fixes to our problem.  The biggest one being we need to rent out our current house and just move.  And our response to that has always been, "We just aren't there yet.  We wholeheartedly believe we are on God's path and that's not what He wants for us." And a lot of the time we get strange looks.  Or the looks of disagreement.  Or the looks of puzzlement.  And you know what? That's ok with us because we answer to God not man.  God has our best interests in mind and until we hear differently from Him, we need to follow the crazy life He has for us.  We've believed in this plan for almost exactly 6 months now, and God used this movie to reaffirm everything for us.

At one point the missionary said to the pastor, "We've spent our WHOLE lives talking about faith, now let's start SHOWING our faith". We can say all we want we have faith God will provide for us, that He will take care of us..ect.  But the real question is, how often do we show the world we have faith? How often do we get the chance to show our faith in a big way? How often do we have to blindly go down a path and have no idea where the path will end or WHEN it will end? The hardest time to continue to have faith in what God wants for us is when the rest of the world sees an easier path.  And just because it's easier doesn't always mean it's the right way.  And right now, in this moment, God is telling us to wait on Him, and show our faith by knowing without a doubt that our house will sell.  By the end of the summer we will be together as a family again.  If I don't 100% believe that than I'm not living out my faith.

Is there a part of your life where God is asking you to show the world your faith? How much you are fully relying on Him to take care of it and trusting Him with it? If there is, let me know so I can pray with you and for you in it.  And in return continue to pray for our family.  That God will move in a big way and we will give Him the glory.

"Faith expects from God what is beyond expectation" 

-Andrew Murray

"Then the disciples came to Jesus privately and said, 'Why could we not drive it out?' And He said to them, 'Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; nothing will be impossible to you'".

-Matthew 17:19-20

Will you join me?

For the past week I have been surrounded by family, and doctors and nurses.  So when my parents left yesterday afternoon I didn't expect to feel so...well lonely.  I didn't expect the ache that would come and settle in.  I should be used to it just being Maci and I during the week. I mean, we've been doing it since October when Trav first got his job out in Canby.  But instead of jumping back into our regular routine, we can't...Maci still needs to get better and not be out and about where tons of people are.  So doing our usual stuff is out of the question.  No heading to the store to grab a quick few things, no heading to a friends house where there are children, no going out to eat.  None of that until next week sometime.  Thankfully tonight a dear sweet friend of mine is coming over to help ease the loneliness a little and tomorrow we get our hubby and daddy back for the weekend.  And after all that happened this past weekend it got me thinking about our world today and how little we really know about what is inside of peoples hearts and minds.

Between Twitter and Facebook and Instagram...we feel like we really know people.  We feel as though we know what is going on in their lives.  We take all of those social media sites and use them to get our information and then when we don't see someone post anything or aren't on facebook for awhile we seem to forget about them.  And when we do see postings we sometimes assume that they are ok no matter what they are going through.  Somewhere along the road we forgot what Facebook is and where the line is.  We don't text or call people as much sometimes to check in on them because we think "Well I saw they posted on Facebook that they were doing this or this and so they must be ok". Or we feel like we did talk to them even though we didn't.  We need to start taking Facebook and Twitter and Instagram for what they really are.  Fun sites to share fun things we are doing in our lives or to get the world out about a prayer request but we cannot forget one of the reasons God gave us each other. To connect, to talk, to form real relationships.  Relationships need to go beyond the internet.  We need to start taking the extra time to give that person a call or a text.  Because the fact of the matter is, not everyone shares their real raw emotions on Facebook....not every one says on Facebook how they are really truly feeling inside.  Not everyone on Facebook shares their fears and how hard it is.

In today's world we have so much technology to reach out besides our social media.  Little ways that we can let someone know on a personal level that we are thinking about them.  That we can try to connect in a real way and find out the real story of how they are.  One way that is so obvious.....one way that technology has advanced that we can pretty much get a hold of anyone anywhere no matter if we are at home cleaning or down in Texas on vacation. OUR CELL PHONES.  Let's be honest people, we all have them and most of us also have texting.  It doesn't take much to send a quick text to say "I'm thinking about you and praying you are ok." It doesn't take long to say "How are you really? Are you ok?" It doesn't take much or long to say "I just want to let you know I care about you".  We need to stop relying on social media so much to find out how people are.  We need to start having real connections again.  We need to stop getting so caught up in our own lives that we only rely on finding out how people are when we turn on our computer.

Facebook is good for so many things.....to share fun photos......to ask for prayer requests to the masses when we need them....to get advice (sometimes with caution on this one)......but we need to remember our relationships NEED to go beyond the screen.  We need to stop relying on it to find out how our friends are because we are so busy with our own lives. Or because we think they are too busy and we don't want to bug them.  With a text, if they are busy they will get back to us when they aren't but my philosophy as always been at least then they know I care and was thinking about them at that time.

On the flip side of it I am still so thankful for Facebook this past weekend because it got us to have so many praying for our family.  It got people to know that might not otherwise have known we needed the prayers or those that we really don't get to have contact with much.  It got updates out to many who otherwise wouldn't have got updates.  But on the flip side of that.....I am also so so so thankful for those that reached out on a personal level.  Those that called, those that sent a few texts throughout the weekend just to check in on us and make sure we were ok....and even those that sent private messages. So today and every day I want you to take the challenge with me.  To try to reach out to someone every day....every other day....and find out how they are REALLY doing beyond Facebook.  I know there are so many people out there who are struggling with something and aren't broadcasting it on Facebook.  I know there are people out there wanting to hear a friend say "How are you really?" Or who just want to know a friend cares about them enough to shoot a text or a call.

Let's start a revival of relationships....let's get back to how we communicated before social media.....

Nightmare come true..

Where do I even begin? The last 72 hours have been a roller coaster of emotions.  I am just now today beginning to filter through everything my mind didn't let me feel until now.  Every emotion I should have been feeling this weekend....fear, sadness, heartache....all of it, I didn't completely feel until we were walking out of the hospital this morning waving good bye to all the nurses.  I didn't completely feel it until I was holding my baby girl as we walked toward the car and see her face light up which I hadn't seen in so long.  We were getting to go home when just 60 some hours before we were arriving not knowing what was going to happening or if we would even be getting to leave with a happy healthy little girl again.

I know Facebook updates were just that. Updates, they didn't say what was really going on in our minds. They didn't convey the fear that was not being said.  They didn't say just how bad everything was at first.  And looking back now, we can see why we had to try and be so strong.  Our baby girl was sicker than we could have ever imagined.  We had been to the doctor for croup Wednesday and Thursday.  Along with it she had a double ear infection.  Thursday night we had thought she was getting better but Friday morning when she woke up she was 'wheezy' off and on, we later learned it was called 'stridor'.  We both went back and forth as to if we should call the doctor again or if this was just part of the croup that needed to take its course.....She would start doing it and then all the sudden stop and just be sleeping for awhile.

At noon Dr. Wilson called on her administrative day (a day where the doctors take no patients and just work on paperwork.) She wanted to check in on Maci and make sure she was slowly getting better.  When I told her what was going on she quickly said she was going to go look at the schedule and call me back.  Not even 5 minutes later a nurse called to tell me that Dr. Wilson wanted us to come in at 2 and she wanted to be the one to see Maci.  From there I quickly went to run some errands and came back just before 1:30 to pick up Trav and Maci to head to Hutch. When I walked in the back door I could hear Maci having that 'stridor' sound as soon as I walked in the back door.  She was laying in the living room trying to sleep.  Clearly I knew right away she had gotten worse and was so thankful Dr. Wilson had called and made us go back in. Maci slept and struggled to catch her breath the whole way into the dr.  Once there we quickly got taken back to the doctor where Dr. Wilson said she had gotten worse and we needed to try some more Nebs with adrenaline as well as another steroid shot. We also did some xrays to make sure there was nothing else we were missing.

After the xrays she still wasn't better so yet again we tried another nebulizer which Dr. Wilson quickly decided still wasn't working.  It was then she looked us in the eye and said it was time to take us over to the ER and she would need to call Children's Hospital in the cities to take her there.  When I asked why she just said they had this helium oxygen mix that would help her better and  make her feel better faster.  What I didn't know til later, was that 'helium oxygen mix' was a to help her breath in general because her little lungs weren't getting enough.  I am so glad I didn't know this at the time.  I would have lost it right then and there....

Once in the ER, everything went pretty fast.  They took her temp which in just a matter of an hour had shot up to 103. They tried to start an IV and also did yet another neb treatment.  With all the poking Maci just laid still in my arms, not one cry. I was naive and thought they would just let us get in our car and drive up to Children's until they told me that no that wasn't the case.  We would have to be taken by ambulance.  I looked at Trav with panic and he assured me it was just for liability reasons.  When I asked to go with they said they weren't sure yet.  If they didn't need to do lights and sirens, then for sure.  If they decided she was too weak and needed the lights and sirens, it was up to the EMTs.  When the EMTS got there there was a lot of hushed tones and whispering...I don't know why they do that...as a mama who's scared I heard a good deal of it.  The one that stuck out the clearest was a nurse asking one of the ER doctors if mom was going with....his reply...."they need lights and sirens so I don't know.." From that point on my mind was kinda blank....I didn't want to cry because the angel in my arms needed to have comfort and me crying wouldn't have helped.

As they were poking Maci some more and I was frankly spacing out...the kind nurse looked up at me and said "Sounds like you are going with!" THANK YOU JESUS!! How on earth would I have put her in that bed and let them take off with our baby.  So in came the gurney and I climbed on up and laid Maci on my chest while they strapped us in nice and tight.  The doctors and nurses lined the hallway to wheel us out and gave us well wishes and squeezes and when we got to Dr. Wilson, with tears I said, "Thank you so much.....I dont' even know what else to say except thank you..." If she hadn't have called when she did, 911 would have had to been called.  She was a God send.  She was a miracle.

The 45 minute ride to the cites went fast...yes I said 45 minutes because we were flying.  What I didn't know til later was that my dear sweet poor husband had to pull over for us while driving to the cities.  I can't even imagine the terror and sadness and fear that he was feeling as he pulled over and thought "There goes my life...." literally..... In the ambulance Maci was put on a heart monitor as well as oxygen.  She didn't wake the whole time.....not once....not even over huge bumps in the road..

We arrived at the Children's ER and everything went even faster.  People in and out of our room.  IV put in....oxygen being brought in....whispers....nurses saying "Im so glad you are here.  You did the right thing...she is such a sick little girl..." All I could do was lay in the bed and hold tight to Maci and try to keep her calm and tell her it's ok baby girl it's ok....

From there we were taken to ICU where she was closely monitored all night.  Her oxygen saturation levels when she was first brought in were around 74....they are supposed to be in the upper 90s.  Yes she indeed was one sick little girl. I asked the ICU doctor if this was normal with croup and he said it happens, but this year Maci was only the 2nd one he had seen this sick from it.  He said we would for sure be there through the weekend.  We had one nurse all night....I didn't know til later that only the sickest of the sick got only one nurse.  I didn't know til later that the doctors weren't sure if they had to put a tube in her to help her breathe...I didn't know til later that the doctors didn't know if she would turn for the worse.....

That all was just Friday night.  The weekend went on from there and I could go on, but most of it after that I expressed on Facebook and this post would get way longer if I did.  Today I am feeling every emotion I told my body not to feel all weekend.  I called 2 different girlfriends to tell them the whole story because I couldn't send it all in their text messages they sent through the weekend.  And in the phone calls the tears started and then tonight as we were saying good night to our sweet angel and prayed over her, the tears finally full blown came.  That strength I had came from all of those that were praying over us....all of those that were checking in to make sure we were ok....it came from our loving Savior Jesus Christ who knew I needed it to get our family through it.  If you think He doesn't exist I have many examples of why He does.  Words don't do it justice when I say thank you to you all.  Those that I don't even really know well that were offering their help and their love...those that I have lost touch with that were texting and praying and offering their help.....we are overwhelmed by your love.  We are overwhelmed by your compassion.  We are just overwhelmed....

So this next week I'm going to enjoy our little girl that much more than I ever have.  I"m going to be savoring each moment in ways I never have.  Each moment is a gift.  Prayers work.  And there are still people in this world that care about you when you go through tough times.  Thank you isn't enough...and THANK YOU JESUS that this weekend is over.  We aren't well yet, but we are so much better than what we were......

In the waiting room...

It's been 5 months.  5 months since our family started out on a long journey.  5 months of sleeping in separate beds.  5 months of eating dinner apart instead of as a family together at the table.  5 months of putting miles and miles on our Pontiac Grand Am.  5 months of buying two separate grocery lists. 5 months of paying for a hotel so my husband has a place to lay his head at night.  5 months of Maci asking for daddy every day and me having to say we will see him Friday.  5 months of what feels like us living 2 completely different lives.

It's honestly hard to believe this all started 5 months ago. While at times it has been way longer than that, there are also times where I wonder where the heck the past 5 months have gone.  We've shared days of heartache and tears, but we've also shared days of excitement and joy.  At the very beginning there were many many days when I asked God why.  Why couldn't He move mountains right away. Why was He making us wait for so long. Why did it feel like I was so alone some days.....

Yet in the past several weeks, God has given me glimpses of the answers to those questions.  And while we don't see a for sure end date in sight for this road we are on, we have been given some clear signs that we are still on the right path.  That we are still listening to God.  That even though there are some solutions we could do right now to make it all end, we are still doing what God called us to do in the very beginning.  Yesterday was just one example of how God shows us that.

For those that don't know we went house hunting this past weekend.  It was a day full of excitement but yet also a time of flat out nerves  We were going to see the areas that we would be making a new life in.  An area where our kids would go to school and made their presence known in this world.  A place where they would start to leave their mark on this world.  We saw many houses, and at the end of the day, we could clearly see the life God is preparing for us out there.  We started focusing on one area in particular out there and so we started our research.  And of course at the top of the list was seeing what church options were out there.  Most of the area is saturated with Lutheran and Catholic churches, but Travis happened to find a baptist church out there with a new pastor that was around our age and have a baby maybe a little younger than Maci.  I then went to our pastors to see what if anything they knew about the church.  Prior to this I had been praying God would show us we were in the right direction.  That wanting this area was the right way.  And when they emailed me back I got an answer.  The new pastor at the church we were looking at was the son of a previous interim pastor at Cornerstone before Pastor Paul.  I sat there and just said "Wow God.  What are the chances that someone from small town Litchfield would have a connection to someone out there..seriously what are the chances?"

Then later on that day I got a sweet message from a friend from church letting me know she had been thinking of us that day and gave me 2 verses.  One of which was Mark 11:24:

"I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you've received it, it will be yours"

I'm not just boldly praying that our house sells anymore.  I am BELIEVING that it has sold. I am thanking God for it before it even happens....

There are days when we feel like God has forgotten about us...days when we feel so alone....days when we feel like it will never happen.  But then there are days when God shows up and wraps His loving arms around us and says, "Child I am here.  I love you and am taking care of it.  Just believe.  Just believe...."

We are not alone in the waiting room.  We are not the only family praying for this season in our lives to end.  We are not alone when some days we  are so discouraged. There are more of you out there and I pray that this gives you hope.  Hope that even though there are bad days, there WILL BE  good days.  Days when you can just dance and scream about how amazing our Savior is.  Have faith, believe. God hears you, He sees you, He LOVES you.  There is a reason He is making you wait.  More than likely He is teaching you to trust Him more than you ever thought possible.  This season, this 'winter' will end for you.  I promise friends.  It won't last forever 

  

Patient Endurance - The longest run.....

"So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will.  Then you will receive all that he has promised."

Romans 10:35-36

Life sometimes can feel like the longest journey.  It can feel like everything you have ever wanted will never come to be.  It can get long, and lonely, and just plain hard.  But it can also be so exciting and thrilling. Some days it feels as if you are racing to the finish line and going to place first.  While other days it can seem like you will never make it there....

I'm so not a runner but I do know plenty of people that are.  And I can say I know the basics of running.  I know that unless you are doing a short distance, sprinting would not be the best thing for you to do.  When you are running a long race, you want to have a slow yet steady pace.  You don't want to push yourself too hard too fast.  If you do decide to go that route, in the end you might end up beating yourself up over it.  But let's be honest, we've all been there before, at the starting line.  Whether it's just in theory or in reality, the starting line can be so thrilling.  Your heart beats fast and you have more than enough adrenaline running through your veins you think you could run 100 miles and be just fine.  So what's the impulse to do? Start of sprinting out of the gates.  But a trained professional runner of course would probably tell you that's not such a good idea.  Because if you start out sprinting, chances are towards the middle you will become worn out sooner and quicker.   But of course at the beginning, at the starting line, when you are sprinting you feel fantastic and like you could run forever......but we all know if you start off sprinting it's not going to last.

It's been 5 months now since our family starting out on the starting line.  Everything was new and exciting. God placed an amazing opportunity in front of us, one that we had been praying about for quite some time before that.  One our hearts had been begging for.  And 4 months ago when Travis left to start work in another town we were energized.  We knew this path was one that God placed before us.  One that He had given us.  We literally beamed whenever we talked about our future.  We started off sprinting and I believe deep down in our hearts we thought we would continue to sprint to the finish line..... But of course God has something else in mind and here we are 4 months later stuck in the same place we were then.

Living in 2 different towns Monday-Friday.  Trying to figure out how to stay connected as a family and trying to find a normal.  Many days we remember God still have a plan for us and we know...we know in the end it will all work out the way he promised.  But then there are days like today when I just feel disappointed.  I feel lost and honestly I feel like somehow He has forgotten about us.  And then He suddenly shows up.  Not in the way I want Him to, the way I'm begging Him too....but in way where He whispers in my ear letting me know He's got this.  I need not worry, I need not question Him.  He's got this. 

I decided for some reason to start a new book tonight.  Haven't even finished my previous one but still decided to start it anyway.  And there at the end of the Acknowledgements it says: Hebrews 10:35-36.  So I decide not to be lazy and actually look it up.  And BAM there He is waiting to draw me into His arms and give me comfort.....

"So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will.  Then you will receive all that he has promised."

Right now...in this moment, God doesn't want me sprinting.  He doesn't want me growing tired and weary.  He doesn't want me to think He's abandoned us or forgotten.  Right now He wants me to have patient endurance and wait for what He has in store for us.  And I know, even though I don't see it right now...even though I might not always feel like it's true...I know what He has in store for us is far far far greater than I will have ever imagined.  

Is that you?? Are you waiting on God to show up?? Are you waiting for an answered prayer to happen?? If so I hope you find comfort in these verses as much as I did.  Dear child of God He hasn't forgotten about you.  He hasn't left you.  He is just busy putting all the pieces into place to wow you.  Trust me you won't believe that every single day, but you will have far better days knowing the truth in that.  

And if you are reading this and needing prayer over that thing you are patiently waiting on, email me...message me...whatever and tell me how I can pray for you.  There is power behind prayers and if there is one thing I've learned so far on our journey is that when you know someone is praying for you....like actually really truly praying for you....you can feel the strength that comes from that. 

People Get Ready....

I was reading an article this afternoon that K-Love had shared on their Facebook page.  The article was talking about a World Banker calling for the world, especially the U.S. to start looking into a one world currency.  The article proceeded to talk about how this banker felt that this would help solve the economic problems the world is having.  Much of it was over my head, and much of it I'm sure I will have to have my hubby explain to me in more detail so I understand more about what is exactly being stated....but the one thing I don't need him to explain is this...

If you have read Revelation...if you have even seen or read any of the Left Behind movies....if you have even heard anyone talk about the end times and Jesus coming back this article might make your heart jump a little bit.  Might send a shiver down your spine...might make you wonder if this really is just one more step closer to the end of life as we know it....

There have been people for years and years and years trying to predict when God would come back....when the world would just get too badly broken for Him to continue to let it all happen.  Fact of the matter is this:

No. One. Knows. Period.

But this article did stir up something in me. God used it as just another wake up call.  An alarm to say: "HEY CHRISSY!! You see this?? You know it's coming, you may not know when and you may not know if it's going to be in your lifetime but bottom line you KNOW it's coming.  So what are you doing about it?? Are you showing everyone you meet MY love?? Are you showing them in the best possible ways who I am? Are you loving more than you are judging? Are you helping hearts come to want a deep meaningful relationship with ME?" 

Fact is friends...I'm not.  I know I'm not doing the best I can.  I know I judge way more than I love some days.  And with the world as bad as it is right, I know probably A LOT of us struggle with that one.  It's a fine line to walk between not judging and just accepting the world as it is.  It's a fine line between not judging and keeping your mouth shut just because you don't want to offend anyone.  It's a fine line between loving and having others think you are okay with their certain life style choices.  It's a fine line with loving and it's a fine line with judging.  

I want people to know what I believe. I want them to know that I follow the one true God.  I want them to know I believe in everything Jesus taught.  But I want to leave the judging part to God.   I don't want to accept the sins they commit but I don't want to push them away by casting judgement on them. It's not my job.  My job is to love them so much they can't deny the love of Christ.  I want to love them so much that they see Jesus in me.  Does that mean I accept what they do all the time? Of course not, but it does mean I pray every day for God to help me find that fine line and walk it with Him.  

So I'm gonna use this little wake up call God gave me and use it to get better at loving ALL of God's children.  Those that love Him and those that don't. I'm gonna use it to start asking every single day for God to help me not judge people so harshly, but instead to love them so much that they want to know Jesus personally. 

I don't have all the answers...I know I'm not perfect......but I want to to have so many of my friends and family standing next to me on the day we will be counted.  I want people that I see on a regular basis at the grocery store.....at the doctors office.....at the park......I want to see people I've only met once in my life....I want to see many faces that I recognize standing there before God.... I don't want to see faces that I could have done better to get to know Him but was too scared to stand before God and hearing "I know you not..." 

So PEOPLE GET READY.....

JESUS IS COMING......

Where my light comes from.....

God is GOOD. 

God is AMAZING.  

God is a COMFORTER.  

He is a HAND to HOLD.

He is a HAND to HIGH FIVE.

Someone who will weep WITH you.

Someone who will SHOUT for JOY for YOU.

He is my EVERYTHING.

Period.

Do you know Him yet?? If you don't run to Him now. He doesn't promise an easy life but I promise you that life without Him will be a thousand times harder. Without Him you will weep a little longer, a little harder.

This road we are on is a hard one....and some days I want to just break down and cry but then God gives me days like today.  Days when nothing magical happened.  No 'answered prayers' that I could see.  But a day where I just want to dance, sing, and shout His name.

No life with God doesn't promise to be easy....but oh man does it promise an 

AMAZING RIDE.....