When we say "I'm fine" when we really mean: "I'm not ok..."

"Hey! How are you?"

"I'm fine.  How about you?"

"Good!"


This is a conversation that happens daily in everyone's life.  You see someone you know on the street, at the store, at church...wherever.  You both smile and do the generic conversation.  I say generic because let's be honest, how many of us truthfully answer that question? How many of smile and say we are fine when really we are weeping and screaming inside? And how many of us on the flip side ask the question hoping and expecting the person to just give the generic response? I'm fine, good, ok..... When we ask the questions are we being sincere about it? Or are we just asking because it has become the normal in our society?

Why do we do this to ourselves? When we don't admit to others that we are hurting it is only hurting ourselves more.  It only does to more damage than good.  The bible says that God works best in our weakness, therefore we  should boast about our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9).  So when we are weak, when we are hurting....why do we try so hard to conceal it? To try and make it seem like we are doing fine and good with whatever life is currently throwing at us? Instead of replying with the generic ok, fine, good; we need to starting saying honestly how we are doing.  If we aren't doing fine or good, then we need to respond with: "Right now we are really struggling.  This is isn't as easy as I thought it would be.  Could you please pray for us?"  Or if life is really good and wonderful say that and why you are so blessed in that moment.

And on the flip side, when we ask those words to others, "How are you?" we need to stop asking so scripted .  We need to start asking with heart and compassion behind it.  We need to start letting the person know we are truly asking because we care about them and want to know how we can help them.  And if someone does respond with "I'm not ok....this isn't easy.  I'm hurting..", we need to really listen and take action! Maybe it's stopping right then and there and praying over them.  Maybe it's making a note and a point to pray over their family in our own quiet time.  Maybe it's asking them to go out and have coffee.  Maybe it's making it a point to go out of our way to make their day brighter.  When they tell you of a need, help fill it.  Help show them Jesus.

I struggle so hard with both sides of this.  God is working on my heart hard the past few weeks telling me that it's ok and better to be weak, because in Him I am strong.  Instead of telling everyone I'm doing fine, I need to start saying "You know this is really hard.  I didn't think it would get this hard.  I didn't expect to cry this much.  I'm not as strong as I've been pretending to be." And on the flip side of that I too do the generic "how are you?' when I'm greeting someone because it's the thing to do.  I need to start asking with more heart and compassion.  I need to start really listening to people and help them in their time of need.  Life is busy and it's hard.  It's so easy to get caught up in our own circumstances that we forget to see the needs of those around us.  But God calls us to rise up and be different than this world. (Romans 12:2)

With this I challenge each and every one of us to start seeing this question as more than a generic question.  To start asking with the intention to really hear how the other is doing.  And to start answering with truth and transparency.  What do you think? Can we do it? I know with Christ we can and maybe....just MAYBE it will be one small change to our lives to start showing more of Jesus in this sad and broken world.....

Below is just a little Matt Redman to start your weekend off right :)