The one line I read post election that I can't get out of my head....

Wednesday morning we all woke up to a new President Elect.  I knew either way the election went, there would be mixed emotions on all sides.  No matter what, there would be fear and anger filling up my newsfeed. It was just a matter of which side it was coming from.  By now we all know the outcome and we all know the chaos that is happening everywhere.  Some are holding up their victory sounds loud and clear, while others are crying in the streets.  No matter who you are, no matter what side you are on, I think we can all agree how crazy the whole thing has been.

Yesterday as I was scrolling through the mix of emotions I was seeing, I came across one comment from someone I do not know at all.  And yet, I can't get her off my mind.  Her comment made me hold my breath.  Made my heart stop....and my eyes well up with tears.  It was simple and short, yet had a deeply profound impact on my heart.  She is clearly not a Trump supporter and was expressing her anger.  All she said was this:

Even typing out those words now creates a huge lump in my throat.  You see because Mr. Trump was the Republican nominee and because most Christians are conservatives there is now this perception that he is somehow the Christians spokesperson.  That he represents who all Christians are.  The way he acts, the way he talks.  While we as the body of Christ know that not one of us is the perfect example of Christianity, the rest of the word that does not know Him personally as their Savior...don't fully get that.  We as Christians know that the only perfect example of Christianity was Jesus Christ himself.  But yet we all know that those in the public eye are seen far more than the rest of us and held to a higher standard criticized more.  We are all sinners saved by grace and I'm not here to judge where Mr. Trump is in his faith because I don't know him personally.  However this comment has rocked me to my very core. 

You see the world already hated Christians.  They already thought we were hypocritical.  And we just gave them all the more reason to do so.  We did this to ourselves....now hear me out please.  I beg you...this is a life or death matter for so many lost souls in this country. And I'm not saying anyone is a bad person for voting for Trump (or even not voting for him)..BUT:  The world watched as we, Christians, praised him.  Campaigned for him.  Shared our stance on him all over social media. Liked and shared things mean-spirited about people who don't share our views.  Let our anger take over and be known. Engaged in heated debates that had hurtful things said. The world watched as we made excuses for his actions and his word choices.  Watched as we were asked how we could support someone who used such hateful words, and yet we used the line of we are all sinners...we have all said bad things.  Friends today, more than ever, the lost souls...the souls who do not know Jesus personally have been pushed further from our grasp.  We have pushed our stance on issues so much that we have pushed away the people we are called to reach.  The people we are called to love in such a profound way that they want to know our Savior.  That they want to know why we are different.  That they want to have the light that is inside of us, inside of them.  We have grasped with everything we have our stances on political issues, that we have pushed away so many that need Jesus.  

Now here me as I say this....we are called to obey Jesus' laws.  We are called to live by His truths but friends....we are also called to love in such a profound way that we are different than the world in that way as well.  We should be voting on our principles and morals.  We should be keeping Jesus' truth at the forefront of our minds when we do our duty to vote, but the bottom line is...no...no government policy is going to save us.  No government policy is going to change this world as much as JESUS is. That's the message non-Christians should be hearing in election season from our lips.  And in order for Jesus to change the world, we have to start by winning hearts for Him.   

Mr. Trump will take office in January 2017.  People on all sides of the spectrum are going to have to come to terms with that and we will have to respect him as our president.  But Church, it is now our turn to RISE UP and be the hands and feet of Jesus. Don't just say where we stand on things, but actually do things to help those causes.  Win hearts for Him.  Show the world who He truly is.  Show the world how much love, kindness, grace, mercy, and forgiveness are found in Him and Him alone.  We have our work cut out for us....this world is hurting more now that it probably ever has in my generation.  But if we make Jesus the center of everything we do and say, maybe we can win more hearts for Him than ever before.  Doesn't mean we won't mess up.  Doesn't mean we will be perfect.  But it does mean that people like that commenter can maybe get a glimpse of who Jesus really is.  That we can be a witness for Christ and help change some hearts.  Because when hearts are won for Jesus...that's when change and unity truly begins.....

Short. Simple. Honest.

"Oh my God..... It's happening again!!!!" - I heard the scream of my mother.  I still hear it from time to time when my mind wanders....I still see her face....I still feel my legs give out as I drop to my knees with my hands raised just a little... "Oh Jesus! Sweet Jesus...please...Jesus...PLEASE" is the only thing my lips can get out......There are people rushing up and down the hall as we all hold our breath.....waiting to see if those few words are being answered by the Most High....

What was happening that day is a story for another time, but I will say He did answer those few words that my tongue could get out.  Prayer is such an interesting thing....we all pray so different and it means something different to each one of us.  Some of us recite prayers we learned from a young age, some of us only pray before our meals or when something bad seems to be happening.  Some of us pray beautiful skillfully done prayers while some of us are more of the short and sweet type.  Some of us have designated times we pray and some of us pray whenever we are led.  Whatever way you seem to pray can I just try and encourage you for a moment?

I have had conversations with some wonderful women in the past few months.  Women that I know love the Lord with all their heart.  And when the conversations switch to prayer, they have confided in me that prayer can sometimes feel so stiff.  And at times they feel like they don't know what to say or how to say it.  For me prayer has seem to come easy.  Now I'm not one to like to pray in front of others, however I have always spoken to the Lord like He is my friend.  Like He is sitting right next to me....no fanciness or added words I don't usually use.  Some of my prayers are longer and some short.  The truth of the matter is, Jesus already knows what's hidden in our hearts.  He already knows what we need therefore He already knows what we are going to say.  So why does prayer still feel so formal most of the time to us? Why do we seem to put so much pressure on what we say and how we say it?  I don't know the answer to that question for you but I do know Jesus just wants us to take the time to talk to Him. No matter what words we choose.

Prayer is powerful.  Bold beautiful things happen when we pray.  Miracles take place.  We don't always get the answers we want, but no matter what if we make it a point to pray we do know that it brings us closer to the Almighty.  It's a gift I think we have taken for granted in today's world.  We say to anyone going through a hard time, "I will be praying for you.." But then we seem to not take the time to pray or we just simply don't know what to pray.  Can I just tell you that your prayers don't have to be fancy? They don't have to be long or full of exquisite words.  If all you can get out at the moment is "Jesus....Jesus...Jesus" in between your tears....He will come running.  He will still hear you.  He will still know what your heart needs.  If you see a struggling mama in the grocery store and feel the nudge to pray for her, even a short: "Jesus give her what she needs today" is sufficient at times.  We don't always have to carve out these long amounts of time for prayer.  We don't have to use fancy words or try to sound so skillful.  What would happen if we as Christians started praying more?  What if we took the pressure off of trying to make  prayers sound so 'amazingly awesome' and 'skillful' and instead took the time to say short simple honest prayers through the day?

"Lord give me strength."  

"Make me more like You."  

"Be with that mama Lord"  

"May that man know You."  

"Be with our country..."  

Or even simply...."Jesus..Jesus...Jesus"

If we turn our hearts and minds to pray simple prayers throughout the day would we be praying more? Would our hearts be more in line with Jesus?  Would we be more likely to hear His voice? If we stopped making prayer sound like such a 'religious' ritual and instead made it more intertwined with our everyday life would our lives look different? Would they feel different?  I can't speak for you, but I can say when I make it a point to pray short simple prayers throughout my day...my heart feels better.  I feel closer to Jesus, like He is walking with me through my day.  My emotions seem to be more in check instead of out of control and dependent on my circumstances.  His presence fills up the space I'm in.  I'm more aware of all He is and wants for me.  

So friend, maybe you are like some of my sweet friends out there thinking they don't know how to pray.  Maybe you feel like your praying is stiff and therefore you just avoid it all together.  It doesn't have to be that way.  Jesus is our Lord and Savior but He is also our friend.  He doesn't need big words.  He doesn't need a lengthy 20 minute prayer.  All He wants is you.  He wants to hear your heart.  He wants to have you talk with Him and know without a doubt that He is near and He hears your cries...We do need to carve out time to spend with Him each day, but maybe...just maybe if we make it a point to pray short simple prayers throughout the day, our hearts won't feel so stiff when we talk to Him anymore.  Our hearts might be more open to the Holy Spirit when we are called to pray.  And we will start to feel even closer to Him than ever before....

That day as I was on the floor crying out His name over and over and over again....He heard me.  I didn't need to sound fancy or long.  He was right there with us in that room.  He didn't need me stating what my heart longed for....all He needed was me searching for His heart and His hand.....

"When you pray don't babble on and on as people of other religions do.  They will think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again..."

-Matthew 6:7

"And pray in the Sprit on all occassions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord's people."

-Ephesians  6:18

Real. Raw. Vulnerable.

Fall. Cozy sweaters. Pumpkin Spice Lattes. Fires. Leggings with boots. Colorful leaves emerging on the trees. There is so much to love about Fall and yet, in our family it seems, it’s a season to be dreaded. Bad things happen in the fall for us. Changes that aren’t as colorful and bright as the leaves happen. It’s safe to say that for quite a few Septembers now, our family as a whole, would rather pull the covers over our heads and sleep right on through til winter. And this season, is no different.

Between strained relationships and yet another new medical diagnosis for my sweet sister, it’s been an emotional one. It’s safe to say I’m 90% of the time the strong one. Trying to hold everyone up while they fall apart. Keeping my vulnerability tucked away so that very few people get to see it. And yet this season seems to be a little different. Just a few weeks ago my husband and I had a very raw, real conversation on where my heart was. I remember his face as he sat there and listened to me pour out my heart to him about how I can’t keep being the strong one. How I am down to nothing left to give and I don’t know how to get back up. I don’t know how to silence the lies of the enemy that seem to be screaming in my face. I cried as he held me close. Our marriage has always been me keeping it all positive and together, but we had finally hit the point where I was just down to the weakest part of my heart.

As seasoned Christians I think it’s so easy for us to get sucked into the perception that because we love and trust God that means that we somehow have to always have it together. That because God asks us to have joy in all situations, that we must somehow always be put together and okay no matter what comes our way. We throw out the usual bible verses about how God works all things together for the good and how if God is for us who can be against us so what do we have to fear? We seem to think that not being okay is just not an option for us. And yet friends, this season of change, God has been speaking it into my heart loud and clear that this is just not true. That just because we are children of God does not mean that we can never be vulnerable. In fact it means just the opposite.

Because we are daughters of the one true King, we have an obligation to be just as vulnerable, open, raw, and honest about all the hard things we are facing. We need to let the world see that being a Christian doesn’t mean always having it all together. That it’s okay to not be okay. But in the raw and real vulnerability that we can still love and trust God with everything we have. We need to show the world that even though our hearts are breaking and we don’t see God’s plan in all this, that that doesn’t mean we are turning away from Him. It doesn’t mean we don’t love Him. It doesn’t mean we don’t trust Him. It just means we are human and have the same struggles and heartbreaks that everyone else has.

When we read through the book of Psalms we see this theme over and over again. We see the raw emotions and struggles of a man who loves God. We see the anger and questions of where is God in all this, and yet it doesn’t take very many verses later when we see how much He still loves God and worships Him. As long as we don’t let the pain and struggle of something consume us, it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to struggle with questions of where God is. It’s okay to be angry about the situation and voice that to Him in prayer. As long as we know deep in the depths of our souls how much He loves us and how He is never going to leave us, it’s okay to be real, raw, and vulnerable. It’s okay to not have strength to keep it all together all of the time. There is so much hope and freedom in realizing this. When we let go of the conception that we have to keep our vulnerability tucked away, we are free to really feel and share our stories with others. And those are the stories that bring life and hope to others who are struggling with the same situations. We show others that our hearts will be broken, but that that is where God meets us. And friends, we know that wherever God meets us, is where the really good stuff begins....

As High As the Sky Mommy!

"HIGHER MOMMY HIGHER!! As high as the SKY!!!"  I hear the sweetest little voice yell out in front of me.  It's become a tradition to hear those words as she's sitting on the swings, but this morning my heart heard them differently.  They seemed to have more weight to them in.....more stillness in them....I wanted to savor that moment more than I had ever before.  She's only 4.5 and yet time seems to be moving far too fast for my mama's heart.  In Proverbs 27:1 it states: "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring" so as we know that no day to us is promised.  We know that we are often told to savor each day as much as we can because time passes too quickly and we don't ever know the time nor the hour when Christ will call us home. And yet the busyness of life happens, and before we know it....we haven't been savoring as much as we should.  And there are moments where we seem to be told that more than ever due to a tragedy having happened.  Whether it's an accident, a disaster, or worse yet....a beautiful young soul being taken far too soon.....

This weekend, if you happen to live in SD or MN, we all heard about that last one happening in one of the most tragic awful nightmare ways possible.  And sadly we hear of things like this happening to kids far too often.  We stop for a few moments and say a short prayer for the family.  We think of how awful it must be for them.  We say that we need to hold our kids more tightly that night....give them an extra kiss.  And then life happens and we forget those feelings we just felt.  One of them just dumped the jug of juice all over the floor while another is having a fit over her shoe not being on her foot.  Or you have asked 5 times for something to be done and all you are getting back is attitude.  Life happens and suddenly we are right back to where we started....our tempers are short again.  We do and say things we regret.  We go to bed again with guilt over how the day ended.  Wondering if they know how much we love them.  How we are their biggest cheerleaders.  How we would do anything for them.  And as we lay there in the stillness of the night, that family comes to our mind again....and we wonder how we could have forgotten that someone somewhere is without there child.  How we should be savoring these moments with ours......

That's usually how my days in the past have gone when I hear on the news of yet another horrible nightmare of a thing happening to a kid somewhere.  But this time...this weekend...it was different somehow.  I don't know the family....I have never met them.  And yet, I can't get that little girls face out of my mind.  My heart hurts often for that mother who just wants one more moment to let her daughter know how loved she is.  My heart hurts for her as I think of how she must be questioning every action and choice she had ever made with her....how she could have stopped it or changed it.  I know that's where my head would be.  After all, we as mothers tend to do it to ourselves on a daily basis even without anything like that happening.  My eyes have felt the sting of tears as I have lifted this family up in prayer.  And as I was crying yesterday after Trav and I had just finished watching a news story on it, I wondered why this case was different for me.  Why I was feeling more than I had ever before with this case.  Besides the little girl not being much older than Maci, I realized it's because this case was a case that could have literally happened to anyone.  Everyone always says you can never see it happening to yourself until it does and yet.....this time I think most parents can see it happening to them....for various reasons...

This morning as I watched my firstborn giggle and squeal with delight on that swing, my heart once again turned to that family.  They won't ever get another moment like this with their daughter.  They won't ever get to see her flash that award winner of a smile.  They won't get to hear the giggles and the pleads for: "Higher Mommy! Higher! As high as the sky!!"  And my heart whispered to my head:

"Savor it Mama.  Savor it with all you've got."  

I don't want my heart to ever forget this morning.  I want my heart to feel the weight of each and every moment.  I want that weight to dictate the words that come out of my mouth.  How I handle each and every situation with our girls.  And when I mess up, because I know I will, I want that weight to lay even heavier on my heart, so that I can make sure I go to my girls and drill it into their hearts how much mama loves them.  I don't want this tragedy to be just another tragedy where I just say: "Hold your kids tighter tonight.  Give them an extra hug and kiss.....savor every moment because tomorrow isn't promised." I want to live it.  I want to breath it.  I want to feel the weight of it.  

So mamas (and daddies) out there, feel this one differently.  Allow the hurt and sadness of it to seep into your souls...into your hearts.  And when it does, let it change you.  Let it allow yourself to slow down and savor each and every moment with your children.  Don't just say the tired old sayings, feel them, breath them, live them.  I'm sure that family would say the same thing.  They don't get the privilege of more time with their sweet one.  And as you take the time to stop and watch your children today, to savor a single moment in time.....think of the Ertl Family.  Pray for them today and everyday.  Because the truth is, unless you've been through it, we can't even imagine the pain they are feeling right now....

So go and savor it Mama.  Savor it with all you've got.

**And if for some reason, this blog gets seen by a member of the family....I want this song to seep into your soul.  You aren't alone.  You aren't walking this road alone....

What seems like the forgotten bible verse....

As Christians we all know the story...a woman who was caught cheating on her husband was brought before Jesus. The law said she should be stoned for what she had done and yet Jesus called out to them what seems to be the catch phrase many like to throw out there from the bible:

"All right but let the one who has never sinned cast the first stone!"

And the crowd dissipated. No one was left to cast that first stone because the hard core truth is that we are all sinners in need of grace.  We are all in need of that one person to choose to not condemn us and instead show us the kind of grace and mercy we are all so desperately searching for.  And I know that Jesus is that one we are all looking for.  Because He is that one that did not condemn this woman.  He did not stone her as the law said.  Instead He said these words to her just a few short verses later.  And these words are where my heart is tonight in the dark quiet of the night...  

"Go and sin no more...."

Go....and sin no more.....GO and SIN NO MORE.  These words have been playing in my mind for what seems like hours now.  They are words that are so full of grace and mercy and yet...at the same time...cut like a knife.  

We are all born sinners.  Not a single one of us deserves the gift Jesus gave to us by dying on that cross so long ago.  Not one of us deserves to be saved and loved the way He loves.  Not one of us deserves the compassion He freely gives us.  NOT ONE.  We all have stories...histories of who we were before Jesus came into our hearts and so radically changed us.  And with those stories and histories comes with a baggage of sin that Jesus so freely takes from us.  And yet....we also all have those sins that we hang onto ever so tightly.  When we first met Jesus we asked for forgiveness.  We laid down those burdens and vowed to do better.  To be better.  But those sins that we hang onto so tightly, each a different struggle than another, those sins keep on creeping in....

We justify those sins.  We make excuses.  We say we will do better next time.  We say we will give it up next month...or next year.  We make promises and vows to never do them again.  When others point out the facts that sin IS sin, we throw out the bible verses about not judging each other.  That everyone is a sinner....and even....John 8:7: let the one who has never sinned cast the first stone...We hold onto these sins so tightly.  And in the dark world we live in, it is so easy to keep holding onto that sin.....Our world is upside down...what is right is now wrong and what was wrong is now right.  What my absolute truth is, is now not the same absolute truth has yours.  We struggle and we make excuses and we justify.....and friends...we forget those very powerful, very real words Jesus said in the next verse....

"GO AND SIN NO MORE.."

He doesn't say justify it...He doesn't say try harder next time....He doesn't say keep asking for forgiveness.....He doesn't say that everyone is a sinner anyway so it's okay....He says:  GO! and sin NO MORE.

We all know what is absolute truth in our heart of hearts.  We all get that feeling that something feels wrong.  We all get that feeling of craving a savior.  And friends....I know who that Savior is that your heart so desperately needs.  That my heart so desperately needs.  When He died on that cross He took all your sins and all your burdens, and paid the price for them.  He laid down His life so that when your take your last breathe on this earth, He won't see all your wrongs.  He won't stone you.  He won't condemn you to hell.  Instead He will see the blood of Jesus all over your beautiful face.  He will cover you in the grace and mercy that you don't deserve but because He loves you so much He paid it all to cover your guilt and shame.  He wrapped you up in His loving arms and forgave you for it all.  

But sweet one, don't you dare forget that next verse. And I feel like I need to make a huge banner of it in my own house, to remind me that there is no such thing as a little sin.  Jesus paid the ultimate price for you because He loves you that much and sees how worthy you truly are.  So you live this life as boldly and confidently as you can for Him. You shine your light brighter than it's ever been for Him.  But you lay down those sins....you lay down those heavy burdens you struggle with, sometimes daily....and then you go and sin no more.  Don't justify them.  Don't let the world tell you that they are okay.  Because Jesus paid it all.  And because He paid it all He is worth all the sacrifices of this life that we make for Him.  He is worth standing tall for Him.  He is worth denying ourselves of those sins we struggle with.  Those sins that feel good.  Those sins that are fun.  Those sins that the world justifies.......

Doesn't mean we suddenly become perfect...doesn't mean we won't mess up...doesn't mean we will never sin again.  But friend, it also doesn't give us the right to knowingly keep doing something that we know is wrong just because we can justify it.  Because when we are justifying it, we are conforming to the world's standards and Jesus deserves far more than that.  He deserves my life.  I owe Him that because without Him....I would be nothing.  I would be beyond help.  Nothing can save me but His love, mercy, and sweet amazing grace.  

Cling to His absolute truth.  Cling to His standard of living.  Cling to what you know in your heart is wrong.  Because no matter what the world tries to say....sin is sin.  And we are all sinners.  And thank the sweet Lord that He gives us the gift we don't deserve.  But because of that gift, we owe it to Him to keep this command the best that we can....

"GO AND SIN NO MORE...."

No justifying....no twisting words.....no ignoring His voice...just simply go and sin no more friends.  You can do this.  You can kick that sin you struggle with on a daily basis to the curb.  Do it.  I believe in you and so does Jesus.  After all, He believed in you so much, that He gave His life......

The Derailed Train...

Devastated.  Hurt. Angry. Bewildered. Confused.  We sat there in the kitchen wondering how it could have ended up this way.  We had heard God.  We knew this was the path He had wanted for us and yet here we sat questioning why if His plans were so good...then why did this one seem to hurt so much?  

It all happened about a year or so ago now.  The job offer that seemed like it would be forever away for Trav landed in his lap.  We knew it was a God thing.  We knew it wasn't by chance that this was happening at that particular moment in time.  It started to make our whole story make sense.  Why our house wasn't selling...why we weren't finding a more permanent place to live other than Trav's manager's house.  We were on what seemed like cloud nine until we suddenly realized we were between a rock and a hard place.  That minor detail of our landlord also being Trav's boss.  Therefore instead of giving the usual 2 weeks notice, we would have to give 30 days notice.  I don't know if it was just us being naive or not, but we didn't think it would matter.  God had brought us this far and we knew He wouldn't leave us hanging.  We knew that in the end He would work it all out.....

Until that day.  That day where our world seemed to crumble.  That day the rug seemed to be pulled out from underneath us.  That day where the train God placed us on seemed to derail fast and hard......Trav had given his notice and wasn't to start the new job for 4 more weeks.  And suddenly just days after walking into their office, Trav was called back in and told that in just 2 days he would have to have his last day....3 weeks early.  Without pay....without insurance.....without a way to support his family.  It cut like a knife.  The anger that was placed in our hearts seemed far more than we could bear.....

"God, your plans for us are good.  You are good! Why doesn't this feel good? Why would you allow this to happen?"

I could tell you all the things that came out of my mouth in those final 2 days of him working there. I could tell you all about the pain we felt.....about all the anger we didn't know how to handle.  But I will spare you those pleasantries.  Because they were far from pleasant as I'm sure you can imagine.....but what I can tell you....what I can tell you is how our good God used those 3 weeks to make sure we knew just how He uses it all for His good.  How He always has our best interests in mind, no matter how much the world tries to break us down to nothing...

You see it was in those 3 weeks that Trav's beloved Papa became fatally sick.  He was in his last few days here on this earth.  His body was failing and it was in that time Trav had off that we got that call.  Because Travis wasn't working, He had the time to go to his dying grandfather's side to give his hand one final squeeze.  He had the time and the freedom to go tell him he loved him one final time.  If Trav would have still been working, I know he wouldn't have been able to have those moments.  And I know those last moments with him mean more to Trav than he will ever care to admit.......It was also in those 3 weeks that we had more than enough time to pack up that house as a family.  I didn't get the luxury of having my husband home when we moved the first time and so it was something I missed out on.  The last time I had to pack up the house myself.....but this time, we got some amazing quality time with him.  He also got to start a week early at Hefty.  God blessed us with that prayer answered.  And because he got to start a week early......we also got blessed with being able to go as a couple to Las Vegas with the agronomists of Hefty.  If he would have started when he was originally scheduled to, he wouldn't have started til the week everyone was already there.  

I'm not sure why this whole situation came to me again today as we were out on an afternoon walk. Maybe it's because we are in yet another situation of questioning what God could possible make good come out of it. Or maybe it's because there's someone who is going to read this that needs to hear it.  Whatever the reason is, I do know this:

God is faithful and true.  He is never changing.  He is the GREAT I Am.  And He has the power to stop any bad situation that may be headed for us.  He could have laid it on those managers hearts to let Trav finish out his time with them.  If He had we would have never had to experience the kind of hurt and anger that we did.  But God also gives every single person on the face of this earth free will.  And we know that since this world is a fallen one, there will be people and situations that fail us.  Things that make us question if God truly is good.  Things that make us second guess if we truly did hear His calling for us.  But friends, when you know without a shadow of a doubt that God has placed you a on certain train.....when you know you heard Him LOUD and CLEAR......don't ever second guess who He is and that He is good and His plans for you are good.  There are gonna be times that train will flat out derail from the tracks.  There will be times that it goes a completely different direction than you thought it would.  But don't you dare let go.  You hang on to that train for dear life.  Because if God placed you on that train, no matter how many bumps and pot holes you hit, it is headed some place good.  It may derail, and your heart may get broken in the process.  But God can take those broken pieces of your heart and turn them around for good.  He can bring good out of anything that the world throws your way.  So hang on tight dear one.....God isn't finished yet...

If this is where your heart is today friend, take a few minute and listen to this song.  Let it bless you, it's like she reached into my heart and wrote a song about what that month was like for us....

It's all going to be okay.....

A blow we didn't see coming happened.  One that left us confused and searching for answers.  We did the only thing we could and knew how to do.  Ask the question why.  Ask for an explanation that would calm are hearts. An explanation that could heal the damage that had already been done.  An explanation that maybe would stop the anger, hurt, tears, feeling of rejection, and betrayal.  We waited.  And we waited...and we waited some more. The more days that seemed to pass, the more it seems like we would never get the answer we were desperately searching for.  Anger was knocking hard on our hearts....I was begging God to see the bigger picture and not let my heart grow cold.  I prayed for the protection of my hubby's own heart as well.  I wanted answers so much it hurt, and if I felt that way I knew he wanted them just as much if not more.

While we are still waiting on that answer, and praying hard we will still get it, God reminded me of the very thing we often seem to forget in times like these.  This world and the people in it will always let us down at one time or another.  There will always be questions that go unanswered.  And even when we do get answers, those answers won't always satisfy our heart.  They won't always heal the anger and hurt that sometimes goes with those answers.  And as we are left in the waiting and wondering, we have the one answer that can heal anything.  The one answer that can calm a desperate heart.  The one answer that we can count on time and time and time again.  The one answer that is constant and never changing.

No matter what happens, we can put our trust and hope in God. He's got this answer and every other answer in HIS hands. No matter what the outcome is, He will never leave us nor forsake us.  It's all going to be okay.

It's all going to be okay.....It's all going to be okay....  Deep breath mama, that screaming toddler you can't get to calm down?? It's all going to be okay......  That job you are waiting on?  It's all going to be okay whether you get it or not..... That test result you are waiting on? No matter what God's got you and it's all going to be okay....  That friend that won't call you back and you wonder why?  It's all going to be okay.....  That raise you are desperately needing and not receiving?? God will provide.....He always has and He always will......It's ALL going to okay....

It's. Going. To Be. OKAY.....

So I don't know where you are at right now in your life.  Maybe you are like us and waiting on some answers to some big whys and you just can't understand why all there is silence.  All you want is an answer to this problem and there's not one in sight.  Friend, take a deep breath with me right now and remind yourself of the only answer that truly matters.  God's got us in His hands.  We won't always get clear cut answers but we do know that He will never leave us and He will always be on our team.  He will always fight for us when we don't have the strength or energy to fight for ourselves.  Our hope and trust is ALWAYS safe in Him.  It's all going to be okay as long as we are clinging to His strong and safe hand.  We won't always get the answers we want from the world around us and that's okay.  Because our God is bigger and stronger than anything this world will through our way.  It won't always be fair...it won't always be just....it won't always be what we need but we already have ALL that we need.  That is our sweet Jesus.  It's all going to be okay.....I can promise because He promises.......

A Chance Encounter

It was our anniversary and instead of out to eat at some romantic place, I was chasing after a lively 18 month old while her big sissy was doing a 45 minute dance camp.  Travis assured me he was going to leave work in time to get there about 15 minutes before it was over, plenty of time before they called the parents in to see what the kids had learned during that time.  I was getting exhausted from chasing Lyla around and getting a tad antsy for him to walk through the door.  Finally just a few minutes after 6 we saw his car whiz into a parking spot.  "FINALLY" my heart wanted to shout.  I was so ready to give him the big anniversary hug I had been waiting for and, if I'm being really honest, let him take over chasing duty for a few minutes.  But as he was starting to rush into the church, a man I had never seen before seemed to call over to him and there they stood in the middle of the parking lot talking.  After a few minutes I was starting to get a tad agitated. In just a little bit they would be asking for parents to head on in and see the literally 1 minute dance number they had been working on.  I texted him...asking what on earth he was doing.  He never checked his phone and he continued to talk to that man as his brow was in a serious state of mind.  I wondered out loud to the woman sitting in front of me what on earth they could possibly be talking about.  "I have no idea who he even is..."  And then I just heard the whisper into my heart: pray. pray for Trav to have the words.  After saying a short prayer, they both started walking into the building.  I looked into Trav's eyes expecting some sort of a clue but instead the gentleman stood in front of me asking if anyone from the church happened to be in there.  I told him no...that the dance company rented it from them but that we could certainly ask Jen when she was done if she went there and knew how to get a hold of someone.  And then as I stared into that man's eyes, they started to fill with tears as he said: "I just really need a lot of prayer right now.  Just a lot of prayer..."  My heart broke at the sight and sound.  Before I could even draw another breath, the woman I just happened to be standing next to said that her husband was going to be a pastor and he would certainly pray with him.   And pray they did, they were still huddled in a corner talking as we were leaving......

Now this could just seem like a really sweet story at first.  Just a random occurrence.  A chance meeting with a stranger who went to a church to seek help.  But friends, it just isn't.  You see I went back and forth on if I should have even signed up for that dance camp.  We went on vacation this past weekend and I knew Maci would still be exhausted from all the lake fun we had.  And normally I would have just skipped over it but I didn't.  I felt like Maci needed to be there.  Travis had left in plenty of time to get there before 6, and yet he pulled into the parking lot 3 minutes after....the exact same time as that man did.  All the other parents were already inside.  No one else showed up after him.  I had been chasing Lyla all over that church and yet for those moments as they were outside, we stayed in one place.  And in that one place I could see that something was happening out there and felt the call to pray over them.  There were also plenty of other parents I could have been standing next to when they both walked in to talk to me.  And yet....I happened to be standing next to the wife of a pastor to be.  

For the past 24 hours now, this man (whose first name is Dan), has been on my mind and heart.  When I went to bed last night, he was there....when I woke up.....when we went on a walk....as we played in the park....at quiet time...at supper time....at bed time.  Friends I have been praying over this man I don't even know asking God to bless him.  Asking God to answer his prayers he so desperately needs prayer for.  Asking God to continue to place people in his path who are going to be willing to help him and pray over him.  And tonight as I was getting ready for bed, God reminded me how perfect His timing is.  How things that could easily be seen as a consequence, aren't.  How God cares about the littlest details.  How one simple encounter with someone could help them in a bigger way than we even realize or know.  

We probably won't ever know what happened to Dan.  We won't ever know if his prayers were answered or if his life changed the way it needed to.  But those short 10 minutes affected me in so many ways......Our world is filled with people like Dan.  People who are hurting.....who are searching for someone to listen to their story and offer their help.  We just have to be open to it and willing to take the time to listen.  Trav could have told him that he was in a hurry and he had to get inside.  But instead, my amazing hubby took the time to really listen to his story and try to figure out someone to help.  I am so proud of him for that....even as I was sending him a 'nagging' text to get inside.  And then tonight as he was again on my heart, I was overwhelmed with God's timing.  That short little story could be so overlooked and seen as just a nice little story.  But oh my goodness that timing was incredible for all those little details to line up. It brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.  If God has you waiting on something friends, He is just waiting for all your little details to line up.  Because no matter what our timing is, HIS timing is perfect.  If Trav would have gotten there when he had wanted.....he wouldn't have met Dan in the parking lot......

In a world that is weeping and losing it's joy daily.....I pray that we will all have eyes that are open to see those that are hurting that we might encounter.  That we take the time to listen...really listen....to take the time to look into their eyes and see their souls that are craving an encounter with Jesus.  Because we can be that encounter for them.  And I pray that instead of getting aggravated at God the next time things aren't happening in my own timing, I remember Dan.  That I remember that God loves me so much He wants every little detail to be perfect.  Because when I look back at how perfectly He did time it......I know I will be standing in awe and praising Him far more than I ever have before.......

Fireflies in the Night

The sun is setting and you are sitting outside soaking up the last few moments of the light before the darkness seems to take over.  Crickets are starting to chirp and the world seems to go quiet as you watch the sun slip away for yet another night.  If you are one of those that live in a small town or in the country, all becomes dark and quiet.  No cars or sirens in the distance.  No street lights making it seem as if it is still daytime.  Darkness has come as another day is over.  But suddenly as you sit there taking it all in, you notice flickers of light.  They may be small and not give off much light but yet their presence is made known.  Even if you aren't looking directly at them, you still see them out of the corner of your eye.  They are bright and shine vibrantly in the darkness.....

While we were living in MN, we saw fireflies on occasion.  But nothing like we have seen since we moved to SD.  Last night as we finished off the few fireworks we had, I stood there in our backyard and I was in awe.  They filled our backyard.  Their little lights flickering constantly.  Making sure the world sees them.  Letting us know that while darkness has fell, they are still there....shining brightly.  

(This isn't our yard, but it sure looks like it)

And as I stood there, I remember how dark the world seems to most of us right now.  So much terror, so much evil.....so much that some days it is hard not to feel like that darkness is going to consume us.  That this world we live in is going to continue to fall into that big black hole and there is nothing we can do to stop it.  Some days we even wonder what the point of trying to let our own lights shine in it is.  We think that because we aren't anyone famous or 'significant' that how we reach out and try to change the world doesn't matter.  I know I have.  Things happen that left us with a huge hole in our hearts.  That made our hearts burn with anger and tears for how far the world has fallen.  Turn on the news for just 5 minutes and you will walk away feeling like its all out of our hands.  That the world is what it is and there is nothing we can do to change it.  And while it is true that we will never be able to stop the darkness from coming, the light that Jesus placed inside of our hearts does matter.  It is significant.  It is something that the world can see whether they choose to admit it or not.

See as I was standing in that backyard and watched the black of the night surround me, I wasn't consumed by it.  What I was consumed by were all those little tiny fireflies dancing around me.  Their light beckoning me to them.  My eyes were drawn to them.  And in that moment the Lord reminded me that human hearts are drawn to the light.  That even though darkness seems to swallow up the world around us, the eyes of the people are drawn to the ones who are still letting their lights shine as brightly as possible.  There are still people out there standing in the middle of the blackest of black night they can imagine, and their hearts are yearning to be drawn to that light.....to be drawn towards hope.  

My heart longs to be like those fireflies.  They don't seem to care that the darkness has taken over, in fact they seem to dance in it.  They don't go and hide until the morning comes.  They don't care if they are small and feeling insignificant.  All they do is just continue to let those tiny lights shine.  I want the world to be drawn to my heart because they see the light of Jesus burning brightly inside of it.  I want them to be reminded that the darkness doesn't have to consume them.  I want them to see the light of Jesus and know that no matter what evil has done to take over this world, there is hope.  There is still good in the world.  All we have to do is to always remember to have our eyes be drawn to the light.  Because that is our instinct.....we just sometimes get lost in the darkness.  We let the night consume us, instead of being drawn to the glowing hearts of those who are still letting their hearts shine brightly. 

You matter in the kingdom of God.  The fire in your heart that burns brightly for His glory is seen.  It is needed in this dark night.  You might not reach millions of hearts.  You might not reach thousands or even hundreds.  In fact sometimes you might think you just reached one.  But that one IS significant to the Lord.  Every single soul matters to Him. So as this darkness continues to fall around us, let that little firefly inside you burn as brightly as the sun.  It might not touch the whole earth, but those around you will be drawn to it.  And it will spread the kind of hope this world needs more of.  The kind of hope that will make the darkness not seem so dark after all.....

      

THE PACT

I remember it like it was yesterday.  Maci was just learning to roll over.  She was still just a little babe and I was still a new mommy.  Still learning the ropes of this whole motherhood thing.  As I was getting her dressed and ready for the day, I had her laying on the couch.  Of course I was sitting right there with her...watching her...talking to her....I had to turn my back for literally a second to grab a pair of pants to put on her that were behind me.  And then...it happened.  The little angel rolled over and fell off the couch onto the hardwood floor.  I remember her screams.  I remember quickly picking her up trying to calm her down as I sobbed along with her.  I remember anxiously dialing my moms number as I cried into the phone telling her what an awful mom I was turning out to be.  How I had failed her.  I was supposed to be keeping her safe and yet here I was barely 4 or 5 months in and I had let her get hurt.  Because of my mistake she was screaming.  Because of my mistake she was going to be left with a bump on her head.  I sobbed into that phone telling my mom how worried I was....that she was falling asleep and I was left with all the nightmares of what might be wrong with her.  What if she had a concussion?!? What if she had a brain bleed? You know...all those normal, rational thoughts a new mom has because her baby is hurt...

My mom calmed me down and continued to reassure me that Maci was probably just fine.  She reminded me that it was her normal nap time anyway.  That all those fears that were playing in my mind were just that....fears.  They weren't true.  She reassured me that, even though I felt like the worst mother in the world at that moment, that I wasn't.  That every mom has that story of the time they failed their kids.  That every mom has that story of when they turned their backs for a second and something happened that could have been prevented.  Because you know what friends? No parent is perfect.  Not a single one of us.  We get up every morning and try our best, and yet there will be those days where our best isn't good enough.  Where our best will seem like failure.  Where our best will be screaming in our face of how we failed them that day.  And yet the next morning we wake up to those angelic faces and they still love us with everything they've got.  They don't see how we've failed.  They don't see how we let them down.  All they see is the best mommy or daddy in the world for them.  All they see is how hard we have tried to protect them.

We are human.  We are flawed.  We get distracted.  We choose to put our attention on something else instead of our kids for a moment...sometimes at the wrong moment.  But that doesn't mean we suck at this parenting thing.  That doesn't mean we don't deserve to be parents.  That doesn't mean we are the worst parent in the entire world.  That doesn't mean our kids will love us any less.

That day in our living room was the first day I ever learned first hand that in a second things can happen to our kids.  That if we aren't watching them every single second of every single day that they have the risk of getting hurt.  But friends, let me admit to you right now that that doesn't mean I haven't messed up since then.  My kids are clumsy and our youngest is a dare devil and loves to push boundaries.  They are ridiculously fast and if they want to do something, they rush as fast as they can to get to whatever that is.  And besides those facts the truth is so simple.  We can't and will never be able to watch them every single second of every single day.  As much as we want to say that we do and can: WE CAN'T.

So friends, fellow parents...can I just be real and honest with you? Can we all make a pact right now? To instead of judging each other...instead of trying to always prove we are better parents than anyone else....instead of going on social media completely saying hurtful, awful, mean spirited things to parents we don't. even. know. (you ALL know what I'm talking about....It's all over Facebook right now and my heart is BROKEN for that family. 99.9% of us weren't there...we don't know what EVEN happened! The things I'm seeing people say and post.....if that were me.....I would be thanking God my son was safe, but I would be so broken.  I clearly would have felt guilty already because of my mistake, but man.......add on top of that the shame the world is putting on me....we need to pray for this mother....we need to pray that Jesus helps heal her heart.  Because of the world's judgments...it would be so easy for her to slip into a black hole....) So instead of all that, can we all make a pact right now to admit we aren't perfect parents? To admit that even though we want to think we are....we aren't.  To make a pact to stop with the judging.  To make a pact to stop all the negative.  To make a pact to band together and encourage one another.  To make a pact to help all the other parents out there see that we all make mistakes.  That we are trying the best we can.  To make a pact to lift each other up instead of tear one another down.  Especially...ESPECIALLY  when we don't know them personally and we don't know the full story.  Parenting is hard. Can I get an amen??  By far one of the hardest things we will do.  Let's not make it even harder for all the other parents out there trying their best.  Let's first put ourselves in their shoes.  Like for real in their shoes and not just thinking with perfect thoughts in their shoes.  Let's all make a pact to stop with the elusion of the perfection of parenting and instead get real about our parenting.  Admit we have all made mistakes.  Because when we are raw and honest about that, we open the door to helping someone who needs that reminder.  We open the door to an honesty the world needs more of.....

In seconds your kids can get hurt.....it's a reminder we can be told of over and over and over again.  And while we always need to be diligent in watching for them and caring for them.....this is also your reminder that we will make mistakes....we will mess up.  Accidents will continue to happen no matter how much you watch them...hopefully never as monumental as a toddler getting into a gorilla exhibit, but even then....it doesn't mean you are sucking at this parenting thing.  It doesn't mean you are the worse mother or father in the world.  What it means is you are human.  You are a normal parent....don't let guilt take over and make you think you are less than you are.  If you are loving your kids and doing the best you can.....you are the best parent they could ever ask for.....Rest in that truth mommies and daddies everywhere... You have a whole community of perfectly imperfect parents everywhere.  We just all have to be willing to admit it to ourselves......

Calming the Storms

We knew storms were coming.  It was just a matter of when it would hit and how severe it would be.  As we shut off the lights to head to bed, I saw the lightning in the distance, knowing it wouldn't be long now.  As we laid there in the dark, I heard the rain start to fall gently outside, not long after it started sounding like pellets on our window.  When I was little, storms freaked me out.  There were many nights during storm season that you would find me in bed with my parents.  There was just such a comfort there.  I knew I was safe no matter what happened outside.  Pretty soon our bedroom started looking more and more like a disco party.  There was barely a break in each flash of lightning.  Our girls were sleeping soundly upstairs and with their fans going, I knew they wouldn't hear the gentle rumblings or see the intense flashes.  But of course it wasn't long before a loud crash of thunder clapped.  I laid there staring up at the ceiling, waiting for it.  I knew it was only a matter of time before I heard footsteps down the hall, a sobbing 4 year old, and then......"Daddy....Mommy!!!" Yep there it was.

We both sat up to try and hear her fear through the hysterically sobbing.  The phrase "What" had to be said by us a few times before we finally understood her.  "I don't like the lights!! I don't like the lights!!!!"  I knew she must have been woken by that loud clap, and even though it was only once, as she tried to fall back asleep.....well the fear of those intense flashes dancing outside her window just wouldn't let her....

We could have consoled her and told her she was fine.  We could have brought her back to bed right away and explained that they were just lights and wouldn't hurt her.  And yet, I remembered what that fear felt like.  I remembered not being able to get rid of it and sleep in my bed alone at her age.  So we pulled back our covers and I said, "Come lay between us until it's over.  You can sleep with us and when it's all over Daddy will bring you back up to your bed."  The tears subsided and she quickly jumped between us.  The lights continued to dance outside but yet our little angel was quickly falling back asleep.  The crying had stopped and she cuddled up next to me and her breathing calmed.  As soon as she was between us she knew she was safe.  She knew we wouldn't let anything harm her.  She knew there was no reason to be afraid anymore.

As I laid there staring at the ceiling, I thought back to all the storms in our own lives.  All the times I had been fearful.  All the times I had been angry.  All the times I sat in my car, or kitchen, or bedroom crying hysterically asking God to make it all stop.  Asking Him why.  I thought of all the times the storms waged on and I poured my heart into hearing His word and His voice.  Anxiously sitting in His presence waiting for His voice to calm my fearful soul.   I couldn't stop the storm outside yet as I felt the breath of our sleeping babe, it made me smile.  Our kiddos know that Mommy and Daddy will always be there to keep them safe.  They know they can trust us.  They know we love them immensely and will never sit back and allow bad things to happen to them.  We will be there to protect them as much as we can.  And when we can't, they know we will be there to comfort them and dry their tears.  And if we love them that much, and they know we love them that much, the love Jesus has for us is all the more intense.  He is always laying there waiting for us to run to Him to calm our fears. To dry our tears and say "It's all gonna be okay.  I'm right here, you don't have to be scared.  I will carry you.  You are safe with Me." He won't always stop the storms outside, but He can calm the storms in our hearts.   It's an intense love He has for us.  One that we can visibly get a glimpse of everyday because of the love we have for our children.  But it's only a glimpse...because friend.....He loves us so much more than that....you are safe in His arms.  You are loved in His arms....Run to Him and let Him calm the storms in your souls.....

The Rainstorm...

This afternoon we went on a Costco run.  When we got there, it was a beautiful, sunshiny, spring day...when we left however, rain clouds had quickly moved in.  As we loaded up the car I felt a few tiny sprinkles and thought to myself "There's no way it's gonna rain....I didn't even think it was in the forecast today." However moments later as we were driving down the road it started pouring rain.  Not like a steady drizzle....I mean POURING rain.  Not too long after I said, "What in the world...", did I hear the small voice of our oldest say "Mom!! Hurry!! We have to get to Grandma's house!!" I could tell instantly her tiny heart was scared a storm was coming.  She didn't understand that it was just a random rain shower, even though it was heavy rain, still just a rain shower.  I called over my shoulder that we were gonna be just fine and that there was nothing to worry about.  And yet, as we turned down the familiar road to my parents house I heard the sweet whisper of her again...this time she was comforting her sissy.  "Don't worry Lyla...we will be at Papa's soon.  We will be safe there..."

Be still my heart.  I literally could freeze time in that moment and have been happy.  As a mom, when I hear Maci be so sensitive and sweet to her baby sister, it makes me melt something fierce.  And as I played her words over again in my mind, I then heard God's sweet whisper...

"Daughter, how many times have you been like that? How many times has a rain shower hit your life and your response was: 'Hurry!! We have to get out of here!!' How many times have you been fearful, afraid, and worried over a situation that you have no control over? A situation where you might not have control, but I have it all under control."

And then I heard sweet Maci's voice again calling "Don't worry.....we will be at Papa's soon....we will be safe there."  I played it over and over and over again in my head, as it turned to Jesus sweetly whispering:

"Don't worry daughter....it will be over soon.  You are safe in my arm's"

Friends, Travis and I are knee deep in fear.  I'm not gonna lie.  We have been trying to sell our house for almost 3 years.  Yes I said 3.  I'm a planner and the fact that we have absolutely no control over when or how this house sells is driving me crazy.  The past month has been the biggest roller coaster of emotions and the devil has been out to attack every which way he can.  He wants us to give up. He wants us to throw in the towel.  He wants us to be so scared that we leave the road God has called us to.  And if I'm being honest.....there have been times I've sat there on the bed and thought "What is the point? Let's just throw in the towel because I can't do this anymore. We are doing everything the right way and yet here we are...still waiting...."  

And the past 2 days I have been fighting that fear like I have never had to fight before.  Yesterday I poured my heart over Hebrews 12......

"....Let us keep running in the race that God has planned for us.  Let us keep looking to Jesus. Our faith comes from Him and He is the one who makes it perfect. He did not give up when He had to suffer shame and die on the cross.  He knew of the joy that would be His later. Now He is sitting at the right side of God."  -Hebrews 12: 1-2

If Christ can endure the cross for the whole world and not give in to fear, we can endure the suffering that comes at times with God's plans.  We can keep fighting the good fight and never give up.  We can stand in the middle of the pouring rain and whisper "God's got this.  We are safe in His arms."  We don't have to let the fear sweep us away and take us places we don't belong.  Doesn't mean we won't get angry, doesn't mean we won't get scared, doesn't mean we won't cry endless tears sometimes....but it DOES mean that we don't belong to that fear.  We belong in our Father's arms......where we are safe and comforted know that He's in control.  That rainstorm isn't random to Him.  He saw it coming and He's got it all figured out even if it takes years to for us to understand.  

That random rainstorm this afternoon? It wasn't long after we got into my parents house and the sun was shining again.  Maci gazed out the window with a HUGE smile on her face and said "LOOK MOMMY!! The rain is over!! It's stopped!!" Yes it did sweet girl....And I know someday just as quick, in an instant.....God will let our rainstorm be over too.  And friend, He will do that same thing for you too.  Keep clinging to Him no matter how hard it rains.  Don't let that fear and doubt take hold of your soul.  Your soul doesn't belong to it....it belongs to Christ.  

A letter to myself....

Hey Beautiful Soul.  Yes I'm talking to you.  I've been watching you for awhile now.  You've always been one to wear your heart on your sleeve.  You've always been the one to forgive and forget ten times over again and again and again.  You've been beat up and bruised.  You've been hurt.  You've cried what seems like millions of tears.  And yet you kept choosing to stand up and do what is right...You kept choosing to love beyond measure....

But now, I see the weight is starting to take it's toll on you.  You are starting to wonder what the point is.  The hurt you have from others actions and words is starting to cut a little too deep. You decided enough is enough.  You have decided you have nothing left to give.  You have decided you are done continuing to give of yourself when you can't seem to see past the hurt....And so you start building the wall.  The wall to keep others out.  The wall to keep others at what you feel is a safe distance. The wall that says I'm done giving of myself because I can't take the hurt again....

Friend, I'm here to let you in on a secret. That wall you are building, it's made of all your fears.  All your fears of what might happen if you choose to continue to love as Jesus loves us.  It's Easter weekend, a weekend where we are reminded of the simple fact that no matter how many times we have sinned and hurt Jesus, He still chooses love.  He still chooses to love us regardless of our faults.  Regardless of our mistakes.  Regardless of how we choose to turn our backs on Him at times.  Regardless of how much we choose to curse against Him.  He is and always will be there for us no matter what.  When He took up that cross, He knew the world would still break His heart millions of times over.  When He took up that cross, He knew without a shadow of a doubt, that He would choose love over and over and OVER again.

We have bruised Him.

We have beat Him up.

We have broken His heart.

We have made HIM cry millions of tears.

And He still chooses to love us....

It has never made Him think of giving up on us...

He will never leave or forsake us...

No. Matter. What.

So sweet soul, I know you are tired. I know you are hurt.  I know you feel like you can't keep trying.  But when you feel like giving up.  When you feel like not choosing love time and time again.....I want you to picture the cross. I want you to picture Jesus Christ Himself hanging on it dying for you.  I want you to hear Him saying from that old rugged cross, "My sweet daughter, this is for you.  I don't want you to bear the weight.  I want to take that weight for you.  I want to continually take that hurt and pain and suffering away from you.  I want to conquer death so that you might live.  No matter how much you hurt me, I will always love you.  I will never give up on you.  I know you aren't perfect, I know you will make mistakes and take wrong turns....but daughter, I will still be here always.  As hard as it is to do in this world of hurts, choose love always.  Show the world what my love is made of.  Be my hands and feet."

If Jesus can take all that hurt and pain and suffering when He didn't deserve an ounce of it, oh sweet girl, we can choose to love without being afraid.  We can choose  love over and over and over again with Him at our side.  It's scary, and it's going to be outside of our comfort zones sometimes.....it may hurt at times, we will get our hearts shattered and it may always be a toss up with how others respond.  But oh dear one, it will always be worth it in the end.  So be brave in a world that has so many odds against you.  Step out of your comfort zone and show the world who Christ really is.  Be vulnerable.  Be tender.  Wear your heart on your sleeve unashamed.  When God whispers into your heart, listen.  Don't ever feel like you have to justify your actions when it comes to showing His love.  This world needs more people who are choosing love and truth over what the world is offering.  Because the kind of love and truth you are offering is not only life changing, it's LIFE GIVING.  

You can do this.  With Christ at your side, you are stronger than you know.  Don't ever give up on loving, because love can heal what hurt divides...and that my sweet friend is what the world needs more of.

Love,

Me. 

"Choose to Love" - Francesca Battistelli

No Longer a Slave.....

Just over 2 1/2 years ago, Travis and I started down a path that scared us.  We were choosing to start looking outside of our comfort zones and look into leaving the little safe life we had built in small town Minnesota.  We didn't know where it would take us.  We didn't know where we would end up but we did know one thing.  No matter what happened we would end up victorious as long as we kept our focus on God's way rather than our own way.   If you would have told me that day what that journey would all entail, I might have stared at you fearful.  My heart and head would be screaming out with every fiber of their human nature saying "NO!! Nope! No way!! I am NOT doing any of that.  I am NOT living apart from the love of my life and father of my child for a whole year.  I am NOT doing the single mother thing 6 days a week.  I can't sleep in an empty house.  Are you NUTS? I am NOT getting pregnant while we are still living without the hubs around.  There is no way I'm moving to a town in the middle of no where." And then after all that if you would have told me that Canby would not be the end of the journey for us and we would again have to pack up and move....my reaction again would have been something like this... " C'mon, you are kidding right? You think we are going to pack up and move our life to a town that we wouldn't even live in for a year? You just think we can keep moving?? Right after we start settling down and making friends? No I'm not doing it."

If you would have flat out told us that this chapter of our lives that God was calling us to would be this long and tiring.....our fear would have taken over.  Our fear would have been keeping us from all the great things that this journey has led us to.  2 1/2 years ago I would have told you that I was scared that I wouldn't be strong enough to handle the journey.  That I was scared we would fail.  That I was scared we would take missteps......that bottom line... My fear would have been stronger than my courage....

Last week we yet again had to make a new decision regarding realtors and while we sat looking at our options, that same fear kicked in: What if we make the wrong choice? What if it still doesn't sell? What if...what if...what if....   And then I heard a sweet friend say on Facebook... "You just choose, and He'll meet you there."  And while the tears fell, I heard him reassure me that we are strong enough for this decision.  That we don't have to be afraid of it, because He has been there time and time and time again.

Friends, fear is so powerful.  We don't think we are strong enough.  We are scared we will fail.  We are fearful that we aren't hearing Him right.  We are scared what other people might think and say of us.  The list goes on and on with what our fears are..... But God is SO much BIGGER than our fears.

And I was reminded again of that last night.  I was reflecting on everything we have been through.  Every single scary decision we had to make.  Every single act of faith we took.  And as I was doing that....I heard this song:

No Longer Slaves - Newsboys

I encourage you to listen to this song and let those words sink deep into your souls...

I'm no longer a slave to fear....

I am a Child of God...

I'm no longer a slave to fear....

I am a Child of God....

You split the sea so I could walk right through it

My fears were drown in perfect love.

You rescued me so I could stand and sing

I am a Child of God....

I have tears as I'm writing those words.  We are no longer slaves to our fears friends.  Those deep dark fears you have?? They don't own you.  You aren't their slave.  You are a CHILD of God.  Let me say that again.  Those fears don't OWN you.  You aren't their slave.  You are a CHILD of GOD.  

I don't know what's going on in your life.  I don't know if you are facing health concerns. I don't know if you are facing life changing decisions.  I don't know if you are fearful of your future.  But friend, hear me when I say you don't have anything to fear.  God is WITH YOU.  GOD is FOR YOU.  He is on your side and He is there with open arms to wrap you in and help lead the way.  The answers might not always be staring you in the face but know this: No matter what comes your way, if you are letting God be in control you have nothing to fear.  He wins every time. NO MATTER WHAT. It might not always end the way you want.  The answers won't always be bright and rosy, but you don't have to be fearful of any of it.  Because....

"So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."

Isaiah 41:10