Insignificant: truth or lie?

It's 4 o'clock.  I'm currently in the kitchen starting to get supper together to get in the oven.  Before I start to cut the onions I have to (for what seems like the millionth time) clean off the counters and put stuff in the dishwasher.  At my feet is a little babe who wants her mama, well and food of course (because if you've met my kids you know they LOVE their food).  Not too far behind her, is her big sissy who is currently asking for juice for what seems like the billionth time today. The hubby is off in another room somewhere doing who knows what.  And I stand at the stove and start to feel that deep gross feeling.  That feeling that I get up and do the same menial tasks day in and day out.  I feel....well I honestly feel insignificant....

It's a gross feeling.  And it's honestly one that I know is just a lie.  I mean HELLOOOO if I stopped getting up, making a bottle, making breakfast, pouring juice, changing diapers, pouring more juice, giving naptime, changing diapers, making lunch, making ANOTHER bottle, pour juice, giving snacks, giving another naptime, pouring more juice, changing MORE diapers, giving ANOTHER bottle, making supper, giving bath time, reading bedtime stories and kisses good night they WOULD notice.  And that doesn't even included snuggles, play time, getting Maci to school, comforting them when they get hurt or are sad, creating a budget, paying bills, getting groceries, dance classes, church events...the list goes on.  So if I stopped doing what I do every single day, they would notice. So why do we sometimes, as moms, feel so insignificant?

Maybe it's because we DO do so many of the same tasks every day.  In the small scale of things it is hard to see the bigger pay off.  What caring for our families looks like in the long run.  What the finish line actually looks like when they get big and move off on their own....

As I was standing in front of the stove tonight, Travis was playing hide and seek with Maci.  One of the last times he hid, he hid SO well that Maci eventually gave up and sat down at the table and proceeded to look through a toy catalog.  Lyla then took it as her cue to start crying and needing wanting attention.  Maci made it pretty clear she had given up and I knew Trav could hear.  As I stood there, I felt myself start to get pretty irritated.  Here I was making a home cooked meal to fill his belly and instead of coming to get the agitated kiddos, he was 'hiding' somewhere.  I might have even said out loud "I wish I was a dad so I could just pretend to go hide from the babies."  Come on moms, I know we've all been there.  Irritated at Dad because he isn't doing enough to help in our minds.....

Not long after that Maci went to find him and the house quickly filled with distracted kids and laughter.  I starred down at the hamburger in the pan and thought....."Why am I feeling so invisible? So insignificant? I know I matter.  I know Trav loves me. And I know he helps me in so many ways. So why on earth am I feeling this way?"   The truth is...this mommy thing is hard.  It's draining.  And it does have days where we DO feel insignificant.  Like they just expect us to do it and our hearts don't really matter.  How we are feeling doesn't really matter. That the don't truly see the person who is caring for them....  We are human after all and the same old tasks can get tiring.  And sometimes we just want someone else to be us for a day.  Not because we don't love our families, but because we DO love our families.  We want to feel appreciated and loved and SIGNIFICANT.  And even if our husbands and kids tell us every day how thankful they are for us, we would still feel this way.

And then I remembered reading a blog somewhere where the writer talked about being a missionary at home.  It was something I had never thought about and yet it made perfect sense.  Missionaries devout their entire lives to helping others by showing them who Jesus is.  Some in places they might not even hear very often at all how much their job matters to the greater work of Christ.  All it takes is for them to make one small gesture at just the right time and they could end up changing someones entire world.  And here we are with our babies every single day and know them on a real personal level.  How profound it is when we realize they are our greatest ministry of all! We get to show these little humans every single day what Christ's love looks like.  We may not be perfect at it and there will be days where we feel our work is insignificant but we just have to keep fighting through those days because that's how our babies will come to know who Christ truly is.

While I know my days of feeling like my work isn't significant in any way, shape, or form aren't over, I do pray that God keeps granting me the peace, patience, and love to keep pressing on during those days where it is just plain hard.  And sweet moms out there, I pray that this helps you to continue to know that other moms out there feel the same way you do.  You aren't the only one having these thoughts.  But I also pray you know that those thoughts are lies.  You DO matter.  You ARE loved. And your work IS significant.....